Friday, December 28, 2007

Another note from "Evening"

Mistakes are beautiful, baby
Mistakes are fun, baby

Overcome by the power of memory, Ann Lord reveals a long-held secret to her concerned daughters; Constance, a content wife and mother, and Nina, a restless single woman. Both are bedside when Ann calls out for the man she loved more than any other. But who is this Harris ?

Ann Lord make her journey when she was Ann Grant, a young woman who has come from New York City to be maid of honor at the high-society Newport wedding of her dearest friend from college, Lila Wittenborn. The bride-to-be is jittery, and turns to her maid-of-honor, rather than her own mother, for support. Ann stays close to her friend, yet is even closer to Lila's irrepressible brother Buddy. Unexpected feelings surge forth once Ann meets wedding guest Harris Arden, a lifelong friend and intimate of the Wittenborn family. Ann's love for Harris will change her life, and those of her daughters, forever.

That was the story of “Evening”, a movie that I will remember like “The Ultimate Gift”. But this time, the answer left was about the mistakes. Is it ? Is it beautiful ? Is it fun ?

What I do remember, mistakes always at the end bring remorseless, shameless, humiliation, punishment and regret. I never felt that the mistakes that I made were fun or beautiful. Even if I pictured it I still felt remorse, shame, sad, and regret myself.

So why it was beautiful and fun ? Unless what we thought mistakes is not a mistake.

Fall in love to someone and still carry that feeling for the rest of our lives, living with that person in our mind are mistakes, because we betrayed our partner through our mind. We ruin our live.

But the feeling, the hope that we bring to life, is so beautiful. Yes, beautiful, because every day we put that hope as our star, so when the toughest day knocks our door, there’s something that we hold, that feeling.

Yes it was fun. Can you imagine playing with the memory; see it through different angle, the angle of love ? It was fun, because we let our mind plays with the imaginary.

It is not just a mistake of falling in love, in every part of our lives; the mistakes that we made at the end always bring the painful feeling, regret, anger to ourselves.

But the fruit of mistakes is always beautiful, because we have something to share with our dear one that we meet in our live to avoid doing the same mistakes.

It was fun, because we never have that kind of experience again. Fun because of the feeling when we did it was 180 degrees different.

Anyway … as my friend text me “It’s positive thinking to see a mistake …. But mistake is mistake …”

Thursday, December 27, 2007

A note from Lucky You - a movie -

Am I that easy to read ?
When you know the tells

Lucky You is a movie of a hotshot poker player tries to win the world poker tournament in Vegas but is fighting a losing battle with his personal problem.

It is quite interesting to learn how we have to put our emotion at home and try our best to do the math and read people’s fear or happiness while at the same time run the strategy to win the game during poker player.

The worst part is we may the best poker player in the world but when it comes to our personal life, we become the worst person to read ourselves and the only person who can read ourselves better actually is someone who close to us.

…… That was the synopsis of the dialog above ... from Lucky You movie ….

Once upon a time, when the moon is full, somebody asked that question to me. I didn’t say a word, just an overwhelmed feeling that finally I could “read”.

At the other occasion, somebody told me, “I can read you. I can read you better than yourself” and this time I was burst to anger, “No one in the world knows me better than myself”, I said to myself.

Can we really read somebody ? Read by means even though in their silence we know exactly what their mind flow ?

Personally, I will say no. We can not “read” them, what we “read” is their feeling, their sadness, happiness, worries; but not their thinking …

And to be able to read someone is when we open our door to let someone come into our house. Because start on the day we let someone come into our lives, at the same time that person let ourselves to read their feeling, their sadness, happiness, worries … but not their thinking, their mind.

Mind is belonging to the person itself, not ours….

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas Magic ...

Do you remember the story of Maria and Martha ?
Be Maria and not Martha ….

Christmas is always identical to party, presents, beautiful card, new album release, new movie, every single things that create an air of festivity, besides the donation and the bible study during Christmas Season.

Therefore, every Christmas, I always busy with the preparation of Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas day when we get together around Christmas tree to find our present from the Santa.

All the gifts, the menu of my Christmas Eve dinner, the menu of my Christmas party, is the most important things for me. My Christmas will be useless if there’s no present, if the preparation is not perfect, if my relative doesn’t like the menu..

Until this evening, when I received beautiful text from my best friend, a reminder of what is the purpose of Christmas itself.

Be Maria and not Martha actually is the reflection of us during Christmas. Martha was so busy to prepare the food and cleaning to entertain Jesus, made everything to be perfect for Jesus, while Maria instead of helping Martha, she sat at Jesus feet and listening to every word that Jesus tell her. Maria doesn’t want to miss a single thing that Jesus said.

Same with me, I was so busy to make everything perfect for the festive, but I forgot to make the perfect thing for myself to be able to serve Him in my relation with others.

All that kind of preparation drags my attention from the most important one, preparation of me in welcoming Him into my house.

So when the text came, I felt like I have got a meesage from above. A reminder that I should stop and sit quietly for a while, and listen to the soft voice that comes from the corner of my heart.

You may say that the text was a coincidence, but not for me, because for the 1st time after years of quiet night, I felt an overwhelmed, peaceful feeling when He stays at my living room.

If I didn’t send the text to my true friend, I may be stuck with the same bitter feeling during Christmas Eve mass.

The entire "If" is a miracle for me. I’ve got a beautiful Christmas present from God, a present that reverse my quiet and bitter night into unforgotten Christmas magic. I do thank God for His magic that came through the pure heart of a true friend. And I do hope that the spirit of Christmas stays with me, always.

Merry Christmas
Hope your Christmas as beautiful as the stars in the sky, as lovely as the full moon.
And may the Spirit of Christmas be with you, always.

picture were taken from here and here

Monday, December 24, 2007

Happy Mother's Day ....

As we all knows that base on Hallmark Calendar, Mother’s day is fall in May. But as Indonesian, our Mother’s Day is fall in 22 December.

It was started on 1912, inspired by Indonesian Woman heroes, then followed by the 1st Indonesian Women Congress at 22 December 1928. The purpose of declared that day as “Mother’s Day” totally different with Hallmark Calendar (America and Canada), because Mother’s Day in Indonesia was to remind Indonesian Women of their right, to have better education, to have a “place” in every Men’s world.

The question here, do we all know the meaning or the purpose of Indonesian Mother’s Day ?

I don’t want to be pessimistic but I’m quite sure that even my children don’t know about the purpose of Indonesian Mother’s Day.

