Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Religion ? .. Do we need that ?

.. However, if we think deeply, religious faith and the concepts of love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness are essentially different. According to Buddhism, when a child is born, he or she has no ideology or religious faith. In a way, we can say that at that time the child is free from any ideology or religious faith. But during that time, the child’s appreciation of and need for human affection is very strong. Without parental affection the child cannot survive. However, the child can survive without religious faith …

…Love, compassion and a sense of forgiveness are, I believe, part of human nature. Faith develops later. With faith one can have a happy life, but without a sense of caring, commitment or responsibility, we cannot be happy or successful ...

Live in a Better Way
Dalai Lama

Reading this book really answer my question of faith, religion and human being. I have been asking the same question of the relation between faiths aka religion and the concept of love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

By looking into the war in Pakistan, Iraq, Israel, Palestina or even the Bali Bombing and Marriot Bombing in Indonesia, where all the idea of that war is based on faith, I wonder whether the cause of that chaos is the concept of the religion itself or the understanding of the disciple of that religion or the human itself.

For such a long time ago, I believe that religion is not all the basis to become a better person, a person who has the compassion, kindness and forgiveness. All of those three come from within ourselves and that is something that we carry on since we came into this world.

Like Dalai Lama stated in his book “Live in a Better Way”, even an animal have the concept of love even though their understanding is very limited, but at least it shows that to know the concept of love we don’t need a religion.

The concept of love, kindness and forgiveness comes from our parents, who introduce the concept, who grow and give meaning to the concept to us when we were a baby.

If that concept comes from religion, then there will be no war, there will be no fight, there will be no terrorism, none, zero. Religion doesn’t have that such kind of terms.

Therefore, religion itself, for me, is like a brake, a stopper, when the angry, the un-forgiveness, come to the surface to replace all the good things of our selves. It depends on us, whether we would like to use the brake or we just run through it.

As Dalai Lama stated in his book, faith or religion, is an addition for us, a human being, to have a happy life, because we let ourselves be friends with us, because we let ourselves enrich our inner self through our compassionate things to others.

So, in that case, do we need religion ?

Well, in my case, I still need God, because I’ve met Him several times through His mystifying way and I need religion as my vehicle to meet my creator.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Circle of the Past

It’s been quite a long time since my last posting. I just felt that I can’t write even though I have a lot of things that I want to put it into words. It seems that it is easier to up date my facebook status instead of share my thought through writing.

During my hiatus period, something strange happened to me, God suddenly sent my old friends from the past to reach me, through His mystifying way, that remind me of my past dream.

So, in my hiatus period, I read a lot of book, I watched people through different lens; I studied everyday life with different angle, and put all of it into words.

I’m not finish yet, but finally I have started it and this time I have made my choice, I won’t let it go, I won’t burry it, I want to rekindle my dream. I want to give a meaning to myself, to my own life. So, one day, when I have a chance to look back at my world, I will remember it with smile.

Long time a go when I was in college, I was dreaming to be a journalist and at that time I became a stringer journalist. As I’ve stated several times, I think that period was the best time of my career at the corporation world.

So, when I have to make a choice to bury and forgotten my dream to be a journalist based on a silly reason, a reason that I also never regret it – since it was my choice – I’ve decided that someday I’ve to find my way back to my dream.

In reality, I’ve never forgotten my dream; I always bring back the memory of that beautiful dream to the surface.

Therefore, when out of nowhere God told me “Here, I show you the way” suddenly my circle of the past came and embrace me.

Circle of the Past, where years ago, I used to live. Circle of the Past, where words are my life. Circle of the Past where the imagination, the black and white color is my friends. Circle of the Past when every single moment has their own story.

Well, I’m still working to make my dream come true, but I think I’m on the right track, back to the old time, where words, people’s faces, culture, life, are my friends.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Friday Quiz from Blogthings

Deep Down You Are Sensitive

You're the type of person who notices everything and forgets nothing. You are very in tune with the world.
You feel deeply, and sometimes the silliest things can effect you. You are easily brought to laughter or tears.
You don't show the world how fragile you are. You instead show people how insightful you can be.
You are good at anticipating what's going to happen in your life. You are often the first one to see what's coming.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

A Secret

If we know each other’s secret. What comforts we should find.
John Churton Collins

We always thought that our secret is “ours” but in fact we forgot that others also can read our body language, our tone of voice, our smile, our sadness.

And that time, their experience of the past, will tell them what the secret is.

No matter how hard we try to hide the secret, sooner or later, the secret will come to the surface like an open book.

And that time, the soul of a secret vanished.

We never realized the pain that we bear when we tried to keep that secret to be a secret. We always put reason for the realization of suffering that we try to avoid.

Therefore, when somebody asked me, when is the right time to unlock a secret ?

Then I remembered my answer to that question, “When you are ready to take the consequences of that secret in your life.”

… That day, that secret is still a secret, since no one can read their body language, their tone of voice, their smile, their look at each other …

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Meaning of Word

Have we ever thought how powerful the meaning of a word ? I bet, we have. But have we ever thought that it can be meaningless ? I bet, we haven’t.

In the dictionary world, every word has a meaning. Whilst in the real world, not every word has a meaning. Some of the word is meaningless, especially when that word is just a noun. But for some word when it is an adjective, the meaning is beyond our imagination.

For example if you read or hear somebody says “beautiful or pretty”, I bet the meaning were stronger compare to “door or window”.

A door or a window, it is just a door; yes it can be stronger when you add another word. But still, a door is still a door; a window is still a window. The imagination, the feeling that you have when you read or hear that word is nothing.

Compare to beautiful or pretty or handsome, the imagination, the feeling that you have will go somewhere else, dig deep into your memory, and bring your pain or lovely memory of that word to the surface.

