Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Balancing Life

We were sipping our chocolate ice at Starbuck, when my friend told me of the article that he read at Newsweek magazine.

He pointed out the statement of one of the women leader in Paris. That leader told the interviewer that she always arrange her travel not more than 4 days a week. So in that case, she could balance her work and her family.

When I heard that I couldn’t stand to say that I was limiting my business trip also, three days at the maximum within a week. But event though I have limited my business trip, by traveling every week within a month, I still felt that I don’t have enough time to take care my family, especially my two beautiful daughters.

I was amazed with Anne Lauvergeon, CEO of French energy conglomerate Areva, statement. Then when I went through her interview with Newsweek, I found another statement that reminds me of quality time that most of the time I’ve forgotten, “get home early”.

Reviewing my year in my current company, I realized of my quality time that I’ve forgotten, not only for my two beautiful daughters but also for myself.

I won nothing in this year, I didn’t win my two beautiful daughters heart and even myself. Suddenly I felt exhausted …

Yes, the feeling that I can spot easily, the feeling that had destroyed my health three years ago … “burn out”…

It is maybe too late for somebody but not for me … you can say it another excuses ...
But its better we realized it then not even realize that “burn out” …

How to cure that ?
Quit ? Balancing my life ?

I haven’t got the answer yet, but one thing that I know …
From now on, I’ll surrender all that in prayer ..

As my friend said to me, nothing is more powerful than a prayer …

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Truth and Serenity Prayer

It’s been more than a week that my eyes and my mind flew to the place that I’ve never known, not even exist in this world.

I thought that I have accepted but the truth is I’m still living in the “hope” world. Hoping that it is only in a dream, hoping that it’s only my imagination.

Whilst in fact, nothing can change the truth.

Yes, it’s 8 more days to go before the days come, where there’s only empty room, where there are only memories there …

And yes, it’s 8 more days before finally I watch the scene of my life through this prayer

Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change’
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Monday, October 22, 2007

One and half years ago .....

The ghost, who falls in love with the Goddess, sends me this text:

Love never chooses the wrong person;
only fate that made love chooses the wrong person.
Love is love

And one night under the fool moon, the Ghost whispered in my ears, the answer from the Goddess :

Maybe in our past life, you are mine and I'm yours
Maybe in our future life, you become mine and I become yours

PS :
To someone out there ..
This is my answer of your question

Friday, October 19, 2007

Counting the Days ....

Last night I walked at the same path that we used to walk
Wondering the days of the future …

Are you counting your day ?
A small voice whispered in my ears

Yes … I’m counting the day
I’m counting the day that we spend together
I’m counting the memories that we will have

Last night, I knew that you walk with me
With the look of your love
Even though it’s only a shadow

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Perfect Time

One of my friends wrote in his blog of what he meant by “Mystery of the Moment”. He mentioned that no one does know when the right time would arrive. Therefore we should be ready, we should be available when the times come, when the moments come.

For me, no matter how hard we try to be ready, we never be ready.

The perfect time is a mystery for every human being, its God’s plan. No one can steal it from Him, not even His angel.

Therefore, as a human being, we never know when the perfect times knock our door. We just realized that moment when the perfect times just left our front door. And only at that time we just learned how to prepare ourselves to be ready in case there’s another perfect time stop by at our home.

It’s like a never ending story for me …..

When we prepare ourselves to be ready, the same “perfect time” never came. The perfect times decide to change his moment, so we would be able to learn another thing.

So, should we be ready for that “perfect times” ?

As far as I know, we never be ready, not a single moment, otherwise that perfect times will not called as “life”.

There’s a story of the readiness in his blog, a story of a light which lighten the room that has been dark for thousand years, and just because of the light the room is lighted all at once ….

Nothing is wrong with the light, as we know the light always lightened the room all at once, but even though it’s been lightened, we still need a new candle to keep the light brighter. We still have to keep the light there and not vanished ……

How can we change the world ?

Bloggers Unite - Blog Action Day

I remember my chit-chat with my friend, we were exchanged story of my trip to Bandung. I told him of the scenery that I loved from that hotel, the valley, the green view of the trees. Then he shared with me of the same scenery that he has in front of his house, how he sat at the terrace and wherever he sees, all green view, the valley and the river.