In their mind, in their understanding, Mother’s Day, is the day they have to give thanks to their mother because of their sacrifice, no one even have an idea that Indonesian Mother’s Day was commemorate to Indonesian Women struggle of their right.

So, is it wrong that our children or the worst, the-grown-up-people, miss-understood the meaning of Indonesian Mother’s Day ? Just because Hallmark Mother’s Day which commemorates the stay-at-home-mom was less meaning compare to Indonesian Mother’s Day ?

My answer is No, not at all ….

Not because I’m not appreciate my ancestor sacrifice, in fact, I do thank them for give us the opportunity to make Indonesian Woman equal with Indonesian Man. Even though not all, because part of Indonesian tradition, do not allow woman have an equal position with man.

The reason is if I don’t have my traditional “grand mother” who doesn’t have a chance to fight for their right like the Indonesian Women Warrior, who have their own way to made my mother like she is now, I will be like the women that I met in Kalimantan and Sulawesi.

I’m a working mother and I don’t have time to join any women organization. I believe there are million Indonesian women out there which have the same ‘title’ like me or the-stay-at-home-mother “title” which don’t have enough time to still fight with all women’s issue.

It doesn’t mean that we forgot the root of Indonesian Mother’s Day and it doesn’t mean also that we were not as good the current women warrior. Neither that our sacrifice was less than the women who still fight for all women’s issue.

In fact, we, the working mother and the stay at home mother, have our own way to fight with all women’s issue.

So, do we have to flip the meaning ?

No, we don’t have to. Otherwise we don’t have a day to thank our mother, working mother or stay at home mother, for their sacrifice.

And how about the history, the root of our Indonesian Mother’s Day ? How to bring back the meaning of Indonesian Mother’s Day ?

I just remember my youngest daughter question this morning, when the priest gives his preaches of Mother’s Day, “what is the difference within America Mother’s Day and ours, Bunda ?”

The difference is “our Mother’s Day was based on our Indonesian Women Warrior sacrifice in order for me and other women can have better education, equal opportunity with men in every men’s position and to understand their right.

Or in other words, we bring back the root by telling them the history, because history is one of the ways to make the spirit life.

So, like the text I have from my best friend on 22 December 2007 …

Happy Mother’s Day to all my women friends who has become the best mother for their children

I will say the same things too … stay-at-home-mother, working mother, the warrior, they have their own portion to fight for all the women's issue, therefore they have the right to have our appreciation.

Happy Mother’s Day to the entire woman …

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Pie Jesu, Pie Jesu,
Pie Jesu, Pie Jesu,
Qui tollis peccata mundi;
Dona eis requiem,
Dona eis requiem.

Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei,
Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei,
Qui tollis peccata mundi;
Dona eis requiem,
Dona eis requiem.
Sempiternam, sempiternam requiem.

Lord, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy,
You who take away the sins of the world;
Grant them peace,
Grant them peace.

Lamb of God, Lamb of God,
Lamb of God, Lamb of God,
You who take away the sins of the world;
Grant them peace,
Grant them peace.
Peace everlasting, everlasting.

My dear friend ....,

I don’t know how to say it because there’s a war within myself now. A war of not to be suspicious, and be suspicious. A war of believe and disbelief, that the offer was truly a helpful hand.

Therefore, do you mind to let me be with myself for a while ? I’m not ready to meet and accept the helpful hand that has been offered by your closest friend.

I know that it’s ridiculous and it’s not a good reflection of God’s no.1 rule, my dear friend. But after having experiencing of intrigues and hurtful times, I need a space to be with my friends that I trust, friends that make me feel safe.

Please don’t understand it wrongly. I was so thankful for the story that you’ve shared with me; it’s like a missing puzzle which complete the scattered puzzle that I have.

God was so kind to me lately. He gave me the answer of all my questions of each incidence that happened to me. Its looks like an owl that have all the answer for Pooh and friends. It’s kind of fortune teller crystal ball where you can see the entire plot, all the faces of your life.

I just want to tell you that I’m in the good hands now. I have told myself that I have to win the battle. If at the end I have to lose the battle then I have to lose it in dignity, with satisfaction that I have put every best of mine to win the war.

I’m in the middle of collecting back the pieces of my fairy tale. It’s not easy indeed its need my patience and kind heart.

Your story last night was a gift from God in this 3rd week of Christmas Season. You gave me the strength to walk like a winner even though I’m still in war.

Thank you so much for the friendship that you have given to me. You are still my true friend; one of my friend that I feel safe and trust.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I'll Be Home for Christmas

I’m in the middle of listening one of my favorite Christmas song “I’ll be home at Christmas”, when my daughter, my beautiful oldest daughter rushed into my room.

She looked panic, sad when she told me that the father of her friend passed away on Saturday night in Qatar. She told me how her friends was so happy on that Saturday, when Rosa, her friend’s name, told my daughter that her father will come home soon, to celebrate Christmas with her.

“Rosa was so happy, Bunda, I still remembered her happy voice when she shared the good news yesterday. I could not imagine how sad she is. I feel sorry for Rosa,” my daughter said to me.

I was speechless when I heard that news. I could not imagine if it was happening to me or my daughter in this Christmas season. I bet that for all of my life, my Christmas will not be as happier as before. My Christmas will be the mourning season of the losses of someone that I love.

Suddenly I heard my voice advice her, that it was the reason why I always tell her to prepare for the worst, to always cherish the moment that we have when we were surrounding by our love’s one, since we never knew when the good times leave us for a while.

In my nutshell this morning, I ask God to give us strength, faith, when we have to lose our dearest one; to remind me of how precious my life was because He gave me two beautiful angels and a loving husband; to remind me to cherish every single day that He has given to me because He gave me true friends to help me walk through the storm.

We never know when He take our dearest one back but we always know that He had given us the opportunity to cherish the day when we open our eyes on the next day.

I wish I never forgotten His beautiful lesson at the 3rd week of this Christmas Season. Beautiful gift of how we have to cherish the day with our dearest one, with our true friends, with every people that we met along the way. So when He takes back the gift, we will remember the moment with our dearest one, with our true friends in happiness and no bitterness.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Don’t let someone become priority in your life
When you are just an option in their life

I try to ask myself, how many times, that I have put someone as priority in my life where actually I’m not even in their top list of “thinking” and how come that I was so blind to see that I’m not even exists in their world.

Every time I said to myself to get rid off that kind of people at the same time my other half told me that I was wrong, that I was childish.

