Tuesday, July 31, 2007

At the crossroads

I wish I could stand besides you, listening to all of your worries
I wish you put your trust on me,
I wish I can help you to pass these days, when all the good things seems to leave you

Nevertheless, it’s only a wish ….

Looking back into these past days, I know that the trust is not there anymore ..
And I know, deep in my heart, that eventually, I have to say good bye ..

However, please remember this …

If you need someone to share all your worries, you know how to find me.
I’m still there ….

Monday, July 30, 2007

My Planet

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye.

You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature.
And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance.

You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life.
You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Another Thought .....

My friend once told me that at the end, our friends will vanish and only a friend, a true friend, will stay. So when the time comes, we will know who is our true friend, because the only left is a friend where we always find to share our happiness and sadness.

I just smile and try to understand the statement, even though deep in my heart, I’m questioning his statement.

Last night, in my nutshell, I let myself questioning the statement, and I have to admit that the statement is a valid one. Picturing the stages in my life, I just realized that friends that we thought as a friend, is not really a friend.

They vanish as fast as they come.

I once heard that our partner in life actually is our “true friend”, friend where we can share anything. Because there’s emotional attachment in that relationship.

Maybe the last statement is true, maybe it’s wrong.

For me, even though he/she is our partner in life, it is still depends on the level of trust. Do we believe our partner in life as our friend where we can share anything; do we believe that our partner in life also put his/her trust on us ? Can we share anything without even afraid of our partner statement, comment, rejection ?

Back to the end of our life, where our friend left is only our true friend, for me the secret lies in us. It can be our partner in life, it can be our "friend". It is lies in these question. Do we believe our true friend is a person where we can share anything, our memories, our happiness, our sadness, our worries, without even worrying of their statement ? Do we believe that our fighting is the spices of a friendship, without even afraid that it will end as an enemy ?

But as somebody says that “it takes two to tango”, I have to admit that even though we put our believes, it will not work unless our friend put their believes in us too.

So … do we need years to find whom our true friend ? Is the statement of “time will tell” still valid ?

No, we don’t need years to know whether our friend will be our ‘true friend’; But yes .. We need times to know whether they will be the last who stays …

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Small Things ...

The two hardest tests on spiritual road
are the patience to wait for the right moment
and the courage not to be disappointed
with what we encounter
(Veronika Decides To Die - Paulo Coelho)

Thank you for the net ….

Am not the superstitious person, but if within two day in a row, you finally could chat with your old friends, than there’s must be a cosmic explanation?

Two days ago, I saw a message in my yahoo mail window – my friends name tab – she is my friend in my English course. When we finished our intensive course, we promised to each other, that we would keep in touch with everybody ..

Almost 90 % of my class continue their master degree at other country, and for some reason, some of them still keep me in the loop, maybe because am the only one who didn’t leave Jakarta.

I remember, one of them said to me, finally we could chat after we chase each other through mail or sms.

Last night, I saw my old friend from my previous company name, so I send him a message without expecting that he would reply my message. But suddenly, I saw his reply. We shared our story a bit, and then we just said good night.

… Phew, thank you for the net, makes world so small, feel that they were stay at the same city, while in fact takes hours to meet them …

Wrong Guess….

I thought I knew that person. I thought we knew each other. I thought she count me as her friend. But, I was wrong. She didn’t even count me as her friend. Anyway, I tried to understand her thought, her objection; still the pain is there, the guilty feeling is there.

This morning, when I do my morning walk, as usual I let my left and right heart talk, and all the voices that I heard was I was wrong. I should keep quiet and pretend that I haven’t heard that good news.

…. Oh I wish, I wish, that I could erase yesterday from my book, but I couldn’t … the line is there.

My World

I always do my morning walk alone, at the same time. Not always walk sometimes I combine it with running, because I love to feel the sweat run out of my body. Seems that I have done good job in my morning routine.

This morning, for the first time after my other morning, I just realized that even though I walk at the same path, the same route, there’s always something new.
Like my happy couple neighborhood, I saw them do a long chitchat with her husband. While the other day, she just stands in front of her door, wave to her husband. Hm ….He left home a little bit late this morning and he parks his car at different side of her garage.

I didn’t meet my morning newspaperman. Wondering the time that he delivered the newspaper since after I finished my morning walks, I saw my newspaper already at the same place.

