Thursday, March 13, 2014

A letter to myself

Dear myself,

It is good to see you finally could make peace with yourself, by accepting the fact that you could not live with the past that you need to give yourself a chance to open yourself to embrace the happiness.

I know that you are still afraid if somebody open their selves to you, if somebody send the signal that they want to know you more. It is okay to still have those kind of feeling, it is part of the healing.

But please trust me, not all people out there is a bad person, there are still a lot of sincere people. You just need to open yourself, by letting them to know you.

Myself, you have the right to enjoy your life, you still have the right to be happy, still have the right to get the affection of the person who really loves you. Thus, do not close your door yet, let it open, until one day you have to close it.

At peace with yourself does not mean dismissed the opportunity given to you. At peace with yourself means let the real you come to the surface.

So myself, do not give up, ask God’s help to guide you. Wish one day, I could see your lovely smile and laugh again.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Genie's lamp - 3 Wishes

Underneath your blackest emotions,
Far above your brightest wishes,
Stands a world for you to hold.

by Samael - Goodreads

‘If you found a magic lamp what 3 wishes would you ask theGenie for? What would each mean to you? No wishing for extra wishes.’

If God gave me those kind of magic lamp, what am going to ask for? Certainly, I am going to ask for happiness, wealth and health. But how do I have to translate these three words into reality?

Nothing is more joyful than to see my two daughters succeed in their life.  They were my world, the purpose of my life in these world.  Will ask nothing only succeed and happiness for my two lovely daughters.

The second wishes is Health. If God will grant me His beautiful love, I will ask Him that when the time comes, I want to die peacefully without having to go through a prolonged illness. Only that simple request, nothing more.

And the last one is Wealth. There are no words that can describe the criteria of riches. Every human being has their own definition of wealth. Well, I don’t ask to become a millionaire, I just ask God to give me the capability to finance myself and my two beautiful daughters.

A wishes without extra wishes …..

What Animal Were You In a Past Life ?

You Were a Peacock

You carry yourself with beauty, dignity, and confidence.
You are able to see the past, present, and future with clarity.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Journey Start Here

Life is full of new beginning 
Everyday is a new day
There is no rewind button nor repeat button

Seize the day, enjoy till the last drop

Some time ago, when I was at Aksara Book Store - Plaza Indonesia,  I found an interesting book  to write a line or two lines, everyday for 365 days.

A book that reminds me to get back to my passion - writing. The passion which in the past is the purpose of my life, the passion that for some reason need to be left behind.

And the passion that finally let me write a blog several years ago, a blog that for some reason, need to be abandon for a while.

So, this is it, this is the time to start my own nutshell like before, a place where I can share my thought, a place where I can leave my trail.

Thank you so much for my BFF dearest sister, Fransiska Orris-Beding, who introduced me to this beautiful blog - AYear To Inspire - that inspired me to write again.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Another Quiz - My Birthday Predicts


                                       Your Birthday Predicts You're Independent      
Ever since you were born, you've loved doing your own thing.  
You enjoy puzzles and games. Anything that stretches your mind interests you.
You are a quiet person - often lost in your own thoughts. Others find you completely mysterious. You have so much fun in thinking, dreaming, and planning. You hardly have time for friends.
    What Does Your Birthday Predict About You?

    Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Saturday, February 01, 2014

The Difference Between Courage and Strength

I was in my blog walking morning when I saw a review of Christie's blog, called 'Running on Sober'  when I read that she also have another blog called 'Words for The Weekend', a blog about inspiring words, quote, and I got into these beautiful words, by Unknown Author or by David L. Griffith.

I have gone through a lot of difficulties in my life recently, some still going on and some of it I am able to manage it. I know how hard it is to overcome the difficulties, to stay sober and not to let myself drown in sorrow.

Maybe it is a cliche but I may say that sometimes or if I may say most of the time, just by letting myself in silence and listened to God's voice, it the best medicine for the pain.

The message can be through anything, and words is one of the thousand God's way. Through the beautiful words is how I felt  God deliver His message.

Thus when I read these beautiful words, I feel like God whispered in my ears to stay strong and be brave to start a new journey of my life. A new journey that needs a courage

It takes strength to be certain
It takes courage to have doubts

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain

It takes strength to hide your own pains,
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to endure abuses,
It takes courage to stop them.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on friend.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive.
It takes courage to live. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

14 January 2014 - The sounds

Sometimes the sounds of motorbike roar, the bird chirp, the crow of roaster, could make my life feel in heaven.

