Friday, October 31, 2008


It’s been more than a year since they last met.
Both of them just starring at each other, trying to remember the days that have gone.
A cup of peppermint tea and a book, with a note “For the Old Days” signed by the author, were trying to digest the silence.

Nothing much they can share, only one or two stories, most the stories of others, not theirs.

But in the limitation time, both of them know that nothing changes, except the days.

Both of them know that they are still imprisoned in their own mistakes, in their own jail.

Like the writer and photo journal written through the picture and words :

My old man said that freedom depends on the master
Color, texture, or shape doesn’t give any clue on when

Until they can heard the Master said :

This journey will end just right above the horizon
A flare of thin line a cross the border
Leaving rocks, sand, and all textures of life

Quotation in purple are from the Book "Seeing the Unseen"
A book of photo journal of Amrin Nugraha and Written by Gandhi Suryoto
Book Copy No 0082

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Two Side of a Coin --- Boobs Whoops

When I read Treespotter and Anita posting about boobs, then I realized that I never pay attention to the size and shape of my boobs; except during my breast feeding period since the nurse in St. Carolus Hospital reminds me how to take care of my boobs for the sake of my baby and my husband (please read it: BABY and HUSBAND)

Baby, yes I do understand, since the purpose of the boobs is to breast feed the children a.k.a baby. No one can replace the moment when a mother breast feeding their children, the moment where the 1st bonding after they carried their baby for 9 months in their womb.

Husband, well, they suppose to accept us as it is, isn’t it ? In bad and goods, so no matter how bad the changes of our body, especially in the area of “boobs”, they suppose to accept it and not complaining.

But since wives a.k.a. women always have their own judgment to their body and their worries of losing their lovely husband so when the nurse trained us how to maintain our boobs for the husband side effect, everybody were listened.

Funny huh ? No, in fact it’s normal for women. I’m not a boobs person, neither my husband. In fact he is a leg person, so leg is where my attention goes. I always compare other woman’s leg to mine. Normal isn’t it ? Like boobs comparison ?

The sexy and romantic moment for me is when I have to breast feed my two daughters. Looking at their face, their tiny hands and how they enjoy the moment was an incredible moment for me.
The wicked and funny moment is when I’m wearing the lower v-neck or tank top. Watching the eyes of the men boobs person try to imagine the size and the shape from the two enclaves really makes me wants to laugh out loud.

If there’s a quiz of women’s body which has similarity to coin, then for sure the answer is the boobs. Yes, boobs, because boobs have two sides effect, the wicked and the romantic things in one event, as a woman and as a mother.

My friend, a couple years ago asked me whether I know where she could buy a cream for boost up her boost. She felt that her boobs shape was not like before and she worried. I remember, just looking at her, and automatically my answer was the nurse advised when I was in breast feed period.

The answer is wearing a good bra, which can support our boobs and do the exercise so a woman can maintain the period of breast feed whilst at the same time perform the shape of their boobs for their husband.

Written based on Dini's Tag to me
Picture were taken from here

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Time Tunnel

a. Boobs.
Treespotter and Anita wrote about boobs. What an interesting posting, knowing that the main reason men love boobs because they don’t have it.

I did a random survey to my male friends, just to check whether treespotter assumption was correct, then surprisingly the answer match with tresspotter.

b. Language.
Rob and Treespotter posted this in his post several days ago; I read it through my mobile phone and haven’t got a chance to write my two cents about it.

c. Plurk World
The new world where everybody around the world share their ideas, their feelings and their comment; the world that I love to visit every day, otherwise I will loose my karma.
Seems that I have new friends but at the same time I loose my old friends, maybe because of their time line were different with me. I don’t know …

d. Office
Hm … this is the main destruction of my energy.
After a productive month in September, suddenly I lost the appetite to write, to read, even to listen to the music, whilst actually writing; reading and listening to the music are my nutshell world.

e. Mini Pinscher.
Aha … I will write about this one.
I just got a puppy, today she’s celebrating her 3 (three) months birthday and it’s about time to bring her to the vet.
She’s so funny, energetic, smart and so lovely.
But also a destroyer, she wakes me up everyday, within this week, at 04.30 AM.

f. My Social Program.
This is another project that still in the concept paper.
Hopefully within this year we can launch it, so instead of just putting my thought of poverty into writing at least I can make it real.
Become the philanthropy is my other goal even though I don’t have a bunch of money like Bill Gates.

Well … that’s all.
The preliminary writing of returning to my nutshell world, the world where no one can touch me, the world of my imagination.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Blog Action Day - Poverty is here in front us

This is the second day I took my time to visit in hunger session and watch the picture of children who passed away due to hunger. Today, in the first time, I read and saw a picture of handsome children with Indonesian name in the middle of hundred names and pictures of children in the same continent. After read in the newspaper several months ago of the same news, I thought that I won’t find ours in the website of poverty but apparently it’s only a dream.