It’s a little bit cold compare to yesterday this morning. Windy and the sun were so lazy to say good morning. Hm… I didn’t hear a siren today …

… Oh I love my small world in the morning, where I can still hear the song of the cricket, and the coolness that touch my skin ….

Feeling better ? Yes, after all the hard time I’ve been through yesterday….

Sunday, July 22, 2007

There are moments when troubles enter our lives
And we can do nothing to avoid them.
But they are there for a reason.
Only when we have overcome them
Will we understand why they were there

(The Fifth Mountain – Paulo Coelho)

My dearest friend,

I read that above quotation from “The Fifth Mountain – Paulo Coelho”.

When suddenly I remember the troubles that has been a topic of discussion between my right and left heart. The trouble that makes me ask God for the explanation, the trouble that makes me flew to other part of the world to find the answer. The troubles that I’ve put in the corner of my heart.

I remember all the pain, hatred and anger that I have to deal before finally I make a peace with them. The struggle to win the war, the war that had left a mark in my life.
A mark that hardly can be notice.

I remember the years that I have to live with it, the night that I’ve spent with tears, and do the bargaining with God. The worries that I have to deal. The worries of the sake of “reputation”, the “name”.

I remember it all, my dear friend …

But this time, the pain, the anger, the hatred is not like the old days.
Finally, I could realize it and detach that feeling ….

If you ask me how … the answer is simple, because of LOVE.

When LOVE introduces himself, through his thousand faces, beautiful quotation, stories, books, songs and friendship, I knew that I must give him a CHANCE.

A chance to understand, a chance to see from different angle, a chance to troubles to explained all what his done to me.

I let my right and left heart fight. I let them put their own “secret” on the table, let them argue…

Are they vanishing ?

No, I have to admit it to you that the suffering is not vanish, sometimes in the middle of the darkness, suffering came and visit me, just to remind me of the “pain”, so I would be able to detach that.

My dearest friend,

Please give LOVE a chance to build the castle of peace in your heart, so you would be able to see the troubles from different angle.

Let LOVE shown to you her beauty through the faces of the one that you love; let LOVE whisper her magic through the eyes of the one that comes through your dream…

So one day, you could say how much you love them; unashamed of showing your feelings, because they were there, always there, even though you hid them.

And me from the distance will smile and say, “I’m so proud of you” ...

Friday, July 20, 2007

How Do We Say Good-Bye (rated 5 stars)

by Mitch Albom

This is a true story of Morrie Schwartz, a college professor who taught Mitch Albom, of experiencing life during the end of Morries’ life.

Mitch knew Morrie when he was a college student, a professor who did not see him as a raw material, but see him as precious thing, a jewel that, with wisdom could be polished to a proud shine.

They were lost track after Mitch graduated, until one day Mitch saw his beloved professor at “Nightline” channel television, which shown the story of Morrie in dealing with his “death”.

Mitch finally found his “coach” again, to get the wisdom of how to see the world in more profound place and even find the “answer” of his worries through one final “class” : experiencing life. A class that start of Tuesday ….Tuesday with Morrie.

…..”The last class of my old professor’s life took place once a week, in his home, by a window in his study where e could watch a small hibiscus plant shed its pink flowers. The class met on Tuesday. No books were required. The subject was the meaning of life. It was taught from experience….” (page 192)

I love this book; it taught me of how to see the ordinary things in life from simplest thing. Sometimes that simplest thing has been heard several times; but in this book, that simplest thing becomes the precious things in different perspective.

Morrie gave Mitch an advice that even my self felt envy of the chances that Mitch have. I wish I had the person like Morrie, so I could ask several questions that haunted me.

I cannot say which one of the advices is the best one, but one that touches my heart is when they finally say good-bye.

…. Coach, I said. I felt a shiver. He spoke in short burst, inhaling air, exhaling words. His voice was thin and raspy. He smelled of ointment.
“You …. Are a good soul”
A good soul.
“Touched me ….” He whispered. He moved my hands to his heart. “Here”.
It felt as I had a pit in my throat.
Coach ?
“Ahh ?”
I don’t know how to say good-bye.
He patted my hand weakly, keeping it on his chest.
“This …. Is how we say …. Good-bye …..”
He breathed softly, in and out, I could feel his ribcage rise and fail. The he looked right at me.
“Love….you,”he rasped.
I love you, too, Coach ………………(page 184-185)

…The good-bye which was so simple but has shown of affection, of appreciation, and on top of that, shown a pure love of someone who finally can open someone’s heart …

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My Tarot Card

You are Justice

Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the observing side in law.