But even though we know how strong the meaning of some word is, we tend to forget to use it in the right way, or with the right tone or to whom we should addressing that word. Especially when our ego is stronger than our mind, intentionally we use the word that we know that it will hurt somebody. And we conceal that “intentionally” with several reasons just to make our self in the right side.

Yesterday, I watched my Criminal Minds DVD’s series, and one of the movie was about a wife killed her husband, just because her husband
Psychological abuse her by using the word that he knew will hurt his wife and finally make his wife lost her trust to herself.

How often that we intentionally use the word that we know that it will hurt somebody ? Well, maybe it is countless since we always tell ourselves that it is unintentionally while the reality is intentionally.

How often that we realize that we have hurt our children, our partner, our husband or wife, our love one, because of our “unintentionally” word ? How often we realize that we have sliced that person slowly ?

I bet, we never realize, because our ego was bigger than our mind

Friday, June 05, 2009

Me ? Awesome ? OMG

A couple weeks ago, Dini left a message at my blog. She told me that there’s a present waiting for me at her blog.

When my eyes read the word “PRESENT”, I hold my breath and run away to her blog as fast as I can. I want to open my present right away and voila …when I opened it, I was blushing. She gave me the present that I’ve never dreamed before.

She gave me the Trophy of Awesomeness. OMG … am awesome ? Yes, according to Dini, am awesome because am able to manage my life as a successful career woman and a wonderful mother.

Well ... what should I say ? Except Thank You so much for the Trophy of Awesomeness.
So in her birthday, I’ll post my reflection of why I’m awesome.

This is so hard; I never think that am awesome nor even my kids. According to them am the fussiest mother in the world. Not only fussiest, they also think that am lack of self-confidence, since I always complain about my weight.

What about my team ? Well, this time I have to admit that my team thinks that am awesome. Not awesome as very impressive but very difficult and perhaps rather frightening (based on Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary).

But then I remember what my kids, husband and team said about me, I think I know what Dini means :

Both of my daughters think I’m awesome because I know the trend of the fashion, book, music, movies; I know what kind of movies I should buy for them, or book or CD’s or even their clothes, shoes.

The oldest told me that am awesome because I have a lot of accessories, so she could experiment with that.

My little one told me that am awesome because she loves how I drive the car. Well, in this case, I don’t think that this is the good one, especially since I love to drive at excessive speed.

Both of them think am awesome because am generous not like their father, therefore they always ask me first then their father if they need something.

My husband think am awesome because I know how to surprise him with my cooking, because he can count on me when he forgot his things.

My team thinks that yes am awesome with complete meaning of awesome. They think that I always made them impressive through my understanding of the system, the problem; my quick decision when needed and my knowledge.

My team thinks that yes am awesome in the meaning of very difficult when I questioned them by using my journalism knowledge, the 5W + 1H.

My team think that yes am awesome in the meaning of rather frightening because my demand of excellent service, excellent process.

My team think that am awesome because they know they can discuss every single things with me, they can tease me and criticize me.

Last but not least, I think am awesome because God give me the opportunity to be a mother, a wife and career woman – if I may say so. I never asked my daughters to be number one, I only ask them to let the best of them out of their selves. She may not be the best student but am proud with her thinking process of her future; she knows her potentiality and her lack. Whilst the little one, like the oldest, she may not know what she wants to be in the future, but she knows exactly what is her potentiality and her lack. She’s never afraid to speak up when she sees in-justice.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A child through The Eyes of Grown Up Person

I nearly forgot this little girl until I saw her picture in my Old City Batavia collection. There’s something in my mind when I met her. A feeling of jealousy if I may say so, the feeling that made me took her picture.

I met her during my hunting at Old City, Batavia, in Jakarta. It was 09.30 AM when I passed her father’s small stall and saw her played with the sand like she was at the beach and build her sand-palace like other kids did when they were at the beach.

I noticed her ignorant of the car or motor bike which passing-by her father’s small stall. She also didn’t even get distracted by people who walk at the sidewalk, where she put her “sandy beach”.

She still smiled and enjoys the warm of morning sun. Even when I took her picture, she’s still busy with her imagination.

Oh … how I envy her, envy her imagination, envy her eyes of how she view the world, of how she enjoyed her present, not her past not even worry for her tomorrow.

In my eyes, she must be longing to play with white-sandy beach, build her sandy-castle at the beach complete with the tunnel and watch the waves destroy her little castle, so she can yell-out-loud and re-build her imagination castle again. Or like many other kids, when the waves was so tempting to be chase, she will race the waves, just to be the number one sprinter in the world; and when the waves beat her, she just throw herself to the sea like other kids and feel the salty water.

In my mind, I feel sorry for her because she doesn’t have the privilege to do so, not only a chance to play with the white-sandy beach but also a yard to explore her childhood.

As a grown up person, there’s always something that makes us worried. Our children, our husband, our job, our house, name it; there are a lot of worried. We never let our mind to stay calm, to live at today, present. We always live back and forth, past and tomorrow. It’s hard to ask my mind stop and live at present, even though I know that I should live at present.

But that girl, she doesn’t have that worried. She lives at present, now and never let yesterday or tomorrow takes over neither her imagination nor her joy of today.

I wish I still can have their imagination, their optimism to the world, and their present life. I really wish.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Another One Day in My Life

Defeat exists, but not suffering.
A true warrior knows that when he loses a battle
He is improving the skill
With which he wields a sword.
He will be able to fight more skillfully next time.
By The River Piedra
I Sat Down and Wept

Two weeks ago when everything seems unbearable for me, I let God take care of me, I didn’t ask Him to take my burden away but to let Him take my hand so I can walk my life with submission.

I pray day and night, ask God’s magic to cure my feeling, try not to accept the decision, not to change the decision.

