Lalita - Beautiful Converging Paths

For Once In My Life

2011-03-20T23:28:00.000+07:00

When you love someone, you love all of them.

You got to love everything about them, not just good things but the bad things too.

The things that you find lovable and the things you don't.

Estelle

Valentine's Day

Interesting ….

In life, there are two kinds of people, who fight to get their love back and others who just let their loved one go – not because they don’t have the energy to fight back, it is just because they have lost their faith.

To love someone by love all of them, the good and the bad things, are not easy as what the movie said.

In life, there are a lot of success stories of how people fight back for their love whilst at the same there a lot of unsuccessful stories of how people finally give up to keep their love.

And still the recipe from the success people no always fit with others, because love is un logical, love is about feeling, love is about people, and love is about God’s plan.

Estelle’s quote is the same like marriage vow in Catholic marriage sacrament. By accepting the good and the bad from our partner it means that we accept God’s plan to us because God had made it.

Therefore, when love vanished we must fight it back, fight as hard as we can, and if we still can’t find it – according to the marriage sacrament – we are not allow to run away instead we must live with it because at that time all the forgiveness, all the acceptance of good and bad from our partner will bring love to live again.

Several years ago when I was in my pilgrimage trip, I asked the priest of those concept. I remember I asked him if God do not allow separation then why He create the feeling of fall in love ? What is the purpose of God by doing that ?

And the priest told me that to find the answer, we have to ask God through our prayer, because we are human and only God who knows the answer.

Yesterday, I watched ‘Fire’ – one of Deepa Mehta film – it’s about how a wife sacrifices her desire just because according to her husband, desire is a sin God’s eye and man. Since that she put her desire at the corner and try not to remember it until her sister in law came to her life. Suddenly she feels alive and fall in love to her sister in law. At the end of the film, she decided to leave her husband because she needs to follow her heart.

Comparing Fire and Valentine’s Day .. what is the lesson that I got ? For me love is a mysterious way of how God shows His care to us. We never know why God create those kind of difficulties in keeping the flame of love in the relationship, but one thing that I know for sure, when God let someone feel the joy of love again, it doesn’t mean that God were mean instead at that time God were sending us a gift to feel the beauty of life.

…. My two cents …

Note :

Another thought - For some people, marrying your best friend is a ticket for a happy marriage; because we turn our relationship from someone that we like to someone we love, because we never pretend to be someone else to someone that we like whilst to stranger, it takes time before we become our selves.

A note of Valentine's Day - Dedicated to My Lovely Dogs

2011-02-15T22:27:00.003+07:00

On the night of February 14, before I went home, one of my team asked me whether I will have my valentine’s dinner with my husband. I just laughed. Not because I forgot that yesterday was special day for lovers but because the first Valentine’s wishes I got was from my senior high school friends.

We were busy sending valentine’s e-card through our blackberry to each other, saying thank you for them who always be there for us. Friends where we shared our dream, our love story, and our broken hearted, without boundaries.

Remembering those old days made me smile, those days, valentine’s only for couples, not for friends. Roses, chocolate and pinky Teddy Bear were only for lovers not for friends. But since we were grown up people now, we realized that Valentine’s is for everyone, not only for lovers.

Valentine is an annual commemoration which held on February 14, celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. Valentine’s Day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs, Saint Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. It was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery and sending greeting cards (known as ‘valentines’). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

Therefore because of the history of Valentine’s, in Indonesia, nowadays there are a lot of Moslem people do not celebrate Valentine. They’re prohibited to celebrate Valentine’s.

Well ... I don’t want to write my thought about Moslem beliefs in Valentine, in contrary I just want to express my thought of unconditional love of my lovely dogs.

Early in the morning before all the wishes flew through blackberry messenger, my two dogs already expressed their love. Their morning kiss, their lovely eyes, their hug, really made me in heaven.

They never absent to do their morning ritual, they never mad at me, in fact, and they always express their love like people who just fall in love.

My Whitey, she always be at my side, accompany me wherever I go, she never let me go of her side even when I am taking shower, she must sit in front of the bathroom door like a guardian.

My Lady, early in the morning, she always greets me like we haven’t met for ages. Crying like a baby if I didn’t carry her. Even though she’s not like Whitey, accompany me wherever I go, but she also has to sit next to me when I’m watching a television.

The way they look at me, always make me like in heaven. I can see their love through their eyes, the unconditional love, like no one else in this world deserves their love. Only me – the only person in this world who deserves their love.

The worst part is we – human – tend to forget that Valentine’s actually is not only for human being but also for our lovely animal, who give us their conditional love. A friend that never let us go, that always care for us that always accept our selves no matter how worst we are. They always be there.

So, back to one of my team’s question .. I will say that I forgot to say Happy Valentine’s to my lovely dogs and I regret that I haven't prepare Valentine's dinner for them.

Happy Valentine's everyone ...

Indonesia .. The “Sin” City

2011-02-01T08:37:00.001+07:00

This morning when I heard that Ariel – Indonesian Rock Star – will be on trial, I said to myself, well let us make a bet, part of me said that the Indonesian court will sentenced him less than the sentenced they gave to the corruptor number one – you know who – . While the other part said to me that I should be rational, the court will sentenced him at least similar with the corruptor even though I doubt it too.

But since I love Monday was the day where the whole day meeting became the first priority of my calendar, I have forgotten to monitor the verdict through the television at my office, until I read my twitter time line, suddenly I heard the voice of mine, the voice of the gambler who won the bet, “I won .. I won .. You lose .. You lose ..”

The verdict as predicted by my other personality really reflected of how Indonesia tried to leave behind the status as ‘Sin City”.

It’s been quite a long time since Indonesia try to built their image as a country where all the porn things to be vanished, where all ‘naked’ things has to be hide somewhere in people’s closet, where free sex is never exist in this country, where the biggest prostitution kampong is a shame.

And they almost claimed their succeed until the famous Indonesia Rock Star personal video of his sexual activities suddenly becomes public consumption.

So can you imagine how shocked they were? Our Indonesian Leader felt like they’ve been slapped accidentally. They couldn’t understand how the Satan can defeat them, they felt so envy that the Indonesian rock star have the courage to recorded himself with a woman, something that they dream of and still there are a lot of people be at his side.

Therefore, when the biggest sensational corruptor – the-you-know-who – were on trial, they told the Angel to shine the judges, so- the-you-know-who-will not be in jail for the rest of his life and his family will not be suffer to pay the penalty.

But not when the Indonesian Rock Star were on trial, they know that it is their time to shown to all the Satan disciple that Corruptor were better than Porn things, that the-you-know-who were not degrade the moral of the country whilst the Indonesian Rock Star, who recorded his sexual activity for his own and be stolen, not.

I still don’t understand why The Leader was so naïve that only and through porn, Indonesia will get the status as The Holy City ? Do they know that corruption was the real enemy ? Do they know that corruption were the source of all the disease ? Do they know that we are not blind ? Do they know that people are not stupid ?

Me – the Satan Disciple – can only hold my breath, still trying to find answer behind the odd sentenced given to the Indonesian Rock Star. Wondering the morality of our leader if they valued that corruption is much better compare to individual sexual activity lives ?

If the leader in this country thought that they can make Indonesia as The Holy City through vanishing the porn aka individual sexual activity, then they may be has forgotten that they actually lives in Indonesia – The Sin City.

Work Hard or Work Smart ?

2011-01-23T22:01:00.001+07:00

Working smarter, not harder, is an age-old adage. Once we master the concept then our entire working life will be easier.

Recently I heard people sang the same song to me, “Argh, I have to work long hours, wish I have the luxurious time to go home earlier.” Or other person told me, “ Well, we have to work hard now, there are lots of things that have to be done.”

Me ? I can’t say much, especially since I also have the same problem with them. There are a lot of things on my plate that have to be done. Sometimes at the end of the day, I felt that I just finish my 10K run, exhausted.

Then I remember, long time ago, when I worked at multi-national company, there’s a time when the company suddenly change the culture from working hard to work smart, from spend your time with your co-worker to spend time with the family, get a life-balancing.

Looking back to the old days and compare to the latest situation which happened to my friends, I just wondering why on earth suddenly they told me that they have to work hard now. What happened with the old days ? The competition at that time as tough as today. Working hard ? Yes, we do work hard as hell as today, nothing changed. The differences only on how we balance our life, on how we work to get things done on time, on how we try to work effectively.

Therefore, back to the people who sang that song, I just noticed that the problem lay down on how they managed their time. Most of the time, they spend their time to attend the meeting, or sometimes they came late to the meeting and instead of focusing the subject to the topic of the meeting, they just discuss the issue which is not in the list. Sometimes I don’t understand for such a small issue they must held a meeting ?

Besides that, I also noticed, that when they arrived at the office, after put their belonging they went down to find something to eat for breakfast, spend at minimum 30 minutes to chit-chat; and instead of going home on time, they just went out just for a little chit-chat or spend their happy hour time before going back again to the office to continue their work.

Hence, they complained that they don’t have enough time to spend with their family.

According to Wiki, there are 10 steps to follow, but the most important things is on how we make an outline of our task, differentiate it under ‘important and critical’ and finally work on it, stick with the list that we have mark on important and critical.

Easy isn’t it ? And because it is so easy, even I am not being able to do that kind of things every day. Not because I don’t know how to do it but merely because I am not discipline myself to follow the 1^st step, list down my things to do for today.

So, Work Hard or Work Smart ? For me we have to do it both, work smart doesn’t mean that we don’t work hard. In contrary, when we work smart, we work hard to finish the most important and critical things first to be able to work other task done in time.

Today's Kids Will Never Experience

2010-08-22T17:20:00.000+07:00

Here are the top 10 things that today’s kids will never experience in 2014 according to Time :

Camera Film, Landline Phones, Real Books, Being Lost, Music Videos on MTV, Walkmans, The Glory Days of Nick at Night, Tan M&Ms, Czechoslovakia, Arnold Schwarzenegger – The Terminator.

When I read those list, my first reaction was those kids don’t have to wait until 2014, even today they have not experienced the Camera Film, Walkmans, The Glory Days of Nick at Night.

Just pick an example of Camera Film, they never experienced how we have to carefully choose to take a picture or how do we have to wait until the film been printed. That for kids, what about the young people, I bet they also never experienced the dark room or the enlarger. They don’t have those kind of luxurious anymore.

What about walkmans ? I remember when I clean up my old things and I found out my first sonny walkman. I can not forget my little daughter reactions, raising her eyebrows and asked me in her curiosity tone before finally she ran out and called her sister to show her invention of “cave man” things.

The Glory Days of Nick at night ? Don’t wait until 2014, even today my kids never ever heard of Bewitched – my favorite TV show – or even The Braddy Bunch. I once found those complete series of Braddy Bunch and show it to my little daughter, and as predicted her reaction like “Euw, it’s so 70’s, come on we are not live in cave man period anymore, why should I watch that movie”.

Do I feel pity for my kids because they never experienced those kinds of things ? Well … not at all, because world is evolving, so do human being. We can not stop the world evolve. We also evolving, compare to our mother, where television evolve from black and white to color.

What I feel when I read the article was how I miss my childhood and how lucky I am because I have the chance to be part of The Glory Days of Nick at Night or The Tan M&Ms or The Camera Film.

Just wondering 10 years from now, what kind of things that future kids will never experienced.

The Voice of the Minority

2010-08-22T16:59:00.000+07:00

“Of all our precious freedoms, the most important may be the freedom to worship as we wish… I believe that this is an important test of the separation of church and state as we may see in our lifetime – as important a test – and it is critically important that we get it right.”

“The simple fact is this building is private property, and the owners have a right to use the building as a house of worship. The government has no right whatsoever to deny that right… lost in the heat of the debate has been a basic question – should government attempt to deny private citizens the right to build a house of worship on private property based on their particular religion? That may happen in other countries, but we should never allow it to happen here.”

“As a citizen, and as President, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country. And that includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances. This is America. And our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakeable.”

When I head Obama speech I was so envy with American people. They have a leader who bravely stand up and speak for the minority religion in America, even though his speech could decrease his popularity among the Americans.

I can not imagine the same situation will happen in Indonesia, where our President stand up and speak for the minority religion in Indonesia – in this case not Moslem but Christian, Budha, Hindu and the non-believers.

But when I read the protest of the American people regarding Obama endorsed allowing a mosque near ground zero, suddenly I felt pity to moslem people in America.

Live in a country where the majority is Islam and experienced the difficulties as Moslem people in America when it comes to space for pray, I can imagine their feeling, their frustration.

As a Catholic in Indonesia, we can not build the church if the neighborhood did not give us the permission even though we own the land. After the church bombing several years before, our Christmas and Easter mass always guarded with “Pemuda Ansor” – Nahdlatul Ulama “, where they give us protection from other Islam fanatical do their protest.

I know how it feels when every eye stares at me just because I am wearing a short and tank top for my jogging. Not to mention the cocktail gown, I feel like I am a bitch.

Therefore, when I read the news of the protesters in NY City, I said to myself, so this it, wherever you go, if you are minority, you will get the same treatment.

That kind of attitude will end only if every human being realizes that there is a lot of religion out there and it is the right of every human being to choose their religion which fit with their needs.

New Life

2010-01-12T06:40:00.001+07:00

“Taking interesting picture every day”, that was the email I receive from my past self. I wrote those statement 3 years ago when I decided to quit from corporation world. I didn’t remember clearly the reason I wrote that statement but one thing that I know, I love photography as much as I love to write as much I love to read.

My 1st acquaintance with photography starts when I was in elementary school. My belated dad introduced me with Henri Cartier Bresson photo. I remember he told me the story of Henri Cartier Bresson, of how powerful a photo itself, about the moment capture through the snapshot.

Start from that day, I was so obsessed with a snapshot aka street photography. I told myself, that one day I will be able to take a picture like Henri Cartier Bresson.

Why Snapshot and why it should be snapshot ? Because snapshot is a photo that is taken in a short moment of opportunity, you don’t have a chance to re-take the moment, once the moment gone then you lose it.

After longing for so many years, finally 1,5 years after my beloved dad passed away, I decided to learn about photography seriously.

Therefore, 2 months ago, I enrolled to a photography course; have new friends, seriously taking picture ... can't say much only "What a new life !"

A new life where finally I feel that I’m on the right track, like am entering my dream world, where there’s no word, only the moment itself. I feel like am in heaven every time I view life from the viewfinder of my camera, no one can stop me.

A life that there’s no sound at all, all silence only the fragment of life, where I can’t freeze the time nor rewind the life. It’s now or never.

Like Henri Cartier Bresson said “Life is once ... Forever”

Religion ? .. Do we need that ?

2009-11-24T06:35:00.006+07:00

.. However, if we think deeply, religious faith and the concepts of love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness are essentially different. According to Buddhism, when a child is born, he or she has no ideology or religious faith. In a way, we can say that at that time the child is free from any ideology or religious faith. But during that time, the child’s appreciation of and need for human affection is very strong. Without parental affection the child cannot survive. However, the child can survive without religious faith …

…Love, compassion and a sense of forgiveness are, I believe, part of human nature. Faith develops later. With faith one can have a happy life, but without a sense of caring, commitment or responsibility, we cannot be happy or successful ...

Live in a Better Way
Dalai Lama

Reading this book really answer my question of faith, religion and human being. I have been asking the same question of the relation between faiths aka religion and the concept of love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

By looking into the war in Pakistan, Iraq, Israel, Palestina or even the Bali Bombing and Marriot Bombing in Indonesia, where all the idea of that war is based on faith, I wonder whether the cause of that chaos is the concept of the religion itself or the understanding of the disciple of that religion or the human itself.

For such a long time ago, I believe that religion is not all the basis to become a better person, a person who has the compassion, kindness and forgiveness. All of those three come from within ourselves and that is something that we carry on since we came into this world.

Like Dalai Lama stated in his book “Live in a Better Way”, even an animal have the concept of love even though their understanding is very limited, but at least it shows that to know the concept of love we don’t need a religion.

The concept of love, kindness and forgiveness comes from our parents, who introduce the concept, who grow and give meaning to the concept to us when we were a baby.

If that concept comes from religion, then there will be no war, there will be no fight, there will be no terrorism, none, zero. Religion doesn’t have that such kind of terms.

Therefore, religion itself, for me, is like a brake, a stopper, when the angry, the un-forgiveness, come to the surface to replace all the good things of our selves. It depends on us, whether we would like to use the brake or we just run through it.

As Dalai Lama stated in his book, faith or religion, is an addition for us, a human being, to have a happy life, because we let ourselves be friends with us, because we let ourselves enrich our inner self through our compassionate things to others.

So, in that case, do we need religion ?

Well, in my case, I still need God, because I’ve met Him several times through His mystifying way and I need religion as my vehicle to meet my creator.

Circle of the Past

2009-11-20T21:33:00.000+07:00

It’s been quite a long time since my last posting. I just felt that I can’t write even though I have a lot of things that I want to put it into words. It seems that it is easier to up date my facebook status instead of share my thought through writing.

During my hiatus period, something strange happened to me, God suddenly sent my old friends from the past to reach me, through His mystifying way, that remind me of my past dream.

So, in my hiatus period, I read a lot of book, I watched people through different lens; I studied everyday life with different angle, and put all of it into words.

I’m not finish yet, but finally I have started it and this time I have made my choice, I won’t let it go, I won’t burry it, I want to rekindle my dream. I want to give a meaning to myself, to my own life. So, one day, when I have a chance to look back at my world, I will remember it with smile.

Long time a go when I was in college, I was dreaming to be a journalist and at that time I became a stringer journalist. As I’ve stated several times, I think that period was the best time of my career at the corporation world.

So, when I have to make a choice to bury and forgotten my dream to be a journalist based on a silly reason, a reason that I also never regret it – since it was my choice – I’ve decided that someday I’ve to find my way back to my dream.

In reality, I’ve never forgotten my dream; I always bring back the memory of that beautiful dream to the surface.

Therefore, when out of nowhere God told me “Here, I show you the way” suddenly my circle of the past came and embrace me.

Circle of the Past, where years ago, I used to live. Circle of the Past, where words are my life. Circle of the Past where the imagination, the black and white color is my friends. Circle of the Past when every single moment has their own story.

Well, I’m still working to make my dream come true, but I think I’m on the right track, back to the old time, where words, people’s faces, culture, life, are my friends.

Friday Quiz from Blogthings

2009-10-09T11:41:00.001+07:00

Deep Down You Are Sensitive

You're the type of person who notices everything and forgets nothing. You are very in tune with the world.
You feel deeply, and sometimes the silliest things can effect you. You are easily brought to laughter or tears.
You don't show the world how fragile you are. You instead show people how insightful you can be.
You are good at anticipating what's going to happen in your life. You are often the first one to see what's coming.

The Eye Test

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

A Secret

2009-09-01T20:57:00.005+07:00

If we know each other’s secret. What comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

We always thought that our secret is “ours” but in fact we forgot that others also can read our body language, our tone of voice, our smile, our sadness.

And that time, their experience of the past, will tell them what the secret is.

No matter how hard we try to hide the secret, sooner or later, the secret will come to the surface like an open book.

And that time, the soul of a secret vanished.

We never realized the pain that we bear when we tried to keep that secret to be a secret. We always put reason for the realization of suffering that we try to avoid.

Therefore, when somebody asked me, when is the right time to unlock a secret ?

Then I remembered my answer to that question, “When you are ready to take the consequences of that secret in your life.”

… That day, that secret is still a secret, since no one can read their body language, their tone of voice, their smile, their look at each other …

The Meaning of Word

2009-08-27T22:57:00.001+07:00

Have we ever thought how powerful the meaning of a word ? I bet, we have. But have we ever thought that it can be meaningless ? I bet, we haven’t.

In the dictionary world, every word has a meaning. Whilst in the real world, not every word has a meaning. Some of the word is meaningless, especially when that word is just a noun. But for some word when it is an adjective, the meaning is beyond our imagination.

For example if you read or hear somebody says “beautiful or pretty”, I bet the meaning were stronger compare to “door or window”.

A door or a window, it is just a door; yes it can be stronger when you add another word. But still, a door is still a door; a window is still a window. The imagination, the feeling that you have when you read or hear that word is nothing.

Compare to beautiful or pretty or handsome, the imagination, the feeling that you have will go somewhere else, dig deep into your memory, and bring your pain or lovely memory of that word to the surface.