Justice is about cold, objective balance through reason or natural force. You can't keep smoking and drinking without consequences to your health. It is the card that advises cutting out waste and insists that you make adjustments, do whatever is necessary to bring things back into balance, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually. It is a card of balance and harmony; if there is imbalance, the correction may
require recourse to the law.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

... Another finding from my blog walking to keeyit

My Blog Rating

Free Online Dating

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words: pain (4x)

.... It's been quite a long time that I didn't visit Beaman . I always miss his writing especialy his poem. It was so beautiful. There's one that I love it, seems that there's a spirit live in that poem.

But this time, I was so surprised when I read how his blog was rated and I wonder how they are going to rate my blog.

And ... voila ... beyond my expectation and so funny because the G rated was based on "pain" words ...

Anyway ..., this little game really brighten my day :-)


“You know what the Budhist say ? Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent.”

But wait, I said. Aren’t you always talking about experiencing life ? All the good emotions, all the bad ones ?


Well, how can you do that if you’re detached ?

“Ah, you’re thinking, Mitch. But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let the it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it. Take any emotion – love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I’m going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them – you can never get being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.”

“But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, “All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize the emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion from a moment”

(Tuesdays wit Morrie, page 101 – 102)

When I read this page, which discuss about the emotions, I pictured all my past experience that had penetrated me and I’m questioning myself whether I let that all emotions penetrate me fully.

For some emotions, yes, I did. I let them penetrate me fully so I could easily let them go. But for others, I could not.

The reason is simple, I have once let them penetrate me fully, feel the pain, the fear. Let myself threw into all that emotions so I would be able to say that I have been there.

So, when that experience come again, I could not let myself throw into all that emotions again. Once is enough. Only “stupid” people will let the thrice experience play with yourself (..According to my beloved boss …)

And maybe because of that, I always have a “reservation” in every experience that I met. Not because I don’t want the emotions going through my life, the answer because it is difficult for me to detach that even though I know what is the “name” of those emotions.

I still questioning Morrie advice to Mitch, wish I’ll be Mitch and have that discussion with him. For sure, I will ask Morrie, how should we prevent our self from that emotion or we just let our self dive in that emotions again and again ? how if we still can not detach that emotion ?

It’s only a wish …..

Monday, July 16, 2007


… Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel.
And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too – even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re failing ….

(Tuesdays with Morrie, page 61)

I remember my discussion with my friends about this subject. Some of my friends told me how naïve am I, because of my blindness trust to a “stranger”.

They have warned me several times in my several stages of my life, and yet, I did not change. I always put my blindness trust to a “stranger”. Moreover, as expected, at the end, I always find that my decision to trust a “stranger” was a mistake.

I remember they always told me to listen to the voice inside me, to believe what I feel, instead of ignoring that feeling. They always remind me that we were grown up people, so I have to stop using my “children” lens.

One thing that I know, it’s hard to believe what I feel, because it makes me to always questioning people in every things they do. The language that they are using, their body language, their smile, everything …

But as my friend told me, so I said to myself “Welcome to the grown up people world”

So, what should I do ? I think it’s about time to close my eyes and listen to my feeling ....

From The Distance

The vacation is over, and the only thing left is only the memories of those several days far away from our daily routine.

Now, when I was looking into the picture that I’ve taken, I still can feel the coldness of the air when we did our morning walk, I still can hear my children and my nephew laughing when they were doing their pose in the middle of strawberry plantation.

I still can remember how the “shopper goers” chose to do their shopping while the little one chose to stay at the pool, played with the blue water and their imagination of the story that they read.

How our sleepy faces becomes the “major” pretty face of our morning picture, taste the porridge, admired the Australian horse, enjoy our way back to the hotel with the “andong”.

The fresh milk, sumedang tofu, the strawberry, the hot tea, .. our lovely breakfast when we tired with our morning activities …;

Pampering me with the SPA or as my in laws did, pampering themselves with a bunch of shopping bag …

Chatting with the Martabak owner when he made our order, made a joke with the owner of the traditional chicken fried restaurant, in the evening, when everybody wore their jacket

…. Looking back into those days, through the happy faces of the pictures, reminds me that no one can buy that happiness …

…. Looking back into those days, through the beautiful scenery of the pictures, reminds me that Life were kind, He gave me another chance to feel the softness of His touch.