Well…. I think it’s about time to give another shot to let someone taste his own medicine back again …

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Memorable Meal ....

Another question from Zaads … “what was your memorable meal, with whom you share it, and what made it so wonderful …”

A simple question, isn’t it ? But when I try to answer that question, I could not make my choice, I have a bunch of memorable meal, you can name it start from breakfast up to dinner …; I also have a bunch of friends and not-forgotten my family where I share my meal …

Then the next reaction is, so just pick the most memorable and whom I share it, isn’t it ?

No …, the purpose of the questions for me is at the last question ...’what made it so wonderful’.

Because the reason that makes the meal was so memorable lying into what made it so wonderful ..; the feeling, the emotion that come along at that time. ..

It’s just a simple a cup of gelato – if it can consider as a meal – but the ambience, the story, true friend that accompany me, was memorable for me. Sitting in front of the fountain, listen to the sound of the water, and taste the sweet of hazelnut gelato, share our thinking, or just tease each other … was so beautiful …

Get together at our fresh-room at the office, having my traditional choice of meal, rise, pecak lele fish and sambal, watching ceriwis – our favorite TV program – laugh together with my team; listen to their comment … was so relaxing ….

A cozy place, beneath the sky, the light only came from the candle burner, having a heart to heart conversation …. I couldn’t expect more … the ambience, the story that we share, all of it replaced the name of the meal …

Dinner at home, surrounding by my lovely daughter, my husband, my mom and dad, share our own story for the day …. It was also made my dinner time memorable …

Therefore, if somebody ask me again, what is your memorable meal, for sure my answer is I don’t have memorable meal, but I have memorable memories, memorable time during I’m having my meal ….

Like I said before, not the meal that makes it memorable, but the feeling, the emotion was the main factor of that meal become memorable.

I thank God to give me that moment, a bunch of moment that I can remember it with smile.

What was my memorable meal ? A lot …. I can not count it, but I can share it with happiness because all of it was so memorable …

Sunday, December 02, 2007

The best thing of being alone

What is my best thing of being alone ? … a question I got from this morning.

I know the answer straight away; I can let my mind fly away to every single part of my fantasy, meet my fairy tale where the prince kisses the princess with his eternal kiss.

Too childish ?

Maybe, but that is the only time I can be what I want, imagining every single thing, through the music that I heard, through the book that I read, through the picture that brings me to my past world.

Being alone, just me and myself, me and my inner self, the grown up meet the kids, the west meet the east.

As a mother and a working mom, nothing that I’m longing for except the time for being alone, the time where I can re-charge my self, where I can let go my worries, so I would be able to face the world.

So, what is my best thing of being alone … the answer is my imagination ….

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Christmas Season

Entering December always make me feel to contemplate. I need a time for myself, back to my nutshell, review the day that I have spent in the current year, bring the memory of all the “shocking” situation, evaluate my happiness and sadness moment and finally let go all the painful, hurtful memories. So when the D day comes, I can feel the joy of Christmas in my heart.

But the saddest part is for more than 4 years, especially last year; I have missed my Christmas Season ritual …

Therefore this time, I will not let my Christmas Season month go away. I don’t want to miss this moment, the moment of Intimacy with God (a booklet that I got from my friend).

I have a bunch of painful and hurtful memories to let it go with the wind, I have a bunch of happiness memories that I want to embrace and rejoice, and I want to feel it in this month, my Christmas Season ….

Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Day

There are moments in life
When we need to trust blindly in intuition
The Zahir
Paulo Coelho

It’s about time now to find out the answer of my intuition
The answer that will led my path to my new world

I’m waiting for this day for almost 3 weeks,
Dreaming, Imagining, Plotting all the situation
Three weeks in nutshell

Feel nothing, no disappointment, no happiness, no sadness,
None … neutral ….

So …
Let’s face the world and bring my old world back again.
The world that I always aim for ….

And this is the song for today, the song that I got from my Barry Manilow

Just one voice singing in the darkness,
All it takes is One Voice
Singing so they hear what’s on your mind
And when you look around you’ll find
There’s more than
One Voice singing in the darkness,
Joining with your One Voice

Each and every note another octave,
Hands are joined and fears unlocked.
If only One Voice would start it on its own,
We need just One Voice facing
The unknown,
And then that One Voice would never be alone

It takes that One Voice
It takes that One Voice
Just One Voice singing in the darkness,
All it takes is One Voice
Shout it out and let it ring.
Just One Voice
It takes that One Voice and everyone will sing

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

When there’s no turning back,
Then we should concern ourselves only
With the best way to going forward

- The Alchemist -
Paulo Coelho

Nothing is more depressing than knowing that you were being blame of something that even normal people could not find the mistakes and nothing is more frustrating than dealing with people who doesn’t know the works ethics.

But nothing is happier than finding a time for you in the midst of depressing and frustrating day …

A little time for myself at the TBI cafeteria, remembering the old days that I spent my friends. The old days where we struggle with our home work, the discussion class, or our movie time review. The old days at the cafeteria where Ibu has to put our name in her “debt book” just because we didn’t even have enough money to pay the meals.

I never thought that I will sit at the cafeteria at lunch remembering these old memories of our class and got greetings from the staff. Our class which has been known as the “wicked” class…

Old days … especially the happy ones always have a mark in your heart as well as the saddest one.

And sometimes or most of the time during our saddest time, we always looking back to the old days where the happiest time were there, using our “IF” words over and over.

But this time, finally I could make my self for not looking back to the old days because life is not going backward. No “IF” word were being used by me, because it will bring me to the backward stage. It’s about time to see the world differently now …

It’s about changing the life style …
My life style ..

Monday, November 19, 2007

God's Magic

During the worst of all crises,
Friends appeared
Since then, the first thing I do
Is ask for help

Chronicle – Crises and Their Traps
Paulo Coelho

It’s quite amazing when some of your old friends suddenly come from nowhere, just to say hello and good things about you, especially when you were in the lowest part of your life. Nothing is more encouraging than that …

Suddenly, out of the blue, some of my old friends called me or send their text to me, just to say hello and good things about me.

I do believe that when you were at the lowest part of your life, the one that will help you, the one that will lend you an ear, were always your best friend.
The reason were simple, they know you better than anybody else.

But in fact, it’s not always like that.
Sometimes even your best friend did not understand your sorrow
Maybe because when we were in sorrow, we ask more than what we always shown to them.
Maybe because they were also busy with their sorrow, maybe …. I do not have the answer.