But even though we know how strong the meaning of some word is, we tend to forget to use it in the right way, or with the right tone or to whom we should addressing that word. Especially when our ego is stronger than our mind, intentionally we use the word that we know that it will hurt somebody. And we conceal that “intentionally” with several reasons just to make our self in the right side.

Yesterday, I watched my Criminal Minds DVD’s series, and one of the movie was about a wife killed her husband, just because her husband Psychological abuse her by using the word that he knew will hurt his wife and finally make his wife lost her trust to herself.

How often that we intentionally use the word that we know that it will hurt somebody ? Well, maybe it is countless since we always tell ourselves that it is unintentionally while the reality is intentionally.

How often that we realize that we have hurt our children, our partner, our husband or wife, our love one, because of our “unintentionally” word ? How often we realize that we have sliced that person slowly ?

I bet, we never realize, because our ego was bigger than our mind

Me ? Awesome ? OMG

2009-06-05T23:51:00.003+07:00

A couple weeks ago, Dini left a message at my blog. She told me that there’s a present waiting for me at her blog.

When my eyes read the word “PRESENT”, I hold my breath and run away to her blog as fast as I can. I want to open my present right away and voila …when I opened it, I was blushing. She gave me the present that I’ve never dreamed before.

She gave me the Trophy of Awesomeness. OMG … am awesome ? Yes, according to Dini, am awesome because am able to manage my life as a successful career woman and a wonderful mother.

Well ... what should I say ? Except Thank You so much for the Trophy of Awesomeness.
So in her birthday, I’ll post my reflection of why I’m awesome.

This is so hard; I never think that am awesome nor even my kids. According to them am the fussiest mother in the world. Not only fussiest, they also think that am lack of self-confidence, since I always complain about my weight.

What about my team ? Well, this time I have to admit that my team thinks that am awesome. Not awesome as very impressive but very difficult and perhaps rather frightening (based on Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary).

But then I remember what my kids, husband and team said about me, I think I know what Dini means :

Both of my daughters think I’m awesome because I know the trend of the fashion, book, music, movies; I know what kind of movies I should buy for them, or book or CD’s or even their clothes, shoes.

The oldest told me that am awesome because I have a lot of accessories, so she could experiment with that.

My little one told me that am awesome because she loves how I drive the car. Well, in this case, I don’t think that this is the good one, especially since I love to drive at excessive speed.

Both of them think am awesome because am generous not like their father, therefore they always ask me first then their father if they need something.

My husband think am awesome because I know how to surprise him with my cooking, because he can count on me when he forgot his things.

My team thinks that yes am awesome with complete meaning of awesome. They think that I always made them impressive through my understanding of the system, the problem; my quick decision when needed and my knowledge.

My team thinks that yes am awesome in the meaning of very difficult when I questioned them by using my journalism knowledge, the 5W + 1H.

My team think that yes am awesome in the meaning of rather frightening because my demand of excellent service, excellent process.

My team think that am awesome because they know they can discuss every single things with me, they can tease me and criticize me.

Last but not least, I think am awesome because God give me the opportunity to be a mother, a wife and career woman – if I may say so. I never asked my daughters to be number one, I only ask them to let the best of them out of their selves. She may not be the best student but am proud with her thinking process of her future; she knows her potentiality and her lack. Whilst the little one, like the oldest, she may not know what she wants to be in the future, but she knows exactly what is her potentiality and her lack. She’s never afraid to speak up when she sees in-justice.

A child through The Eyes of Grown Up Person

2009-05-27T06:53:00.003+07:00

I nearly forgot this little girl until I saw her picture in my Old City Batavia collection. There’s something in my mind when I met her. A feeling of jealousy if I may say so, the feeling that made me took her picture.

I met her during my hunting at Old City, Batavia, in Jakarta. It was 09.30 AM when I passed her father’s small stall and saw her played with the sand like she was at the beach and build her sand-palace like other kids did when they were at the beach.

I noticed her ignorant of the car or motor bike which passing-by her father’s small stall. She also didn’t even get distracted by people who walk at the sidewalk, where she put her “sandy beach”.

She still smiled and enjoys the warm of morning sun. Even when I took her picture, she’s still busy with her imagination.

Oh … how I envy her, envy her imagination, envy her eyes of how she view the world, of how she enjoyed her present, not her past not even worry for her tomorrow.

In my eyes, she must be longing to play with white-sandy beach, build her sandy-castle at the beach complete with the tunnel and watch the waves destroy her little castle, so she can yell-out-loud and re-build her imagination castle again. Or like many other kids, when the waves was so tempting to be chase, she will race the waves, just to be the number one sprinter in the world; and when the waves beat her, she just throw herself to the sea like other kids and feel the salty water.

In my mind, I feel sorry for her because she doesn’t have the privilege to do so, not only a chance to play with the white-sandy beach but also a yard to explore her childhood.

As a grown up person, there’s always something that makes us worried. Our children, our husband, our job, our house, name it; there are a lot of worried. We never let our mind to stay calm, to live at today, present. We always live back and forth, past and tomorrow. It’s hard to ask my mind stop and live at present, even though I know that I should live at present.

But that girl, she doesn’t have that worried. She lives at present, now and never let yesterday or tomorrow takes over neither her imagination nor her joy of today.

I wish I still can have their imagination, their optimism to the world, and their present life. I really wish.

Another One Day in My Life

2009-05-12T16:19:00.002+07:00

Defeat exists, but not suffering.
A true warrior knows that when he loses a battle
He is improving the skill
With which he wields a sword.
He will be able to fight more skillfully next time.
By The River Piedra
I Sat Down and Wept

Two weeks ago when everything seems unbearable for me, I let God take care of me, I didn’t ask Him to take my burden away but to let Him take my hand so I can walk my life with submission.

I pray day and night, ask God’s magic to cure my feeling, try not to accept the decision, not to change the decision.

During those days, I live in hell. There was a war between the good versus the bad me. I can hear the good one told me to accept it with dignity while the bad one told me to fight till the end.

Until last Friday, 01 May, when God worked in His strange way through my friend. He sent my friend to give me new perspective to read the situation and to accept it with dignity.

That Friday, when I met God at His home, I told Him that I wish He could take away the suffering from me, but I can’t. I didn’t have the courage to ask Him to change it, instead for the first time, I let myself cried.

That Friday, the restraining wall collapse, no more defense. I just cried.

And as Paulo Coelho’s wrote in Zahir, “As soon as people decide to confront a problem, they realize that they are far more capable than they thought they were.”

That Friday noon, finally I realized that am far more capable than I thought I was. The confrontation through accepting that it was one of my paths that I have to walk. The path that seems unbearable but maybe someday that path will teach me something new and when there’s a new path coming on my way, I can look back at that day with glory.

But as someone says, that sometimes we never know how God’s magic work or how long God’s want us to learn, that “one day in my life” also leads to the unbelievable ways.

The same Friday, late at night, my friend texted me, informed me to read the new announcement. The announcement that once again changed my life to 180 degrees direction; I’m back to the “old” structure.

I don’t know how it works, especially since I didn’t do anything to change the decision. As I said before, I have accepted the changes with submission; and just when I entrust my burden to Him, He changed it back.

That night, I didn’t feel anything; I just accept it as a new path. The new path that I have to walk; the new path that God had given to me to walk it with new way

Today, when I looked back to those days, I knew that God had given me the precious gift. A gift to “see” everything from different angle; a gift to “read” someone not just like black and white; a gift not to be “naïve”

Am I changing ? No, I’m still the old one, someone who doesn’t have the courage to ass kissing, someone who still has that “stupidity” in herself. But now, I see people through different lens, I read them through their “unwritten” language.

Vin Diesel - FB 24 April 2009

2009-04-27T06:49:00.002+07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be ? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same

(Vin Diesel – FB 24 April 2009)

I read the above quotation from Vin Diesel’s status in Facebook. Quite surprise with what he wrote and made me think, am I brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Am I never wanted to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous ?

I think everybody knows the answer, we all brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous; no one can say that we are not that brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Even when we are comparing ourselves with the King, the Queen, the model, the actor, the answer still the same.

Who are they ? compare to us ? They have the popularity. We ? We have the popularity also ?
Brilliant ? We also brilliant. Talented ? We also talented. Fabulous ? We also fabulous.

We are special, every human being are special because as Vin Diesel wrote in his status, that as we let our own light shine then unconsciously we let other do the same.

Sometimes we didn’t realize of whom we are and we tend to copied someone else without even facing the mirror and find the beauty of ourselves.

I can’t write more than that especially since the quotation itself really moves me.

Kartini and Feminism

2009-04-22T00:45:00.003+07:00

A note from my hybernating period .. to commemorate Kartini's day

Visited another country just for a vacation is something that I never dream for. Not because I could not afford it, it’s just because I love the beach and the sun which shine for 24 hours (except for rainy days).

My trip is always a business trip combine with a vacation trip after the exhausting day of exhibition, working or even training.

Therefore, when my husband and in-laws offered me to spend four days to the “most-common-visited” country by the Indonesian, the paradise of shopping sale, I felt a little bit uncomfortable.

The reason was simple, because it is not a business trip, it’s a vacation and vacation is something that I always plan ahead. I could not go to a vacation without prepare the details of my trip. Even to the place that I always visit, still planning is in my top priority.

And … the journey starts at Emirates.

As we all know, Arab Saudi is the first destination for Indonesian women workers. They work for Arab Saudi’s family helping the house wife in managing the house holds. Once a year, they go back to Indonesia before they flew back to Arab Saudi again.

The education? Arab Saudi didn’t ask for higher education, at minimum they have to pass their elementary school. The language or the culture was being trained by the agent before they got a place to work. Therefore we can imagine the difficulty they have to face in listening the instruction given by their master.

Anyway, back to Emirates, in my row – we were sitting at 4 seater – one of the passenger were one of Indonesian women workers.

I felt pity for them, we left Indonesia around 08.20 pm and for the long trips like that, at least we have to prepare our clothes to fight with the coldness but this Indonesian woman worker only wore a shirt and a suit; besides their ability to communicate in English, even though it is a simple question.

In our row the Indonesian woman worker sat next to Indonesian rich, educated guy. Then here the story continues ….

When the female attendant asked the Indonesian woman worker to fasten her seat belt, she didn’t know how to do it.

Our Indonesian guy didn’t say anything not even helped her.

Then when it comes to choose the dinner, she also couldn’t say her decision. She didn’t even understand that she has to make a choice.

Like before, our beloved Indonesian guy just sat quietly but now he gave his odd look to our Indonesian woman worker.

The last one is when our flight transit in Singapore and the flight attendant asked our Indonesian woman worker to leave the plane.

Our Indonesian guy just left the plane and as usual didn’t say anything while the flight attendant made every effort to make our Indonesian worker understood the meaning of transit.

Once again, I felt pity for them. They just left Indonesia in 1 hour flight from Jakarta to Singapore and they have received the worst treatment from the same Indonesian citizen not the Arabian.

And now, today, when we commemorate Kartini, the Indonesian woman leader of emancipation, we forgot to touch the basis of emancipation. The basis that I called “Respect”.

Emancipation is all about respect, respect from both side, as a human being not based on gender. Emancipation is all about recognition that woman as well as man contribute the same thing through different shape, different form.

Like what the Indonesian guy did to our Indonesian woman worker, if there’s respect even though they are a helper, then he will help them, guide them in that 1 hour flight.

I read in the article in one of Indonesia woman’s magazine, the writer stated that Indonesian woman always fight for their right but at the same time they need the man treat them like a woman, whilst if we asked for the right similarity then we have to stop to protest if the man treat us like them.

Maybe I’m not a modern woman, maybe ..; but for me, emancipation is about accepting that we’re different from man. Emancipation is about stopping to beg the mars people to treat the Venus differently while at the same time fight for the similarity. Emancipation is about knowing man’s and woman’s superiority.

Kartini never fight for feminism and it’s totally wrong to put Kartini as the leader of the Indonesian woman liberation.

….my two cents…

Office Politics - The Opportunist and The Safety Player

2009-04-21T06:15:00.002+07:00

Just recently, there’s a new ritual in my office, every 9.30 AM we have our regular morning meeting with the Bosses and the Big Bosses.

When I knew that my name is in the list, I felt that am in prison. Not because that I can’t have my morning chit-chat with my team or my colleague but because I only have limited time to finish my task, to discuss the idea with my team, to held my own meeting and most importantly am loosing my team to “think”.

At first, I felt a lil bit bored until the last three days, I found the new activity by watching and “reading” my colleague answer and gesture when our Big Boss of the Bosses threw his questions which gave me the lesson of “office politics”.

I’m not that person who loves “office politics”. For some reason I always have the beliefs that if we never stabs somebody in the back then no one will do that for me, so we can work in harmony as a team to achieve our own goals and everybody will do the same.

Naïve ? Certainly. Even though I have been stabbed by someone in the back, I never changed my “naïve” opinion.

I remember, one of my friends told me that am too naïve, that as a grown up person I have to understand that people will use every single way to climb up to the top, that we can’t make friends in the office. I was so mad at him for accused me as a naïve person and started from that day, I want to proof that his opinion was wrong.

But these last three days, I saw the drama of Office Politic, where finally I can spot my friends who are under the opportunist list.

Not within 24 hours, one of my friends has changed his opinion and suddenly became amnesia of what he had said before.

The others changed their opinion just because Ms. X, who has the power to the top, suddenly changed her opinion too.

All the opportunist follow where the wind blows, as long as Ms. X didn’t saw them as her enemy, then it must be safe for them to march behind Ms. X and become the Yes Man.

Besides the opportunist there’s a group consist of “Play Safe” people. Their comment is under the “abstain comment”. Just like the opportunist, they will state their final answer after the Big Boss of the Bosses stated his point of view.

I wish I can be like the opportunist or the play safe, I really wish. But every time I want to follow them, my inner voice advice me to become the countable person. So here I’m, speak the truth to the world and the big boss or the bosses may not like me because of my opinion, but at least I don’t have to put the mask.

I may be dumb for not using the opportunity to flowering myself to the Big Boss but at least I don’t have to make the up the story every time or have to loose my time just because the Boss love to get his team to gather together to praise the Lord.

I don’t want questioning the opportunist and play safe behavior. For me, the opportunist and the play safe is merely the character of that person. And for me, character is something that you can’t change. It’s there, they born and lives with that. The only person who can change it is themselves.

And today, during the meeting, when the Big Boss made his decision, the opportunist just sit there quietly without saying a word. Whilst Ms. X still fight for her opinion.
If you asked me which one that I like better, certainly I will say that I like to have a friend like Ms. X, even though Ms. X stated her opinion because of her hidden agenda but she’s never afraid to tell the people of her stand of point.

I know that by choosing to become the normal people, the one who can easily stated their opinion; I may not have a lot of friends at the office. But office is the place to work, isn’t it ? Not a place to find a friend.

Remembering The Old Days

2009-04-19T06:47:00.003+07:00

I was capturing my old friends from the view winder of my camera, when suddenly I realized that how we missed our old days, when world were so colorful, when future were so real, when our romance will be last forever and our friendship will be last forever.

There are several friends that we haven’t met for almost 18 years, some of them we haven’t met for almost 5 years, where the rest we still see each other at least once a year and some of it is our best friend – our life time friends.

I still can picture their old faces but not their new faces. But even though years have taken away our “young and fresh look”, and put the wrinkles, the flabby tummy, the fat to our look, they can’t take away our memories of our youth.

There was a time when we were so mad at our Nun, the Head Master, especially since we, who gather together were her lovely student. Not because we were so nice but because almost each of us was in her “punishment” list because of our “youth energy”.

That time and years after that we still remember her with our “madness memory”, until today when we heard that she were suffer of brain cancer, then we realized that we’ve become what we’ve now is because of our “Discipline Nun”.

Our Head Master, Sr. Clarentia, she knew every single details of what we did, our lover, our friends, everything. Until now, I’m still anxious to find out how she collected all the information.

Looking my old friends through the camera lens bring back all the old memories. We were from different class and united by our “naughtiness, romance, and brothers/sisters” and until today even though the romance is not there, we still bring back our friendship in our loving memory.

Have we changed ? Yes .. For sure and what makes me proud that each of us can change the label of “naughty student” to “better person”. No one can believe that one of our friends who is in the wicked student in the world, now is actively shown his care to Indonesian island, be in that expedition and wrote the book. One of the other “wicked student in the world” have become a succeed entrepreneur.

That day, we cherished our moment, open the old album, seeing the old faces, tried to remember names and compared them with their today’s look, missed our friends who lives far away from us, sharing our old romance stories, stories of our teacher, all the punishment we got from our teacher and headmaster, every things and still 1 day is not enough to cater all the memories we have in senior high.

Me ? I’m happy. I met her, my sister. She is my senior when I entered senior high. I once was part of her gang and for me she’s the only one who’s humble and sincere. We haven’t seen each other after she graduated and moved to Bandung, where she pursues her wishes at ITB.

Well….time flies so fast, we were not young anymore but that day brings back the youthful to us, that day brings back our old times to us.

We know we may not see each other often, but for sure we know that the memories of our old times live in our heart.

My Good Friday Reflection

2009-04-11T00:04:00.005+07:00

I am the witness
To His fearless death.
I am a token of His
last promise

- Forgiveness –
I am the Cross

This noon, I knelt down quietly, looking at the cross covered with purple satin.
I remembered all the despair that I felt recently and compared my despair with His suffering.
I remembered the entire worst thing that I’ve done and compared the burden of my sin that He has to burden.

This noon, I sat quietly, and felt the pain inside myself.
The pain that come from my selfishness
The pain that come from my doubt to His Grace

This noon, when I kiss Him.
I know that He will hold my hand through the darkness of my cross
I know that He will carry me when I’m fall
I know that He will give me strength

This noon, I know that He will keep His promise …

How Are You ?

2009-03-15T20:03:00.000+07:00

Lately the above question is not just a question; it’s more like a secret story of life which has been revealed by the world. Whilst the answer also not just an answer; it’s a reflection of somebody’s hope to embrace the latest economic situation.

Several days ago one of my friends asked me that question and for the first time in my life, it is so difficult for me to answer that question. Not because I don’t want to answer that question, but it’s because I don’t know how to answer that simple question.

How should I answer that ? Should I answer that I’m doing fine, that the business is tougher now ? Or Should I answer that everything is not as my expectation ? Or Should I answer that I’m in the middle of preparing myself to the worst possibility of the company’s latest situation ? Or Should I answer that I’m still lucky that I still have a job ?

It’s been a month I have to sing the same song to my team, give them the courage, give them the real picture of the industry, whilst deep down myself, I’m questioning the story that I sang for them.

It’s been more than a month after I realized that my dream had vanished. It’s been more than a month I tried to encourage myself that when the time’s come I’m ready.

So, how am I ?

Well, business is not as what expected. We have to rebuild it, start it from zero. For the time being I still have a job even though with the latest situation it’s hard to be firm.

So, how am I ?

I still have the spirit to build my dream, to start from zero. I still have what we’ve known as HOPE.

So how are you ?

Destiny

2009-03-10T06:04:00.003+07:00

Jamal : I knew you’d be watching
Latika : I thought we would meet only in death
Jamal : This is our destiny

.. Slumdog Millionaire Quotation ..

Destiny ?

So it means that no matter how hard we tried, no matter how hard we learned, no matter how hard we worked, if our Destiny which had written in our hand is not what we dreamed for, and then we will not have it ?

Watching Slumdog Millionaire made me realized that every single path of our life is worth. We never know when that part of our life will bring that ‘luck’ to our dream, until that ‘luck’ land in our plate.

Watching Slumdog Millionaire made me realized that Destiny always start with IF.

Jamal’s would not be a millionaire, if he didn’t live in that slum area, if he didn’t live in that beggar world, if he didn’t get caught steal the food and dump off at Taj Mahal, if he didn’t meet his blind childhood friend, if he didn’t work at call center, if he didn’t replace the call center staff, and many others IF …

Are there a lot of Jamal’s in this world ? Unfortunately there are a lot of Jamal’s in this world, in different shape. Even we are “Jamal” in our own world.

So what is Destiny anyway ? Why people always said it’s our Destiny ? Because what we’ve dreamed for finally there ?

What about if what we’ve dreamed for are still a dream ? A Destiny also ?