And as my daughters told me, “We are happy, finally you have time for us, thank you “

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

We Were So Close - The Imagination

There’s a game, we called it “imagination”.
Just close the eyes and let the music brings you to a place called “imagination”.

So here am I, close my eyes and let the piano brings me to the darkness of the night, to the sounds of the cricket and feel the heaven inside myself.

There’s a game, we called it “imagination”
No, don’t close your eyes; just let the music dance with you to a place called “imagination”.

So here am I, feel the freshness of the air at every breath that I take, through the mist of sun rise, through the beautiful color of the flower and the butterfly, through the light of the early morning.

There’s a game, we called it “imagination”
This time, let the music introduce you to a place called “imagination”

So here am I, in the middle of the darkness of the night, hand in hand with the sounds of piano, watch the scene of my life, where happiness and sadness hand in hand stopped by at my door and asked me to taste God’s path.

There’s a game, we called it “imagination”.
Where the sounds of the piano took me to the day we play the game.

The Old Place - Sangria

I always feel like a child every time I come into this place, especially during our morning walk through the plantation.

Feel the warm of the sun rise through the coldness of the temperature in our skin, see all the beautiful green color through the mist, always makes me feel God’s beautiful gift to me.

It’s always like come back to the old place, where the old friend come and cheers us. The place that you know by heart.

This time, after for almost 2 years we absent, we visit the old place again. Our old place has changed, my old hiding place, where I always spend my time to read, my bale-bale, has changed to a dry spa place. The barbeque area changed to plant area, where butterfly and colorful flower shown their magic. The rest is still the same, the security, the people, they are still the same.

As soon as we arrived, my daughters ran to every corner to check their old memories of this place, shouting each other with their nephew, laughing when they share their vacation long time before.

After a year back in the corporation world, this time I feel like am back in my own world, where I can feel the freshness of the air, where I can see the butterfly dancing with the flower, scenery that hardly to find when am back to my place.

Especially during the night, through my window, I can see the light of the city, playing the music of night orchestra with the sound of the frog, cricket and dog as the background.

What a beautiful place …. Far away from the hectic of big city …..

People changed so all the rest …; this morning, when we do our morning walk routine, we just realized that the monkey, si Amang, had gone. We stopped by at his “house”, but he’s not there, it’s empty. I remember my daughters express their disappointment. Si Amang is our first friend that we always met when we do our routine morning walk.

Our friend, the lazy dog, is still there, but the puppy, our friend who accompanied us, is not there too. My little one, she tried to find that puppy and when she realized that the puppy now become the “grown up” dog, stop her searching.

But, there’s a place, which still stay the same, the plantation and the farm …

I met with a bunch people who cut the grass in the middle of morning mist during my walk through the plantation. Watch little strawberry try to show her beautiful color through the green leaves and the morning cheers from the morning dew.

I feel like I was watching David Foster Symphony and the world stop for a while ..

Monday, July 09, 2007

My Dream Wish List - Finish my "Naked Conversation" book

This is the last entry of my Dream Wish List. I had put it into my “consuming” about a year ago and seems that there’s no progress.

I think it’s better that list stay in my “consuming” list but take it out from my wish list.

My Dream Wish List - Find My Soulmate

There was a time when I thought I could get the answer of my soulmate from the past. The time was perfect. But unfortunately, God has His own plan. We could not meet, on the date that we agreed, he flew to other country while am in his country.

So today, it’s about time to bury that. I do believe that one day, I would find the answer.

My Dream Wish List - Made My Own Lamp Design

Same as “Build a Web Site”, this wish list, need my whole creativity energy, where I can combine the color, the feeling and the idea into one.

It’s not easy but that’s the only way to do, put aside from wish list and put in My Dream Wish List.

My Dream Wish List - Open My Little Shop

It’s only a beautiful dream now. The idea still hanging there. Only God’s know when finally I can make it real.