During those days, I live in hell. There was a war between the good versus the bad me. I can hear the good one told me to accept it with dignity while the bad one told me to fight till the end.

Until last Friday, 01 May, when God worked in His strange way through my friend. He sent my friend to give me new perspective to read the situation and to accept it with dignity.

That Friday, when I met God at His home, I told Him that I wish He could take away the suffering from me, but I can’t. I didn’t have the courage to ask Him to change it, instead for the first time, I let myself cried.

That Friday, the restraining wall collapse, no more defense. I just cried.

And as Paulo Coelho’s wrote in Zahir, “As soon as people decide to confront a problem, they realize that they are far more capable than they thought they were.”

That Friday noon, finally I realized that am far more capable than I thought I was. The confrontation through accepting that it was one of my paths that I have to walk. The path that seems unbearable but maybe someday that path will teach me something new and when there’s a new path coming on my way, I can look back at that day with glory.

But as someone says, that sometimes we never know how God’s magic work or how long God’s want us to learn, that “one day in my life” also leads to the unbelievable ways.

The same Friday, late at night, my friend texted me, informed me to read the new announcement. The announcement that once again changed my life to 180 degrees direction; I’m back to the “old” structure.

I don’t know how it works, especially since I didn’t do anything to change the decision. As I said before, I have accepted the changes with submission; and just when I entrust my burden to Him, He changed it back.

That night, I didn’t feel anything; I just accept it as a new path. The new path that I have to walk; the new path that God had given to me to walk it with new way

Today, when I looked back to those days, I knew that God had given me the precious gift. A gift to “see” everything from different angle; a gift to “read” someone not just like black and white; a gift not to be “naïve”

Am I changing ? No, I’m still the old one, someone who doesn’t have the courage to ass kissing, someone who still has that “stupidity” in herself. But now, I see people through different lens, I read them through their “unwritten” language.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Vin Diesel - FB 24 April 2009

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be ? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
(Vin Diesel – FB 24 April 2009)

I read the above quotation from Vin Diesel’s status in Facebook. Quite surprise with what he wrote and made me think, am I brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Am I never wanted to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous ?

I think everybody knows the answer, we all brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous; no one can say that we are not that brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Even when we are comparing ourselves with the King, the Queen, the model, the actor, the answer still the same.

Who are they ? compare to us ? They have the popularity. We ? We have the popularity also ?
Brilliant ? We also brilliant. Talented ? We also talented. Fabulous ? We also fabulous.

We are special, every human being are special because as Vin Diesel wrote in his status, that as we let our own light shine then unconsciously we let other do the same.

Sometimes we didn’t realize of whom we are and we tend to copied someone else without even facing the mirror and find the beauty of ourselves.

I can’t write more than that especially since the quotation itself really moves me.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Kartini and Feminism

A note from my hybernating period .. to commemorate Kartini's day

Visited another country just for a vacation is something that I never dream for. Not because I could not afford it, it’s just because I love the beach and the sun which shine for 24 hours (except for rainy days).

My trip is always a business trip combine with a vacation trip after the exhausting day of exhibition, working or even training.

Therefore, when my husband and in-laws offered me to spend four days to the “most-common-visited” country by the Indonesian, the paradise of shopping sale, I felt a little bit uncomfortable.

The reason was simple, because it is not a business trip, it’s a vacation and vacation is something that I always plan ahead. I could not go to a vacation without prepare the details of my trip. Even to the place that I always visit, still planning is in my top priority.

And … the journey starts at Emirates.

As we all know, Arab Saudi is the first destination for Indonesian women workers. They work for Arab Saudi’s family helping the house wife in managing the house holds. Once a year, they go back to Indonesia before they flew back to Arab Saudi again.

The education? Arab Saudi didn’t ask for higher education, at minimum they have to pass their elementary school. The language or the culture was being trained by the agent before they got a place to work. Therefore we can imagine the difficulty they have to face in listening the instruction given by their master.

Anyway, back to Emirates, in my row – we were sitting at 4 seater – one of the passenger were one of Indonesian women workers.

I felt pity for them, we left Indonesia around 08.20 pm and for the long trips like that, at least we have to prepare our clothes to fight with the coldness but this Indonesian woman worker only wore a shirt and a suit; besides their ability to communicate in English, even though it is a simple question.

In our row the Indonesian woman worker sat next to Indonesian rich, educated guy. Then here the story continues ….

When the female attendant asked the Indonesian woman worker to fasten her seat belt, she didn’t know how to do it.

Our Indonesian guy didn’t say anything not even helped her.

Then when it comes to choose the dinner, she also couldn’t say her decision. She didn’t even understand that she has to make a choice.

Like before, our beloved Indonesian guy just sat quietly but now he gave his odd look to our Indonesian woman worker.

The last one is when our flight transit in Singapore and the flight attendant asked our Indonesian woman worker to leave the plane.

Our Indonesian guy just left the plane and as usual didn’t say anything while the flight attendant made every effort to make our Indonesian worker understood the meaning of transit.

Once again, I felt pity for them. They just left Indonesia in 1 hour flight from Jakarta to Singapore and they have received the worst treatment from the same Indonesian citizen not the Arabian.

And now, today, when we commemorate Kartini, the Indonesian woman leader of emancipation, we forgot to touch the basis of emancipation. The basis that I called “Respect”.

Emancipation is all about respect, respect from both side, as a human being not based on gender. Emancipation is all about recognition that woman as well as man contribute the same thing through different shape, different form.

Like what the Indonesian guy did to our Indonesian woman worker, if there’s respect even though they are a helper, then he will help them, guide them in that 1 hour flight.

I read in the article in one of Indonesia woman’s magazine, the writer stated that Indonesian woman always fight for their right but at the same time they need the man treat them like a woman, whilst if we asked for the right similarity then we have to stop to protest if the man treat us like them.

