Saturday, January 26, 2008

Fact of Forgiving

After through series of thinking, finally I have to say that Forgiving is the 2nd hardest thing in the world after Forgetting.

It is like two side of coins, forgiving versus Forgetting, especially when these two were hand in hand, walking together in somebody’s heart and mind.

According to these sites, Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Letting another know that there is no grudge, or hard feeling or animosity for any wrongdoing; accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow.

Whilst Forgetting is putting these behind; they are no longer brought up or barrier to the relationship. It is the lack of further discussion; a promise that the deed will not be brought up again; a commitment to let go of anger, hurt and pain over this offence. Besides it is part of the development plan of action to heal the scars resulting from behavior.

By relating the definition above and reflected it with the series of hurtful or painful incidence, I have to admit that it was so easy to say “I forgive you” while the feeling or the memory of that hurtful situation were still with me.

I have to say that actually we did not realize that the process of “I forgive you but I don’t forget what you did” is not a genuine “Forgiveness” process. It’s a vague forgiveness process. And without we know, the painful memory will slowly but sure harmful our body, our health and our life.

As a Catholic, I remember one of this rule, “If somebody slaps you on the right cheek, let him slaps your left cheek. Love your enemy”.

Can we do that ? To answer that I will say that it’s the most difficult things in the world. Because it means that we have to be able to do the two things together, forgive and forget.

My friend made a joke by told me that the original of the rule was, if somebody slaps you on the right cheek, punch that person back before you let him slaps your left cheek. But since it was re-written, somebody erase the “punch back phrase”.

Well … have to admit, the joke was so true. As a human, flesh and blood, when the forgiving and forgetting have to walk hand in hand, we need time to be able to say both “I forgive you and forget the mistake”. Besides we need God to help us to pass that painful feeling, to let God talk with us with His own way.

As my friend said that to be able to understand the Rule of Love, we also must have the wisdom to know when we have to stop other slaps our right cheek. The wisdom that taught by St Francis through The Serenity Prayer.

The Serenity Prayer
By St Francis of Assisi

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Math and English vs Success

There’s an article in Kompas Daily on 20 January by Samuel Mulia. He shared his thought of a billboard pictured a child with body copy “Math, English = Success”. He mentioned of how society makes a stereotype that only through those two skills, Math and English (since English is not our native language) somebody can reach their success. He mentioned how irritated he was with that stereotype.

I have to say that what he thought were true. Here, in Indonesia, I don’t know in other country, the society especially the parents have the beliefs that Math and knowledge of English, will bring a children through a better life, a way to a great carrier, to success.

I remember the discussion with some of my friends several years ago; of how proud they are just because they were from mathematical and natural science. As if the world is on their hands. The joke that they made of social studies student, the tone of voice that they used when they know that am not a mathematical and natural science when I was in my second degree.

I am not good in math when I was in second degree, especially in geometry, somewhere in my brain can not play with all the theory that has been given by my teacher. Seems that history, music, art, and language, are nicer, more logical for me at that time.

I don’t quite understand why society relate that two skills especially math as the vehicle to success. Or even worst, that somebody who’s good in Math is smart and others were dumb. How pathetic it is, especially nowadays where the technology share the successful person is not always the engineer, the accountant, the geologist. There are many successful person in this world were the painter, the writer, anthropologist, or even politician with social studies background.

Maybe if they say that through mathematical and natural science the opportunity to take a major in the university were bigger compare than social studies, I can understand. Or if they say that since English is the language where most of the people use in the world (before replace by Chinese language), so since today is the era of globalization, the opportunity were bigger compare than if we didn’t know that language, I also can understand. But if they say that through Math and English were the paths of your success, certainly I will disagree.

Success is a mark, a stamp given by the society, where the measurements were the money. While actually success were not always measure through the financial things. Success is a feeling that comes from within, because a person lived his life with passion in every single things that person does.