I just hold my breath when he told me that ….
A scenery that I wish I could have right now, sit quietly after exhausted week in the office, and heard the whisper of the bird, the song of the river and the softness of the wind , while am reading my book ….

What a dream, an impossible dream ….
I live in metropolitan city, where there’s no place of that kind of luxurious.
The park where we can sit and relax is near to zero …
People in my complex, doesn’t care enough to their yard, the smaller the better, it’s their motto.

So … if I have a chance to get that kind of house with that beautiful scenery, I’ll do everything ….

But, the bad thing is … as I said before … it’s only a dream now.
His beautiful scenery has been replaced with town house, no valley, no river, no green view anymore…
The only thing that you can see, only the grey color of the building …

I raised this question to my in-law, and his answer surprised me.
He told me that it was due to the economic growth ….

The answer is always the same, economic growth but do we ever realize the impact of the economic growth to our neighborhood ?

I know that people already have the answer, the idealistic one. But, have we ever asked that question to ourselves ? and start to change it, bit by bit ?

I’m neither a politician nor activist. The only thing I know is to share the global warming issue with my daughters. It’s funny when I told them not to left the air con on when they’re not in their room, how to make our home greener through plants, how to change the plastic bag with a cartoon box (for a while – until we here in Indonesia have a supermarket bag like I saw in Frankfurt).

My daughters always make a joke of my global warming issue … but at least they know that we should take care of our own nature.

So … how can we change the world ? Big things ? Small things ? The answer is “balancing” … not all the economic growth should destroy our nature … ; the big things should be hand in hand together with the small things ….

Monday, October 15, 2007

What kind of man I'm looking for ... ?

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table ?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, ..."I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally, because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually, because I don't need to be unequally yoked. Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection financially, because I don't need a financial burden.

I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong Enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can respect.
In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
God made woman to be a helpmate for man.
I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You're asking a lot."
She replied, " I'm worth a lot."

PS :
I got this email from my old time friend.

The title actually is "What kind of man you're looking for "
But somewhere inside me, whispered in my ears, brought me to my imagination ..
So, I changed it anyway ...
When I read this, I just said to my self, true ... so true ...

A note from Eid's Festive ....

Eid is always full of surprises for me, since during that day all families get together and share their own story of everything.

The best part of that day for me, is always when I’m surrounding with my nephew and niece. Looking back into the old days when they were a baby and suddenly becomes a teenager or a mature person, I always amazed with how time flies so fast.

Listened to their story of their boy friend or girl friend, their study, their dream, songs or even movies is something that I love. I always feel younger when am with them (compare if am surrounded with my in laws).

This time, the topic is about “having a girl friend/boy friend with different religion”.

In their family, am the only one who has different religion. No one in my husband’s family married with someone outside their religion. So, in their “eyes”, everything’s can be managed, their auntie always there, except during the prayer ceremony, their lovely auntie never be in the crowd. But it’s okay, according to them, since they also do the same things.

The only things that never come to the surface are the tolerance that has to be given to keep everything’s in peace.

Married with someone who has different religion is not an easy thing, especially when it comes to minority and tradition.

It’s so difficult to explain it to them, especially they always beg me to give them the example. Every time I explain by giving them simple sample, they just said, “Oh..don’t worry, we can manage it”…
What a young people ….. (sound like suddenly am become a grand mother)

So …. When this topic became the main topic a couple days ago, I just sat there, listened and said …”Please, stay away from trouble …” and this time their answer was “Don’t worry, we are still 20. Later, when we reach our 30 then we will take your advice.”


For me, religion is a vehicle to communicate with God. Therefore, no one in the world could say that their religion is the best in the world. For every body, their religion is the best religion, the best vehicle to reach God’s home.

It may be the best for others but not the best for me. It’s my view of religion.

God ?
There’s only one God in the world …

Then, why can't we get married with someone who has different religion with us ?

The answer … because we are human and as a human we have our own dreams, our own opinion which not drives by our logic mind….

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Today ....Eid's Festive

Today, is the happiest day for all Moslem people around the world.
Time to celebrate their struggle to fight all the bad things, to fight their own bad impulsive things ….