Therefore, when everything seems unbearable for me, God shown His magic through the beautiful thought of my old friends.

It feels like magic for me, like a good fairy stick that changed the word of Cinderella.

Am I feeling better ?
Yes, and deep down myself, I know God is always there, watching me from above

Do I still feel the sorrow, the sadness ?
Yes, the feeling is there.
I need time to overcome it.
It’s just because am human, flesh and blood, am not an angel, not even a saint.

Do I still value my friendship with my best friends ?
Yes, I am.
I still love them, as before …
They are human also anyway …

Thursday, November 08, 2007


Tomorrow and the day after that and the day after ….
I will hibernate myself at the book store that I love, enjoying myself at the bench where I can watch people pass by …

The places where I can feel I’m in the dream land and be myself..
My true self, where the memories fly through the title of the book and the music ….

Feel that I already smell the atmosphere …

A note from God's Song

For me, the way God answer my prayer is always through the clouds, the rain, the laugh, the sadness, the happiness, the pat on my back, the simple things that sometimes so hard to notice. The answer that was so hard to notice unless we let ourselves to open our heart to those simple things.

Yesterday, was the hardest day for me
It’s the time to let the gift that I have away

I shared my sadness, my worries to Him
And by coincidence, I heard this song through my Ipod

The song that I never even notice it, not even in my top list.

I just remembered that the sun tried to shower his shine through the clouds
And through the shine that passes my window, suddenly I heard this song
Like somebody just give me an advice.

This is an old song, but the message of “faith”, of the “precious gift” for me is there…

I may not have that kind of gift again …
But I know that the feeling because of that precious gift were so beautiful

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive
We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives
Then one day the sun appears
And we come shinning through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid
Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade
‘Cause when I chased my tears away
That’s when I knew that I could finally say

- I Made It Through The Rain -
Barry Manilow

Sunday, November 04, 2007

The Gift of Life

Our lives should be lived
Not avoiding problems
But welcoming them as challenges
That will strengthen us
So that we can be victorious in the future
from "The Ultimate Gift" movie

I was in the middle of communicating with God this morning when suddenly that question flash in my mind.

“Is God truly exist ? Or it was just a wonderful story made by somebody to help people to overcome their loss, their problem, their happiness, their excitement ?”

I wish, I’m truly wish that I will hear a sound that encounter my thinking.
But there’s no voice, there’s none, zero.

What I remember only my last prayer to Him.
A prayer to return back my trust on Him.
A prayer to be like one of His disciple where he still believes Him even though He didn’t see Him.

Until I watch this movie, for the second time.
Then I realized that actually every day, every second of my breath, He gives me His ultimate gift, a gift of life.

Yes, a gift of laugh, of sadness, of hoping, of love, of work, of gratitude, of loss, of everything ….

Especially during the lowest part in our life,
He carried us.

Is God truly exist ?
Yes, I have to say He truly exist through the gift that we had in every second of our lives.

Pathetic Sunday

I think I’m at the lowest level of my feeling, my mood, my health, my every single thing in life.

A lazy Sunday I ever have in my life, what a waste of beautiful Sunday.

Except from went to Church, the others were like going nowhere, swam to the non dreamy island, surfing the net, called the agent of apartment in Singapore, that’s it.

Hm … sent several texts to my friend, called my nephew, watch the Disney show without having a clue of the show, … what a pathetic activities.

Anyway … maybe that’s the best thing for me, at least for today …

Friday, November 02, 2007


Finally, the curse becomes the reality.
It’s hard to face the fact, but it’s already there, can’t avoid it.

All the hard work that I’ve done, vanished like dew in the morning day
It’s like your whole world that you’ve been built collapse of earthquake in second

Somebody, just a month ago, spelled his curse on me.
The curse which is his prediction of the future
Never been wrong, always precise

Somebody maybe laughed at me from the distance
Somebody maybe feel sorry for me from the distance
Maybe nothing …

But I know exactly what his comment of this news …

And for the first time in my life,
I face it by myself
Alone …..

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Balancing Life

We were sipping our chocolate ice at Starbuck, when my friend told me of the article that he read at Newsweek magazine.

He pointed out the statement of one of the women leader in Paris. That leader told the interviewer that she always arrange her travel not more than 4 days a week. So in that case, she could balance her work and her family.

When I heard that I couldn’t stand to say that I was limiting my business trip also, three days at the maximum within a week. But event though I have limited my business trip, by traveling every week within a month, I still felt that I don’t have enough time to take care my family, especially my two beautiful daughters.

I was amazed with Anne Lauvergeon, CEO of French energy conglomerate Areva, statement. Then when I went through her interview with Newsweek, I found another statement that reminds me of quality time that most of the time I’ve forgotten, “get home early”.

Reviewing my year in my current company, I realized of my quality time that I’ve forgotten, not only for my two beautiful daughters but also for myself.

I won nothing in this year, I didn’t win my two beautiful daughters heart and even myself. Suddenly I felt exhausted …

Yes, the feeling that I can spot easily, the feeling that had destroyed my health three years ago … “burn out”…

It is maybe too late for somebody but not for me … you can say it another excuses ...
But its better we realized it then not even realize that “burn out” …

How to cure that ?
Quit ? Balancing my life ?

I haven’t got the answer yet, but one thing that I know …
From now on, I’ll surrender all that in prayer ..

As my friend said to me, nothing is more powerful than a prayer …

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Truth and Serenity Prayer

It’s been more than a week that my eyes and my mind flew to the place that I’ve never known, not even exist in this world.

I thought that I have accepted but the truth is I’m still living in the “hope” world. Hoping that it is only in a dream, hoping that it’s only my imagination.

Whilst in fact, nothing can change the truth.

Yes, it’s 8 more days to go before the days come, where there’s only empty room, where there are only memories there …

And yes, it’s 8 more days before finally I watch the scene of my life through this prayer

Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change’
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Monday, October 22, 2007

One and half years ago .....

The ghost, who falls in love with the Goddess, sends me this text:

Love never chooses the wrong person;
only fate that made love chooses the wrong person.
Love is love

And one night under the fool moon, the Ghost whispered in my ears, the answer from the Goddess :

Maybe in our past life, you are mine and I'm yours
Maybe in our future life, you become mine and I become yours

PS :
To someone out there ..
This is my answer of your question

Friday, October 19, 2007

Counting the Days ....