No one, not even a society can replace that feeling, the feeling that come from within. The feeling that comes as a result from PASSION …

Sunday, January 20, 2008

May - December Relationship

Older woman – Younger man or vice versa, whatever it is, the meaning still the same, difference age gap.

Even though people get used to it nowadays, but still the issue of May – December relationship always an interesting topic of discussion.

In this article, the author said that younger man are comfortable with older woman appreciate the understanding and tolerant of the older woman. Besides the way the older woman taking care of the younger man.

In the other article, the author said that the older woman actually enjoy the flexibility, the spontaneous, of their younger companions. Whilst the younger man find the older woman more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled and more adept sexually.

But is that kind of relationship really works ?

In a relationship, no matter it is a May – December relationship or not, the key is the “voltage”, where the two persons have the same frequency.

If we’re looking into these two movies, some of the idea of Older woman – Younger man relationship is there. Both of those two movies also spot the conflict which arise from May – December relationship. But both of those movies also shown us how Cupid sometimes so innocent.

For me .. whatever the relationship name is, May – December or the common thing, all start with LOVE and no one can’t explain the true LOVE.

Here’s the summary and beautiful quotation of these two movies :

Prime – it tells about thirty seven years old career woman Ravi meet and fall in love with twenty three years old painter David. Despite their intense attraction, the charmed couple soon realizes that vastly different ages and backgrounds create much conflict. And that is the reason they end up their relationship.

David Bloomberg (lying in bed, making love): I want to make a baby with you
Rafi Gardet : I can’t. I can’t do this to you. You don’t want to
David Blomberg : You want to. It’s what you want so I want it
Rafi Gardet : But you don’t. You would regret it.
David Bloomberg : I want to give you this gift.
Rafi Gardet : I know. And it’s the sweetest gift anyone has every given me. The fact that you are willing to do this for me shows how deep your love goes. That’s the gift I’m taking from you instead.

I Could Never Be Your Woman : it tells about a forty years old mother falls for a twenty nine years old younger man while at the same time have to face the her daughter falls in love for the first time.

The interesting conversation in this movie is even she really loves him; she doesn’t have the heart to tell him their age gap.

Rosie : Because I’m older than you all of things are my responsibility

What is for you The Warrior of the Light ?

Warrior of the Light for me is the light that brighten our dark side, the light that show us the path in our low life, the light that bring us in the middle of our good and bad war, the light that make us understand that in every bad thing there’s always a good thing

The warrior of the light is someone who whisper in our ears the truth about life, the truth about ourselves, the truth about God

The one who will spread of LIFE to someone who need a hand, who need a support to face the LIFE ….

Saturday, January 19, 2008

I've been TAG by Ecky

Yup … I’ve been tag for the 1st time by Ecky ....(open the title link). Same as her, I thought it was just like I snap my finger, but suddenly I feel a little bit difficult. The reason is because I have many.

Anyway .. here you go :

1. Truth, Trust and Love. The most three important things I respect in all relationship.

2. Internet – Blog. Can’t live without it, my window to explore the world

3. Book .The 1st agenda when I went abroad, always spend my time in the bookstore

4. Movies. The fairy tale to escape from the real world

5. Spending time with my dearest friends … nothing can replace the beautiful moment with your dearest friends.

6. Bali. A place where the time stop tickling …

7. Last but not least, the hug and kisses of my two beautiful daughters ...

And now I tag my blogger friends : gurushabad, Xun and Beaman

Thursday, January 17, 2008

It is not necessary to share everything between true friends.
But it is necessary that what you share must be true

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Another story of stupidity

Several days ago there were a meeting between some of entrepreneur of water-hyacinth, the furniture association, Indonesia state minister deputy and Egypt ambassador. They were discussing the possibility of Indonesia’s entrepreneur to invest their money in Egypt.

Egypt Ambassador explained to Indonesia entrepreneur of the problem in his country caused by water-hyacinth. He heard that Indonesia knows how to use water-hyacinth, convert that water-hyacinth into furniture, bag, and several things. Therefore, he came and asked whether there’s an opportunity to have cooperation with Indonesia entrepreneur.