Maybe I’m not a modern woman, maybe ..; but for me, emancipation is about accepting that we’re different from man. Emancipation is about stopping to beg the mars people to treat the Venus differently while at the same time fight for the similarity. Emancipation is about knowing man’s and woman’s superiority.

Kartini never fight for feminism and it’s totally wrong to put Kartini as the leader of the Indonesian woman liberation.

….my two cents…

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Office Politics - The Opportunist and The Safety Player

Just recently, there’s a new ritual in my office, every 9.30 AM we have our regular morning meeting with the Bosses and the Big Bosses.

When I knew that my name is in the list, I felt that am in prison. Not because that I can’t have my morning chit-chat with my team or my colleague but because I only have limited time to finish my task, to discuss the idea with my team, to held my own meeting and most importantly am loosing my team to “think”.

At first, I felt a lil bit bored until the last three days, I found the new activity by watching and “reading” my colleague answer and gesture when our Big Boss of the Bosses threw his questions which gave me the lesson of “office politics”.

I’m not that person who loves “office politics”. For some reason I always have the beliefs that if we never stabs somebody in the back then no one will do that for me, so we can work in harmony as a team to achieve our own goals and everybody will do the same.

Naïve ? Certainly. Even though I have been stabbed by someone in the back, I never changed my “naïve” opinion.

I remember, one of my friends told me that am too naïve, that as a grown up person I have to understand that people will use every single way to climb up to the top, that we can’t make friends in the office. I was so mad at him for accused me as a naïve person and started from that day, I want to proof that his opinion was wrong.

But these last three days, I saw the drama of Office Politic, where finally I can spot my friends who are under the opportunist list.

Not within 24 hours, one of my friends has changed his opinion and suddenly became amnesia of what he had said before.

The others changed their opinion just because Ms. X, who has the power to the top, suddenly changed her opinion too.

All the opportunist follow where the wind blows, as long as Ms. X didn’t saw them as her enemy, then it must be safe for them to march behind Ms. X and become the Yes Man.

Besides the opportunist there’s a group consist of “Play Safe” people. Their comment is under the “abstain comment”. Just like the opportunist, they will state their final answer after the Big Boss of the Bosses stated his point of view.

I wish I can be like the opportunist or the play safe, I really wish. But every time I want to follow them, my inner voice advice me to become the countable person. So here I’m, speak the truth to the world and the big boss or the bosses may not like me because of my opinion, but at least I don’t have to put the mask.

I may be dumb for not using the opportunity to flowering myself to the Big Boss but at least I don’t have to make the up the story every time or have to loose my time just because the Boss love to get his team to gather together to praise the Lord.

I don’t want questioning the opportunist and play safe behavior. For me, the opportunist and the play safe is merely the character of that person. And for me, character is something that you can’t change. It’s there, they born and lives with that. The only person who can change it is themselves.

And today, during the meeting, when the Big Boss made his decision, the opportunist just sit there quietly without saying a word. Whilst Ms. X still fight for her opinion.
If you asked me which one that I like better, certainly I will say that I like to have a friend like Ms. X, even though Ms. X stated her opinion because of her hidden agenda but she’s never afraid to tell the people of her stand of point.

I know that by choosing to become the normal people, the one who can easily stated their opinion; I may not have a lot of friends at the office. But office is the place to work, isn’t it ? Not a place to find a friend.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Remembering The Old Days

I was capturing my old friends from the view winder of my camera, when suddenly I realized that how we missed our old days, when world were so colorful, when future were so real, when our romance will be last forever and our friendship will be last forever.

There are several friends that we haven’t met for almost 18 years, some of them we haven’t met for almost 5 years, where the rest we still see each other at least once a year and some of it is our best friend – our life time friends.

I still can picture their old faces but not their new faces. But even though years have taken away our “young and fresh look”, and put the wrinkles, the flabby tummy, the fat to our look, they can’t take away our memories of our youth.

There was a time when we were so mad at our Nun, the Head Master, especially since we, who gather together were her lovely student. Not because we were so nice but because almost each of us was in her “punishment” list because of our “youth energy”.

That time and years after that we still remember her with our “madness memory”, until today when we heard that she were suffer of brain cancer, then we realized that we’ve become what we’ve now is because of our “Discipline Nun”.

Our Head Master, Sr. Clarentia, she knew every single details of what we did, our lover, our friends, everything. Until now, I’m still anxious to find out how she collected all the information.

Looking my old friends through the camera lens bring back all the old memories. We were from different class and united by our “naughtiness, romance, and brothers/sisters” and until today even though the romance is not there, we still bring back our friendship in our loving memory.

Have we changed ? Yes .. For sure and what makes me proud that each of us can change the label of “naughty student” to “better person”. No one can believe that one of our friends who is in the wicked student in the world, now is actively shown his care to Indonesian island, be in that expedition and wrote the book. One of the other “wicked student in the world” have become a succeed entrepreneur.

That day, we cherished our moment, open the old album, seeing the old faces, tried to remember names and compared them with their today’s look, missed our friends who lives far away from us, sharing our old romance stories, stories of our teacher, all the punishment we got from our teacher and headmaster, every things and still 1 day is not enough to cater all the memories we have in senior high.

Me ? I’m happy. I met her, my sister. She is my senior when I entered senior high. I once was part of her gang and for me she’s the only one who’s humble and sincere. We haven’t seen each other after she graduated and moved to Bandung, where she pursues her wishes at ITB.

Well….time flies so fast, we were not young anymore but that day brings back the youthful to us, that day brings back our old times to us.