I just remember the news of the tragic 21 people who lost their lives during Ramadhan just because they were afraid that they could not get the US $ 3.30 (at that day). The tragic moment but being ignored by most of the people not because they were intolerant but because the idea of number of poor people is not important information. Especially compare to other nation where the number of death cause by hunger, I may say that Indonesia is way much better.

Not just because Indonesia is not way much better then we have to put aside this issue or refuse to the fact that one of Indonesian children was in the website of poverty, was in the list of people death due to hunger.

Not just because of that one incidence of 21 people then we could say that it was happened once in a blue moon, only during Ramadhan period That it’s only related in specific area whilst in fact we still have to fight with some of poverty issue.

Poverty is not merely related to hunger, there’s another issue like AIDS, Tuberculosis, Shelter, or in other world Poverty is the issue related to quality of life, in health, education and the ability to escape from the poverty cycle.

The main issue in Poverty for me is the ability to escape from the poverty cycle, how we as a nation can create Human Development, especially with today’s situation, as an on going task.

We don’t have to create a masterpiece to do that; we can start from the small thing, like “Food for Work”. Baznas had created that program during Ramadhan, by giving the poor a job before they got food. Instead of giving the food for free, Baznas created the job for them. So the poor people can get their pride as a worker not as a beggar.

I was thinking if we can at least donate let say around IDR 5k or at least IDR 2.5k, the same amount that we use to buy a phone voucher, then we can create the same job all over the city.

Or by donating the same amount, we build a pipe to the infertile land, so the farmer or the people who live there can do something with their land. Another program that created by Baznas.

The question is how come that such a good program doesn’t get the hype ? The answer is maybe because it was created under “religious” brand and since it was under “religious” brand then the donation only to certain people, maybe. I haven’t got the answer yet.

Yesterday, when I was in the middle of discussing another donation program with my team, surprisingly one of my team told me that she just got information that not all people were shown their interest to participate in AIDS program.

I haven’t met that person and planning to have a meeting with them next week. I’m eager to know what does the lack of interest mean.

Well, I’m not an expert, but for me, poverty is an issue of every nation, not just in Africa or Asia, it’s all over the world. The scale of poverty may vary but it will become an issue if a nation refused to admit that they have an issue or admit but refused to face the fact and only deal with the number.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


When someone we love passes away,
We ache, but we go on;
Our dear departed would want us to heal,
After they are gone.
Grief is a normal way to mend
The anguish and pain in our hearts;
We need time to remember and time to mourn,
Before the recovery starts.

He’s in a better place right now
Than he’s ever been before;
All pain is gone; he’s now at rest;
Nothing troubles him anymore.
It’s we who feel the burden of
Our sadness and our grief;.
We have to cry, to mourn our loss,
Before we get relief.
We know we’ll reconnect with him ….

The feeling was so strong, my heart told me that the time will come, that my dad will end his journey sooner, not even more than 1 hour. Then it happened, in half an hour, he’s gone.

The same feeling came again last Tuesday morning before I left Surabaya, back to my hometown with my mom. My heart, once again told me that my uncle will leave soon, the fastest was the next day after I left Surabaya. Then it happened, this morning my mom told me that she’s got text from her sister in law, my uncle had ended his journey.

I try not to listen to my heart; I try not to question my feeling, since I believe that no one can predict someone period of life.

Am asking God, but this time, I didn’t hear anything from Him, not even a single word. Should I believe what my heart told me ? Should I question my feeling ?

If I listened to my heart, If I questioned my feeling, If I’m not so stubborn, then I could say my final goodbye to my uncle too, that finally I could bring her sister to meet him.

If God’s is the answer of our fate, of our future, then why He create the feeling that we call as Premonition ? To protect us ? to prevent us from sadness ?

The question that no one can answer, only God, but He choose to keep quiet this time.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Questioning God

I was doing my blog walking as usual, when I stumbled upon to my blogger friend Anita, and read her post of her soul searching of God Almighty. She was born as a Moslem and part of her soul searching she has several question which is relate to her religion in reality, such as several doctrine that she had when she was a small kid.

Well, I don’t want to criticize her question, since I also have that kind of question several years ago, when I would like to find the answer of God Almighty, of how there are a lot of religion in this world, of how people hate each other.

I just want to let my thinking out of my mind when I read her posting. The question that no one can give me specific answer, the question that I know if I asked my religious friend they will blame me as a sin person, who don’t have the trust to God Almighty.

I am born as a Catholic and never doubt my belief to my religion until now even though I have so many questions about God. I have experienced so many miracles in my life, but I also have a lot of experienced where I’m asking God’s decision.

I remember my conversation with Pater Drost SJ, a well known pastor Jesuit, an expert in education; he was my mentor at that time. I asked him about heaven, which one will go to heaven, Christian people but disobeyed the Christian principle or other people who are not a Christian but religious, or the worst thing with someone who don’t believe in God but practice the God’s rule of love.

I remembered he told me that the person with no religion or the one which is not a Christian, will go directly to heaven because of their way of life whilst the other Christian, as we all know, will go to heaven after redeem their way of life in this world.