And for the children … nothing more exciting then all the new clothes, dress, shoes and the important things .. is Lebaran extra charges levied just prior to the Lebaran festival

photo were taken from here.

PS :
Me, today is the busiest day in my life.
Married with someone who have different religion
Lebaran is like Christmas for me
Will share with all of you my story for today, later

Friday, October 12, 2007

Don't write me off

If all of you ever watch “Music and Lyrics”, then you’ll remember this scene and this song..

The lyrics and the scene taught me something of acknowledgement, of second chance, of regret.

When I watched and heard this song, I just realized that every time in our life, we fight with our left and right heart, we fight to find the acknowledgement of our thought, our action, our work, everything, especially when we were facing hard time in our life.

We tend not to believe what we see, we tend not to listen to what we heard, we tend to ignore every body, we only open our heart to our selves.

And when finally we do realize, the only word left is “lateness”, and we already hurt somebody’s heart ……

We were lucky if we can get the second chance, like in this movie, there’s a second chance to fix the mistake. Most of the time, we don’t have that luxurious.

So here it is, the lyrics may sound stupid but if we are using our “heart” when we try to understand what lies behind that stupid word then you’ll understand why I connect it with what I’ve said above.

It’s never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there’s actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I’ve met you, my whole life has changed
It’s not just my furniture, you’ve rearranged
I was living in the past, but somehow you’ve brought me back
And I haven’t felt like this since before Frankie said relax
And while I know, based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
For years I’ve been telling myself, the same old story
That I’m happy to live off my so called, former glories
But you’ve given me a reason, to take another chance
Now I need you, despite the fact, that you’ve killed all my plants
And though I know, I’ve already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
Don’t write me off just yet

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Question - The Asnwer

Love in your eyes
Sitting silent by my side
Going on Holding hand
Walking through the nights
Hold me up Hold me tight
Lift me up to touch the sky
Teaching me to love with heart
Helping me open my mind

I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
The heaven in the sky

Stars in the sky
Wishing once upon a time
Give me love make me smile
Till the end of live

Hold me up Hold me tight
Lift me up to touch the sky
Teaching me to love with heart
Helping me open my mind
I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I’m proud that I can fly
To give the best of mine
The heaven in the sky

Can’t you believe that you light up my way
No matter how that ease my p ath
I’ll never lose my faith
See my fly
I’m proud to fly up high
Show you the best of mine
Till the end of the time

Believe me I can fly
I'm singing in the sky
Show you the best of mine
The heaven in the sky
Nothing can stop me
Spread my wings so wide

Life Lesson Wishes

What life lesson do you wish you’d learned earlier ?

I’ve got this question from Zaads. A question that makes me withdrawn myself and ask this bunch of questions to myself.

If God gave me a chance to rewind my life, back from the beginning, will I do it differently ? Which part of my life that I would like God to give me earlier ? Am I happy with my life ? …

This time I can’t answer my own question. The questions that pop out in my mind, lead to another question and to another question …..

Sometimes, in the hardest time of my life, I wish God gave me the other version of my current life.

But, there’s a time in my happiest time, I wish God to lengthen the happiness, wish that day never end and always be there.

Therefore if God asked me what life lesson that I wish to learn earlier, my answer is there’s none in my life I want to learn earlier. All the lessons that God gave to me at every stage in my life makes my life colorful and meaningful.

What I have now, is too precious to change … ; and I do belief that even though I ask God to give me the lesson earlier, I will find another wish to be given earlier than I have before.

"A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place,
but a seed to be planted and to bear more seeds toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea."
Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In the name of LOVE

I read one of Gurushabad blog. At that time he mentioned about famous Holman Hunt’s picture about Jesus standing in a garden holding a lantern in one hand and with other knocking on the door.

A friend of the artist said to him, “Holman, you have made mistake. The door you have painted does not have a handle.” It is not a mistake,” answered the artist. “For that is the door of the human heart and it can only be opened from inside!”

I remembered my comment on his story; I told him that sometimes, even we can not open the door itself. We have a bunch of reason not to open the door, especially if one of the reasons was because of the past experience.

And even though we open the door widely, we always watch the person that we let in with curiosity, so we would be able to close the door as quick as possible when we get hurt.