For me, Destiny is the answer of what we’ve done along the way we live in this world. The Destiny itself starts when God created “us” in our mother’s womb. Start on that day, then IF come to our world.

Destiny is our own free will which God had given to us together with the voice of angel and evil, “the conscience”.

Every single path in our life is a Destiny.

Jamal’s destiny is his free will together with his conscience. Our destiny is our free will together with our conscience.

Sin in My Eyes

2009-02-22T22:20:00.001+07:00

“Truly we can chose to sin, but what we can’t do is to choose to be sinless. From our little while lie designed to spare someone’s feelings to the reality of Hitler’s ovens, sin is necessary

because we cannot return to God without overcoming it.”
The Anchorage

Sinless ? No one in this world can choose to be sinless. Only the angel can choose to be sinless. Sin is already in there, in our path of life, start from the day we breathe.

I do agree with the way The Anchorage thinking of how we should portray Sin. Especially since sin is never on the top of the list to “Heaven” in any religion terms.

But have we ever thought why we have the luxurious to choose sin ? For sure, I don’t realize the luxurious of those choices until I read The Anchorage post.

Sin is one of the precious gifts from Heaven, so we would be able to know ourselves, to know others and most importantly to know our Creator.

Can we prevent ourselves from sin ? I doubt it.

I’ve tried hard to go through every single day of my life for the past 3 days, and I found out that the hardest I tried the more sin come to my way. For the past 3 days what I’ve done was choose the sin.

And Just because of that sin, I’ve got the understanding of life, of believing and of love. Through those understanding, I met with my Creator.

Loneliness

2009-02-20T07:33:00.002+07:00

I am calm and steady in every situation, like a rock in a storm
I feel light and easy, giving all my burdens to God
- Inspirational Cards from Brahma Kumaris –

Those messages were come from my Brahma Kumaris Inspirational Cards that I bought at Bali Spirit, Ubud, last year.

The instruction of using the deck stated that whenever I feel I need help in a challenging situation, or some inspiration, or just a new way to look at life, sit quietly, ask, and then select a card or two, at random. Then, let that card guide you to a fresh new way of thinking – a new me !

Surprisingly for these two days, even though I have shuffled the cards and put the card other way around, those two cards, always become my selection.

Yesterday, when I read those cards on my way to the office, I felt like God gave me His love so I would be able to walk and think clearly in this difficult situation. But apparently the purpose of the message was not as I’m thinking. The situation were even worst than I thought.

Then for the first time in my life, I do understand the meaning of my discussion with my friend last year. The higher the position you held, the loneliest you’ll become.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I’m there.

It’s hard to stay calm and steady in this situation but I have to.
Smile to the team, act like nothing happen.

Today, when those card become my selection again, although I’ve done the same ritual like yesterday, I know that God still love me.

Great Sex means Happy Marriage ?

2009-02-11T22:58:00.002+07:00

Three weeks ago during our “Land Coffee” one of my blogger friend asked us, whether great sex was one of the main factor of happy marriage.

Some of us, at that time, automatically refused that statement. One of my friend said that great sex didn’t always have a connection with happy marriage.

I remember she asked for our further explanation of our statement, but we just smiled and laughed then changed the topic.

Back home, I am trying to find the reason, since most of article in the media always bring up the issue of how great sex is one of the reason of happy marriage. Even in one of the book that I read, there’s a story of how the marriage end up just because of “sex”.

Is it true ? Great sex is the main factor of happiness in a marriage life ? Or great sex is one of the factors of happiness in marriage life ?

What if there’s no great sex in marriage life ? How do we know that the un-happiness of marriage life just because of that great sex ?

What is the indicator of great sex ? The frequency of sex ? Of how our partner in life mastered in sex ?

What is the indicator of happy marriage ? The way the couple shows their affection ? Of the length of marriage life ?

Marriage life is like human life itself. Great sex indicator is varying. Every body has their own standard, their own indicator. The answer because we are human, sex relate to feeling. How can we standardize a feeling ? As a human, the needs are different for every body. Feeling is not a mathematical thing and so is the indicator of happy marriage.

The length of marriage life is not the indicator of happy marriage nor the indicator of unhappy marriage.

There are a lot of stories of how “great sex” based on spectator eyes become the main reason of unhappiness and lead to divorce. But there are also a lot of stories of how happiness comes from a couple who do not have capability in “sex”.

Marriage is not sex legitimate, marriage is about of two people who have same point of view, who have same feeling, who have the same understanding, who have the same goal, rejoin together in the institution called “marriage”.

Sex came later after the feeling, after the understanding, after the communication, after the goals. Sex is not the first one when two people finally decided to marriage.

Then how the divorcee blames the sex ?

The answer is because it is easier to find the scapegoat especially since sex came later after all the “same” perspective things.

People forget that like life itself, marriage also evolve from a child to grown up person. Life is about changing and so is marriage.

Therefore, if two people forget to accept the changes, forget that their half is not the same person that they knew before, then the unhappiness came.

So, do I agree that sex is the main indicator in the happiness of marriage life ? I don’t think so. One of the main factor ? Yes, but not as the importance of knowing and accepting the changes of their partner in life. Not as the importance of how we communicate with our partner in life. Not as the importance of listening to the un-spoken feelings.

… my two cents …

Rumi's and God

2009-02-05T07:55:00.004+07:00

I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to old pagodas, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.

I searched on the mountains and in the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him.

I went to Cabba in Mecca, but He was not there either.

I questioned the scholars and philosophers but He was beyond their understanding.

I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw Him; He was nowhere else to be found.

Jalaluddin Rumi, Founder of the Mawlawi Sufi Order (1207 – 1273)

Tag from Ecky

2009-02-03T23:39:00.005+07:00

01. Real Name – Christina Maria Theresa Juinita Senduk
02. Like it ? – Sooo much but not my nick name, people tend to call me, "Jui" or "Mr" or even the worst part “Mr Jui” and sometimes "Juhi"
03. Nick name (s) Juin
04. Status – Married
05. Zodiac Sign – Gemini
06. Male of Female – Well… depends on the day and my mood
07. Elementary – SD Trisula
08. Middle School – SMP Yayasan Keluarga a.k.a SMP Tarakanita Rawamangun
09. High School – SMA Fons Vitae 1, Marsudirini
10. Hair Color – Dark Brown, wants to toning it
11. Long or Short – Medium Bob
12. Eye Color – Dark Brown
13. Weight – 53, want to loose 3 kg to 6 kg, don’t know when
14. Height – 155 cm
15. Righty or Lefty – Lefty
16. Sweats or Jeans – Jeans and Short
17. Phone or Camera – Both
18. Health Freak – No
19. Piercing ? – Ear
20. Do you have a crush on someone ? It’s my secret :-D
21. Eat or Drink – Both
22. Purse or Backpack – Backpack
23. Tattoos – No
24. Do You Like Yourself ? Have to but I will love myself more if finally my weight back to 47 kg
25. Current worry ? Died soon before seeing my two beautiful daughters married

THIS or THAT

26. Orange or Apple Juice ? Both, but the juice must be original
27. Night or Day ? Flexible but currently am prefer Day
28. Sun or Moon ? Both
29. TV or Internet ? Both, can’t live without them
30. Play Station or Xbox ? X Box or Wii
31. Kiss or Hug ? Both
32. Iguana or Turtle ? I don’t like it both of them
33. Spider or Bee ? No way, am afraid
34. Fall or Spring ? Both plus summer
35. Limewire or iTunes ? iTunes
36. Soccer or Baseball ? I’m not into sport, but I will choose Baseball

FIRSTS :

37. First surgery – zero
38. First piercing – just ear
39. First Best Friend – Tino Laisina, Rina Waas, Dewi and Andreas, my middle school gang
40. First sport – swimming
41. First award – the talented person of Poem reading
42. First crush – Bangladesh Boy who lives in front of my auntie’s house (the elementary school crush)
43. First pet – Dog
44. First Big Vacation – Carita, with the whole family of my grandmother’s, it started when I was in middle school
45. First Big Birthday – never have

CURRENTLY :

46. Eating – half chicken pie
47. Drinking – Water
48. I’m about to – Read Marley and Me
49. Listening to – iTunes – don’t know the track, but Gospel Piano Instrumental
50. Singing – Nope
51. Typing ? – This loooooongggg tag fromEcky
52. Waiting for – no one

YOUR FUTURE :

53. Want kids ? – Nope, two is enough
54. When ? – Abstain
55. Want to get married ? In my future life ? Off course
56. When ? Don’t know, future belongs to GOD
57. Where Do You Want to Live ? When am being a grandma, I wish I will live in the village or near the beach
58. Careers in mind – Not at the moment – I want to re-establish my own company
59. What Did You Want to Be When You were little ? Pilot then War Journalist
60. Mellow Future or Wild ? Hm .. Wild but as Ecky said, should be in control
61. Something You Would Never Try ? Bungee Jumping

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY ?

62. Lips or eyes ? Both
63. Shorter or Taller ? Taller
64. Romantic or spontaneous – Spontaneous Romantic
65. Nice stomach or nice arms – Both
66. Sensitive or Loud – Sensitive
67. Hook-up or Relationship – Hook Up First then Relationship
68. Trouble maker or Hesitant ? In Between
69. Hugging or Kissing ? Both
70. Tan Skinned or Light ? Tanned skinned
71. Dark or Light Hair ? Dark
72. Muscular or Normal ? In between

HAVE YOU EVER :

73. Lost glasses/contacts ? never
74. Ran away from home ? never
75. Held a gun/knife for self defense ? never
76. Killed somebody ? OMG, No, Never
77. Broken someone’s heart ? Yup …
78. Been arrested ? never
79. Cried when someone died – all the time
80. Kissed a stranger ? Nope
81. Climbed Up A Tree ? When I was a kid, Jambu tree
82. Liked a Friend as more than A friend ? Yes, can’t say when, it’s my own secret

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :

83. Yourself ? Yes
84. Miracles ? Always
85. Love at First Sight ? Never
86. Heaven ? Sure
87. Santa Claus ? Yes
88. Kiss on the first date ? Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

89. Is there one person you want to be with right now – nope, my husband and my two aughters are with me now ..
90. Do You Like Someone ? off course
91. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life ? Can’t complaint, can I ? It’s a gift from GOD

LASTS

92. Received/Sent Text Message – 888 (the regular report sms from my office)/nope
93. Received Call – my friend
94. Call Made ? my husband
95. Comment on MySpace ? I’ve deleted my account at MySpace
96. Missed Call ? Nope
97. Person You Hang Out with ? my friends and every body who are fun to be with

25 Random Things About Me

2009-02-03T07:04:00.005+07:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

I've got this from my old friend, Alice. She tagged me through FB. So here are my 25 Random Things about Me :

1.Long time ago, journalism is my main dream, can’t live without it

2.I’ve been in the customer service world for almost 21,5 years and that world give me a lot of experience dealing with people. The worst part, I can’t get rid the habit of examining people through their body language, their voice, their face.

3.Now .. for the first time in my life, I switch it to CRM and it’s already going for almost 8 months. Even though it’s not relate to “serve” but still in the “customer” world.

4.I love to read a book and love to buy. It’s difficult for me to resist the temptation to buy the new book even though I can’t read it right away. I still have a book that I haven’t read for almost 2 years and I’ve nearly forgotten that book until I saw it on my 24things.

5.I value openness, so be frank with me, I don’t like flowery words. I always feel that people were trying to “buy” me.

6.I love the beach as much as I love the scenery of the mountain.

7.God were so kind with me, He showed me the Wheel of Life. Just name it, I’ve been in the condition where we have to sold our clothes to buy the food; I’ve also been in the stages of life where we can buy anything, where I owned more than 3 cars, got the newest model that only certain people in Jakarta have, be with the crème de la crème. Now, I’m just the ordinary like everyone.

8.Religion for me is my personal things with GOD. No one can touch it. I have chosen my own way to praise GOD, after a long and deep dialogue with Him. But it doesn’t mean that I’m fanatic, instead I’m open for any knowledge or the good part of every religion. I never condemn if someone’s want to convert their religion, it’s their choice of how to meet their GOD.

9.I’m a mother of two beautiful daughters with a wish that sometimes being single again. It’s silly, maybe, but when the day was so tough, when I was so tired to handle all the questions from my two beautiful stars, sometimes I wish that God will grant me a quiet day, where I can do anything of my own as when I’m single.

10.I’m married to a Muslim and never have the desire or push him to convert his to be mine. I’m happy for his choice because he found his peacefulness as a Moslem.

11.I love challenge, new things always attract me, feel like a magnet for me. Like learn how to crochet, knit, how to make bracelet, necklace; my passion was so intense as much as my boredom after I learned it.

12.I’m good in interpersonal skill, got compliment for it from all my bosses and my colleagues.

13.Someday I want to be a philanthropist, not because it is the way to heaven, but I feel that I have to share the blessing that I have to others who don’t have the same “luck” like me.

14.I’m afraid to Ghost, and that’s the reason I don’t like horror movies ....

15.I always nauseated with worm and cockroach, can’t take it. Those two animals are monsters.

16.I love dog so much, the cutest animal in the world. I love Panda and Bear too, but they are not pet 

17.3 years ago, I decided to quit and set up my export handicraft company. It’s a boldest decision but it’s worth it. I’ve learned a lot how to set up and run a new company. At the end, money is always being the most important things when we run the company.

18.I always believe that people are kind even though I’ve got cheated every time.

19.I made my testament of my requiem mass. One of the list that I made was I don’t want people wear black clothes when they see me. Death is the happiest thing in the world for the death people. So I want my family to be happy for it. Therefore BLACK is a big NO NO on my death day.

20.I love jasmine and tuberose flower. Love the exotic smell of those flowers.

21.I want to go back to college and mastering product design. I’m enough with all marketing stuff.

22.I love travelling.

23.I’m a bluntly, easy going person. I’m also easily forgotten people’s mistake. I never bear a grudge, it’s not me.

24.I love to cook, I’m good in Italian, Macaroni Schotel, Kastengels, oxtail soup, and Manadonese

25.I believe in Reincarnation, Heaven and Hell is in our daily life.

Now .. I'm tagging Dini, Felicity, Soe, Caroline, Ecky, Anita, Therry, Parvita, Rob, Elyani, Eva, Opie, Wirapati, Boy, Adit

The Early Result

2009-02-01T22:26:00.002+07:00

Today is the 1st month birthday after I’ve delivered my 2009 Resolution Babies. The babies that I named as Procrastination, Exercise and Hobby.

I’ve been known as the most procrastination person, even my mom hate me because of my habit; therefore it’s about time to change it. I really want to change, be a new person. At least not a full procrastination but at least a little bit procrastination person.

So, how’s the 1st month going on ?

Well …I can manage myself better now. At least I’m able to manage not to pend most of my task until the last minute. I manage to tidy up my clothes in my wardrobe everyday, something in the past that I always failed.

But not today, not after January 2009, I think I should give myself a trophy for that. There’s still 1 or 2 task that sometimes I put in my pending box but most of it, I’m succeed to finish it in and on time.

What about my reading habit ? (The hobby part).
Since January, I have my own target, at least once a month; I must be able to finish 1 book from more than 30 un-finished books of my 2007 till 2009 list. Now, at least January am able to finish 1 book and still reading 3 books simultaneously.

The others?
I still have to work hard to finish the things in my Pandora box but at least I’ve done something instead of doing nothing.

The 3rd babies, The Exercise ?
Am able to jog for 2 km and reduced 2 kg of my December weight, but it was last week
So it’s about time to set new schedule and new target for February.

Phew …
Finally, I have my non financial 2009 goals.
The goals to balance my life, the things that I’ve forgotten in 2008.

Seeing The Unseen - part 2

2009-01-23T07:40:00.001+07:00

It’s raining outside her car window.
Suddenly she spotted the place where they spend most of their time
Doing nothing, just exchange news, sharing stories, or remembering the days that has been gone by

She remembered their last evening
A cup of peppermint tea accompanied them and a book

If she knew that it was their last day
If she knew ….

She hasn’t said her Good Bye …
She hasn’t had the chance to say how much their friendship meant for her ..

She only wishes that someday finally she would be able to say “I Guess this is Goodbye”

I Guess This Is Goodbye - Eric Benet

Future Lives .... ?

2009-01-18T21:14:00.001+07:00

My first acquaintance with past lives started 3 years ago, when my colleague lent me Dr Brian Weiss book “Messages from The Masters”. I was so attached with the idea of past lives connection with our current live. Especially after I read “Only Love Is Real”, the idea of soul mate from the past really haunted me.

Start from that day, I believe the incarnation concept even though it’s against the value of my religion, Catholic. I believe that if I choose to live in this world, I have to pay what I have done wrong in my past lives, until finally I become a new person, no debt that I have to pay.

In his previous book, Dr Brian Weiss use the past lives progression therapy to help patients cure their physical or emotional wounds in their present lives.

Whilst in his current book, Same Soul Many Bodies, he has not only regressed his patients into the past; but also progressed them into the future. In this book, he has discovered that our futures are variable – the choice we make now will determine the quality of our life when we return.

When I read half of these book, am questioning myself, of how do we make the choice since not all of us even have the chance to know our past lives. What we know is Today not Before not even Tomorrow.

But when I have finished the book, then I do understand the main point of the choice we have to make.

In life, in our relationship with our colleague, our husband/wife, our parents, we have to deal with the anger, health, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding, and on top of all that is love; whilst all the decision that we made in those relationship at the end, re-shape our future lives.

In this book, we learn that through the experience of future lives progressed, we can learn that actually, each alternative has connection with our current decision.

Well, we know that we can’t define our future, no one knows, since it is God’s territory, for some people, the reincarnation is beyond their understanding.

But for me, future doesn’t always mean with reincarnation. Future is our tomorrow, the days when we getting older, if God gave His permission to us to live. Our current decision re-shapes our tomorrow, our next month, our next year ..

So, worth it or not to read this book ? Its worth to buy and read, since it will bring you to the journey of knowing yourself …

My 2009 Resolution

2009-01-03T22:45:00.007+07:00

Today is the 3rd day of a new beginning of 2009 and for the first time in my life, finally I decided my 2009 resolution.

Maybe because am getting older, or maybe because there are so many things happened in last couple weeks.

Whatever the reason – and I don’t want to find out what is the reason – I feel relief, that finally I have something which is not under “material” things.

So here is my 2009 resolution:

PROCRASTINATION
I’m the fans of procrastination as long as I can remember. I always find a reason to live with procrastination, until I watched Oprah’s show where Peter Walsh gave his advice of how to clean up “messy room”.

Then suddenly I remember my Things to Do List that listed in my “List of Best” which until end of 2008 still there in the “pending” item list, because of the procrastination effect.

Start today, I’ve followed Peter Walsh advice by creating my daily, weekly and monthly plan; hopefully by end of 2009 my 2007 and 2008 pending list will decrease together with the completeness of my 2009 list.

EXERCISE
Same like procrastination, I am struggling with my “gross” a.k.a. my flabby tummy for almost a year and failed every time.

I’ve million reason of “gaining my gross” as much as my reason of not coming to gym. I paid a lot for my gym membership and also for personal trainer, but like my reason of procrastination, I also have my other reason of postponed my exercise.

So what is my 2009 goal for my beloved “gross”?

Well, this time, my main goal is back to my old habit, my yoga practice, my morning walk and run, and my gym. With the second goal is back to my favorite weight, 47 kg.

HOBBY.
OMG, I just realized that even my 3rd resolution also have a connection with procrastination.

There are a lot of un-finished book, bracelet, necklace and crochet in my Pandora box, which are waiting for me to play with them.

Don’t ask me how all of that things end up in my Pandora box, since I always find a reason to put the things in to my Pandora box. Especially when the distraction was so intense, the distraction of the new beautiful things.

Therefore, today, I told myself, to not easily fall in love with new beautiful things. Like Peter Walsh’s statement in Oprah’s show, that before I buy the new one, I have to take out the old one from my Pandora box.

As Paulo Coelho’s written in Alchemist :

When you want something,
The whole Universe conspire
To help you realize your desire

This time, I believe that Universe will help me …

My Christmas Reflection

2008-12-26T22:11:00.002+07:00

Show us our love to ourselves.
Require us to seek out the love of others.
Even with fear of rejection, of severe glances, of the hardness of heart of some
Do not permit us ever give up our quest for love
The Valkyries p. 158
Paulo Coelho

That night, there’s only 1 star in the darkness of the sky.
That night was Christmas Eve.