Same as my Wish List .. now, this wish list is in My Dream Wish List

My Dream Wish List - I Want to Build a Web Site

After a year back in my corporation world, it’s about time to review all my wish list. The truth is I don’t have enough time to learn it or even have the strenght to continue it. So .. I’ll put aside this from my wish list and put it into my “dream wish list”

God's Chat

I've got this mail from my old friend three days ago. This is an excellent conversation between the 'God' and the unknown 'Me'. I don't know as to who has been the composer of such a conversation; but has definitely put-in good amount of thought process into it. I believe those who don't believe in God, may also find it worth reading once.

God : Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. Who is this ?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty. .
God : Pain is inevitable able, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free from problems?
God : Problems are Purposeful R oadblocks Offering B eneficial Lessons (to) E nhance Mental S trength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..
God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you road ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?
God : When they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me". Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.
God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away!

LIVE TODAY. "There are two eternities that can really break you down. Yesterday and Tomorrow. One is gone and other doesn't exists...... ..So Live Today."

Sunday, July 08, 2007

For you, Nadia ....

When was my happiest time ? When I’m in the corporation world or when I’m working from home ?

That question was hanging around me for the last two days, and in the midst of my duty as a mother and as a “career woman”, I’m trying to find the answer.

I remember my chitchat with my colleague from my previous company, we were discussing whether I could be a “house-wife”, solely, purely house wife. As expected all the audience, agree that I could not be that kind of person. The reason is simple, I never be in that “position”. Since I was in college, I already busy with the task name “assignment” and I never stop to “work” for a while. By looking into the history and my current position, they were all agreeing that it is impossible. I maybe enjoy the period as “a house wife” in several months but not more than 6 months.

According to them, the key to be a “successful house wife” is still having a temporary job. Whatever it is, as long as, I have a kind of “temporary job” then I will succeed to follow the new path as a “house wife”.

Back to 1, 5 years ago, when finally I decided to quit from the corporation world and start my own company, I have to admit that I really enjoy the time as a mother who works from home.

It was the luxurious time I ever have, as a mother and as a mother who works from home. It was a time, where I can be their mother, help them with their home work, pick them up from their extra activities, be the 1st person they are looking for when their back from school. It was a time, where I can take care my small yard, my fish, follow the growth of my frangipani. It was a time, where I start to write, finding the word and put it into a sentence; where I start to make a bracelet, a necklace, start to finish my cross-stick. It was a time, where my “creativity” minds come back. It was a time, where I travel for business and pleasure.

But it was a time, where I start to miss my “quality” chitchat with my friend. It was a time, where I feel lonely in the midst of the other wife at my daughters’ school, since I could not follow their conversation. It was a time where I miss my colleague in the midst of my new friend at English course.

On the other hand, all that the things that I miss comparing to the time that I have with my daughters, is timeless, priceless. I’ve been longing for that day such a long time ago.

So, back to you, Nadia …

My answer is I cannot make a decision. I cannot make a choice. Both of the places are my happiest time, both of the places have their own story.

The reason of my answer is maybe that I don’t have the patient to be a mother who works from home. I have been in the corporation world since I was in the college. I get used to have a discussion of everything, from how to raise a daughter up to political discussion, from how to choose a good school up to wishy-washy discussion.

The reason of my answer is maybe that I did not prepare myself to cope with my business activity, which has an up side down curve. Because I did not prepare myself to join other community, which I still, can have that kind of discussion.

But if I have to make the choice someday, my answer to you, Nadia …

For sure I will choose to work from home … not because it was the happiest place for me, it’s because I realize that my time with my daughters are running. Soon they will leave me and when the time comes, I know that at least I have given part of my life to them not only just for my own.

So, which one is the happiest ? … for sure Nadia, both of them are the happiest in different way.

Saturday, July 07, 2007


Sometimes an unimportant incident
is capable of turning everything beautiful
into a moment of anxiety.
We insist on seeing the mote in the eye
and forget about the mountains,
the fields and the olive groves

By The River Piedra
I Sat Down and Wept
(Paulo Coelho)

My friend once asked me, have you met your soul-mate ?
I remember I told him that I have met my soul mate.

The he continued through another question, are you sure that he is your soul-mate ?
I remember I answered his question with a smile and slowly nod my head.

Then the last one, do you married your soul-mate ?
This time, I can’t answer his question, but for sure I know that when I decided to marry, I’ve told my self that I’ve found my soul mate.

But even though I’ve answered his question, the question it self still valid and really bothering me.

How sure we are that we have met our soul mate ? How sure we are that we married our soul mate ? No one knows.