Then came the time for Indonesia state minister deputy to speech after he heard the information given by the entrepreneur of the process and the prospect of water-hyacinth. In his speech, the minister deputy didn’t even hear nor understand the point that has been stated by the entrepreneur. He still insisted that Indonesian entrepreneur has to invest their money in Egypt, share all the knowledge to Egypt people.

The entrepreneur stated that if they invested their money in Egypt while here, in Indonesia, water-hyacinth were the source of Indonesia common people livelihood, then the minister deputy have to think of the impact for Indonesia itself. Besides the cost that the Indonesian entrepreneur has to bear, because of the increasing production cost which at the end lead the selling price were beyond their normal-usual price.

If Egypt people would like to learn how to convert water-hyacinth into all the useful things, then the Indonesian entrepreneur and the government should find the best way to exchange knowledge process between those two countries. Instead of invest the money in Egypt and leave Indonesia common people suffer.

End of the story was dead end.

Lesson learned from that meeting, no wonder Malaysia could claim our batik, our angklung, our traditional song, as theirs, since our people who represent Indonesian society in government don’t know how to use their lovely brain.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Forgiving Suharto ?


I remember Ecky’s questioned in her post last year. She asked about the hardest statement to say, was it I love you or I am sorry.

Both of the statement start were the subject are ourselves. But what if the statement has to come from the object ?

By looking into Soeharto’s polemic, for sure the hardest thing to say is I forgive you.

Has been in the list of the richest man in the world, Soeharto also has been known for all the decisions he made to protect his family and his business entourage. Besides his political maneuvering to legalize him as an Indonesian second President for more than three decades. Rule his government with military as his back up. Use the communist sentiment to legalize his decisions to stifle the demonstration of his opponent. Planted the seed of corruption in all social stratums.

No one forgot the history of his conduct to Indonesian Founding Father, Sukarno, during his illness. The way Soeharto treated Sukarno was not a treatment given to former president. The same unbelievable treatment like he use for his opponent, especially during the beginning of his downfall.

No one can easily forget his huge mistakes. No one; especially for the victim whose being punished or for the family which lost the member of his family just because of different political value.

No one could forget the damage that he had heritage to Indonesian people, where democracy suddenly became a stranger when he surrendered his power.

Therefore, by looking into all the in-appropriate things that happened lately. Every body took the opportunity of Soeharto’s dying by bring out the idea of forgiving, by write off all the long list of Soeharto’s black book.

While actually they have forgotten that the idea of forgiving and write off is not something in common. The idea of forgiving and write-off are totally different. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that we can easily write off the mistake, it depends on the mistake that we made. And that is the reason why we need a court to value the mistakes, to decide the weight of the mistakes, to give punishment to the defendant.

So, should we forgiving Soeharto ? Or should we write off Soeharto’s mistake ?

As a human being we should forgive Soeharto. As a human being we should not discuss the possibility of bring him to court when he was dying. As a human being we should understand that a mistake is still a mistake, there's right or wrong, and we should let the court to judge it.

There’s always a good side of in every human being. So is Soeharto, he's not bad at all. We have to acknowledge that during his more than three decades President Role, he also stabilized the economy, he brought Indonesia as one of Asian economic giant before India and China.

Therefore, as a nation, we should respect Soeharto as our former president but as a nation we also have to learn to separate forgiving and write-off.

* the picture were taken from here

A Note of My Little Girl Christmas Show

This is the reason why I always love to watch my little daughter performance.

On Saturday night, I had an invitation to attend Christmas celebration in my neighborhood where my daughter also participated in drama show of baby Jesus. Actually all the player is children. So you could imagine how lovely that show.

The funny things started from the beginning when the sheep have to show up to the stage. As we all know, the grown up people, the sheep should act like a sheep, we neither have to crawl and never stand up nor kneel. But not this little sheep, suddenly he felt tired and he stands up. The teacher, told him to crawl but he refused, instead of follow his teacher instruction he played with other sheep.