I saw the smile, the laughter around me.
But my heart was as dry as the desert.

Until I walked and saw the star, the only star in Christmas Eve
The only star which reminds me of how I should forgiven myself as a token of my love to myself. The only star which brings me to my long journey to find God’s answer of my question.
The question of “Why me, God. Why this Christmas?”

This year was the saddest Christmas I’ve ever had, as far as I can remember.
I had punished myself so hard by not let others show their love to me. The punishment which I did until the day Jesus born.

Christmas should be a happiest day in the world, where all love was share to our dearest one.
Christmas should be a merrier day in the world, where all the happiest moment was in our heart.

Not because of the present, not because of the dinner, not because of the party.
It’s because God has given His son to us, so we could learn and feel the love of God.

We, or to be precise, Myself, know that the important things in life to receive God’s love on the day He was born, is through the preparation of our heart.
The Preparation of the ability to love our self before we spread our wing of love to others. And to be able to love our self, we must be able to forgive our self, to let the past and hope for the future. Otherwise we can’t spread the wings of love.

I don’t know others, but for me, the part of forgiving our self is the toughest things in this world. Because that is the time I have to be honest to my self.

And at that time, what we need is God’s help to lead our way in the world of honesty.
And by doing that, means that we never give up our quest for love.

Have I find the answer of “Why me God ?”
To tell the truth, I have.

The answer is because He loves me; because He wants me to show me His miracles like before; because He wants me to strive for His love; because He wants me to beg Him; because He wants me to rejoice the path that He draw for me.

But “Have I accept it ?”
To tell the truth, I’m still struggling and yes, I’m still in the middle of forgiving my self.

I still ask Him, but not why me anymore instead I ask Him to give me the courage to walk through my path, the courage to put the past behind me, the courage to accept His love, the courage to let the tears find their way.

I know it’s not easy but as Paulo Coelho’s wrote in his book, I’m not permit myself ever to give up my quest of love.

Merry Christmas
May your Christmas be wonderful.

Once Upon a Time ... a letter from God

2008-12-24T08:28:00.002+07:00

Once upon a time there was a child ready to born

One day the child ask God :
They tell me that you are going to send me away to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless ?

God replied :
Among the many angels, I have chosen one for you, she will be waiting for you and will take care of you.

But said the child :
Tell me here in Heaven I don’t do anything else but sing and smile.
That’s what I need to be happy !

God said :
Your angel will sing for you every day
And you will feel your angel’s love and be happy

Child
And said the Child, “How am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don’t know the language that men talk ?”

God
That easy, your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.

The child looked up at God saying
“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you ?”

God smiled at the Child saying
“Your angel will place your hands together and teach you how to pray”

The child said
“I’ve heard on earth there are bad men, who will protect me ?”

God put His arm around the child, saying
“Your angel will defend you-even if it means risking life !”

The Child looked sad and saying
“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore”

God hugged the Child
“Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could already be heard.

The child in hurry, asked softly
“Oh God, if I am about to leave now please tell me my angel’s name”

God replied
“Your angel’s name is of no importance … you will simply call her MOMMY !”

A Letter from My Lil One

2008-12-22T22:19:00.002+07:00

I was on my way to the office when suddenly I spotted a pink envelope with Power Puff Girl sticker and a note “It’s just for You Mom !!” from Your Daughter.

I thought it was her previous letter that he sent me during Hallmark’s Mother’s day, but by looking into the new Power Puff Sticker, I couldn’t stop myself not to open it.

Then voila:

I wish to sing a duet with My Mother

Dear Mom,
Happy Mother’s day ! I know today you must go to work but before u go to work please read this letter.
Thanks mom for all thing you gave me.
I wouldn’t have nothin’ if I didn’t have you.
You always work hard for us.
I just want you to know that I love you so much and I just want to say thanks for everything you gave me, thanks for always love me.
Thank you Mom and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.

.. Then a note “Look at the Back”

A Bunny Paper with a note “Happy Mother’s Day !!” Now you can go to work.

And suddenly I’m in heaven.
My lil one woke up this morning, hug me and said Happy Mother’s Day.
And when am busy with my make up, she put her letter in my bag.
And I just found it on my way to the office.

A Note to Heaven

2008-12-21T21:00:00.002+07:00

I will never leave you.
I’ll stay in your heart
- Jack Frost -

I know that you never leave me
I know that you always guard me from above
I know that you know that I always love you
I know that you know that I missed you so much this time

I know that you hate me use the IF word
Especially since the IF will not bring you back to this world

And I know that you know that I still have the beautiful memories of you.
The memories that I’ve always picture it through my mind together with the wing of an angel.

Did you know that one of my blogger friend once told me that after all the sorrow that I encountered; the only left is the beautiful memories …
And he’s right; the only left now is the beautiful memories of you

I miss you Dad
Miss you so much.
Christmas Eve won’t be the same anymore this time …

OMG ... Am Old

2008-12-21T08:26:00.000+07:00

When I was a teenager, I always heard my mom or my uncle or my auntie complained about how different they were compare to “us”. Time now is different, according to them. Theirs are better than us.

As a teenager, I hate them to the bone every time they come up with their lovely word. I always wondering how big was the differences whilst at the same time I told myself not to play the same rhyme when I was at their age.

Until two weeks ago, when all the families were get together to celebrate Ied, then I just realized that all the wrinkles, the grey hair, the worst eye sight, the slowness of metabolism are nothing compare to the feeling that the time differences are coming.

I was shock to death, when my nephew’s girl friend stroked my nephew’s hair while answering our question and when my other nephew’s girl friend suddenly sat on my nephew’s lap in front of us, the aunties and uncles plus their parents.

Well, am open to all kind of romantic things, I never condemn the youngsters if they did that in front of me. But to watch your nephew, especially when they are still in their college age, it’s a shocking pink for me.

All of sudden, all that gently romantic touch reminded me of my teenage period, when all the aunties and uncles compared their world with mine.

I hold myself not to start the topic with my in law, the topic of, when we were at their age such thing. I had made my promised long time ago that I don’t want to start the comparison of my world and their world.

But I failed to do the comparison when later my husband told me that he won’t dare to stroke my hair like that in front of my parents at that time, not even ask me to sit on his lap.

I just said that time is difference now. Every generation have their own mark, their own style.

Then suddenly I heard a gently voice told me, “Hey … You are old now, all the wrinkles, grey hair, worst eye sight, fat, are not just “it”, it’s a signage of being old. But why you have to bother those Old terms. Just live your life to the fullest. Old will lose the meaning if you live happily with all the aging signage.”

Well, my one and only one enemy now, fat, actually is a good enemy because she reminds me to enjoy my gym time …

So... thanks to Aging because he reminds me to balance my body.

And… Yes, OMG…am Old but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have the colorful world, in fact, I am. I still have plenty of time to enjoy the world, to touch the world through different lens, something that I don’t have when I was young.

I have two lenses now, Old and Young …

Wrapping Personality - A Quiz

2008-12-20T21:39:00.000+07:00

You Are Considerate and Mature

You approach the holidays with responsibility and cooperation.
You'll do your part to make sure that everyone else has a happy holiday.
You aren't particularly picky or high maintenance during the holidays.
You're happy to be in the company of people you love, and you're willing to "go with the flow."
Of all the types, you are the most likely to give someone exactly what they want.
You're also the most likely to wrap all your presents well - to prevent peeking!

The Wrapping Paper Test

Her Name is Lady

2008-12-17T05:56:00.004+07:00

How amazing an animal can turn your world up-side-down, turn your sadness into happiness. I never realized it until I have her, Lady, my mini pinscher puppy.

Two months ago, my husband gave us, me and my two daughters, mini pinscher puppy. He got it from his Poland friends.

She was 2, 5 months when she arrived at our home. Her eyes made all of us fall in love right away. We hardly heard her voice at that time. The only thing that we spot was her dry nose. She loves everything with Pink.

She’s going to 5 months this Christmas and we are thinking to buy her Christmas present to replace her pink doll. It must be fun to see her searching her pink Christmas present under the Christmas tree where she knows that the Christmas ornaments is the “abandon” area for chew.

Well, God always know how to cheer up His daughter, so He gave me earlier Christmas present this time

The Cost of Beauty

2008-12-15T05:46:00.005+07:00

Her name is Han Mi Ok, a Korean celebrity who became known as “Fan Lady” after her disastrous cosmetic surgery.

She underwent 15 reconstructive surgeries to overhaul her “I-don’t-think-it-can-be-fix” plastic surgery damage.

She apparently became obsesses addicted to plastic surgery and couldn’t get enough, she even personally performed a facial injection at home.

On the picture that I attached, Han Mi Ok was at the shooting of 500th episode of Shocking Stories of The World.

Well, have to admit that she has the courage to display her damaged face in public and let people learn from the mistake that she made.

I think everybody knows that “too much” at the end will bring “damage to our live”, not just plastic surgery but other things also .

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If Snow were Here

2008-12-14T22:07:00.001+07:00

Your Snow Test Says You're Independent

You feel like something good will happen to you in the next few months.
You love to work, especially when work is creative. You have the makings of a successful artist.
You are an independent, individualistic person. You thrive when you're doing your own thing.
Your biggest worry in your life is your health. You tend to be a bit of a hypochondriac.
When it comes time to relax, you have no problem letting go. You are already pretty relaxed as is!

The Snow Test

The Love to Indonesia Children - Immunization

2008-12-04T07:24:00.002+07:00

Currently, Indonesia’s Immunization Program is at a critical phase. With 1 in 5 children is un-immunized, Indonesia now ranks 4th globally for un-immunized children, after India, Nigeria and China.

There is 1 baby (child below 1 year) dies in every 3 minutes. In Indonesia 460 infants die everyday.

In Indonesia more than 4.7 million babies need routine vaccination every year and more than 75 % of Indonesian children are still not fully immunized by their 1st birthday (based on survey by Faculty of Public Health, University of Indonesia).

The cost for immunization is IDR 25K per baby and for IDR 100K can make a difference for 16 babies.

The above information is the preliminary of UNICEF presentation at the Opening Campaign of “Cintai Anak Indonesia” yesterday, at Blitz, Megaplex.

This time, I don’t want to say my sarcasm to the government; I just said to myself of how poor we are, being the ranks 4th globally. And we, Indonesian, are not able to support our own children.

It’s a pity to watch David Beckham, Jet Lee and Claudia Schiffer, ask everybody to participate to help Indonesia’s Immunization Program. It’s a pity because there are many of people out there may not know the fact of our children’s condition.

If, we can save part of our cigarette budget, or our lunch time budget, or our shopping budget, then Indonesia will not be in the ranks 4. The cost of the cigarette compare to the 25K donation is nothing. The cost of Prada bag, the cost of Zara dress/pants/shoes, compare to the 100K donation, is zero.

But how do we know if that such information never been in our news paper, our television ? How can we educate the "lucky one" if the information out there only the news of latest club, of latest milyarder party, of the latest gadget ?

Children is our future generation, their future depends on us, the grown up people. Without immunization their future will be gone, vanish.

Immunization can prevent their future from polio, from blindness because of the measles or even the fatal one, pneumonia and encephalitis.

When one of the journalists interviewed me because of our company participation in this immunization program, they asked me why I have to thank our customer who donates only IDR 2K by saying “Thank you have saved 1 baby”.

Then I told them, 2K means a lot to 25K, the cost of vaccine. If our customer would like to save their 2K conversation per week, then by the end of the program, they already contribute more than 25K, means 1 life save by them. If they only able to donate 1 time, say there are 13 subscriber do the same thing, the end is also the same, 1 life save by us.

IDR 2K or IDR 5K is nothing compare to all of the un-importance thing that we consume. We are the lucky one, though.

At the end of the program, after the theme song of Cintai Anak Indonesia, “Setinggi Mimpi Mereka” been played, I thank God because He gave me the ability to immunized my two beloved daughters. I’m the lucky one amongst the 25% and it’s about the time to save the 75 % the un-lucky one.

Setinggi Mimpi Mereka was created by Yovie Widianto and supported by 16 Singers, which are Afgan, Alika, Andry/rif, Bams “Samsons”, Christopher Abimanyu, Ferry Salim, Krisdayanti, Mario “Kahitna”, Mike Mohede, Monita, Ruth Sahanaya, Ressa Herlambang, Rio Febrian, Rossa, Titi DJ and Yunika.

So, my beloved blogger friends who stay in Indonesia and you have Fren/HEPI, the donation is easy, just type ANAK sends to 2000.

Or if you have a member of other operator except Telkomsel, Smart and Axis, you can also do the same. Wait the instruction from your provider. For those three providers that I mention before, up to the program launching, they are not participating.

Or you can also donate through Call Center if you have account with Bank Mandiri or BCA.

Hope all of us can help our future generation, our Indonesia children.

Which City Do I Belong .... A Quiz

2008-11-30T15:20:00.001+07:00

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and expressive, you were meant for Paris.

The art, the fashion, the wine!

Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park...

You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

What City Do You Belong In?

Oh finally, am belong in Paris, the writer :-D
I’ve been there and never feel so connected with that city start on the first day I arrived there.
My friends need time to understand the metro, whilst me, feel like some part of my life was there long time ago.

It is only a quiz, Friday Quiz according to my blogger friend, The Writter.
We joke about the result and this time, I let my comment and told her my wish.
And voila … I’m belong in Paris 

What a fun and a dream …

Terrorist a.k.a Ourselves

2008-11-30T12:38:00.002+07:00

Mumbai terror attack finally over after 60 hours with 195 dead, according to Yahoo News. Whilst several days before, at the other part of this world, Beatles have been finally forgiven by Vatican forgives due to their statement of they were more popular than Jesus. And just several weeks before, at the other part of this world also, Indonesia were debating of the anonymous blogger who posted a cartoon of the prophet of Muhammad and how to push word press to give the identity of the blogger.

All of those issues were relating to RELIGION, all related with human ego, not God’s ego. Human ego that feels humiliated, feels superior than others, feels others are stupid, that others is nothing compare to themselves.

Have they or we asked ourselves why we have religion ? Since most all of us inherited the religion from our parents, our parents inherited from our ancestors, only limited person choose their religion by their own.

What is the purpose of religion in this earth ? To fight with others ? To claim that their GOD are not the same like us ?

Have we met our GOD ? Have we met our prophet ? We only know GOD or the Prophet through our ancestor, through their Bible, Quran, Bhagavad-Gita and Weda. None of us ever met with GOD or our Prophet. What we believe is what we read, what we believe is what we think is fit with our way of thinking, what we believe is given.

If so, then why we have to fight ? Why we have to terror others who are different with us ? Why we have to kill innocent people just in the name of GOD ?

GOD do not create the religion, it’s us, human, who does create the religion. It is us, human, who hates others, not GOD. It is, us, human, who feel the superiority, not GOD.

None in God’s book, the book that we believed as Holy, ever tell people to hate each others, to fight for what we believe. All His statement is based on LOVE. Unless we miss-understand the meaning of LOVE.

Popularity is just popularity. Is is true that Beatles – at Beatles era – were more popular than Jesus. Maybe. Let Beatles claimed what they believes, in our heart, in Jesus disciple heart, we all know that Jesus is more popular than Beatles. So why bother ?

A cartoon ? Well, in my opinion, a cartoon is just a cartoon. Is the religion loss their dignity because of that sketch ? Everybody knows that the religion still have their dignity, same as before the cartoon were there.

I believe that if all of us, hand in hand, spread the beauty of diversity in religion, then there will be no space for the terrorist, for the fanatical, spread their doctrine.

Otherwise, this terror will continue and stop when there’s no one left to be killed.

Me and Burn-Out

2008-11-24T06:50:00.002+07:00

It’s been more than 3 weeks since my last post, this time I really lost my energy to write, to watch the movie, neither to do chatting nor to play with my plurkers friend.

At first I thought it’s because of my health since for the last 3 weeks I was suffering from cold, migraine and lately vertigo. But lately, after I’m monitoring my own reaction, especially my feeling then my assumption goes to “burn-out” disease. And this time, the burn-out really hit my health condition and my spirit, which made me feel helpless.

I hate myself, not because of the burn-out, but more to my ability to cope with the “burn-out”. That burn-out took all my energy to healing me.

I don’t want to meet my friends, not even answering their call nor their mail. The only meeting that am attending only business meeting since it was my responsibility, others than that, I’d rather going home early instead be in the middle of crowd.

I felt like a zombie, out there, go to the office, meet the third party, meet the colleague, discussing the opportunity, while my spirit were going somewhere.

I think it’s about time to go back to my world and fight with the burn-out; otherwise I’ll lose the beauty of each day.

Obama and Indonesian Euphoria

2008-11-07T13:24:00.006+07:00

Obama Won ! and Indonesia people especially Jakarta’s, the city where Obama’s once spent his childhood with his mother and his stepfather.

Amazing ! Obama is not going to be Indonesian president; in fact he’s the President of United States. He is not going to bring new blood to Indonesian even though he spent his childhood here. The new blood that he brings is for America.

I’m wondering and try to ask myself before I did small research to my friends.

To me, America is the racist and gender country, even though they claimed that they value human rights. Color is still an issue there. Black people are how they named their Afro-American people. We never heard that kind of term in other country.

So why I wanted desperately that Obama won the election ? The answer lay down in to the racist issue. Just want to proof that finally the impossible becomes possible, to proof that the minority become the majority.

Religion ? Oh it’s another issue. I don’t know whether everybody may have forgotten the issue that Bush brought to win the election in 2000, but for sure I still remembered it, Religion.

Therefore back to the issue why Indonesian people got that euphoria ? Some gave me silly answer, like because his step father is Indonesian; other said that because he was lived in Indonesia before, some said that Obama will bring changes to Indonesia. No one told me that they want to see the impossible become possible.

The impossible things that someday Indonesia can proof the world that "the impossible" things is not a dream, that Indonesian people can be as wise as American people today.

Below is Obama’s Presidential Speech, I got it from my friend. Hope Indonesia could learn from his beautiful speech :

"Hello, Chicago".

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer".

"It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference".

"It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled".

"Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states".

"We are, and always will be, the United States of America".

"It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day".

"It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America".

"A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain".

"Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves".

"He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine".

"We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader".

"I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead".

"I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden".

"And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama".

"Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House".

"And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother' s watching, along with the family that made me who I am".

"I miss them tonight".

"I know that my debt to them is beyond measure".

"To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them".

"And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best -- the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America".

"To my chief strategist David Axelrod who's been a partner with me every step of the way".

"To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done".

"But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to".

"It belongs to you". "It belongs to you".

"I was never the likeliest candidate for this office".

"We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston".

"It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep".

"It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth".

"This is your victory".

"And I know you didn't do this just to win an election".

"And I know you didn't do it for me".

"You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead".

"For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century".

"Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us".

"There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education".

"There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair".

"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep".

"We may not get there in one year or even in one term".

"But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there".

"I promise you, we as a people will get there.There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem. "But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand".

"What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were".

"It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice".

"So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other".

"Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers".

"In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long".

"Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity".

"Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress".

"As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends".

"Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection".

"And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too".

"And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand".

"To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you".

"To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright".

Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope".

"That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow".

"This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta".

"She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old".

"She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed".

"Yes we can".

"At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot".

"Yes we can".

"When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose".

"Yes we can".

"When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved".

"Yes we can".

"She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome".

"Yes we can".

"A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change"."

Yes we can".

"America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do".

"So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see?"

"What progress will we have made?"

"This is our chance to answer that call".

"This is our moment".

"This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people".

"Yes, we can".

"Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America".

Amnesty Org - Amrozi's - Death Penalty

2008-11-04T06:54:00.005+07:00

clipped from http://www.amnesty.org/en/death-penalty

The death penalty is the ultimate denial of human rights. It is the
premeditated and cold-blooded killing of a human being by the state. This cruel,
inhuman and degrading punishment is done in the name of justice.
It violates the right to life as proclaimed in the Universal Declaration of
Human Rights.
Amnesty International opposes the death penalty in all cases without
exception regardless of the nature of the crime, the characteristics of the
offender, or the method used by the state to kill the prisoner.

I've never gave my attention to death penalty until the case of Bali Bombing be in the front page of our daily news and website. I followed their news during their trial and happy with the final decision.