We know we may not see each other often, but for sure we know that the memories of our old times live in our heart.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

My Good Friday Reflection

I am the witness
To His fearless death.
I am a token of His
last promise

- Forgiveness –
I am the Cross

This noon, I knelt down quietly, looking at the cross covered with purple satin.
I remembered all the despair that I felt recently and compared my despair with His suffering.
I remembered the entire worst thing that I’ve done and compared the burden of my sin that He has to burden.

This noon, I sat quietly, and felt the pain inside myself.
The pain that come from my selfishness
The pain that come from my doubt to His Grace

This noon, when I kiss Him.
I know that He will hold my hand through the darkness of my cross
I know that He will carry me when I’m fall
I know that He will give me strength

This noon, I know that He will keep His promise …

Sunday, March 15, 2009

How Are You ?

Lately the above question is not just a question; it’s more like a secret story of life which has been revealed by the world. Whilst the answer also not just an answer; it’s a reflection of somebody’s hope to embrace the latest economic situation.

Several days ago one of my friends asked me that question and for the first time in my life, it is so difficult for me to answer that question. Not because I don’t want to answer that question, but it’s because I don’t know how to answer that simple question.

How should I answer that ? Should I answer that I’m doing fine, that the business is tougher now ? Or Should I answer that everything is not as my expectation ? Or Should I answer that I’m in the middle of preparing myself to the worst possibility of the company’s latest situation ? Or Should I answer that I’m still lucky that I still have a job ?

It’s been a month I have to sing the same song to my team, give them the courage, give them the real picture of the industry, whilst deep down myself, I’m questioning the story that I sang for them.

It’s been more than a month after I realized that my dream had vanished. It’s been more than a month I tried to encourage myself that when the time’s come I’m ready.

So, how am I ?

Well, business is not as what expected. We have to rebuild it, start it from zero. For the time being I still have a job even though with the latest situation it’s hard to be firm.

So, how am I ?

I still have the spirit to build my dream, to start from zero. I still have what we’ve known as HOPE.

So how are you ?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Jamal : I knew you’d be watching
Latika : I thought we would meet only in death
Jamal : This is our destiny

.. Slumdog Millionaire Quotation ..

Destiny ?

So it means that no matter how hard we tried, no matter how hard we learned, no matter how hard we worked, if our Destiny which had written in our hand is not what we dreamed for, and then we will not have it ?

Watching Slumdog Millionaire made me realized that every single path of our life is worth. We never know when that part of our life will bring that ‘luck’ to our dream, until that ‘luck’ land in our plate.

Watching Slumdog Millionaire made me realized that Destiny always start with IF.

Jamal’s would not be a millionaire, if he didn’t live in that slum area, if he didn’t live in that beggar world, if he didn’t get caught steal the food and dump off at Taj Mahal, if he didn’t meet his blind childhood friend, if he didn’t work at call center, if he didn’t replace the call center staff, and many others IF …

Are there a lot of Jamal’s in this world ? Unfortunately there are a lot of Jamal’s in this world, in different shape. Even we are “Jamal” in our own world.

So what is Destiny anyway ? Why people always said it’s our Destiny ? Because what we’ve dreamed for finally there ?

What about if what we’ve dreamed for are still a dream ? A Destiny also ?

For me, Destiny is the answer of what we’ve done along the way we live in this world. The Destiny itself starts when God created “us” in our mother’s womb. Start on that day, then IF come to our world.

Destiny is our own free will which God had given to us together with the voice of angel and evil, “the conscience”.

Every single path in our life is a Destiny.

Jamal’s destiny is his free will together with his conscience. Our destiny is our free will together with our conscience.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sin in My Eyes

“Truly we can chose to sin, but what we can’t do is to choose to be sinless. From our little while lie designed to spare someone’s feelings to the reality of Hitler’s ovens, sin is necessary
because we cannot return to God without overcoming it.”
The Anchorage

Sinless ? No one in this world can choose to be sinless. Only the angel can choose to be sinless. Sin is already in there, in our path of life, start from the day we breathe.

I do agree with the way The Anchorage thinking of how we should portray Sin. Especially since sin is never on the top of the list to “Heaven” in any religion terms.

But have we ever thought why we have the luxurious to choose sin ? For sure, I don’t realize the luxurious of those choices until I read The Anchorage post.

Sin is one of the precious gifts from Heaven, so we would be able to know ourselves, to know others and most importantly to know our Creator.

Can we prevent ourselves from sin ? I doubt it.

I’ve tried hard to go through every single day of my life for the past 3 days, and I found out that the hardest I tried the more sin come to my way. For the past 3 days what I’ve done was choose the sin.

And Just because of that sin, I’ve got the understanding of life, of believing and of love. Through those understanding, I met with my Creator.

Friday, February 20, 2009


I am calm and steady in every situation, like a rock in a storm
I feel light and easy, giving all my burdens to God
- Inspirational Cards from Brahma Kumaris –

Those messages were come from my Brahma Kumaris Inspirational Cards that I bought at Bali Spirit, Ubud, last year.

The instruction of using the deck stated that whenever I feel I need help in a challenging situation, or some inspiration, or just a new way to look at life, sit quietly, ask, and then select a card or two, at random. Then, let that card guide you to a fresh new way of thinking – a new me !

Surprisingly for these two days, even though I have shuffled the cards and put the card other way around, those two cards, always become my selection.

Yesterday, when I read those cards on my way to the office, I felt like God gave me His love so I would be able to walk and think clearly in this difficult situation. But apparently the purpose of the message was not as I’m thinking. The situation were even worst than I thought.

Then for the first time in my life, I do understand the meaning of my discussion with my friend last year. The higher the position you held, the loneliest you’ll become.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I’m there.

It’s hard to stay calm and steady in this situation but I have to.
Smile to the team, act like nothing happen.

Today, when those card become my selection again, although I’ve done the same ritual like yesterday, I know that God still love me.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Great Sex means Happy Marriage ?