Last night I walked at the same path that we used to walk
Wondering the days of the future …

Are you counting your day ?
A small voice whispered in my ears

Yes … I’m counting the day
I’m counting the day that we spend together
I’m counting the memories that we will have

Last night, I knew that you walk with me
With the look of your love
Even though it’s only a shadow

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Perfect Time

One of my friends wrote in his blog of what he meant by “Mystery of the Moment”. He mentioned that no one does know when the right time would arrive. Therefore we should be ready, we should be available when the times come, when the moments come.

For me, no matter how hard we try to be ready, we never be ready.

The perfect time is a mystery for every human being, its God’s plan. No one can steal it from Him, not even His angel.

Therefore, as a human being, we never know when the perfect times knock our door. We just realized that moment when the perfect times just left our front door. And only at that time we just learned how to prepare ourselves to be ready in case there’s another perfect time stop by at our home.

It’s like a never ending story for me …..

When we prepare ourselves to be ready, the same “perfect time” never came. The perfect times decide to change his moment, so we would be able to learn another thing.

So, should we be ready for that “perfect times” ?

As far as I know, we never be ready, not a single moment, otherwise that perfect times will not called as “life”.

There’s a story of the readiness in his blog, a story of a light which lighten the room that has been dark for thousand years, and just because of the light the room is lighted all at once ….

Nothing is wrong with the light, as we know the light always lightened the room all at once, but even though it’s been lightened, we still need a new candle to keep the light brighter. We still have to keep the light there and not vanished ……

How can we change the world ?

Bloggers Unite - Blog Action Day

I remember my chit-chat with my friend, we were exchanged story of my trip to Bandung. I told him of the scenery that I loved from that hotel, the valley, the green view of the trees. Then he shared with me of the same scenery that he has in front of his house, how he sat at the terrace and wherever he sees, all green view, the valley and the river.

I just hold my breath when he told me that ….
A scenery that I wish I could have right now, sit quietly after exhausted week in the office, and heard the whisper of the bird, the song of the river and the softness of the wind , while am reading my book ….

What a dream, an impossible dream ….
I live in metropolitan city, where there’s no place of that kind of luxurious.
The park where we can sit and relax is near to zero …
People in my complex, doesn’t care enough to their yard, the smaller the better, it’s their motto.

So … if I have a chance to get that kind of house with that beautiful scenery, I’ll do everything ….

But, the bad thing is … as I said before … it’s only a dream now.
His beautiful scenery has been replaced with town house, no valley, no river, no green view anymore…
The only thing that you can see, only the grey color of the building …

I raised this question to my in-law, and his answer surprised me.
He told me that it was due to the economic growth ….

The answer is always the same, economic growth but do we ever realize the impact of the economic growth to our neighborhood ?

I know that people already have the answer, the idealistic one. But, have we ever asked that question to ourselves ? and start to change it, bit by bit ?

I’m neither a politician nor activist. The only thing I know is to share the global warming issue with my daughters. It’s funny when I told them not to left the air con on when they’re not in their room, how to make our home greener through plants, how to change the plastic bag with a cartoon box (for a while – until we here in Indonesia have a supermarket bag like I saw in Frankfurt).

My daughters always make a joke of my global warming issue … but at least they know that we should take care of our own nature.

So … how can we change the world ? Big things ? Small things ? The answer is “balancing” … not all the economic growth should destroy our nature … ; the big things should be hand in hand together with the small things ….

Monday, October 15, 2007

What kind of man I'm looking for ... ?

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table ?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, ..."I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally, because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually, because I don't need to be unequally yoked. Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially, because I don't need a financial burden.

I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong Enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can respect.
In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
God made woman to be a helpmate for man.
I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You're asking a lot."
She replied, " I'm worth a lot."

PS :
I got this email from my old time friend.

The title actually is "What kind of man you're looking for "
But somewhere inside me, whispered in my ears, brought me to my imagination ..
So, I changed it anyway ...
When I read this, I just said to my self, true ... so true ...

A note from Eid's Festive ....

Eid is always full of surprises for me, since during that day all families get together and share their own story of everything.

The best part of that day for me, is always when I’m surrounding with my nephew and niece. Looking back into the old days when they were a baby and suddenly becomes a teenager or a mature person, I always amazed with how time flies so fast.

Listened to their story of their boy friend or girl friend, their study, their dream, songs or even movies is something that I love. I always feel younger when am with them (compare if am surrounded with my in laws).

This time, the topic is about “having a girl friend/boy friend with different religion”.

In their family, am the only one who has different religion. No one in my husband’s family married with someone outside their religion. So, in their “eyes”, everything’s can be managed, their auntie always there, except during the prayer ceremony, their lovely auntie never be in the crowd. But it’s okay, according to them, since they also do the same things.

The only things that never come to the surface are the tolerance that has to be given to keep everything’s in peace.

Married with someone who has different religion is not an easy thing, especially when it comes to minority and tradition.

It’s so difficult to explain it to them, especially they always beg me to give them the example. Every time I explain by giving them simple sample, they just said, “Oh..don’t worry, we can manage it”…
What a young people ….. (sound like suddenly am become a grand mother)

So …. When this topic became the main topic a couple days ago, I just sat there, listened and said …”Please, stay away from trouble …” and this time their answer was “Don’t worry, we are still 20. Later, when we reach our 30 then we will take your advice.”


For me, religion is a vehicle to communicate with God. Therefore, no one in the world could say that their religion is the best in the world. For every body, their religion is the best religion, the best vehicle to reach God’s home.

It may be the best for others but not the best for me. It’s my view of religion.

God ?
There’s only one God in the world …

Then, why can't we get married with someone who has different religion with us ?

The answer … because we are human and as a human we have our own dreams, our own opinion which not drives by our logic mind….

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Today ....Eid's Festive

Today, is the happiest day for all Moslem people around the world.
Time to celebrate their struggle to fight all the bad things, to fight their own bad impulsive things ….

And for the children … nothing more exciting then all the new clothes, dress, shoes and the important things .. is Lebaran extra charges levied just prior to the Lebaran festival

photo were taken from here.

PS :
Me, today is the busiest day in my life.
Married with someone who have different religion
Lebaran is like Christmas for me
Will share with all of you my story for today, later

Friday, October 12, 2007

Don't write me off

If all of you ever watch “Music and Lyrics”, then you’ll remember this scene and this song..

The lyrics and the scene taught me something of acknowledgement, of second chance, of regret.