What is exactly the meaning of soul-mate ? In my oxford dictionary, soul mate means a person that you have a special friendship with because you understand each other’s feeling and interests.

By referring into the meaning of soul-mate, then actually we married with our “soul-mate” in our preliminary stage of understanding of people’s feeling and interest.

But how do we know that our spouse is the right “soul-mate” ? For me the answer is in the eyes of our soul-mate. The same eyes that we look when we open our eyes in the morning, the same eyes before we close our eyes and follow the life path of dream. The eyes that have the light of love, understanding and passion.

Do we marry our soul-mate ? Yes, we marry our soul-mate.
Then the next question, if yes, why there’s many people could not answer that question quickly ? why there’s a statement that only a few people that marry their soul-mate ?

The answer is because we forgot to lighten the light of the old soul-mate, We have taken for granted the love of our soul-mate. We forgot to keep the romance as before. And the most important thing is we taken for granted the closeness of the friendship that we have build.

So, do I believe that soul-mate is always our spouse ? No, I don’t believe that soul-mate is in “spouse” term. Soul-mate is too precious to put only in a spouse.

There is a relationship where the the understanding of the feeling is the basis, where even in silence each other can share their thought, by only a quick glimpse can means a thousand words.

My Heaven

My heaven is the day when I walk along the white sandy beach while the sun decided to stay for a while in earth.

Heaven is where I can sit quietly and listen to the sound of the waves meet the white sandy beach, where the blue color of the sea call me to play with their waves.

My heaven is where I walk along the white sandy beach while the sun decided to leave the earth and leave his yellow mark to the sky.

Heaven is where I can sit quietly and watch the sun gives his good bye to me, where the yellow color of the sky told me to hold my breath for a while.

My heaven is where the full moon and the song of the night, hand in hand playing the concert in the coldness of Ubud village.

Heaven is the time of hibernating, where there’s only me and no one else, where the left heart talk with the right heart.

Heaven is where I can sit quietly under the clear full moon and listen to the concert of cricket and frog.

Heaven is the time where I’m back to my nutshell and let the scene of my life pass by in front of me in black and white color.

Heaven is the time I beg to God, to return me back to my “old” life, to the day when life is like in fairy tale.

Heaven is the time I cried and ask God to take all the mistakes away from me, the time I need God to tell me that I’m strong enough to walk alone …

Heaven is the time when I looked into the eyes of my daughters and found their truly love in me. Heaven is the time when I heard their voice and feel their hug.

Friday, July 06, 2007

The Poem - Footprints

(Author Unknown)

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprintsin the sand;
one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happenned at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

You said that once I decided to follow You, You'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed You most You would leave me.

The Lord replied

My son, My precious child.
I love you and would never leave you and would never leave you.
During you times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you

Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Angel Voice

Conquering someone with force will take way too much energy and time. Why not kill them with kindness instead ? It’s tough to soften your stance, but so much better for your heart, soul and psyche.

When June and July Met

I think life is teasing me right now. Feel like am in the crossing road. Can’t write more, only a snapshot picture of the entire important event that happened last week.

June 26 – 27, finally the migration team can deliver their baby. So much stories that left behind now, the day when we had to do our dry run, the fall back process, the over night stay at the office, our porridge breakfast every time we have finished our dry run, our battle to win our sleepy head, our daily breakfast at café au lait, our daily fighting with the vendor, the relationship that we have with them, and the migration day itself …

June 28 – June 30, the party started. Want to find a free flow party, then come to Medan. You could experience a bunch of incidence. Its nice ... even though it was the hardest time in my life. Yeah .. it was a tough week, with the toughest on 30 June, when my friend called me and I started to cry on the clear full moon.

July 01 – Finally, I have time for my family ….

July 02 – The last court. That was the day when people try to find a scapegoat instead of solution…; Th “J Curve” that was the message that I got from my friend. I’ve got new experience on that day. The day, which could be my turning point. The day when the sun was hiding somewhere. The day when I couldn’t say a word to my friend. The day not even look at his eyes.

July 03 – Like a snowball, so was this day. The issues that never fade, always come to my front door.

July 04 – It’s enough … the same statement that I sent to my friend during the meeting on July 02. For the 1st time in my life, I didn’t care of what people think of me. It’s enough and I really mean it. There’s no room for left heart … as my boss told me.

Today is the day of American Independence Day and 1 year of my coming back in the corporation world ….