Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Blessing

As is usually during the end of the year, people always remember the events that happen around them. Some of the events that brought laughter, some bringing happiness, and some again brings sadness.

For some reason and has been for a long time, I have not done reflection of the event that occurred in my life for that year.

I just feel that any form of contemplation that does not bring any changes to my life. All went as before.

Until last Sunday when I went to attend my Sunday mass.

This time I arrived 5 minutes before mass begin. I know the chance to get parking spot next to impossible. Therefore, when I saw there was an empty parking lot, I immediately parked my car.

In fact, it is not a place where I used to park my car.  The place where I used to park my car located closer to the church, even the parking attendants was familiar with my habits. However, as lately my favorite parking lot is always full, so I had to find alternative spot.

That day, actually my favorite parking lot is empty but since I do not trust my eyesight, so I decided to park my car in unusual spot.

Then the magical event start …

When I want to go out from the car, suddenly I noticed that the parking attendants was standing next to my car. Waiting I’m finishing grabbing my bag, change my shoes, before finally open the door. He greet me with his big smile.

I was floored.

Then when I am in hurry, walking to the church, I passed by with the parking attendants who knew my habit. I told him that I didn’t see the empty space but instead of saying his disappointment, he held out his hand and saying merry Christmas.

I glued.

I must to cross the road but somehow none of the vehicles that are willing to stop and let me across the road. Until suddenly the vehicles stop and out in the middle, I saw a guard giving his signage for me to cross the road.

I was amazed.

…. The magical moment that happened to me on Sunday evening, made me realize that in the midst of chasing the deadline at work place, or taking care of our children or do our household chores, we or I may say myself, rarely put a pause and count the blessing that we had on that day.

The magical lesson that I got on that day is a simple one, no glamorous with beautiful card nor beautiful poem inside things, it is just a smile, a shake hand, and a helping hand.

That moment actually is a reminder from God that my life is not as hard as I thought and He’s with me through his magical events.

The healing was not instantaneous but for some reason able to make me feel not being left out.

So what is 2013 meant for me? Year full with glory? Or Year full with suffering?

As I said before, I never take time to contemplate, I am the person who believes that every year, there is no year full with glory or suffering. There is no black or white in life. Every single things in world has their pairing.

One thing that I know, am blessed.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Grief

“As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don’t let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.”  - Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Center for Loss and Transition

Today, I am supposed working on my deck, prepare myself for another important meeting which apparently in 24 December evening.  But instead of revising my deck, I just doing my old habit, blog walking. And suddenly, I came to http://www.eleanorvincent.com/2013/12/ and read that quote.

It took me a while to digest the quote before finally surfacing sense of loss.

Somebody says to me, it’s only a mind’s game, to accept the things that you can’t change. Easy isn’t it? Yes it is easy, if it is related to accept the situations in the corporation world – even though I always fell no matter how hard I try. Maybe because most of the time my emotion still took the major part of those mind game process.

I don’t know the answer yet, if the ‘mind’s game’ can easily wound the feeling of the losses.  One thing that I know that our mind is our master of everything.  But it is not just as simple as that.

In a sense of accepting the fact that we have lost our loves one, yes our mind is the master, but we are human, were we could feel the pain, the happiness which comes into our lives. We are not robot, where every single movement directed by the machine aka the mind, where the pain, the happiness is not part of their functionality.  We are not animal either, even though they could feel the pain, the happiness which not as much as human.

I tend to agree with the quotes, grief is both a necessity and privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love.

Letting your loves one go and know that the person will not come back again, is really hurts. The grief for me is the cure for the sadness, the moment in accepting the fact that the person is gone, the moment to remember all the sweetest thing when that person still be with you.

It is a privilege since it is only ourselves that have the feeling that in addition to all the memories of that person.

And when holidays come like today, is the hardest part, especially in accepting the fact that all those memories is real not a dream.