Then my other question to Pater Drost, so why should we choose a religion ? If without become a Christian (Catholic), we still can go to heaven. And he said, it is not as simple like that, by having a religion, by becoming a Catholic, at least we have a Savior, who will redeem our sin, who will carry us when we were in trouble.

So I told him that I would like to learn other religion, and what surprising me was he didn’t against me, he let me learn Islam at that time. The same with my mother, she gave me freedom to learn Islam.

My mom told me that religion is your connection with God; religion is a vehicle to get to know God better, to have the experience of God’s mercy.

I learned and at the end, I’m still as a Catholic. Not because Islam is worst than Catholic, no. It’s just because I feel that Catholic still the best vehicle for me to worship God Almighty.

And started from that day, I never close the door to the good thing I learned from other religion, Islam, Budha, Hindu or other beliefs.

I believe that someday I have to fix my weaknesses as a human in my next life I have to be able to become a better person, I believe that Heaven and Hell actually is in this world, because everyday God give us a choice to do the good things or bad things. I believe in good karma, that I have to pay what I did not after my death but during my life in this world.

I also still learn to be able to understand the diversity, that all the bad things of other religion or even the bad things of my religion, is not because of God or religion itself but because of the person itself.

Several years ago, I’m questioning God, because He gave us this kind of diversity, the hatred, the anger, but now I do understand that He gave us this kind of things so we could learn to understand others, learn to have a big heart to others who’s different from us.

I’m still questioning God, I still fall, I still fail, but I know that this is the part that I have to take as a human being in this period of time.

Friday, October 03, 2008

The Day of Non Violence

" When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always. What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for."

Mahatma GandhiThe Story of My Experiments with Truth, 1927

Yesterday is an International Day of Non Violence, the date of Mahatma Gandhi’s birthday. UN had chosen the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi’s because Mahatma Gandhi is a leader of the Indian independence movement and pioneer of the philosophy and strategy of non-violence.

Many of us had heard or read about Ahimsa, the basis of Gandhi’s struggle against British rule to fight for the Independence of India, where this concept also adopted by Martin Luther King Jr to win civil right for African Americans and Cesar Chavez to protest the treatment of farms in California.

The concept where the execution needs patience and perseverance; patience to loose the dignity when others look down, patience to stay with mental state of no hatred; perseverance to keep the concept live, perseverance to fight with the evil.

It’s been more than hundred years since God spread the concept, the concept to love others, the concept of to let go the anger, let go the hatred from our self, the concept treat somebody like we want to be treated.

The concept that so difficult to implement in our daily life, otherwise there’s no issue of child or woman abuse, there’s no issue of violence in marriage life, there’s no issue of bullying, there’s no issue of violence within majority versus minority.

But we can not create pessimistic environment around us, can we ? As in the concept of Ahimsa, we have to fight for the better world, fight without violence.

How do we win a better world, with lesser violence for not saying without violence ? I’ve read somewhere in a magazine to commemorate International Peace Day in September, that if we focus our self into the difference, then for the rest of our life we can not find the solution; we will be trapped in the difference. We also have to let our self as a good listener, otherwise we push others to listen to us, to agree with us. Whilst at the same time, we must be able to let the hatred out of our self; we have to be a forgiven person.

We are human, so there’s no doubt that differences always there, run in our blood. But as long as we agree that sometimes we have to agree for the disagreement then I believe that our dream for better world will come true.

Same as religion, there are lot of religion out there, and as human, religion also has differences. As long as we agree that we are different whilst at the same time we agree that we also have the similarity, then I don’t think that we should fight to push others to agree with our believe.

Hey, looks who’s talking ?

Yes, it’s me who’s talking. I’m still struggling to be a good listener, struggling of not pushing others to listen to me, struggling to not look at the difference, and many things also.

As I’ve written somewhere in my post, the creation of better world should come from our self first then to our inner circle before finally united with other part of the world.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

A Note

The past should not be followed after, the future not desired.
What is past is got rid of, and the future has not come.
But whoever has vision now here,
…of a present thing … let him cultivate it.
Swelter at the task this very day.
Who knows whether he will die tomorrow ?
There is no bargaining with
The great hosts of Death
- The Buddha -

We were sitting in my belated father-in-law living room, watching our children received their Ied presents, “The Bonus”; they named their Ied pocket money presents.

Watching one of the children protested to their uncle that she’s not a kid anymore, she’s a teenager now and so was the pocket money, before another kid expressed the same issue.

Watching them counted the money and made the comparison with the total pocket money that they received last year.

Watching the older said to the little one that there’s a time she got a lot of money compare to what they received it nowadays.

Watching the time tunnel through the children, of how time flies so fast, of how the little one become a teenager and we, the parents, getting older. The cycle of life.

The time tunnels where our Ied will be replacing soon with another ordinary day until another new year bring back Ied to us again, with different story of our lives.

Another story of once upon a time in our lives