For me, killing an innocent people in the name of Jihad where their nation has nothing to do with the issue of their Jihad is something that I can’t accept.

Looking their face in the television news, laughing as if they’re innocent, make me questioning the purpose of amnesty organization in their death penalty abolishment.

I do agree if the reason to abolish death penalty from this world was like the tragedy in Somalia, where 13 years old girl was stoned to death by 50 men just because of her physical appearance, she’s been accused of adultery in breach of Islamic law. I’m hundred percent agree because they buried the girl when she’s still alive and stoned them.

It’s inhuman, absolutely inhuman.

I know that by executing Amrozi’s and friend will not bring the death to live. I also know that by executing them, their believes of Jihad or their “friends” who in their side, will not vanish.

Just want to questioning the amnesty organization, when Amrozi’s and friends killed the innocent people, were they ever think that their act was breach the declaration of Human Rights ?

SEEING THE UNSEEN

2008-10-31T06:50:00.004+07:00

It’s been more than a year since they last met.
Both of them just starring at each other, trying to remember the days that have gone.
A cup of peppermint tea and a book, with a note “For the Old Days” signed by the author, were trying to digest the silence.

Nothing much they can share, only one or two stories, most the stories of others, not theirs.

But in the limitation time, both of them know that nothing changes, except the days.

Both of them know that they are still imprisoned in their own mistakes, in their own jail.

Like the writer and photo journal written through the picture and words :

My old man said that freedom depends on the master
Color, texture, or shape doesn’t give any clue on when
THE WINGS CAN BE REALLY SPREAD

Until they can heard the Master said :

This journey will end just right above the horizon
A flare of thin line a cross the border
Leaving rocks, sand, and all textures of life

PS.
Quotation in purple are from the Book "Seeing the Unseen"
A book of photo journal of Amrin Nugraha and Written by Gandhi Suryoto
Book Copy No 0082

Two Side of a Coin --- Boobs Whoops

2008-10-30T05:27:00.004+07:00

When I read Treespotter and Anita posting about boobs, then I realized that I never pay attention to the size and shape of my boobs; except during my breast feeding period since the nurse in St. Carolus Hospital reminds me how to take care of my boobs for the sake of my baby and my husband (please read it: BABY and HUSBAND)

Baby, yes I do understand, since the purpose of the boobs is to breast feed the children a.k.a baby. No one can replace the moment when a mother breast feeding their children, the moment where the 1st bonding after they carried their baby for 9 months in their womb.

Husband, well, they suppose to accept us as it is, isn’t it ? In bad and goods, so no matter how bad the changes of our body, especially in the area of “boobs”, they suppose to accept it and not complaining.

But since wives a.k.a. women always have their own judgment to their body and their worries of losing their lovely husband so when the nurse trained us how to maintain our boobs for the husband side effect, everybody were listened.

Funny huh ? No, in fact it’s normal for women. I’m not a boobs person, neither my husband. In fact he is a leg person, so leg is where my attention goes. I always compare other woman’s leg to mine. Normal isn’t it ? Like boobs comparison ?

The sexy and romantic moment for me is when I have to breast feed my two daughters. Looking at their face, their tiny hands and how they enjoy the moment was an incredible moment for me.
The wicked and funny moment is when I’m wearing the lower v-neck or tank top. Watching the eyes of the men boobs person try to imagine the size and the shape from the two enclaves really makes me wants to laugh out loud.

If there’s a quiz of women’s body which has similarity to coin, then for sure the answer is the boobs. Yes, boobs, because boobs have two sides effect, the wicked and the romantic things in one event, as a woman and as a mother.

My friend, a couple years ago asked me whether I know where she could buy a cream for boost up her boost. She felt that her boobs shape was not like before and she worried. I remember, just looking at her, and automatically my answer was the nurse advised when I was in breast feed period.

The answer is wearing a good bra, which can support our boobs and do the exercise so a woman can maintain the period of breast feed whilst at the same time perform the shape of their boobs for their husband.

PS.
Written based on Dini's Tag to me
Picture were taken from here

The Time Tunnel

2008-10-25T06:34:00.002+07:00

a. Boobs.
Treespotter and Anita wrote about boobs. What an interesting posting, knowing that the main reason men love boobs because they don’t have it.

I did a random survey to my male friends, just to check whether treespotter assumption was correct, then surprisingly the answer match with tresspotter.

b. Language.
Rob and Treespotter posted this in his post several days ago; I read it through my mobile phone and haven’t got a chance to write my two cents about it.

c. Plurk World
The new world where everybody around the world share their ideas, their feelings and their comment; the world that I love to visit every day, otherwise I will loose my karma.
Seems that I have new friends but at the same time I loose my old friends, maybe because of their time line were different with me. I don’t know …

d. Office
Hm … this is the main destruction of my energy.
After a productive month in September, suddenly I lost the appetite to write, to read, even to listen to the music, whilst actually writing; reading and listening to the music are my nutshell world.

e. Mini Pinscher.
Aha … I will write about this one.
I just got a puppy, today she’s celebrating her 3 (three) months birthday and it’s about time to bring her to the vet.
She’s so funny, energetic, smart and so lovely.
But also a destroyer, she wakes me up everyday, within this week, at 04.30 AM.

f. My Social Program.
This is another project that still in the concept paper.
Hopefully within this year we can launch it, so instead of just putting my thought of poverty into writing at least I can make it real.
Become the philanthropy is my other goal even though I don’t have a bunch of money like Bill Gates.

Well … that’s all.
The preliminary writing of returning to my nutshell world, the world where no one can touch me, the world of my imagination.

Blog Action Day - Poverty is here in front us

2008-10-16T06:40:00.003+07:00

This is the second day I took my time to visit www.poverty.com in hunger session and watch the picture of children who passed away due to hunger. Today, in the first time, I read and saw a picture of handsome children with Indonesian name in the middle of hundred names and pictures of children in the same continent. After read in the newspaper several months ago of the same news, I thought that I won’t find ours in the website of poverty but apparently it’s only a dream.

I just remember the news of the tragic 21 people who lost their lives during Ramadhan just because they were afraid that they could not get the US $ 3.30 (at that day). The tragic moment but being ignored by most of the people not because they were intolerant but because the idea of number of poor people is not important information. Especially compare to other nation where the number of death cause by hunger, I may say that Indonesia is way much better.

Not just because Indonesia is not way much better then we have to put aside this issue or refuse to the fact that one of Indonesian children was in the website of poverty, was in the list of people death due to hunger.

Not just because of that one incidence of 21 people then we could say that it was happened once in a blue moon, only during Ramadhan period That it’s only related in specific area whilst in fact we still have to fight with some of poverty issue.

Poverty is not merely related to hunger, there’s another issue like AIDS, Tuberculosis, Shelter, or in other world Poverty is the issue related to quality of life, in health, education and the ability to escape from the poverty cycle.

The main issue in Poverty for me is the ability to escape from the poverty cycle, how we as a nation can create Human Development, especially with today’s situation, as an on going task.

We don’t have to create a masterpiece to do that; we can start from the small thing, like “Food for Work”. Baznas had created that program during Ramadhan, by giving the poor a job before they got food. Instead of giving the food for free, Baznas created the job for them. So the poor people can get their pride as a worker not as a beggar.

I was thinking if we can at least donate let say around IDR 5k or at least IDR 2.5k, the same amount that we use to buy a phone voucher, then we can create the same job all over the city.

Or by donating the same amount, we build a pipe to the infertile land, so the farmer or the people who live there can do something with their land. Another program that created by Baznas.

The question is how come that such a good program doesn’t get the hype ? The answer is maybe because it was created under “religious” brand and since it was under “religious” brand then the donation only to certain people, maybe. I haven’t got the answer yet.

Yesterday, when I was in the middle of discussing another donation program with my team, surprisingly one of my team told me that she just got information that not all people were shown their interest to participate in AIDS program.

I haven’t met that person and planning to have a meeting with them next week. I’m eager to know what does the lack of interest mean.

Well, I’m not an expert, but for me, poverty is an issue of every nation, not just in Africa or Asia, it’s all over the world. The scale of poverty may vary but it will become an issue if a nation refused to admit that they have an issue or admit but refused to face the fact and only deal with the number.

Premonition

2008-10-08T21:08:00.002+07:00

When someone we love passes away,
We ache, but we go on;
Our dear departed would want us to heal,
After they are gone.
Grief is a normal way to mend
The anguish and pain in our hearts;
We need time to remember and time to mourn,
Before the recovery starts.

He’s in a better place right now
Than he’s ever been before;
All pain is gone; he’s now at rest;
Nothing troubles him anymore.
It’s we who feel the burden of
Our sadness and our grief;.
We have to cry, to mourn our loss,
Before we get relief.
We know we’ll reconnect with him ….

The feeling was so strong, my heart told me that the time will come, that my dad will end his journey sooner, not even more than 1 hour. Then it happened, in half an hour, he’s gone.

The same feeling came again last Tuesday morning before I left Surabaya, back to my hometown with my mom. My heart, once again told me that my uncle will leave soon, the fastest was the next day after I left Surabaya. Then it happened, this morning my mom told me that she’s got text from her sister in law, my uncle had ended his journey.

I try not to listen to my heart; I try not to question my feeling, since I believe that no one can predict someone period of life.

Am asking God, but this time, I didn’t hear anything from Him, not even a single word. Should I believe what my heart told me ? Should I question my feeling ?

If I listened to my heart, If I questioned my feeling, If I’m not so stubborn, then I could say my final goodbye to my uncle too, that finally I could bring her sister to meet him.

If God’s is the answer of our fate, of our future, then why He create the feeling that we call as Premonition ? To protect us ? to prevent us from sadness ?

The question that no one can answer, only God, but He choose to keep quiet this time.

Questioning God

2008-10-05T20:27:00.001+07:00

I was doing my blog walking as usual, when I stumbled upon to my blogger friend Anita, and read her post of her soul searching of God Almighty. She was born as a Moslem and part of her soul searching she has several question which is relate to her religion in reality, such as several doctrine that she had when she was a small kid.

Well, I don’t want to criticize her question, since I also have that kind of question several years ago, when I would like to find the answer of God Almighty, of how there are a lot of religion in this world, of how people hate each other.

I just want to let my thinking out of my mind when I read her posting. The question that no one can give me specific answer, the question that I know if I asked my religious friend they will blame me as a sin person, who don’t have the trust to God Almighty.

I am born as a Catholic and never doubt my belief to my religion until now even though I have so many questions about God. I have experienced so many miracles in my life, but I also have a lot of experienced where I’m asking God’s decision.

I remember my conversation with Pater Drost SJ, a well known pastor Jesuit, an expert in education; he was my mentor at that time. I asked him about heaven, which one will go to heaven, Christian people but disobeyed the Christian principle or other people who are not a Christian but religious, or the worst thing with someone who don’t believe in God but practice the God’s rule of love.

I remembered he told me that the person with no religion or the one which is not a Christian, will go directly to heaven because of their way of life whilst the other Christian, as we all know, will go to heaven after redeem their way of life in this world.

Then my other question to Pater Drost, so why should we choose a religion ? If without become a Christian (Catholic), we still can go to heaven. And he said, it is not as simple like that, by having a religion, by becoming a Catholic, at least we have a Savior, who will redeem our sin, who will carry us when we were in trouble.

So I told him that I would like to learn other religion, and what surprising me was he didn’t against me, he let me learn Islam at that time. The same with my mother, she gave me freedom to learn Islam.

My mom told me that religion is your connection with God; religion is a vehicle to get to know God better, to have the experience of God’s mercy.

I learned and at the end, I’m still as a Catholic. Not because Islam is worst than Catholic, no. It’s just because I feel that Catholic still the best vehicle for me to worship God Almighty.

And started from that day, I never close the door to the good thing I learned from other religion, Islam, Budha, Hindu or other beliefs.

I believe that someday I have to fix my weaknesses as a human in my next life I have to be able to become a better person, I believe that Heaven and Hell actually is in this world, because everyday God give us a choice to do the good things or bad things. I believe in good karma, that I have to pay what I did not after my death but during my life in this world.

I also still learn to be able to understand the diversity, that all the bad things of other religion or even the bad things of my religion, is not because of God or religion itself but because of the person itself.

Several years ago, I’m questioning God, because He gave us this kind of diversity, the hatred, the anger, but now I do understand that He gave us this kind of things so we could learn to understand others, learn to have a big heart to others who’s different from us.

I’m still questioning God, I still fall, I still fail, but I know that this is the part that I have to take as a human being in this period of time.

The Day of Non Violence

2008-10-03T12:18:00.002+07:00

" When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always. What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for."

Mahatma GandhiThe Story of My Experiments with Truth, 1927

Yesterday is an International Day of Non Violence, the date of Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday. UN had chosen the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi’s because Mahatma Gandhi is a leader of the Indian independence movement and pioneer of the philosophy and strategy of non-violence.

Many of us had heard or read about Ahimsa, the basis of Gandhi’s struggle against British rule to fight for the Independence of India, where this concept also adopted by Martin Luther King Jr to win civil right for African Americans and Cesar Chavez to protest the treatment of farms in California.

The concept where the execution needs patience and perseverance; patience to loose the dignity when others look down, patience to stay with mental state of no hatred; perseverance to keep the concept live, perseverance to fight with the evil.

It’s been more than hundred years since God spread the concept, the concept to love others, the concept of to let go the anger, let go the hatred from our self, the concept treat somebody like we want to be treated.

The concept that so difficult to implement in our daily life, otherwise there’s no issue of child or woman abuse, there’s no issue of violence in marriage life, there’s no issue of bullying, there’s no issue of violence within majority versus minority.

But we can not create pessimistic environment around us, can we ? As in the concept of Ahimsa, we have to fight for the better world, fight without violence.

How do we win a better world, with lesser violence for not saying without violence ? I’ve read somewhere in a magazine to commemorate International Peace Day in September, that if we focus our self into the difference, then for the rest of our life we can not find the solution; we will be trapped in the difference. We also have to let our self as a good listener, otherwise we push others to listen to us, to agree with us. Whilst at the same time, we must be able to let the hatred out of our self; we have to be a forgiven person.

We are human, so there’s no doubt that differences always there, run in our blood. But as long as we agree that sometimes we have to agree for the disagreement then I believe that our dream for better world will come true.

Same as religion, there are lot of religion out there, and as human, religion also has differences. As long as we agree that we are different whilst at the same time we agree that we also have the similarity, then I don’t think that we should fight to push others to agree with our believe.

Hey, looks who’s talking ?

Yes, it’s me who’s talking. I’m still struggling to be a good listener, struggling of not pushing others to listen to me, struggling to not look at the difference, and many things also.

As I’ve written somewhere in my post, the creation of better world should come from our self first then to our inner circle before finally united with other part of the world.

A Note

2008-10-01T23:57:00.003+07:00

The past should not be followed after, the future not desired.
What is past is got rid of, and the future has not come.
But whoever has vision now here,
…of a present thing … let him cultivate it.
Swelter at the task this very day.
Who knows whether he will die tomorrow ?
There is no bargaining with
The great hosts of Death
- The Buddha -

We were sitting in my belated father-in-law living room, watching our children received their Ied presents, “The Bonus”; they named their Ied pocket money presents.

Watching one of the children protested to their uncle that she’s not a kid anymore, she’s a teenager now and so was the pocket money, before another kid expressed the same issue.

Watching them counted the money and made the comparison with the total pocket money that they received last year.

Watching the older said to the little one that there’s a time she got a lot of money compare to what they received it nowadays.

Watching the time tunnel through the children, of how time flies so fast, of how the little one become a teenager and we, the parents, getting older. The cycle of life.

The time tunnels where our Ied will be replacing soon with another ordinary day until another new year bring back Ied to us again, with different story of our lives.

Another story of once upon a time in our lives

Ramadhan Through My Eyes

2008-09-30T15:37:00.004+07:00

Don’t hang on exclusively to any particular creed so that you disbelieve the rest, or you will disregard much that is good and miss the real Truth.
Allah is omnipotent and omnipresent and is not contained by any one religion,

for he says in the Qur’an “Wherever you turn, there is the face of Allah”
Ibn Arabi

Married with a Moslem guy, who never leave his religion principle, give me another insight of Moslem which I rarely seen in my others neither Moslem nor Christian friends, especially during Ramadhan this year.

Why this year ?

Because this year is the worst Ramadhan for me (read : In My Eyes). The regulation endorsed by MUI and legalized by the government, since there’s no reaction from the government it self, of worker at entertainment sector, like spa or other night entertainment, made me feel sorry for them.

According to MUI – like I saw in the news – the entertainment sector like spa and night entertainment should be closed during Ramadhan and the workers have to find another job. It was their mistake of choosing that kind of job, a job that not under “Halal” category.

The other thing also regarding the opening of food stall at one province, the authorized have instructed them to close down the restaurant because it was Ramadhan.
Seems to me that during Ramadhan people are wearing their “holy” mask, suddenly forgot what they used to do during other month. Suddenly all the bad things are something that have to be destroy and vanish from this country.

Suddenly we became a nation where all the immoral issue, is not there. We become the artificial holy person.

As I explained in the beginning, am not a Moslem, I’m married a Moslem guy, who gave me a different picture of Islam than what I heard or I saw through the news.

The picture of Islam which respect others, where the all rules came from a reason, where the meaning of Ramadhan as Holy month is noble in the eyes of a Catholic person.

Fasting in my religion is also an instruction by the religion, like in Ramadhan. The way we fasting is totally different with Moslem, but the value of fasting is the same.

Fasting is the time to relate our self (read : Our self not others) with God, to communicate more and deeply with Him so by doing that hopefully we can be a better person.

Therefore since fasting is so personal, then this entire year incidence made me questioning them, the regulator of all the cause of the incidence. Do they understand the value of Ramadhan ? Do they value the diversity ? Do they value the tolerance ?

And at the same time, I’m also questioning the day after Ramadhan over. Are they – the same person – back to the real them ? Who loves to pamper themselves in spa, in night entertainment, in the world of alcohol, in the world of immorality ? And all the holy script that they read, that they convey through their preach, be forgotten.

I’m afraid the answer is “Yes, all the holy things that they did during Ramadhan will be forgotten” and they will take of their “holy” mask, replace it with their own face.

Then Ramadhan will be useless, our tolerance as a non Moslem will be useless, because their “Holy” face made me saw Moslem through different perspective.

But as my husband told me “Remember, don’t blame the religion, it’s the people who make the religion looks bad” and because I’m not a holy person either, then Ramadhan for me is another month just like ordinary month that I have to face for this year. The ordinary month that gave me another lesson in my life.

Who knows next year, if God still give me permission to live, Ramadhan will be different from today and we will live in better world, a world where we respect our diversity

Cerat Centhini - The hidden treasure

2008-09-29T00:44:00.000+07:00

I just bought a book; the title is “Centhini – Kekasih Yang Tersembunyi”, a classic masterpiece of Javanese literature. Written in 1814, this literature consists of Javanese tradition and knowledge.

I have searched Cerat Centini since I was a teenager. Every time I found the book, it’s always in Javanese language, a language that I don’t understand. But this time, I found my treasure in my mother tongue language, Bahasa Indonesia language.

I was full of happiness until I read that it was translated from France language, the title is “Les Chants de l’ille a dormir debout – Le Livre de Centhini” and published in 2002.

Suddenly I feel sorry for myself, sorry because Cerat Centhini is our treasure, Indonesia treasures not others. Then why it was written in France before finally translated to Indonesian ?

The answer is because Cerat Centhini to others Javanese expert was too sacred to be translated to Indonesian language while to others was too dirty, like a coin has two sides, religion and desire.

The intention to write in France just because the France Ambassador, Thierry de Beauce, were looking for Javanese flower, then heard a story of Wijaya Kusuma, the only flower which bloom at midnight then lay before dawn. The flower which had written at the last part of Cerat Centhini.

A sad story isn’t it ? A France Ambassador requested to find the literature and translated to French whilst the ideal should be Ours, Indonesian, have to instruct our expert to find and translated in Bahasa Indonesia language instead of translated from Hanacaraka (Javanese alphabetical) to Javanese Latin alphabetical.

The borderline is the tradition, the two sides of a coin. The borderline that prevent us appreciate our history, our treasure.