Three weeks ago during our “Land Coffee” one of my blogger friend asked us, whether great sex was one of the main factor of happy marriage.

Some of us, at that time, automatically refused that statement. One of my friend said that great sex didn’t always have a connection with happy marriage.

I remember she asked for our further explanation of our statement, but we just smiled and laughed then changed the topic.

Back home, I am trying to find the reason, since most of article in the media always bring up the issue of how great sex is one of the reason of happy marriage. Even in one of the book that I read, there’s a story of how the marriage end up just because of “sex”.

Is it true ? Great sex is the main factor of happiness in a marriage life ? Or great sex is one of the factors of happiness in marriage life ?

What if there’s no great sex in marriage life ? How do we know that the un-happiness of marriage life just because of that great sex ?

What is the indicator of great sex ? The frequency of sex ? Of how our partner in life mastered in sex ?

What is the indicator of happy marriage ? The way the couple shows their affection ? Of the length of marriage life ?

Marriage life is like human life itself. Great sex indicator is varying. Every body has their own standard, their own indicator. The answer because we are human, sex relate to feeling. How can we standardize a feeling ? As a human, the needs are different for every body. Feeling is not a mathematical thing and so is the indicator of happy marriage.

The length of marriage life is not the indicator of happy marriage nor the indicator of unhappy marriage.

There are a lot of stories of how “great sex” based on spectator eyes become the main reason of unhappiness and lead to divorce. But there are also a lot of stories of how happiness comes from a couple who do not have capability in “sex”.

Marriage is not sex legitimate, marriage is about of two people who have same point of view, who have same feeling, who have the same understanding, who have the same goal, rejoin together in the institution called “marriage”.

Sex came later after the feeling, after the understanding, after the communication, after the goals. Sex is not the first one when two people finally decided to marriage.

Then how the divorcee blames the sex ?

The answer is because it is easier to find the scapegoat especially since sex came later after all the “same” perspective things.

People forget that like life itself, marriage also evolve from a child to grown up person. Life is about changing and so is marriage.

Therefore, if two people forget to accept the changes, forget that their half is not the same person that they knew before, then the unhappiness came.

So, do I agree that sex is the main indicator in the happiness of marriage life ? I don’t think so. One of the main factor ? Yes, but not as the importance of knowing and accepting the changes of their partner in life. Not as the importance of how we communicate with our partner in life. Not as the importance of listening to the un-spoken feelings.

… my two cents …

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Rumi's and God

I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to old pagodas, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.

I searched on the mountains and in the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him.

I went to Cabba in Mecca, but He was not there either.

I questioned the scholars and philosophers but He was beyond their understanding.

I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw Him; He was nowhere else to be found.

Jalaluddin Rumi, Founder of the Mawlawi Sufi Order (1207 – 1273)

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Tag from Ecky

01. Real Name – Christina Maria Theresa Juinita Senduk
02. Like it ? – Sooo much but not my nick name, people tend to call me, "Jui" or "Mr" or even the worst part “Mr Jui” and sometimes "Juhi"
03. Nick name (s) Juin
04. Status – Married
05. Zodiac Sign – Gemini
06. Male of Female – Well… depends on the day and my mood
07. Elementary – SD Trisula
08. Middle School – SMP Yayasan Keluarga a.k.a SMP Tarakanita Rawamangun
09. High School – SMA Fons Vitae 1, Marsudirini
10. Hair Color – Dark Brown, wants to toning it
11. Long or Short – Medium Bob
12. Eye Color – Dark Brown
13. Weight – 53, want to loose 3 kg to 6 kg, don’t know when
14. Height – 155 cm
15. Righty or Lefty – Lefty
16. Sweats or Jeans – Jeans and Short
17. Phone or Camera – Both
18. Health Freak – No
19. Piercing ? – Ear
20. Do you have a crush on someone ? It’s my secret :-D
21. Eat or Drink – Both
22. Purse or Backpack – Backpack
23. Tattoos – No
24. Do You Like Yourself ? Have to but I will love myself more if finally my weight back to 47 kg
25. Current worry ? Died soon before seeing my two beautiful daughters married


26. Orange or Apple Juice ? Both, but the juice must be original
27. Night or Day ? Flexible but currently am prefer Day
28. Sun or Moon ? Both
29. TV or Internet ? Both, can’t live without them
30. Play Station or Xbox ? X Box or Wii
31. Kiss or Hug ? Both
32. Iguana or Turtle ? I don’t like it both of them
33. Spider or Bee ? No way, am afraid
34. Fall or Spring ? Both plus summer
35. Limewire or iTunes ? iTunes
36. Soccer or Baseball ? I’m not into sport, but I will choose Baseball


37. First surgery – zero
38. First piercing – just ear
39. First Best Friend – Tino Laisina, Rina Waas, Dewi and Andreas, my middle school gang
40. First sport – swimming
41. First award – the talented person of Poem reading
42. First crush – Bangladesh Boy who lives in front of my auntie’s house (the elementary school crush)
43. First pet – Dog
44. First Big Vacation – Carita, with the whole family of my grandmother’s, it started when I was in middle school
45. First Big Birthday – never have


46. Eating – half chicken pie
47. Drinking – Water
48. I’m about to – Read Marley and Me
49. Listening to – iTunes – don’t know the track, but Gospel Piano Instrumental
50. Singing – Nope
51. Typing ? – This loooooongggg tag fromEcky
52. Waiting for – no one


53. Want kids ? – Nope, two is enough
54. When ? – Abstain
55. Want to get married ? In my future life ? Off course
56. When ? Don’t know, future belongs to GOD
57. Where Do You Want to Live ? When am being a grandma, I wish I will live in the village or near the beach
58. Careers in mind – Not at the moment – I want to re-establish my own company
59. What Did You Want to Be When You were little ? Pilot then War Journalist
60. Mellow Future or Wild ? Hm .. Wild but as Ecky said, should be in control
61. Something You Would Never Try ? Bungee Jumping