Many times in our lives, we let the courage to take the lead to put aside the fear, so we would be able to let somebody come into our “heart”. And many times also, we did realize that we have made the correct decision by open that door.

But many times also in our lives, where we put our trust to let somebody come into our “heart”, we regretted that decision; and based on that regretful decision we put a stamp at other people.

It’s not easy though to open the door and it’s not easy also to close the door.

Sometimes we have to be able to close the door also, not because we mean, or not because we let our “right” heart take the lead. It’s just a matter of how we love ourselves.

It needs an open heart to let LOVE stays in our heart and it needs a brave heart, LOVE, also to be selfish, to close the door.

As somebody says, LOVE is like two sides of coin ..... there's a thin line in between. No right or wrong in LOVE.

Everybody has their own version ....

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

01.30 am

Please, not that kind of anger again …..…
This time, I don’t have the energy to stand up
I don’t even have the strength to win somebody’s heart

It’s not a matter of be in the center or not
It’s not a matter of be in your circle or not
It’s a matter of how you look through me
It’s a matter of what do you see in me

Please, don’t do the same things
It hurts me more than you think
The thought that I never think would come from you

Please ….not the same things again
Not even a single question …
What is left for me only judgment

I can’t live with that anymore
I can’t let my tears ruin my face like last night

I can’t even think that it is ours

Gallup and War

@#$%^&*() …… there are several reason the best employee leaves you, but too put one case as the basis for all, I don’t think that it is wise enough.

Gallup … everybody’s know of their qualification but by quoting only a part of the Gallup result, I don’t think it is wise enough, especially if the quotation only to stress out an incidence that based on somebody’s comment, where the other part don’t have the opportunity to explain the situation.

But I know whatever answer I’ve given to you, whatever story I’ve brought to you, still you already have your own. So, it’s better for me not to say a word, keep my silence somewhere out there.

You’re lucky that am arrogant enough to surrender and let others make fun of me. If not then for sure, you’ll be the first of my reason to quit.. So, since I’ve already start the war, my own battle, then I’ll fight till I can show you that you’re wrong …..

I will let you say whatever you want, but there’s a time when I say it’s enough and when the times come, my enough means that I will whacked you down also.

………… Want to see what is behind the “arrogant” and “angry” word above, behind that all tough masks, you will see empty eyes, eyes with no fighting spirit inside. Like an exhausted bird after she finished her long trip.

You’ll see that eyes in the coldness of the winter season, like a girl lost her lover. And if you look deeper into her heart, then you’ll see a broken heart where no one can cure it.

Ironic ? Yes, ironic… because no one can notice it, unless time gives a chance to sit quietly in front of her and look through her dark brown eyes …. Swim through the coldness of her look.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Two Faces

One of my friend once said to me, that by reading my post in my blog, he learned something about me, that no one hardly to know nor even notice it.

He was quite surprise that his mature friend woman have her other “face”, a face that he never thought that she could have it, especially after his day to day interaction with her a.k.a me.

… Back to real world, realize it or not, we always have two faces or maybe more and it depends on how we would like others to “see” us. We tend to hide our “dreams” deep down inside our mind. Especially if we don’t feel comfortable to show our other identity to the world.

Can we blame people because of using mask ? or having different “face” ?

The answer is no, because all of us have it, and it is something that come naturally, something that come from within ourselves.

All of us have our own weaknesses or our “other” identity where we could not use it in our daily routine, because it will ruin our life, because our career don’t let us shown our other side of personality, because it’s our dream, our future dream that we keep inside whilst at the same time live the dream somewhere.

Are we cheated ourselves ?

No, for sure the answer is no. We never cheat ourselves, since all of that kind of faces relate with our ‘dream’, our future dream, where our hopes for years was kept inside waiting to be shown to the world as a “real” things not only a “dream”.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I have received this award by Surjit, the author of Gurushabad blog, my daily must read blog.
It such an honour to receive this kind of award

PS :
As stated in his blog, this award is for bloggers who are fun, cool and of course Totally Fabolous

Thursday, October 04, 2007

My Little Girl ...