No wonder Malaysian claimed our batik as theirs, our Angklung as theirs, our song as theirs. We never care; we never appreciate what we have. There are a lot of our treasures still in Dutch museum not in Indonesia museum, and we just keep quite, never ask the Dutch government to return the treasure they had taken from us.

Then suddenly I remembered my friend’s comment on my blog several weeks ago, “the silly thing the westerns learn a lot from easterners !” Here, a lot of Asian center in the university. I believe that you must ever heard “Jongko Joyoboyo” or “Arjuna Wiwaha” and so on ? We, at least me, can’t find it in Indonesia. But here ? Jeez, I can found it in the university’s library ! For both in Bahasa or Javanese !

Another sad, un-patriotic story from me ? Maybe …...

Another Quiz - Me, the Career Girl

2008-09-27T07:34:00.005+07:00

I thought the quiz will say that am the woman of every man dream of.
Mother fairy can not change the result for me, too bad.
What can I say, it’s me anyway.

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You?

British, Mecca and Toilet

2008-09-27T06:44:00.003+07:00

Got this news from the writer during our plurk time last night :

clipped from http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/olympic-park-toilets-will-not-face-mecca-941030.html

Toilets which do not face the holy Islamic city of Mecca are among a raft of
design principles announced today aimed at making London's Olympic Park the most
inclusive and accessible so far.
The Olympic Delivery Authority (ODA) want its procurement, design and construction framework - or Inclusive Design Strategy - to produce an ideal venue for people of all cultures, faiths, ages and accessible to disabled people for the 2012 Games and beyond.
ODA chairman John Armitt is confident that future generations will be left with London's "most accessible and inclusive public park and sporting venues" after the Games.
An ODA spokeswoman said "a percentage of general toilets will not face Mecca" out of sensitivity. The numbers have not yet been confirmed.
Special washing facilities linked to prayer rooms are also planned for the Park, set in multiculturally diverse east London.

This is the typical miss-understanding of religion. There’s no connection between Mecca and Toilet direction. Just because Moslem people have Mecca during their prayer, doesn’t mean that the toilet not allowed facing Mecca.

The tolerance should be in the right place, not just copied the concept of Moslem prayer into public facilities. People will laugh because its shown of their superficial understanding towards Islam.

Toilet for Olympic is one of the examples of the superficial knowledge of Islam. There is a lot of superficial knowledge towards Christian, or Budha or Hindu, which finally led to another fight or “war” between religions. A war that created because we respect other believes in a wrong way, not because we don’t know how to respect, but because we are too stubborn to ask to the right person.

According to Wikipedia ..

clipped from en.wikipedia.org

In Islam, this only lasted for seventeen months after Muhammad's arrival in Medina,^[1]after which the Qiblah became oriented towards the Kaaba
in Mecca. According to accounts from the prophetMuhammad's companions, the change
happened very suddenly during the noon prayer in Medina, in a mosque known as Masjidal-Qiblatain (Mosque of the Two Qiblahs). Muhammad was leading the prayer when he received revelations from Allah instructing him to take the Kaaba as the
Qiblah (literally, "turn your face towards the Masjid al Haram")

Muslim people are banned to cult Mecca, precisely Kaaba. Mecca or Kaaba is only a focal point for prayer.

clipped from en.wikipedia.org

In Muslim religious practice, supplicants must face this direction in prayer. Muslims do not worship the Kaaba or its contents; the Kaaba is simply a focal point for prayer. If someone is inside the Kaaba, they are allowed to pray facing any direction.

So, back to the toilet issue, ODA makes it exaggerate. There’s no relation of toilet face direction to “face Mecca” direction.

I don’t’ understand why the ODA didn’t gain their understanding first before put their design in place. Are British going to rectify their mistake since their invasion in Jerusalem long time age and Iraq war recently ?

If they want to rectify their mistakes, then it is the time to make it right by asking to their Moslem community, to understand Moslem point of view of Mecca or Kaaba. Instead of making those silly statement of toilet will not face Mecca.

Moment of Truth - The Dark Side

2008-09-26T21:34:00.001+07:00

Have you ever watch “Moment of Truth” variety show in Star World channel ?
I have, twice, and will continue to watch it.

The variety show was run by Fox

clipped from http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/fox-the-moment-of-truth-lie-detector-show-debut-january-23-6093.php

Fox has announced The Moment of Truth, a new game show that will quiz
contestants on personal questions and use a lie detector to determine if they're
telling the truth, will premiere on Wednesday, January 23 at 9PM ET/PT.

The show where we could mirror ourselves through somebody’s life; the show that manipulate people through their need of money.

In that show we can see how people may forgotten their own happiness to pursue their target to win the money, even though they have to publicly open the sad story in their family, or make their parents cry, or make their husband or best friend hurt.

I believe that every family in this world has their own dark side, where the side becomes the secret of them selves. As a person, we also have our dark side, the feeling that we hide deep down inside our self, which no one knows about it, not even our closest friend or even our better half.

In this show, that person, are willing to reveal their own secret and their family secret, just in the name of money.

clipped from http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/fox-the-moment-of-truth-lie-detector-show-debut-january-23-6093.php

Despite its high ratings and international spinoffs, the show's original
Colombian edition -- which featured a maximum prize of $50,000 -- was recently
canceled after a contestant won $25,000 by admitting she had hired someone
to kill her husband.

The question are vary, from their sex life, their feeling towards their better half or parents, their trust to their better half and their best friend, their dark side that their hide, and even to their secret when they pursue their position.

clipped from http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/fox-the-moment-of-truth-lie-detector-show-debut-january-23-6093.php

"The crime couldn't be carried out because the hit man tipped off my husband and
he ran away forever -- God save me," the contestant, a
Colombian woman named Rosa Maria Solano, said after her revelation,
according to The Associated Press.

I’m amazed with their spirit to pursue the money, the large amount that could change their lives, the amounts that can help them build their dream, and whilst at the same time could destroy the happiness that they have before.

Like my little daughter told me, “I don’t understand why people able to do that without having a 2nd thought. They didn’t have a heart to their mother, their husband and their best friend.”

And the lie detector will be the judges of all the questions, “Do you trust your husband ? Have you ever slept with your wife’s friend ? Do you still hate your father ? In your heart are you happy that your mother was far away from you ? Do you believe your husband if you have to left him with your best friend ? Have you ever slept with somebody to get the position that you’ve now ?”

clipped from http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/fox-the-moment-of-truth-lie-detector-show-debut-january-23-6093.php

Contestants competing on The Moment of Truth will be
hooked-up to a lie detector and asked to answer 21 questions without fibbing for
the chance to win the $500,000 grand prize. Not surprisingly, the
questions' subject matter grows more difficult with each correct answer given
and -- as friends and family members watch from the studio audience -- owning up
to the truth becomes harder.

If I have to choose, I will choose to keep the dark side with me ...

Ramadhan, Porn and Poverty

2008-09-25T05:16:00.000+07:00

Within these months there are 3 issues that hanging around in our National or Local newspaper and most of my blogger friend, and the issues are Ramadhan, Pornography Law and Poverty.

When all the issue became one of the topics in most of my blogger friend, and followed by the news in TV or newspaper, I only participated in the commentary field by giving my thought on each of my blogger friend.

So now when Ramadhan near to the end, I strongly believe that the last two issues still hanging there, while the issue of Ramadhan will vanish and forgotten until the future Ramadhan come again.

The issue during Ramadhan, as far as I remember, only in the terms of “how to prevent the fasting people from break their fasting”, the terms that lead to the robbery of human right to work in the night entertainment, spa; that lead FPI by doing the anarchist damaging to the club or restaurant which under “their terms” of night entertainment.

The terms that finally got endorsement from MUI that the blue collar people who work in that kind of place under night entertainment category must be able to find a “Halal” job and this is the lesson that they have to learn.

So, during Ramadhan, those blue collar people have to joint the million un-employed people in Indonesia.

Well, Ramadhan will be over soon and now people are busy discussing of how bad the government treatment for the people to celebrate Ied at their home town, there’s no follow up discussion of banned restaurant, alcohol and sex; no follow up discussion of how those people’s lived.

Start from the 1st day of Ied, all banned category back to normal and the issue will come to surface when next Ramadhan coming.

The other issue which relate to Ramadhan is Poverty.

As we have seen in TV or read in the newspaper or other blog, there are 21 people died because of charity (zakat) activity, the activity for the rich people to show their generosity to the poorer, and it only happens in Ramadhan since Ramadhan is the month to do all the good deeds.

So similar to the banned one, Poverty will also slowly vanish from the news, especially since one of the ministers stated that Indonesia level of poverty have decrease compare to last year. Whilst actually through the news we could see that even in our lovely capital several story of how children have to loose their opportunity to get an education just because of “money”, of how parents have to loose their sick children just because of “money”, and the case like Pasuruan, our lovely capital city have the same story like that last year.

Same as Ramadhan Rules, the Poverty also will slowly vanished and replace by Pornography Law.

Well, this one, it could be the Hot Topic after Ied, since this is the last vehicle for politician to gain the “Moslem” voter. The issue where people suddenly forgotten their evil dress and rush to buy their “angel” dress.

The new regulation that I believe that will lead to another vandal act, another bribery by the government, another ratification of condemning the insulting action of human right again.

And this time, suddenly I feel so tired to express my anger to those three kinds of issues, not because somebody has written in their blog. I just tired because at the end I felt that all the posting seems going nowhere.

We just sit at the corner and discussing this kind of issue, like we discussing the entertainment rumors during lunch time.

I felt nothing this time, or in other terms “apathetic” …

Somebody's Eyes

2008-09-23T06:51:00.001+07:00

Several days ago I went to Rima’s blog and stopped by at her post of Have You Ever. She got the meme from her friend Bilbo with the list of 150 things that her friend has done.

Well, it’s quite interesting though to see the 150 things of Bilbo, to see how Bilbo pictures the world.

I’ve skimmed through the list and found out that I haven’t done even 50 % of the list, for not saying only 20 % ? Do I feel pathetic ? Yes, in the beginning, I felt like I haven’t done anything in this world. He have done a lot of things in his age, while me which is younger than him, don’t even have done half than his list.

Then after I left my comment on Rima’s, I went through again Bilbo’s list, and suddenly I found that there are also several things that Bilbo haven’t done yet or he can’t do that because he is a man, while am a woman.

So back to the feelings things, I then realized that everybody has their own list, their own achievement and most likely we never made that list like Bilbo’s did.

We tend to look at somebody’s list and compare ourselves to others without remembering the other things that we have done and that’s human.

In life, in work, that is how we justify ourselves, through somebody’s eyes, whilst actually that somebody’s eyes may not be clear enough because somebody’s also have their own justification.

We live by the shadow of people’s comment, of people’s reaction toward us, even though we know that deep down inside it torture ourselves. We exchange a little bit of ours with others.

Well, it is acceptable as long as the exchange is something that we are willing but what if the exchange is because of somebody’s eyes, somebody’s justification ?

You may say that it is how we should live in this world.
Maybe …, but if the eyes make me suffer, I don’t think that I should change and become somebody’s new, the “new” look that even ourselves hardly to know.

My Love to the Earth

2008-09-21T19:55:00.002+07:00

This question came from GAIA to my Inbox :
If someone came to you and said that they wanted to show their love to the planet, what would you recommend they do ?

If I met that someone definitely my recommendation is to bring Peacefulness to the world and Fight the Poverty. Nothing else that I want only that two big and meaningful word. It’s been century that Peace and Poverty never stay long in one place.

History had given us a lot of evidence that Peace was only a word when it comes to diversity, when it comes to disagreement, when it comes to religion, when it comes to culture, when it comes to Human Being.

History had given us a lot of evidence that Poverty also an abstract word, where for some people, Poverty is like a story in fairy tale, while others dealt with that word for the rest of their live and wondering when it will end.

Indonesia is a place where different religion lived since centuries ago, where the different culture meet each other since the history tried to portrayed them. Four major religions live longer than the history of Indonesia itself and they colored Indonesia culture by the beauty of the religion itself.

But why nowadays the understanding of the disagreement is not there anymore ? That minority have to follow the majority ? Because it is how the rule to live in this world ?

Why suddenly religions become an identity, especially for two major religions in the world, Moslem and Christian ? The agitation always starts from the intolerance of other’s beliefs.

We don’t have to go across the world to discuss about Peacefulness nor to discuss Poverty.

Right in front of our eyes, poverty are standing there, not to begging the mercy from rich people, Poverty are standing there to get the acknowledgement from all of us that we have forgotten them.
We can not deny that in this world, there are always the rich and the poor, the majority and the minority, we have to accept it. But it doesn’t mean that we can not do anything, it doesn’t mean that we can keep quiet and continue with our lives.

I love the idea of “Food for Work”, where we create an opportunity for the poorer to work, instead of giving them the money for free. By doing that, we give them back their dignity as a person and most of all; we value them as a human being.

We tend to find a solution from big idea while actually the big idea starts from the small idea, as a grown up start from the kid.

So, if someone comes to me, my recommendation still the same but I will add something to my recommendation that look at our nearest first then others. Don’t talk about neither the whole world nor the country, start from within first.

I always believe that nothing is impossible, as there’s an era where Jerusalem was the city of tolerance, where 3 religions hand in hand together without border.

By having a peacefull world, our Earth will live longer.

What Did I Believe As A Child

2008-09-20T06:25:00.001+07:00

Childhood is a period where mind can travel to every part of the world, to every sky, to every darkness or lightness out there, without anyone can stop it.

When I was a little I thought that Rabbit was always sitting in the moon and every time I always tried to find the Rabbit in the moon just to figure what she were doing.

And sometimes, as a grown up person, I still tried to find the Rabbit when there’s a full moon even though I know that it’s totally wrong, but somehow the voice inside me told me to find the Rabbit.

How amazing that period, the Childhood period, where we let our mind traveled to every part in the world, to fly high to the sky where the fairy lives, to hide from the monster of the darkness, to get help from the light. How amazing to own it, to own our thought where no one can touch that thought.

The believing of the dwarf if I made a mistake, that they will put me in their tiny house inside the bushes. The believing of how spacious our world is, where every part of the world is a mystery, and how beautiful to go to every part of the world. The believing that someday when I grown up and became one of Indonesian Woman Pilot, world is in my hand.

The believing that World was greener, where the animals were live happily, of how beautiful it was to took a picture of our world from above. The believing that World was a mystery, of how to be at the other part of the World was kind like magic.

How Africa was a mysterious world, and my eagerness to go there and explore the world of Africa; How Europe was a beautiful world where the entire composer live and took me to music imagination every time I heard a tune.

How amazing it was, when realism was never took part in the imagination world. How amazing it was, to believe that there’s no war, that we can live happily ever after.

I never throw away my Child’s believing …
Never.. Ever …

Sometimes, on my way back home, where I could see Full Moon through my car window, I always wondering, where’s my rabbit. Is she still there, sitting in the moon ?

Sometimes, on my business trip, when I fly above the sky, I always wondering, where my green world is, and when I found it, the happiness of finding a treasure were there…

No .. I don’t want to throw away my childhood dream …

McCain and His BlackBerry Invention

2008-09-17T06:24:00.004+07:00

This morning when I’m doing my plurking morning, one of my plurking friend Nethead, shared the article from New York Times of the invention of Black Berry.

It’s funny though, a no-brainer comment that makes people laugh out loud.

Here I quote the news :

One of Senator John McCain’s top economic advisers seemed to credit Mr. McCain with helping “create” the BlackBerry in a briefing with reporters here Tuesday – a remark that the McCain campaign quickly stepped back from.

The adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, was briefing reporters on Mr. McCain’s prescriptions for the meltdown on Wall Street, and citing his experience as the chairman of the commerce committee, when he was asked what Mr. McCain had done on the commerce committee that would show Americans that he understands financial markets.

“He didn’t have jurisdiction over financial markets, first and foremost,’’ Mr. Holtz-Eakin said, before wandering into more politically perilous ground.

“But he did this,’’ he said, holding up what looked like a BlackBerry. “The telecommunications of the United States, the premier innovation of the past 15 years, comes right through the commerce committee. So you’re looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create. And that’s what he did”

Sometimes we can do foolish thing to gain attention from others, but for that such celebrity like Mr. McCain, I don’t think so.

Mr. McCain is neither a movie star nor rock star, he is the candidate of President of United States, the country where everybody lay their eyes on it.
Anyway, it’s still an interesting topic during plurk world today (my time) and yesterday (Mr. McCain’s time).

PS :
The other information stated in the news was previously Vice President Al Gore stated that he took the initiative to invent the internet.

"Lost in Translation" .. a book

2008-09-16T05:07:00.001+07:00

As a person who is born with English as not her mother tongue, English is a language that she has to learn for all of her life, except if she decided to quit and never use that language any more.

But since English has become the International Language, follow by France, there’s like an obligation to put English in every signage, or any information related to society in other country where English is not their mother tongue too.

Several months ago, I bought a book, the title is “Lost in Translation” by Charlie Croker. It’s an old book, published in 2006. He portrait the genuine grammar-gargling from around the world.

The good point of this book, the writer admitted that his understanding of the country language were not as the people understanding of his language, English, when he traveled.

SIGN LANGUAGE
Temple in Burma
Footwearing strictly prohibited

Indian National Park
Ramganga River is inhabited by crocodiles. Swimming is prohibited. Survivors will be prosecuted.

Tibet.
Reception Centre for the Unorganised Tourists

Chinese Sign
Little grass is smiling slightly, please walk o the pavement

On a tap in a Finnish washroom
To stop the drip, turn cock to right

In a temple in Bangkok, Thailand
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

The government in Seoul, South Korea, established a hotline for taxi passengers who encountered rudeness. A sign in taxis advised of this :
Intercourse Discomfort Report Centre.

Well there is more of the portrait example, and I haven’t finish reading this book yet. I only read it to relieve my stress.

And here it is, the examples of my English, when I put my comment of mosquito electric racket. I was trying to say ..”to kill the flies” and end up with ..”to kill the flea”
It’s multi-function too, to kill the flea, remember of how hygienic our food is ?

PS
Hey, we need to laugh to ourselves sometimes, at least it sooth our life.

Yin and Yang - The Harmony - Ebony and Ivory

2008-09-15T07:09:00.002+07:00

Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony.
Side by side on my piano keyboard oh Lord why don’t we ?
We all know that people are the same where ever you go
There is good and bad in everyone
We learn to live we learn to give each other that we need to survive together alive

Do you remember the above song, the well-known song of Stevie Wonders ?

I’ve been thinking lately of this world, especially my world, in the sense of Harmony.
Seems to me that people longing for a harmony in their lives but to some extend they tend to forget how to put the “harmony” along their way.

The classic excuses are “because we are human”.
The classic comment is “but doesn’t mean because we are human we can do whatever we want”

My idea of harmony was come from my blogger friend, Rob and Tree, I found interesting thought from their post.
In my small world, where two east people with totally different religion met, I found that the Harmony is like city of Jerusalem, where three religions meet in one city. People may say that there’s no harmony in it, or how can the harmony be there, the foundation of our belief is totally different.

Indeed, yes, all of their comment was true, but in my case, I never push my husband to be on my side, neither him. We walk along like a railway, side by side. There’s a friction sometimes, if I let my frustration of syariah law out, for example. But we can clear it out through his explanation of the why and the how, the history; so I can understand, not to be agreeing with the issue, only to give me the understanding.

As I read in this article, that no one can make others understand, only the person itself, who can give the understanding to themselves.

In my small world, where two east people with totally different culture met, I found that the Harmony is like in the Plurk world, where everybody with different background can listen to the same music.

Therefore back to our World – not my small world – as Tree’s mentioned in his post of self-censorship, I found that if we want our world to be in Harmony, the self-censorship should be there.

Not in the terms to let it out what we think, but to understand others from their perspective, not to agree, but to understand. Sometimes the agreement is disagree. But as long as we understand that we agree to disagree, than the disagreement will be a disagreement in “self-censorship” as Treespotter stated in his post.

As a human, our ego as a nation, our ego as a religious people, our ego as a person, is something we can not avoid. The ego stays with us for centuries, longer than we ever know. Therefore, the history can tell us a story of mankind. Same as “the ego” the history also can tell us of “the journey of the voice of our inner-self”.

But as a human also, they never learn or tend to forgotten to balance the ego and voice of inner-self (self-censorship).