When I watched and heard this song, I just realized that every time in our life, we fight with our left and right heart, we fight to find the acknowledgement of our thought, our action, our work, everything, especially when we were facing hard time in our life.

We tend not to believe what we see, we tend not to listen to what we heard, we tend to ignore every body, we only open our heart to our selves.

And when finally we do realize, the only word left is “lateness”, and we already hurt somebody’s heart ……

We were lucky if we can get the second chance, like in this movie, there’s a second chance to fix the mistake. Most of the time, we don’t have that luxurious.

So here it is, the lyrics may sound stupid but if we are using our “heart” when we try to understand what lies behind that stupid word then you’ll understand why I connect it with what I’ve said above.

It’s never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there’s actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I’ve met you, my whole life has changed
It’s not just my furniture, you’ve rearranged
I was living in the past, but somehow you’ve brought me back
And I haven’t felt like this since before Frankie said relax
And while I know, based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
For years I’ve been telling myself, the same old story
That I’m happy to live off my so called, former glories
But you’ve given me a reason, to take another chance
Now I need you, despite the fact, that you’ve killed all my plants
And though I know, I’ve already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
Don’t write me off just yet

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Question - The Asnwer

Love in your eyes
Sitting silent by my side
Going on Holding hand
Walking through the nights
Hold me up Hold me tight
Lift me up to touch the sky
Teaching me to love with heart
Helping me open my mind

I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
The heaven in the sky

Stars in the sky
Wishing once upon a time
Give me love make me smile
Till the end of live

Hold me up Hold me tight
Lift me up to touch the sky
Teaching me to love with heart
Helping me open my mind
I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
The heaven in the sky

Can’t you believe that you light up my way
No matter how that ease my p ath
I’ll never lose my faith
See my fly
I’m proud to fly up high
Show you the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I'm singing in the sky
Show you the best of mine
The heaven in the sky
Nothing can stop me
Spread my wings so wide

Life Lesson Wishes

What life lesson do you wish you’d learned earlier ?

I’ve got this question from Zaads. A question that makes me withdrawn myself and ask this bunch of questions to myself.

If God gave me a chance to rewind my life, back from the beginning, will I do it differently ? Which part of my life that I would like God to give me earlier ? Am I happy with my life ? …

This time I can’t answer my own question. The questions that pop out in my mind, lead to another question and to another question …..

Sometimes, in the hardest time of my life, I wish God gave me the other version of my current life.

But, there’s a time in my happiest time, I wish God to lengthen the happiness, wish that day never end and always be there.

Therefore if God asked me what life lesson that I wish to learn earlier, my answer is there’s none in my life I want to learn earlier. All the lessons that God gave to me at every stage in my life makes my life colorful and meaningful.

What I have now, is too precious to change … ; and I do belief that even though I ask God to give me the lesson earlier, I will find another wish to be given earlier than I have before.

"A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place,
but a seed to be planted and to bear more seeds toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea."
Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In the name of LOVE

I read one of Gurushabad blog. At that time he mentioned about famous Holman Hunt’s picture about Jesus standing in a garden holding a lantern in one hand and with other knocking on the door.

A friend of the artist said to him, “Holman, you have made mistake. The door you have painted does not have a handle.” It is not a mistake,” answered the artist. “For that is the door of the human heart and it can only be opened from inside!”

I remembered my comment on his story; I told him that sometimes, even we can not open the door itself. We have a bunch of reason not to open the door, especially if one of the reasons was because of the past experience.

And even though we open the door widely, we always watch the person that we let in with curiosity, so we would be able to close the door as quick as possible when we get hurt.

Many times in our lives, we let the courage to take the lead to put aside the fear, so we would be able to let somebody come into our “heart”. And many times also, we did realize that we have made the correct decision by open that door.

But many times also in our lives, where we put our trust to let somebody come into our “heart”, we regretted that decision; and based on that regretful decision we put a stamp at other people.

It’s not easy though to open the door and it’s not easy also to close the door.

Sometimes we have to be able to close the door also, not because we mean, or not because we let our “right” heart take the lead. It’s just a matter of how we love ourselves.

It needs an open heart to let LOVE stays in our heart and it needs a brave heart, LOVE, also to be selfish, to close the door.

As somebody says, LOVE is like two sides of coin ..... there's a thin line in between. No right or wrong in LOVE.

Everybody has their own version ....

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

01.30 am

Please, not that kind of anger again …..…
This time, I don’t have the energy to stand up
I don’t even have the strength to win somebody’s heart

It’s not a matter of be in the center or not
It’s not a matter of be in your circle or not
It’s a matter of how you look through me
It’s a matter of what do you see in me

Please, don’t do the same things
It hurts me more than you think
The thought that I never think would come from you

Please ….not the same things again
Not even a single question …
What is left for me only judgment

I can’t live with that anymore
I can’t let my tears ruin my face like last night

I can’t even think that it is ours

Gallup and War

@#$%^&*() …… there are several reason the best employee leaves you, but too put one case as the basis for all, I don’t think that it is wise enough.

Gallup … everybody’s know of their qualification but by quoting only a part of the Gallup result, I don’t think it is wise enough, especially if the quotation only to stress out an incidence that based on somebody’s comment, where the other part don’t have the opportunity to explain the situation.

But I know whatever answer I’ve given to you, whatever story I’ve brought to you, still you already have your own. So, it’s better for me not to say a word, keep my silence somewhere out there.

You’re lucky that am arrogant enough to surrender and let others make fun of me. If not then for sure, you’ll be the first of my reason to quit.. So, since I’ve already start the war, my own battle, then I’ll fight till I can show you that you’re wrong …..

I will let you say whatever you want, but there’s a time when I say it’s enough and when the times come, my enough means that I will whacked you down also.

………… Want to see what is behind the “arrogant” and “angry” word above, behind that all tough masks, you will see empty eyes, eyes with no fighting spirit inside. Like an exhausted bird after she finished her long trip.

You’ll see that eyes in the coldness of the winter season, like a girl lost her lover. And if you look deeper into her heart, then you’ll see a broken heart where no one can cure it.

Ironic ? Yes, ironic… because no one can notice it, unless time gives a chance to sit quietly in front of her and look through her dark brown eyes …. Swim through the coldness of her look.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Two Faces

One of my friend once said to me, that by reading my post in my blog, he learned something about me, that no one hardly to know nor even notice it.

He was quite surprise that his mature friend woman have her other “face”, a face that he never thought that she could have it, especially after his day to day interaction with her a.k.a me.