She can muss up you home, your hair and your dignity
– spend your money, your time, and your patience –
And just when your temper is ready too crack,
Her sunshine peeks through and you’re lost again
(Alan Beck)

I can’t express my feeling every time I hug her or when she hug me during her bed time or when I saw her sleep like an angel on my lap.

I think every mother in the world will say the some thing.

Ten years ago at 04.25 am, that was the first time I heard her voice, hold her tiny hands and the most amazing red lips, like somebody has put the lipstick on her lips.

I never forget the feelings when I saw her for the first time, my beautiful little daughter.

Today, the same time, like 10 years ago, I wake her up, kiss her and whisper my birthday wishes to her.

I teased her by saying that I have not buy her birthday gift while at the same time give her birthday present.

She opened and expressed her happiness when she saw her birthday gift. She kissed me back and ask me the silly question, “where and when I bought her birthday gift”, before finally she’s busy with her new pink game boy.

…. Watching her playing with her game boy, I was wondering the years that has passed by. The time that I’ve spent with her, to listen to her story, hug her when she cried, and how she made me angry …

Myy sweetest little girl. Her demanding voice when she asked me to come home early, when she asked me to carry her, or her attention when I was sick, Her softness skin when she hug me during her sleep, Her happy mother’s day card …..

I always thank God for His beautiful gift. A gift that is a reason for me to live in this world, a gift that makes me smiles in my sadness ….

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

If I have a chance, only once
Then I will tell God, that I would like to dance under the fool moon.
The dance that will last forever
As a gift of keep ourselves within the line

The lines that so thin
Like a two side of coin …

If I have a chance, only once
I will tell God, to keep it last

And here is the song when I dance under the fool moon

How do you keep the music playing?
How do you make it last?
How do you keep the song from fading too fast?
How do you lose yourself to someone?
And never lose your ways
How do you not run out of new things to say?
And since we're always changing
How can it be the same?
And tell me how year after year
You're sure your heart will fall apart
Each time you hear his name
I know the way I feel for you
It's now or never
The more I love the more that i'm afraid
That in your eyes I may not see forever..

If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with everyday to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends

I know the way I feel for you
It's now or never!
(How do you keep the music playing?)
The more I love the more that I'm afraid
(How do you make it last)
That in your eyes I may not see forever
(How do you keep the song from fading, keep the song from fading too fast)
If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with everyday to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends

My dearest friend,

I had wonderful evening yesterday.
Finally we did our heart to heart talk
Something that we have tended to forgot

I had wonderful evening yesterday
When the truth was given after being kept for years
My true friend finally could cross the bridge

Find this poem from a book that I bought for you at nun monastery in Hyderabad

I love new places, new faces
And bright, happy surprises;
I treasure
Some things old,
The friendship that we share

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The tests can be harder than one imagined.
But they are necessary in order to learn.
And each of them brings us closer
to the realization of our dreams

- Manual of The Warrior of Light -
Paulo Coelho

Monday, October 01, 2007

Are We the Same ?

You could have been a famous Artist

Oil painting, sculpture, photography. No matter the medium, it's clear that an imaginative soul like yours must have been an artist in a former life. With your creativity and originality, you've got a unique approach to the world that just begs to be shared with everyone.

Like the great masters who came before you, you march to the beat of your own drummer and don't follow the herd. You live life by your own rules and aren't afraid to express your ideas. Lucky for all of us, they're great ones. So, keep expressing yourself. You're sure to be legendary!

Who Were You in a Past Life?

Brought to you by Tickle

Past life …. ; two words that always make my friends give their weird look to me. It’s beyond their understanding that I, a grown up woman, a mother of two daughters, have the beliefs of past life.

I know it is sounds weird or stupid, but since I read Dr Brian Weiss book of his experience with his patients past life, I always wondering my past life.

I remember one of my friends asked me to explain past life compare to human population in the current century. He insisted me to explain that correlation; and me – speechless –

I do understand that as a person who has faith to God, such a thing is a big no, no. Even my mom could not understand my point of thinking, my beliefs in past life.

But no matter what you say … I still have my beliefs in it.

I had beautiful dream
A dream that I never dare to imagine

I had beautiful dream
Where the feeling inside was so real

I had beautiful dream
A dream that makes me afraid to open my eyes

I had beautiful dream
A dream of love