62. Lips or eyes ? Both
63. Shorter or Taller ? Taller
64. Romantic or spontaneous – Spontaneous Romantic
65. Nice stomach or nice arms – Both
66. Sensitive or Loud – Sensitive
67. Hook-up or Relationship – Hook Up First then Relationship
68. Trouble maker or Hesitant ? In Between
69. Hugging or Kissing ? Both
70. Tan Skinned or Light ? Tanned skinned
71. Dark or Light Hair ? Dark
72. Muscular or Normal ? In between


73. Lost glasses/contacts ? never
74. Ran away from home ? never
75. Held a gun/knife for self defense ? never
76. Killed somebody ? OMG, No, Never
77. Broken someone’s heart ? Yup …
78. Been arrested ? never
79. Cried when someone died – all the time
80. Kissed a stranger ? Nope
81. Climbed Up A Tree ? When I was a kid, Jambu tree
82. Liked a Friend as more than A friend ? Yes, can’t say when, it’s my own secret


83. Yourself ? Yes
84. Miracles ? Always
85. Love at First Sight ? Never
86. Heaven ? Sure
87. Santa Claus ? Yes
88. Kiss on the first date ? Yes


89. Is there one person you want to be with right now – nope, my husband and my two aughters are with me now ..
90. Do You Like Someone ? off course
91. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life ? Can’t complaint, can I ? It’s a gift from GOD


92. Received/Sent Text Message – 888 (the regular report sms from my office)/nope
93. Received Call – my friend
94. Call Made ? my husband
95. Comment on MySpace ? I’ve deleted my account at MySpace
96. Missed Call ? Nope
97. Person You Hang Out with ? my friends and every body who are fun to be with

25 Random Things About Me

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

I've got this from my old friend, Alice. She tagged me through FB. So here are my 25 Random Things about Me :

1.Long time ago, journalism is my main dream, can’t live without it

2.I’ve been in the customer service world for almost 21,5 years and that world give me a lot of experience dealing with people. The worst part, I can’t get rid the habit of examining people through their body language, their voice, their face.

3.Now .. for the first time in my life, I switch it to CRM and it’s already going for almost 8 months. Even though it’s not relate to “serve” but still in the “customer” world.

4.I love to read a book and love to buy. It’s difficult for me to resist the temptation to buy the new book even though I can’t read it right away. I still have a book that I haven’t read for almost 2 years and I’ve nearly forgotten that book until I saw it on my 24things.

5.I value openness, so be frank with me, I don’t like flowery words. I always feel that people were trying to “buy” me.

6.I love the beach as much as I love the scenery of the mountain.

7.God were so kind with me, He showed me the Wheel of Life. Just name it, I’ve been in the condition where we have to sold our clothes to buy the food; I’ve also been in the stages of life where we can buy anything, where I owned more than 3 cars, got the newest model that only certain people in Jakarta have, be with the crème de la crème. Now, I’m just the ordinary like everyone.

8.Religion for me is my personal things with GOD. No one can touch it. I have chosen my own way to praise GOD, after a long and deep dialogue with Him. But it doesn’t mean that I’m fanatic, instead I’m open for any knowledge or the good part of every religion. I never condemn if someone’s want to convert their religion, it’s their choice of how to meet their GOD.

9.I’m a mother of two beautiful daughters with a wish that sometimes being single again. It’s silly, maybe, but when the day was so tough, when I was so tired to handle all the questions from my two beautiful stars, sometimes I wish that God will grant me a quiet day, where I can do anything of my own as when I’m single.

10.I’m married to a Muslim and never have the desire or push him to convert his to be mine. I’m happy for his choice because he found his peacefulness as a Moslem.

11.I love challenge, new things always attract me, feel like a magnet for me. Like learn how to crochet, knit, how to make bracelet, necklace; my passion was so intense as much as my boredom after I learned it.

12.I’m good in interpersonal skill, got compliment for it from all my bosses and my colleagues.

13.Someday I want to be a philanthropist, not because it is the way to heaven, but I feel that I have to share the blessing that I have to others who don’t have the same “luck” like me.

14.I’m afraid to Ghost, and that’s the reason I don’t like horror movies ....

15.I always nauseated with worm and cockroach, can’t take it. Those two animals are monsters.

16.I love dog so much, the cutest animal in the world. I love Panda and Bear too, but they are not pet 

17.3 years ago, I decided to quit and set up my export handicraft company. It’s a boldest decision but it’s worth it. I’ve learned a lot how to set up and run a new company. At the end, money is always being the most important things when we run the company.

18.I always believe that people are kind even though I’ve got cheated every time.

19.I made my testament of my requiem mass. One of the list that I made was I don’t want people wear black clothes when they see me. Death is the happiest thing in the world for the death people. So I want my family to be happy for it. Therefore BLACK is a big NO NO on my death day.

20.I love jasmine and tuberose flower. Love the exotic smell of those flowers.

21.I want to go back to college and mastering product design. I’m enough with all marketing stuff.

22.I love travelling.

23.I’m a bluntly, easy going person. I’m also easily forgotten people’s mistake. I never bear a grudge, it’s not me.

24.I love to cook, I’m good in Italian, Macaroni Schotel, Kastengels, oxtail soup, and Manadonese

25.I believe in Reincarnation, Heaven and Hell is in our daily life.

Now .. I'm tagging Dini, Felicity, Soe, Caroline, Ecky, Anita, Therry, Parvita, Rob, Elyani, Eva, Opie, Wirapati, Boy, Adit

Sunday, February 01, 2009

The Early Result

Today is the 1st month birthday after I’ve delivered my 2009 Resolution Babies. The babies that I named as Procrastination, Exercise and Hobby.