… Back to real world, realize it or not, we always have two faces or maybe more and it depends on how we would like others to “see” us. We tend to hide our “dreams” deep down inside our mind. Especially if we don’t feel comfortable to show our other identity to the world.

Can we blame people because of using mask ? or having different “face” ?

The answer is no, because all of us have it, and it is something that come naturally, something that come from within ourselves.

All of us have our own weaknesses or our “other” identity where we could not use it in our daily routine, because it will ruin our life, because our career don’t let us shown our other side of personality, because it’s our dream, our future dream that we keep inside whilst at the same time live the dream somewhere.

Are we cheated ourselves ?

No, for sure the answer is no. We never cheat ourselves, since all of that kind of faces relate with our ‘dream’, our future dream, where our hopes for years was kept inside waiting to be shown to the world as a “real” things not only a “dream”.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I have received this award by Surjit, the author of Gurushabad blog, my daily must read blog.
It such an honour to receive this kind of award

PS :
As stated in his blog, this award is for bloggers who are fun, cool and of course Totally Fabolous

Thursday, October 04, 2007

My Little Girl ...

She can muss up you home, your hair and your dignity
– spend your money, your time, and your patience –
And just when your temper is ready too crack,
Her sunshine peeks through and you’re lost again
(Alan Beck)

I can’t express my feeling every time I hug her or when she hug me during her bed time or when I saw her sleep like an angel on my lap.

I think every mother in the world will say the some thing.

Ten years ago at 04.25 am, that was the first time I heard her voice, hold her tiny hands and the most amazing red lips, like somebody has put the lipstick on her lips.

I never forget the feelings when I saw her for the first time, my beautiful little daughter.

Today, the same time, like 10 years ago, I wake her up, kiss her and whisper my birthday wishes to her.

I teased her by saying that I have not buy her birthday gift while at the same time give her birthday present.

She opened and expressed her happiness when she saw her birthday gift. She kissed me back and ask me the silly question, “where and when I bought her birthday gift”, before finally she’s busy with her new pink game boy.

…. Watching her playing with her game boy, I was wondering the years that has passed by. The time that I’ve spent with her, to listen to her story, hug her when she cried, and how she made me angry …

Myy sweetest little girl. Her demanding voice when she asked me to come home early, when she asked me to carry her, or her attention when I was sick, Her softness skin when she hug me during her sleep, Her happy mother’s day card …..

I always thank God for His beautiful gift. A gift that is a reason for me to live in this world, a gift that makes me smiles in my sadness ….

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

If I have a chance, only once
Then I will tell God, that I would like to dance under the fool moon.
The dance that will last forever
As a gift of keep ourselves within the line

The lines that so thin
Like a two side of coin …

If I have a chance, only once
I will tell God, to keep it last

And here is the song when I dance under the fool moon

How do you keep the music playing?
How do you make it last?
How do you keep the song from fading too fast?
How do you lose yourself to someone?
And never lose your ways
How do you not run out of new things to say?
And since we're always changing
How can it be the same?
And tell me how year after year
You're sure your heart will fall apart
Each time you hear his name
I know the way I feel for you
It's now or never
The more I love the more that i'm afraid
That in your eyes I may not see forever..

If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with everyday to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends

I know the way I feel for you
It's now or never!
(How do you keep the music playing?)
The more I love the more that I'm afraid
(How do you make it last)
That in your eyes I may not see forever
(How do you keep the song from fading, keep the song from fading too fast)
If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with everyday to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends

My dearest friend,

I had wonderful evening yesterday.
Finally we did our heart to heart talk
Something that we have tended to forgot

I had wonderful evening yesterday
When the truth was given after being kept for years
My true friend finally could cross the bridge

Find this poem from a book that I bought for you at nun monastery in Hyderabad

I love new places, new faces
And bright, happy surprises;
I treasure
Some things old,
The friendship that we share

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The tests can be harder than one imagined.
But they are necessary in order to learn.
And each of them brings us closer
to the realization of our dreams

- Manual of The Warrior of Light -
Paulo Coelho

Monday, October 01, 2007

Are We the Same ?

You could have been a famous Artist

Oil painting, sculpture, photography. No matter the medium, it's clear that an imaginative soul like yours must have been an artist in a former life. With your creativity and originality, you've got a unique approach to the world that just begs to be shared with everyone.

Like the great masters who came before you, you march to the beat of your own drummer and don't follow the herd. You live life by your own rules and aren't afraid to express your ideas. Lucky for all of us, they're great ones. So, keep expressing yourself. You're sure to be legendary!

Who Were You in a Past Life?

Brought to you by Tickle

Past life …. ; two words that always make my friends give their weird look to me. It’s beyond their understanding that I, a grown up woman, a mother of two daughters, have the beliefs of past life.

I know it is sounds weird or stupid, but since I read Dr Brian Weiss book of his experience with his patients past life, I always wondering my past life.

I remember one of my friends asked me to explain past life compare to human population in the current century. He insisted me to explain that correlation; and me – speechless –

I do understand that as a person who has faith to God, such a thing is a big no, no. Even my mom could not understand my point of thinking, my beliefs in past life.

But no matter what you say … I still have my beliefs in it.

I had beautiful dream
A dream that I never dare to imagine

I had beautiful dream
Where the feeling inside was so real

I had beautiful dream
A dream that makes me afraid to open my eyes

I had beautiful dream
A dream of love

Sunday, September 30, 2007

When Nature Try to Say Something ...

A foot note from Bali .....

As usual if I were in Bali, I always do my morning routine by walk along the beach. I always love to breath the fresh air, hear the sound of the waves, watch people busy with their morning activities, the surfer, the boat, the dog, the rock, every single thing that enrich my life.

I always feel being re-charged after am back from my Bali business trip compare to other places.

Therefore, if I do have a chance to go to Bali, I always dream to have my morning walk along the beach.

But not this time, I lost my beach. I was surprise when I saw my beach being constructed with giant and small rock. According to the guard, the construction was made to prevent the waves destroy the beach.

Suddenly I feel the emptiness until I saw a man sit in his meditation position. His face was so peaceful, like he was in Heaven. Instead of choose other place; he just sat at the rock that I hate.

Then I sat near to him, at the same rock, watch the blue sky before closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the waves; to my surprise all the emptiness feeling vanished.

I remember my last discussion with my friend, “it’s a matter of what we think, of what we put inside our mind, its all about mindset.”