Therefore the dreaming of better world is still something that beyond imagination for all of us. Don’t look at the biggest part, but look at ourselves, in our small world.

Am I able to do that ?
The classic comment from a human “I try even though I fall several times”.

Plurk World

2008-09-15T06:10:00.003+07:00

Currently, the world is busy with Plurk. Everybody ask me when I introduce them with Plurk and I always tell them that Plurk is a world where everybody can talk, can tease each other, can learn something new and know each other.

What is the difference with Facebook or Friendster .In this case, the only answer I have is a circle of friend that you know same as friendster. Plurk, is something different, it’s like a poison, once you know Plurk, then you’ll attach to it, you can’t go far away from Plurk and Plurk is contagious.

If somebody asked me to describe one word about Plurk, well .. I may say that Plurk is where the world becomes one world, where there’s no time span, where everybody become our friends despite all the difference we have.

That was the answer of the non-engineer person. Therefore, to give you knowledge about Plurk,
I quote the explanation that I got from Wikipedia.

Plurk is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows users to send updates (otherwise known as plurks) through short messages or links, which can be up to 140 text characters in length.

Updates are then shown on the user's home page using a timeline which lists all the updates received in chronological order, and delivered to other users who have signed up to receive them. Users can respond to other users' updates from their timeline through the Plurk.com website, by instant messaging, or by text messaging

Plurk was developed by and envisioned as a communication medium meant to form a balance between blogs and social networks, and between e-mail messaging and instant messaging. After months of development, Plurk was launched on May 2008.

While perusing the internet recently, I stumbled upon a cool new site called Plurk. The site, launched January 23 by user interface specialist Alvin Woon, looks a tiny bit familiar. That’s because it combines features from micro-blogging service Twitter, with a touch of Friendfeed, the social conversation aggregator, and privacy features that closely mirror Facebook to put “your life on the line.”

The etymology of the name was explained by the developers as such:

abbreviation of 'people' and 'lurk'
portmanteau of 'play' and 'work'
acronym of peace, love, unity, respect, and karma
verb neologism, similar to how Google was eventually used as a verb

One more thing, there’s an important thing in Plurk, we called it Karma. I’m the person who doesn’t bother my Karma point. As long as I can put my thought, my un-important thing, share something, it’s enough.

The Beauty of My Silver-lines

2008-09-13T17:07:00.003+07:00

Life is about change
Sometimes it’s painful
Sometimes it’s beautiful
But most of the time it’s both conscious

What is the beauty of being old, especially for a woman ?

The beauty is how lucky we are because we have been in younger stage, whilst the younger haven’t been in the older stage.

The beauty is because finally we learned to accept the wrinkles, hormonal changes, slower metabolism and bone deteriorating.

The beauty is because we can watch the world turn back to the age when we were a kid, and watch our daughter, our nephew, walk in our past path.

The beauty is even though the wrinkles are there, the spirit to stay young is still there, and the spirit to look the world through the different lens is still there.

The beauty is because we know that finally, someday, our life is not ours anymore, our life slowly vanishing to the air.

The beauty is because finally we live with our memory of the past, the good and the bad one, love and hatred.

So, do I realize that am being old ? Yes, I do.

My silver-lines are sneak-up on my brown black hair, which finally show the dignity of the beauty of being old.
My body metabolism is going slower, even though I work out twice a week to get a firm tone of my muscle.
My proud of being a woman, where the beauty of her was not weigh based on her appearance but in her personality.

So, do I regret of being old ? No, I’m not.

Because my spirit to enjoy the world, to grab the knowledge, to feel the love of my surrounding, the opportunity to be in the middle of younger people, to see the world from their lens is still there.

No, definitely the answer is No, I have no regrets at all, except for one thing; I regret that I’m not born in this time machine, where the world becomes smaller but at the same time becomes far away.

No, definitely the answer is No, because it is how life’s turn to be.

You're Always On My Mind

2008-09-13T05:35:00.004+07:00

This is an old song, the song that I heard when I was a kid.
I think my dad was the person who introduces me to this song, through the voice of Elvis Presley.

I’ve got this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3DXyfL3HX0 through plurkies world, when nethead share this to all of us, in early morning.

The voice of Willie Nelson and the quietness of the early morning was like a magic in my relaxing time, the time I’ve got the inspiration to write. Amazingly, at the same time also, I found the video of Willie Nelson collaborate with Diana Krall and Elvis Costello. I called it “Three Generations in One Song”.

Suddenly I realized that time has flies so fast, and left me a lot of mark in every stages of my life.

As my nephew said, I maybe old enough but I have the energy that the generation of mine may don’t have.

The span of time when Elvis Costelo’s sang this song and when he’s with Diana Krall was around 15 years, but the voice still the same, the spirit still the same.

Check This ... What an Ad .. Honda

2008-09-12T06:53:00.002+07:00

The Anonymous and Me

2008-09-11T04:51:00.002+07:00

Decisions are only the beginning of something.

When someone makes a decision he is, in fact,

plunging into a powerful current

that carries him to a place

he had never even dreamed of

when he made that initial decision.

(The Alchemist)

When lately Anonymous stop by at my blog and left his comment several times, I always told myself that I have to put the comment verification to be verified before finally publish it. Every time also, I let myself to hold that kind of verification, not because I’m ready for all the anonymous comment; but because I want to give a freedom to speak, to give a freedom to express to anyone and also the anonymous of my thinking process.

It’s always nice to know the person who gave you their comment, bad or good agree or disagree, even though they were in the “illusion” world. And if for some reason the person would like to appear as the Anonymous, then I also have to accept their comment, because we are in the “illusion” world, the blogger world.

So when the anonymous came and start to ruin my world – if I may say so – by posting the anonymous comment as if that person knows me better than my husband and my children, I was totally speechless.

From replied back the anonymous comment, let the comment to be there and acted as if the comment wasn’t there until I deleted the comment – the latest one was yesterday – I have tried to stay calm.

Until the last one, I’m in the middle of processing to delete the anonymous comment, when suddenly I read Elyani’s comment as a replied to the anonymous comment. Her comment that made me fell that I’ve made the right decision by still open the comment as it is.

The decision was based on these thinking :

When I wrote I never tried to impress my reader. My blog is my world, my voice of my thinking process. A place where I can write anything, where I can heal myself of my frustration, my anger, my sadness, my joy and my childish that I have beneath in me.

The blog are dedicated to my daughters, they know that I love my blog, a place where no one can touch me. They know that someday when I have to leave this world, when they need me, they still can stop by and read my post as if I was there, share with them the outside world.

And if I believe in freedom to talk, then I also have to give myself a space for the non tolerance to express their selves, even though they breach the democracy to express the freedom (a thought from another friend due to the anonymous thing ….)

So, what if the anonymous left another comment, the irrelevant comment ?

Well, the decision is on me, right ? I can delete it, or just leave the comment as it is.

I’m not a perfect person, not a perfect employee, not a perfect mother, not a perfect wife. So, here I am, me and my 2 cents …

A Mother's Mumbling

2008-09-10T06:46:00.002+07:00

The inspiration comes from here and here ….
Don’t ask me the reason but lately my two blogger friend reminds me of the beautiful things I have in this world.

Just finished posting to my Indonesian blog, Restless Mind, when suddenly I realized that my little daughter forgot to bring her Kleenex tissue. She’s suffering of cold and she really needs that. Her Kleenex tissue.

Can’t do much since she’s already left home to school and I have made my rule of the school things that she’s forgotten. She has to bear the punishment from the school because of her ignorance or whatever consequences she may encounter.

But that’s not the thing that bothering me, her question before she left the house when she kissed my cheek, “are you going home late today ?”.

The normal question which sometimes irritating me especially when I know that I have to spend over time at the office because of the meeting or the project that I’m responsible of.

The frustration was due to my inability to handle her next question, the typical child question which started with “why”, especially since it will lead to another long explanation with the comment from the little one, “ok, but what time are you arrive at home.” The twist of “why” question.

I know the answer of my wondering hopes, the hopes of when this never ending question will end and they let me live my life. I know that the answer is soon enough, but unfortunately it seems for me that the soon enough still long enough.

I just want to answer that question by saying, soon when she’s entering her teenager stage, but then I realized that my oldest one have her own way to remind me that I’m not a single person anymore.

Friday is my time to do my hang-out schedule with my friends. Most of the time we just do the chit-chat or watch a movie or do the windows shopping which turn into real shopping, or sometimes the reunion times where we spend the night with my old friends.

So when the schedule is come, I told my two beautiful daughters that I’m going to spend the night with my bunch of friend or with my best friend by mentioning my friends name, to emphasize that night is my ‘time’.

The common question of what time do you arrive at home is the question that I have to handle from both of them. But when the night is come and am still in my mood of hang-out, my oldest always call me and asked the same question like the little one, “where are you ?” “Are you still be with your friends “, “how long that you will be there.”. And suddenly all the head is turn on me, ask the same question, “your husband ?” because of my answer to my lovely oldest daughter. Then after that every half an hour, she will call me to check my latest situation.

I remembered my mom reminds me that the time will come when they don’t need us anymore and busy with their own world.

Well I have to say that yes, she’s right but it seems to me that their dependability on me, as a mother, never ends, and it changed in every stages of their lives.

I’m a grown up woman, a mother of two beautiful daughters, but I still need my mom when I want to make a decision that will impact my life.

The silly one and it’s still always like that, every time I have an offering from another company, I always need my mom’s approval. I feel that I can’t live in peace if she didn’t give me the blessing to move on.

Silly ? Yes, I know, but I can’t let that feeling go ….

So, did I ask my maid to deliver the Kleenex tissue to her school ? No, the answer still the same, I want my daughters to deal with her own problem and learn from the mistakes.

Racist in the eyes of an Indonesian

2008-09-08T23:19:00.001+07:00

It started here and here, the comment and statement on both of these two blog kept me asked my self of that question again and again.

“Are We Racist ?” – “Are Indonesian Racist ?” – “How Do We Accept all the differences in our country ?”

What is Racist means ? According to Wikipedia :

Racism, by its simplest definition, is the belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. People with racist beliefs might hate certain groups of people according to their racial groups.

While the term racism usually denotes race-based prejudice, violence, discrimination, or oppression, the term can also have varying and hotly contested definitions

If we are looking into Wikipedia definition then we may say that Indonesians are not racist, because it’s obvious that Indonesian never hate certain groups of people according to their racial groups.

Why ? Because we never value somebody based on their skin color and religion. We don’t have a term as “Black” and “White” definition to our people like in America.

But is that all, is that true that we are definitely are not racist ?

Yes, it may be true that we do not have the “Black” and “White” terms, but we have a lot of others term to express the stereotype of our culture, where the terms may lead to racism. In our discussion, it’s common to say that “no wonder, he/she is Chinese or no wonder; he/she is Manado, or other ethnic.” We never leave behind the stereotype of each ethnic; we live with that, the prejudice instinct.

Same with religion, there’s nothing new here. It’s common for the fanatical to look down at others, to give a statement to persuade others to follow their beliefs, to push other religion disciple to follow with their rules. It’s easy to condemn other religion as infidel, as unbeliever. How easy to bring a disagreement under “religious” law and persuade it as a legal law and do the harmful action based on that “religious” law.

I read article about “nation” and “civilization” of Indonesia, which bring me to the understanding of our “Racist” issue.

As a nation, we don’t have of what we called “Indonesia Civilization”, like American. We can not claim that the civilization that we have now is Indonesia Civilization, because when we build our nation, it was not based on our Indonesia Civilization instead it was based on our ethnicity, e.g. Batak, Sunda, Java, Manado, Bali, Chinese (name it). The realization to be a nation was due to colonialism, where we as a human being would like to have the freedom to act and to think.

Therefore back to Treespotter question, are we racist ? If I may say, “Yes, we are racist” in all understanding of racism, we have to admit it.

No one in this world are not racist, everybody has their own judgment, their own prejudice towards others, ethnicity to other ethnicity, nation to nation, religion to religion, minority to majority, gender to gender. The difference only in the way we weigh or scale our racism in our blood, in our thinking, in our eyes.

As a human we can not deny it, we have that issue in our blood. Indonesian or not, American or not, African or not, Australian or not, China or not, I have to say, we all are racist in our own way.

How Boyish or Girlish You Are

2008-09-06T21:17:00.001+07:00

Got the link from The Writer .
Have to say that it's me ...

You Are 30% Boyish and 70% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.
You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Slave of Gadget or Technology

2008-09-06T10:45:00.008+07:00

I just realized that lately I’ve been the slave of technology, precisely the 24 hours mobile notification a.k.a. mobile phone.

It started when my company suddenly decided to give me another tools, so they can contact me anytime or at least I can reply to their question immediately, by knowing of my habit of answering the mail or sms.

I was surprised when they gave me a blackberry. I have used it before, in 2005, when everyone was still with Nokia communicator. The blackberry that I used was the first blackberry, the ugly and wide one.

Same as today, my 1st blackberry also a “gift” from my company to keep in touch with me, so I can answer or give my decision immediately.

Therefore, having a new blackberry – where it’s under company’s name – again for me is not like am having a bulk of money, instead I felt like am become a “prisoner” again.

There’s no reason for me to say that the network was bad or am still on my way to the office, or I don’t have the chance to open the mail or forgot to bring my data card.

Start on that date all the impossible becomes possible and start on that day also, I have to manage all of my 3 (three) cell phone besides my schedule and my team.

So I made a list of the pro and cons. Here’s the list of pro and cons of having 3 (three) cell phone :

Pros.
I can say that am in the middle of having conversation at the other phone
I can do different things with the phone, since all of the three cell phone have different features.
I can read all my mail, my RSS, plurking, chatting, anytime.
I have different game in each of my cell phone.
I don’t have to bring extra battery for my cell phone.

Cons.
No time for relaxing, every time I heard “You’ve got message” or “the tone of incoming mail from my BB”
No time for excuses that I haven’t read my mail.
No time for run away by saying that the connection was bad at home
I have to be ready when they need me.
I have to remember to charge all of my three cell phone.

Well, having a blackberry for just a life style maybe fun, but having a blackberry because of the company’s demand, is different thing.

But if I have to choose, after having the 2nd blackberry, I have to admit that it’s nice to have a gadget like that nowadays. Like world is in your hand.

Time Will Tell - Asia

2008-09-05T06:05:00.002+07:00

This morning, when I do my plurking, one of my plurking friend, nethead, shares this music, the title is “Time Will Tell”.

Suddenly I remembered my little chit-chat with my friend; we discuss the meaning of friendship, of how we know that our friend is our true friend.

Then I told my friend, that “Time Will Tell” how our relationship will have the shape. No one in the world can do the prediction when our friend will become our true friend. Because trough time, through the up and down of our life, through the disagreement and agreement, through the laughter and the sadness, the friendship will grow.

Here's the song, that soothe my Friday morning, the lyric may different but the meaning ..well it's up to you, who listen to this music.

The Restless Mind - My Indonesian Blog

2008-09-05T06:03:00.001+07:00

Finally, I have my Indonesian blog; I called it “The Restless Mind”
My first posting after a year I created the blog.
It’s not perfect yet, but I love it …
Hooraay to myself ..

PS.
I have another blog also.
Someday I’ll publish it as a “novel”.Only God knows when it will be finish

The Difference Between Truth and Fact

2008-09-04T05:41:00.002+07:00

Veritas est adaequatio rei et intellectus
Truth is equation [or adequation] of thing and intellect
Thomas Aquinas

Based on the Wikipedia :

The meaning of the word truth extends from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular.

Fact is defined as something that is true, something that actually exists, or something that can be verified according to an established standard of evaluation.

In Bahasa Indonesia, Truth and Fact have different meaning. While in English, Fact synonymous with Truth or Reality, and a distinguishable from conclusions or opinions.

So, is there any difference between truth and fact ?

Yes there is a difference since truth comes after the fact. Truth is something more definite, it maybe true, maybe not. While fact, it is always there, without right or wrong label/stamp on it.

In reality, in the real world, there a lot that the truth is not always the “right thing” while the fact is always there, like an open book, without right or wrong label.

For example, the tragedy in May 1998, the truth is the tragedy shown how fragile we, as a nation, in accepting the difference between minority and majority. Is it true ? Politician may say many things to deny it, but the fact has shown that the major victim was the minority.

Like a marriage couple. The truth is they are still as a perfect couple, a happy husband and wife. The fact is the husband has an affair. So, are they happy ? Well, the truth shown that they are happy. But the fact have different meaning, different articulation.

So how we decide whether or not something is true ?

For me, the answer is through the fact not the truth. Because fact will be the basis for the right or wrong decision based on the norm.

Google Chrome

2008-09-03T06:42:00.003+07:00

New buzz from my friend at Plurk “Google Chrome” and Tresspotter.
I think I will wait a while before have the confidence to use it.

The stupidity things is, I have install but am afraid to use it.
So I delete it. What an impulsive person.

I guess, I will try exploring it through on my way to the office

Anyway, if you want to know about Google Chrome, just follow the Comic Book link drawn by Scottt McCloud.

Henri Cartier - Bresson (2)

2008-09-03T06:14:00.007+07:00

Henri Cartier-Bresson

2008-09-02T22:00:00.006+07:00

For me a camera is a sketch book, an instrument of intuition and spontaneity, the master of the instant which, in visual terms, questions and decides simultaneously. In order to “give a meaning” to the world, one has to feel involved in what one frames through the viewfinder. This attitude requires concentration, discipline of mind, sensitivity and geometry. It is by economy of means that one arrives at simplicity of expression.

To take a photograph is to hold one’s breath when all faculties converge in a face of fleeing reality. It is at that moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy.

To take a photograph means to recognize – simultaneously and within a fraction of a second – both the fact itself and rigorous organization of visually perceived forms that give it meaning.
It is putting one’s head, one eyes, and one’s heart on the same axis

Henry Cartier-Bresson

22 Aug 1908 - 22 Aug 2008

Have you ever heard about him ?
He is my inspiration to practice my “snapshot”.

My beloved dad once took me to the imaginary Henri Cartier-Bresson through his photography book, by open my eyes of the difficulty to take a snapshot picture, of how to get the angle through our “eyes”.

Henri Cartier-Bresson and his snapshot make me try to look everyday lives, everyday scene through “the eyes of snapshot”.

If he’s alive, he’ll be in his 100 years and world must be have different angle from his “eyes”, from his “viewfinder”.

In the real world, every time, every year, photograph has the capacity to explore the beautiful vs the sadness thing of our World.

Sex with Own Brother ?

2008-09-01T20:08:00.002+07:00

Need a real example of how most of the time Life is both conscious ?

Read the link that I got from my friend’s plurk, published in times.com, the title is “I had sex with my brother but I don’t feel guilty”.

I read it over and over again, but still can’t understand it clearly. I heard a lot of incest in the family, but not this kind of things.

I believe old people will say that world is getting older, or the fanatical people may say that God will curse them.

Me ? None of those two above, I’m not the right person to judge.
I just wonder how it could be happen …..

Hillary ... oh ... Hillary (part 2)

2008-08-31T22:58:00.002+07:00

We are not Americans that are for sure; therefore Hillary’s nor Obama’s speech will give a huge impact on Indonesian 2009 election.

But, as a country, where the preparation of 2009 election has started in 2008, I think we should take the American President Election as an example of how to fight in a grown up manner.

It’s a shame to read the news that former president Megawati (or the other former president, depends on the regime) didn’t come to the Palace on Indonesian Independence Day celebration, while the others come.

It’s beyond my expectation when I read of how people were stunned because of her speech, and how beautiful her speech, even though others may say that it is part of politic, but still … it’s a nice move and showed the maturity of her.

Compare to Indonesia, phew … maybe it takes 100 years for Indonesia to be able like her, admitted her defeat bravely while at the same time still consistent with her view of certain issue.

Here I copied some of her speech …

We need leaders once again who can tap into that special blend of American confidence and optimism that has enabled generations before us to meet our toughest challenges. Leaders who can help us show ourselves and the world that with our ingenuity, creativity, and innovative spirit, there are no limits to what is possible in America.
This won't be easy. Progress never is. But it will be impossible if we don't fight to put a Democrat in the White House.

We need to elect Barack Obama because we need a President who understands that America can't compete in a global economy by padding the pockets of energy speculators, while ignoring the workers whose jobs have been shipped overseas. We need a President who understands that we can't solve the problems of global warming by giving windfall profits to the oil companies while ignoring opportunities to invest in new technologies that will build a green economy.