The privilege that I seldom have.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Blessing

As is usually during the end of the year, people always remember the events that happen around them. Some of the events that brought laughter, some bringing happiness, and some again brings sadness.

For some reason and has been for a long time, I have not done reflection of the event that occurred in my life for that year.

I just feel that any form of contemplation that does not bring any changes to my life. All went as before.

Until last Sunday when I went to attend my Sunday mass.

This time I arrived 5 minutes before mass begin. I know the chance to get parking spot next to impossible. Therefore, when I saw there was an empty parking lot, I immediately parked my car.

In fact, it is not a place where I used to park my car.  The place where I used to park my car located closer to the church, even the parking attendants was familiar with my habits. However, as lately my favorite parking lot is always full, so I had to find alternative spot.

That day, actually my favorite parking lot is empty but since I do not trust my eyesight, so I decided to park my car in unusual spot.

Then the magical event start …

When I want to go out from the car, suddenly I noticed that the parking attendants was standing next to my car. Waiting I’m finishing grabbing my bag, change my shoes, before finally open the door. He greet me with his big smile.

I was floored.

Then when I am in hurry, walking to the church, I passed by with the parking attendants who knew my habit. I told him that I didn’t see the empty space but instead of saying his disappointment, he held out his hand and saying merry Christmas.

I glued.

I must to cross the road but somehow none of the vehicles that are willing to stop and let me across the road. Until suddenly the vehicles stop and out in the middle, I saw a guard giving his signage for me to cross the road.

I was amazed.

…. The magical moment that happened to me on Sunday evening, made me realize that in the midst of chasing the deadline at work place, or taking care of our children or do our household chores, we or I may say myself, rarely put a pause and count the blessing that we had on that day.

The magical lesson that I got on that day is a simple one, no glamorous with beautiful card nor beautiful poem inside things, it is just a smile, a shake hand, and a helping hand.

That moment actually is a reminder from God that my life is not as hard as I thought and He’s with me through his magical events.

The healing was not instantaneous but for some reason able to make me feel not being left out.

So what is 2013 meant for me? Year full with glory? Or Year full with suffering?

As I said before, I never take time to contemplate, I am the person who believes that every year, there is no year full with glory or suffering. There is no black or white in life. Every single things in world has their pairing.

One thing that I know, am blessed.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Grief

“As you approach the holidays, remember: grief is both a necessity and a privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love. Don’t let anyone take your grief away. Love yourself. Be patient with yourself. And allow yourself to be surrounded by loving, caring people.”  - Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Center for Loss and Transition

Today, I am supposed working on my deck, prepare myself for another important meeting which apparently in 24 December evening.  But instead of revising my deck, I just doing my old habit, blog walking. And suddenly, I came to and read that quote.

It took me a while to digest the quote before finally surfacing sense of loss.

Somebody says to me, it’s only a mind’s game, to accept the things that you can’t change. Easy isn’t it? Yes it is easy, if it is related to accept the situations in the corporation world – even though I always fell no matter how hard I try. Maybe because most of the time my emotion still took the major part of those mind game process.

I don’t know the answer yet, if the ‘mind’s game’ can easily wound the feeling of the losses.  One thing that I know that our mind is our master of everything.  But it is not just as simple as that.

In a sense of accepting the fact that we have lost our loves one, yes our mind is the master, but we are human, were we could feel the pain, the happiness which comes into our lives. We are not robot, where every single movement directed by the machine aka the mind, where the pain, the happiness is not part of their functionality.  We are not animal either, even though they could feel the pain, the happiness which not as much as human.

I tend to agree with the quotes, grief is both a necessity and privilege. It comes as a result of giving and receiving love.

Letting your loves one go and know that the person will not come back again, is really hurts. The grief for me is the cure for the sadness, the moment in accepting the fact that the person is gone, the moment to remember all the sweetest thing when that person still be with you.

It is a privilege since it is only ourselves that have the feeling that in addition to all the memories of that person.

And when holidays come like today, is the hardest part, especially in accepting the fact that all those memories is real not a dream.