Yes, have to admit, it’s true, it’s all about mindset …. Finally I’ve my beautiful Bali back, I’ve my white sandy beach back, I’ve the look of the child eyes back …

Religious - Atheist ?

What a quiz anyway ....
Found it during my blogwalking today.

It's more interesting than working on my tomorrow task.

So here it is, the result of my religious or atheist ...

You scored as Apathetic Atheist, Meh... whatever. Apathetic Atheists tend towards disbelief because believing takes more work. These are the people who won't argue religion, even if a total nutjob confronts them because arguing just seems like a waste of time they could spend doing something else.

Apathetic Atheist




Spiritual Atheist




Scientific Atheist


Militant Atheist


Angry Atheist


What kind of atheist are you?
created with
You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

Finally, this is the answer of my blog type. Suddenly I remember my discussion with my friend, of the story that I publish in my blog.

So ... here it is, the answer of your question. I could not write if my heart didn't say anything :-)

Friday, September 28, 2007

24 September 2007

"What is a friend?
I will tell is someone with whom you dare to be yourself."
Frank Crane

It’s been 4 days after the incident happen to my friend. The incident that made me lives in uncertainty. It was so hard for me to see him and his team, especially because I know their hard works that they have put into that project.

For some reason, I lose my magic word. I felt like am in the transition world, a world before all the guessing, the prediction becomes real.

I was struggling with the feeling of losing my team mate, my partner in every game we play, my friend to share the burden of pressure.

I was afraid to open my eyes when morning comes, afraid that finally the days come. Afraid to close my eyes before I flew to my dream world, afraid that it was the last day we work as a team.

But during that those days, I could see that the proverb of “a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out” by Walter Winchell, was there.

Today is the 5th day, and I’m still struggling with that uncertainty even though the answer of the uncertainty has been given.

I still feel that am in the transition world .... Afraid that the answer that I heard was the voice I heard in my dream.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Theme of 27th Sept - Stop Abuse

Thousands of bloggers from around the world are joining together this Thursday, September 27th with a single message: Stop Abuse!
BlogCatalog would love for you to be one of them!

If you read the word “ABUSE”, I do believe that every body will refer to child abuse, animal abuse, drug abuse instead of refer that to political abuse, emotional abuse or verbal abuse.

Only several people, the one who have the experience of the last three abuses, will automatically relate that word into it.

I saw a show of Oprah Winfrey, couple months ago. She brought the topic of emotional abuse and how that emotional abuse end to brutal act. At that time, the emotional abuses were in husband and wife relationship.

But have we ever thought that emotional abuse and verbal abuse also appear in our office community, in our friendship community, and the worst thing in our children community ?

Back to the theme of Sept 27th theme to Stop Abuse, it is still a question for me to stop the last two abuse, emotional and verbal abuse.

How can we stop that verbal abuse or emotional abuse in grown up people ? By giving the understanding to that person ? or by leaving that person ? How if the attachment is so close ? How if we still need our job ? Quit from that company ? Ask for transfer ?

I don’t think that it will solve the problem of the victim.

When I write this, am still thinking how we could say such nasty word even though we are not under pressure. How we could be so judgmental just because we have bad experienced. Is that because we feel superior ? Or is that because we know that we are better than others ? Or is it because we think that we are the “owner” of that person ?

I don’t know … I still don’t know.

The only thing I know to stop emotional or verbal abuse is not just to be at victim side but we have to be able to help them both.

To heal the victim, for me, is easier. To heal the abuser ? It took years and years, especially if it is relate to their childhood experience. Am not saying that they were raise poorly, no.

Sometimes, without we realize it, as parents, we tend to compare our children in the name of trying to make them better. Or sometimes, during our lowest time, we lose our patient to our children, and then we say the nasty word, again and again.

And without we “realize” it, that habit becomes the “way of thinking” for them, becomes the “foundation” to act.

So … how do we stop abuse ? Start from ourselves ….

As long as we realize that we are human, as long as we realize that we are facing human, then I think we could stop the emotional and verbal abuse.

On the way to be able to stop that, we will fall several times, but if we keep our direction as the goal of our lives, to stop the emotional and verbal abuse, I do believe that at the end will come to that “finish” mark.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

God's law of LOVE

All Other Rules And Commandments Are Subordinate To This One Law,
And They Must Not Conflict With It.

Simple …. Just as simple as you blink your eyes. But to implement it, I believe no one in the world can do that. Even a saint can not do that.

I can easily say this law as easy as I close my eyes and hardly to forget since it’s become the foundation of my Christianity.

The truth, even though it’s become the foundation, it’s hard for me to love my “enemy”. The more I try to love my enemy, the more I found the bad things of my enemy. And at the end, the only left is how to “kill” her.

Yesterday, I learned something about God’s Law … “love my enemy”.

I still questioning my self, whether I can easily forget and still help someone who tried to take the benefit of my suffering. I don’t know …

I don’t know God’s purposes, but one thing that I know, He tried to teach me something, tried to show me something, tried to enrich my faith to Him.

Oh how I need God to be with me now. Come as a real person, so I can ask Him all these question of life, of my two days experience …

Why it is so difficult to get the answer, to get the understanding ….

Deep in my heart I know that the answer of my entire question is His law of “LOVE”. But how “LOVE” can be so cruel, can be so mean ?

Is this part of the meaning of His LOVE ?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Criticism vs Interpretation

One of my blogger friends, if I may say so, wrote in his blog of how people could easily get hurt because of criticism.

In his post, he mentioned that the feeling of “hurt” is not because of sensitivity, it’s because of arrogance.

When I read it, my first reaction is to deny that. But at the second thought, I have to admit that it is true. We were so arrogant to accept a bunch of word that not in line with our thought, with our own perspective.

I don’t blame people of being un-tolerate. In fact, I do believe that no one in this world could easily tolerate the criticism. The reason were simple, it is because we are come from different culture, different language. Our parents raised us in such a way that makes us different with others. It is because we are Human.

Criticism, according to my blogger friend, can be easily accepted if we have the same frequency of understanding the words, or in other words, if we stop create our own meaning of the words.

But the question is how ?

The answer is easy, by translating the criticism into questions, by trying to be in the same frequency, by not using our own judgment, by not using our own interpretation.

Only then we would be able accept that criticism as fast as we click our finger, we could be a sensitive person.

Me, at the other side still fighting to be as “sensitive” person and not being “impulsive”. Am still fighting to turn that criticism into meaningful words, to put those words in the same frequency as the messenger.