We need a President who understands that the genius of America has always depended on the strength and vitality of the middle class.

When I wrote these, my oldest daughter asked me whether am Hillary’s fans. I said I admired her but for some reason I love Barack Obama.

Yes, I admired her because of her speech and her consistency in the issue that she fights for.

Hillary ... oh .... Hillary

2008-08-29T04:39:00.002+07:00

Just wandering when are we going to have a leader like her ?

She gave a good example of how to gain respect even though the Democrat didn’t give her a ticket as Democrat representative for the President election.

The headline was everywhere, even Bill Clinton gave his salute to Obama that “ordinary man doing extraordinary things” …

To lose the opportunity when it seems so close is tough but to ask her voter to support her rival, is also beyond ordinary. Needs an open and positive mind.

PS.
Will continue later ..
Have to rush to Cirebon this early morning

I'm No Superman

2008-08-24T21:29:00.003+07:00

I can’t do this all on my own
I know that I’m no superman
I’m no superman
- Scrubs -

I was in my victory dance when suddenly my team reported to me that Miss Who Knows Everything complained of my way to not recruiting another member to strengthen my team, besides questioning the decision of not buying the sophisticated system.

I felt that suddenly somebody was trying to hold my nose for 20 sec which made me gasp of fresh air.

At that time, I didn’t want to destroy my victory dance, especially after the I couldn’t sleep rhythm on that night.

But the next day, after another lame-brain made his move, then I started to drag myself to nutshell, and come to this thought of these office type people :

1. “The Who Knows Everything than others.” You will notice this type of person when that person start to tell the story of someone’s past story or the worst part when that person start to investigate their “leader-to-be” or their colleague position in new company or when they start to comment everyone’s job.

2. “The Flirty.” Hm ...., this person will use their flirt ability to influence their goals or to get the leakage information.

3. “The Gossiper”. What is the difference with “The Who Knows Everything than Others ?” Quick glance, both of them looks like similar, but actually there’s a difference in terms of their objective. The objective of the gossiper only to spread the rumors, nothing more than the happiness of spreading the rumors, can be positive can be negative. While The Who Knows Everything the objective is to make someone looks bad, to turn down somebody.

4. “The Where the Wind Blow”. Oh … this is the fun part of this type of person. They will support their boss or even get along with their colleague, where in the beautiful spotlight but can suddenly turn that person down just because life is not in that person side.

5. “The Play Safe”. Well … most of the people in the office are in these zone. Not because their bad, but because of thousand reason. One of the reasons is because they don’t have the chance to be in that war and second because of their safety net. The worst part is when this type of person makes a mistake; they will try to find someone to become their victim, their scapegoat.

6. “The Supportive”. Whatever the reason, this type of person always see the bright side and always think ahead to rectify the unfortunate condition.

7. “The Stupid”. This person always think that people never have bad intention to others, as long as they never hurt somebody, than there’s no reason for others to have bad intention to them.

The truth, I didn’t give a damn of these type of people in the office, until I watch “Scrubs”, then I realize that we need these kind of people otherwise our life will be lame.

I still hate those who do the bad things, but I think I have to learn how to play nicely without lose the ground.

Accident, Hospital and The News .. in Indonesian way

2008-08-22T10:26:00.003+07:00

For all of you who live in Jakarta, Indonesia and read Jakarta Post newspaper, then you might notice city news of August 20.

The news title is “Malaysian hit by TransJakarta bus on 19 August. The person that the journalist mentioned in that news is my colleague. The accident was true but the identity is totally wrong, because he’s not 23 y.o. and not Malaysian Embassy staff. In fact, he’s one of our chief in our company.

He didn’t bring his car at that day so he took a taxi and no one of his family accompanied him at the hospital, in fact, we were the one who knew that he got an accident.

Also about the injury statement from the head of Jakarta Police accident, where he stated that there’s no vital injury in my friend’s vital organ, was totally wrong. He had suffered serious injuries; the doctor in Jakarta would like to amputate his right arm and didn’t notice that his ribs and right hand were broken. He also has to undergo brain surgery.

We just finished our workshop when my HR VP suddenly informed us that our colleague had an accident. I rushed called my former boss and asked him to contact our colleague’s wife since suddenly I lost my colleague wife’s number.

Then we heard that my colleague’s secretary already in the hospital, to take care all of the administration and insurance, since he has SOS medical insurance.

Therefore when we read the article in Jakarta Post, we were confused. But since the accident by Transjakarta on that day only once, then the article must be pointed to our colleague.

The worst part is about Indonesian doctor decision to amputate his right arm. Lucky that his wife is a doctor and all of her family also doctors, so she consults his husband condition to her entire family. The decision finally came out around 10.30 PM that he will evacuate to KL before finally changed to Singapore, since her brother in law have recommended her to the one of neurologist specialist in Singapore.

When the decision came out, there’s no flight to evacuate him. SOS only is able to evacuate him around 06.00 AM.

Phew, being in the hospital that night really made some of us awake. The hospital is a private hospital where several years ago, my doctor (now he’s already become a professor) got banned to practice. The reason were so simple because he’s handle HIV-AIDS patient and he were active in giving the understanding of how to deal with HIV-AIDS patient. At that time, HIV-AIDS is something new here not like today.

Therefore, as a private hospital then he should be ready with all of the preparation to handle a patient like my colleague, but in fact, they didn’t. My friend has to buy an ice cube so the hospital could put my colleague’s arm in the ice.

Second, the decision to amputate his arm. Well, I’m not an expert, I’m as blind as others, but the amazing one, doctor in KL and Sing were so sure that they can save my colleague’s arm. Therefore, they instructed that he must be evacuated before 05.00 AM.

The news that I got yesterday, the operation of saving his right arm in Singapore succeed, and now he’s in close monitoring before they operate his brain.
Third, the information from SOS administration which at the end made us panics. The information was like a professional. She stated that when the decision to evacuate came out then SOS will take care all the preparation to evacuate the patient. We were assuming that the plane was ready. Because the time of evacuation is important for the patient, especially if there’s several action to safe patient organ.

The fact, when SOS doctor finally came and the decision was safe to evacuate the patient, the plane is not there.

Well …. I just remember of gj’s post on August 14, “You Know You’ve Been in Indonesia Too Long If.” There a bunch of list in his article about foreigner who followed most (not all) Indonesian people will do.

I think I will add … You Know you’ve been in Indonesia too long if …

You believe doctor’s statement that there’s no hope for your life
You only read 1 newspaper and never read other’s newspaper or news portal

I don’t want to discredit Indonesian doctor, I have several doctor’s were they recommendation were logic, where they examined you carefully. There is also a lot of incidence where Indonesian doctor have done amazing job.

But to get that kind of doctor especially when fate is not with you is like a miracle.
My late beloved father had lost one of his eyes because the doctor gave wrong recommendation and since my father didn’t want to get second opinion, so he underwent that operation.

I know that even in other countries there are also mall practices or doctor that gave wrong recommendation. The problem is others bad story never come out. Their story only appears in movie, like John Doe or Awake …

Its life anyway … can be happening anywhere …

Ecky and Her Tag

2008-08-18T22:52:00.003+07:00

I should have written this a month ago but for some reason I couldn’t do it and since I always remember her Tag (feel like I owe her), so this is my thought.

If you asked me which part in my life that I would like to return, I would say that I would like to return to every part of my life.

Every season has their own memory and so is my life. Every stage in my life has their own memory, good and bad.

But in all the stages that I’ve been through, if God give me a chance to return, then I’ll choose the age when I was in high school, between 16 – 18 y.o.

The reason ?

The reason is because there are a lot of opportunity happened in that period where I ignore.

I wish I could be more serious in my English and France course, more serious in my study, instead of take for granted my mom effort in putting me into that course.

If I learned my France seriously then it must be easier for me to take scholarship in France, to be France translator, to introduce my company.

I also wish I could be more serious in taking the photography lesson from my beloved dad. I should learned how to print the photo, how to play in his dark room.

He introduced me to the world of photography through his camera but as usual, I didn’t even put my interest on his entire story of photography.

I wish I could be at that age again, and this time I could maximize the opportunity instead of let it go like before.

…….. and this time, I have to pass this opportunity to my other friends ….Dini, John, Rhymee and Xun

Happy Independence Indonesia

2008-08-18T21:13:00.000+07:00

Dear My Country,

Happy Independence ….
Hope God always is with you and your family.
May your coming year will be happier than before …

People say that the getting older is the happiest thing, because the older we are the wiser we are. Hope you will feel the same thing …

I know that lately your life were not quite good,
There are a lot of issue in your family, from religion up to the poverty issue, from the bribing issue up to corruption (well ... bribe and corruption are like coin, aren’t they), from the party preparation for next year election up to Olympics issue, and other things.

I also read in the newspaper that the celebration were like last year, except the celebration at Jalan Jaksa, where the tourist took part.

Seems that everybody was enjoying your party … (good for you).

But, I also noticed that people especially your grand children, take the celebration for granted. They even did not notice the story when you were free even though you have given them the freedom to talk, to write and to read (off course).

I don’t know why your children keep it as a secret. They only told your grandchildren the stories that give benefit to their own purposes. I don’t think either that your grandchildren do aware of the Great Names besides their president.

Do they know Gajah Mada ? or Tan Malaka ? or the others who perform the foundation of the country ?

I bet, they know but they don’t understand those Great Names effort of your Independence.

I read somewhere that we have to learn from the past. History is not about the past it is also about the future, because from the past we learn something that makes us like today.

Well, anyway, the celebration of your Independence gave people a chance to take a long vacation and time for rest, something that we need lately.

Once again, Happy Independence Indonesia. Hope that the celebration will not make us forget the past and others Great Name besides the other Great Name which written in our history book.

He's Gone .....

2008-08-06T05:57:00.003+07:00

The empty chair still there, his entire wardrobe still in the closet, his book and his camera still in their place, except some of his sculpture, the rest were still the same like before, when he was alive.

It’s so painful, every time I sat in my dining table; I have to face the empty seat. Every time I wish I will hear his voice, debate all my opinion about every thing, from politic into small things, but at the same time I heard my inner voice told me that he has gone.

I live everyday like he is still alive; wish that there’s a voice warned me to left one of the newspaper at home

Last night, when we had dinner, I saw my calendar nothing changes, its still in July; no one wants to move it to August.

Then suddenly I’ve got smoke in my eyes, my inner voice whispered in my ears that he has gone.

Every night after that day, I always wake up at the same time my nephew woke me up and closed my eyes the same time when he has gone.

Every night, there’s a system in my body reminds me on that day.

Part of myself know that he’s happy now but the “children” part of myself difficult to accept that he has gone forever, gone from my life.

I know that what left from him only the memory and I’m afraid that someday I may forget the memory, the good and the bad one. I’m afraid that someday I may forget his face, the peacefulness face when he met his creator.

If I know that it was his last day with us, if I know that he will go that quickly I will ask for his apology of my “stubbornness”.

Yesterday, when I cleared my old thing, I found his “black and white” sunset picture, the picture that both of us loved, the picture that he printed by himself in his dark room long time ago when everything was perfect. Then I felt that he sent me a message to let him go, a message to let me know that he’s happy now.

R.I.P.

2008-07-20T20:22:00.004+07:00

time to say goodbye - andrea bocelli feat sarah brightman

My father died almost a week ago, in Monday morning, 14 July 2008, at 03.18 AM, where the sun still hiding somewhere, where the rest of the people still in their dream.

I still remember that last Saturday clearly, when my nephew told me that my father seems sick and lost his balance. I got to his room and asked him whether he wanted to go to the doctor. He just said he didn’t want to see the doctor, instead he asked me to buy his favorite balsam.

I still remember he acted so weird on Sunday night, before my helper told me that my father suddenly could not walk. I still helped him put his short even though he insisted that he could do it by his own.

I still remember that day, when after that incidence, I saw him open his door, standing there, and told me not to close his door.

I still remember that day, that morning, when he finally decided to go to God’s home.

I couldn’t forget his face, his beautiful smile, his cold body, and I just standing there felt nothing, only the emptiness inside myself.

I wish it’s only a dream, I wish I still can hear the voice of his blender, I wish I still can see him sit in front of me during breakfast or dinner, I wish we still fight for the newspaper, I wish he still open the door for me when am back from the office. But it's only my wish, God has whispered in my ears that it's not a dream and it's about Time to Say Good Bye.

Yes, I know it's about Time to Say Good Bye but I can’t, somewhere inside myself, still hope that it’s only a dream ….

Kampoeng Maen Fair 2008

2008-06-29T11:06:00.001+07:00

Excited and Exhausted ….. Two words that came up from my daughters and nephew.

I took them to Kampoeng Maen Fair, with the intention to balance their knowledge of Indonesian traditional game versus the modern one, especially after they went to Kidzania, the game zone with modern tools where they felt the unforgotten experience.

The atmosphere of Kampoeng Maen Fair, really reminds me of my childhood where our imagination can fly high, where there’s no clean and dirty concept, where the heat of the sun has the same temperature with the air con.

The idea of 7 (seven) Kampoeng were brilliant, every child were so excited with the activities. They are willing to queue just for the sake of the game.

The most popular game was Flying Fox game, as a person who had went several times in outbound activities, Flying Fox were something a “normal” one. But for a child, it’s an amazing game, their mind started fly to the unknown space.

And because it was the most popular, Flying Fox also the worst queue in that Fair. It took more than an hour to be able to try that game.

The second worst was the queuing in Kampoeng Rasa, where the kids can learn how to cook some of Indonesian desert like Martabak and Arum Manis. When my daughters wanted to learn to make Arum Manis, the Caldera officer in duty said that they were taking a rest, and then an hour later they said that they didn’t have the ingredient any more. I was so upset.

The other upset things was when we were in queue to play with Indonesian traditional game, the Caldera officer in duty suddenly got amnesia of us, who had been first in queue, when a lady suddenly abrupt in front of him, before pleased her and her kids to by pass us.

The last one was no garbage bin. This is un-acceptable situation for me. I taught my daughters to throw the trash away in the garbage but in this Fair, it’s so difficult to find a bin.

Just wondering why suddenly Caldera forgot to put a lot of garbage bin in the arena. I was speechless, especially when my daughters asked me why there’s no garbage bin here.

As far as I know, Caldera is a group of nature lover. And based on my knowledge as a nature lover we are not allow to threw the garbage everywhere especially when we climbed a mountain we have to bring down the garbage back.

Well …. Maybe the event is too big and make them forgotten one of the important thing, “How to take care our earth”.

The idea of the fair was brilliant; the execution was far from brilliant.

Magic or Risk

2008-06-23T01:41:00.005+07:00

Paulo Coelho's question in his blog :

In Brida, a book that I wrote back in 1990, there are two ways to recognize your soul mate. Through Magic – meaning : entering a state of trance in which you can see a bright spot over the shoulder of your soul mate – or by taking risks, by making mistakes, by being with the wrong people until you find your soul mate. So here is my question : Would you try to find your soul mate through magic or by taking risks, making mistakes ?

When I stumble on this question, by nature my own answer is by taking risk, making mistakes. I’m not the one who believes in magic, in entering the trance state.

But when I read through line by line, suddenly I’m questioning my decision. Suddenly there are several questions flying over my head. How if until the end I fail to meet my soul mate, how long I can hold my suffering to find my soul mate, how do I know that I’ve met my soul mate.

One and half years ago, I had this kind of discussion. The discussion of soul mate, the discussion that made we forgot the sounds of the ocean, the dark of the night. The never ending discussion where there is no conclusion.

What is soul mate ? Someone that know ourselves more than we know ourselves ? or where the feeling is more than a word, where only by the look, by the feeling we instantly know what he/she felt ? or our past life love story, the un-complete love story ? Is there only one soul mate or there are many soul mates ?

I don’t know, I don’t have the answer, even though I always put that word in my posting. I’ve tried hard to find the clue through my life experience reflection, but every time I thought I have got the answer, I found myself questioning the answer again.

A vague answer if I may say so …..

It’s weird, isn’t it ? Someone that we thought before as the ideal person, suddenly when the months pass or years pass become the one that we didn’t understand. Someone that we would like to spend with in our whole life suddenly become someone that we wish to vanish from our life. Someone that we love become someone we hate.

It’s weird, isn’t it ? In the name of love within one night become In the name of hatred. All the beautiful memories that we build suddenly vanished.

Yes, it’s totally weird, it’s totally insane….. until I remembered the book that I read three years ago, written by Dr Brian Weiss about Soul Mates from past lives.

Then I realized that I’ve made my decision, that I will choose to live in pain, to make mistake, to take the risk, to be with the wrong people instead find my soul mate through magic.

Why ?

I haven’t read Brida, but when I read Paulo Coelho’s line by line then I understand that “by taking risks, by making mistakes, by being with the wrong people then finally I find my soul mate”.

Because through all the pain we can accept the purpose of our live, the purpose of our destiny, we learn how to fix the mistake that we have made.

Some people chose to run away from the pain with the hope to find their perfect half, others choose to stay with the pain with the hope that finally the pain will be replace with happiness, whatever the decision they or we made, at the end God will open His Pandora box, and until that moment, we never know whether we have met our soul mate.

So back to Paulo Coelho’s question, the answer may vary, there's no good or bad answer, no right or wrong answer, it depends on someone believes.

I'm human ... only God can judge.

Happy Birthday ......

2008-06-16T00:02:00.004+07:00

You - and you alone - are in charge of creating that movie-for-one called your life.
You - and you alone - are not only our own life writer, but life casting agent, director, produces, caterer, everything-er.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR LIFE MOVIE ..
if you feel it's too much ENTERPAINMENT and not enough ENTERTAINMENT ...
then it's up to YOU - and YOU alone - to close down the movie set and re-cast and re-shoot ...
and not waste another day shooting scenes that would be better off on the editing room floor

... Life Lesson # 44 in the 7 lively sins book by Karen Salmanshon" .....

So ... what is birthday ?
Here I quote some from Happy Birthday (your poor old wreck) book, edited by Helen Exley, my last year birthday present from my best friend ....

Growing old means that you can be young and then old but you can't grow old and then young. Written by Collin West, age 8.

Some people think when they have those dreaded wrinkles they are old.
That's crazy !
It depends totally on you.
You may not look the smae but if you want you can act twenty years younger.
Written by Cassandra Garner, age 14.

.... Happy Birthday ! ......

Work hard or Work Smart

2008-06-15T23:36:00.003+07:00

Here’s the picture :

A woman, married with three kids.
She is the type of working hard person and proud of herself because of that title.
Almost everyday she come to her office around 08.30 AM, going home around midnight or the worst thing at 3 AM, and can be at her office at 08.30 AM again.

She’s heading several divisions and because of that, she demands the same philosopy of work hard to her team.

One day, she share her way of life to other groups in her office, and no one in that groups gave a compliment instead they were skeptical with her working hard philosophy.

The worst part was one of the security in the office have to going home around 2.00AM because he had to wait the other team member finished the meeting with her and because of that new habit, he had an accident on his way back home. He hit the buss and had to be hospitalized.

And the woman which is one of her team member had caught by police officer because she drove her car alone around 02.00 AM. The police was suspicious until he saw that the woman is older enough and just went back from her office.

Tragic isn’t it ?

….. I and that “working hard” woman was from the same the company and by fate suddenly we are working in the same group. The difference only the position, she is heading several divisions of several companies in the group.

The previous company that we were come for is one of the most admired companies to work. The company that has been known as the university to other company within their industry.

The company philosophy that I know was we have to work smart instead of work hard, we have to be able to balance our life because we are human, social person and on top of that we have our family. At that time we were not allowed to spend our whole life in the office.

Therefore, listened to her story, it’s hard for me to picture that kind of story. Her proud of her work hard really amazed and scared.

What if she implemented the same way and spread the new philosophy of work hard in her current group ? Well, while in fact, she has done that to her team. I think my daughter will lost her word to express how busy her mother is.

I’m not fan of work hard person instead I still need a room for my daughter, my husband, and myself. I can’t imagine how my daughter’s life if their mom work like hell.

I’m afraid that regret is not enough when I realized the moment was gone, that I can’t replace the “sadness” memory.

I don’t know, maybe its worth to have a life like that, maybe …..