I’ve been known as the most procrastination person, even my mom hate me because of my habit; therefore it’s about time to change it. I really want to change, be a new person. At least not a full procrastination but at least a little bit procrastination person.

So, how’s the 1st month going on ?

Well …I can manage myself better now. At least I’m able to manage not to pend most of my task until the last minute. I manage to tidy up my clothes in my wardrobe everyday, something in the past that I always failed.

But not today, not after January 2009, I think I should give myself a trophy for that. There’s still 1 or 2 task that sometimes I put in my pending box but most of it, I’m succeed to finish it in and on time.

What about my reading habit ? (The hobby part).
Since January, I have my own target, at least once a month; I must be able to finish 1 book from more than 30 un-finished books of my 2007 till 2009 list. Now, at least January am able to finish 1 book and still reading 3 books simultaneously.

The others?
I still have to work hard to finish the things in my Pandora box but at least I’ve done something instead of doing nothing.

The 3rd babies, The Exercise ?
Am able to jog for 2 km and reduced 2 kg of my December weight, but it was last week
So it’s about time to set new schedule and new target for February.

Phew …
Finally, I have my non financial 2009 goals.
The goals to balance my life, the things that I’ve forgotten in 2008.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Seeing The Unseen - part 2

It’s raining outside her car window.
Suddenly she spotted the place where they spend most of their time
Doing nothing, just exchange news, sharing stories, or remembering the days that has been gone by

She remembered their last evening
A cup of peppermint tea accompanied them and a book

If she knew that it was their last day
If she knew ….

She hasn’t said her Good Bye …
She hasn’t had the chance to say how much their friendship meant for her ..

She only wishes that someday finally she would be able to say “I Guess this is Goodbye”

I Guess This Is Goodbye - Eric Benet

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Future Lives .... ?

My first acquaintance with past lives started 3 years ago, when my colleague lent me Dr Brian Weiss book “Messages from The Masters”. I was so attached with the idea of past lives connection with our current live. Especially after I read “Only Love Is Real”, the idea of soul mate from the past really haunted me.

Start from that day, I believe the incarnation concept even though it’s against the value of my religion, Catholic. I believe that if I choose to live in this world, I have to pay what I have done wrong in my past lives, until finally I become a new person, no debt that I have to pay.

In his previous book, Dr Brian Weiss use the past lives progression therapy to help patients cure their physical or emotional wounds in their present lives.

Whilst in his current book, Same Soul Many Bodies, he has not only regressed his patients into the past; but also progressed them into the future. In this book, he has discovered that our futures are variable – the choice we make now will determine the quality of our life when we return.

When I read half of these book, am questioning myself, of how do we make the choice since not all of us even have the chance to know our past lives. What we know is Today not Before not even Tomorrow.

But when I have finished the book, then I do understand the main point of the choice we have to make.

In life, in our relationship with our colleague, our husband/wife, our parents, we have to deal with the anger, health, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding, and on top of all that is love; whilst all the decision that we made in those relationship at the end, re-shape our future lives.

In this book, we learn that through the experience of future lives progressed, we can learn that actually, each alternative has connection with our current decision.

Well, we know that we can’t define our future, no one knows, since it is God’s territory, for some people, the reincarnation is beyond their understanding.

But for me, future doesn’t always mean with reincarnation. Future is our tomorrow, the days when we getting older, if God gave His permission to us to live. Our current decision re-shapes our tomorrow, our next month, our next year ..

So, worth it or not to read this book ? Its worth to buy and read, since it will bring you to the journey of knowing yourself …

Saturday, January 03, 2009

My 2009 Resolution

Today is the 3rd day of a new beginning of 2009 and for the first time in my life, finally I decided my 2009 resolution.

Maybe because am getting older, or maybe because there are so many things happened in last couple weeks.

Whatever the reason – and I don’t want to find out what is the reason – I feel relief, that finally I have something which is not under “material” things.

So here is my 2009 resolution:

I’m the fans of procrastination as long as I can remember. I always find a reason to live with procrastination, until I watched Oprah’s show where Peter Walsh gave his advice of how to clean up “messy room”.

Then suddenly I remember my Things to Do List that listed in my “List of Best” which until end of 2008 still there in the “pending” item list, because of the procrastination effect.

Start today, I’ve followed Peter Walsh advice by creating my daily, weekly and monthly plan; hopefully by end of 2009 my 2007 and 2008 pending list will decrease together with the completeness of my 2009 list.

Same like procrastination, I am struggling with my “gross” a.k.a. my flabby tummy for almost a year and failed every time.

I’ve million reason of “gaining my gross” as much as my reason of not coming to gym. I paid a lot for my gym membership and also for personal trainer, but like my reason of procrastination, I also have my other reason of postponed my exercise.

So what is my 2009 goal for my beloved “gross”?

Well, this time, my main goal is back to my old habit, my yoga practice, my morning walk and run, and my gym. With the second goal is back to my favorite weight, 47 kg.

OMG, I just realized that even my 3rd resolution also have a connection with procrastination.

There are a lot of un-finished book, bracelet, necklace and crochet in my Pandora box, which are waiting for me to play with them.

Don’t ask me how all of that things end up in my Pandora box, since I always find a reason to put the things in to my Pandora box. Especially when the distraction was so intense, the distraction of the new beautiful things.

Therefore, today, I told myself, to not easily fall in love with new beautiful things. Like Peter Walsh’s statement in Oprah’s show, that before I buy the new one, I have to take out the old one from my Pandora box.

As Paulo Coelho’s written in Alchemist :

When you want something,
The whole Universe conspire
To help you realize your desire

This time, I believe that Universe will help me …