Then came to the scene when my daughter whose role as Joshua, the young shepherd, had to cry since Joshua was told as a younger whine shepherd. In her script, she has to cry while saying something. Since all the dialogue has been recorded, the entire player only has to play in audible. So, when the crying scene came, instead of keep crying, suddenly she stopped her crying act and looked at her other friends shepherd, smile then continue to cry. The reason was simple because she forgot her text.

The other little angel also insisted to face her parents instead of facing the shepherd when they have to announce the baby Jesus born. No matter how hard the teacher turn her body and her friend told her, she still facing her parents then suddenly steps down from the stage and didn’t want to continue her role.

The worst part was Mary; she forgot to bring her baby Jesus. All she remembered only came to stage and kneeled.

At first we thought that there’s a little bit improvisation but when one of the Shepherd carried baby Jesus together with the manger, we realized that little Mary has forgotten her baby Jesus.

We all laughed when the Shepherd brought the manger and baby Jesus like she was carried her laundry rack.

We couldn’t stop our laugh after that scene, especially when Joseph didn’t want to end his role and keep playing with the sheep.

We gave the player outstanding applause.

Well … that night was one of my best nights. Nothing can replace the funniest thing of the little one …

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Your Old Soul Answer ....

Have you ever met somebody which their act and their thinking older than their age ? I believe all of us have met someone like that which we name that person with “Old Soul”.

How come somebody can have an Old Soul while others not ? Is it true, an Old Soul?

Previously I thought that it was a joke when we named one of our friends with that term. It just slips of our mouth because that person looks way older than others. The thinking, the style, most of the time make us tense.

Until one day, when I do my googling, I found several article about Old Soul. Don’t know have to believe it or not, but in that article, the author mention several characteristic of a person who have “Old Soul”.

When I read it, seems that I have experienced one of those event, but when I go through on it, I realized that for an “Old Soul”, the experience is every day not occasionally.

So here’s the key sign of an Old Soul :

  • Giving and caring often putting others first.
    Had a difficult romantic life often with much pain and disappointment
    More than likely had a soul mate relationship
    Have trouble connecting with your family
    Somehow know you are different
    Have some psychic intuition and just knowing things
    Find that have deeper emotions and passions than most people
    People have extreme reactions to you – some just adore and some seem to really dislike you, yet you behave the same to everyone
    Have an inner creative passion
    Suffer lots of jealousy, often perceived wrongly
    Feel don’t have much free will, like life is being controlled by some outside force
    Often feel ‘stuck’ like events just keep on happening time after time.
Our soul has traveled since the manifestation until now, stay in human form for many times. For that soul we name it “Old Soul” because there’s also a “Young Soul” where the Soul experience is not as the Old Soul.

I just remember this phrase from my mom when she answered my question of her knowledge in reading my attitude, my lies. Her phrase, “You will know when you’ve become a mother.”

It took years to finally understand her answer. The older we are, the more experience we have in our lives, and it made our “eyes” can see the non plain view.

So same as the Old Soul, all the wiser, giving, caring things, is just because the Old Soul has traveled through centuries, decades and has met a lot of test given by the One.

The returned of The Old Soul to human body is probably to pay the debt that the Old Soul left in previous life (ups … not previous life again …)

But as the author of
these articles said, at the end it’s all about balance. Having the Old Soul in our human body doesn’t mean that we can accept all the negativity re-pays from others.

All in nature is all about Balancing.

If you would like to read more, please visit this site

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Musing Email ....

Its typical me, always reply the important email or finish my task closely to the dead line, even worst sometimes it’s already due.

Yesterday morning, when finally I have quiet time to read my hundreds mail, I bump into the email from my colleague. He has to fill in our company portfolio questionnaire. He told me that I have to read the questionnaire number 3 and need my reply on last Wednesday before lunch.

I read it on Tuesday, promised to myself that I will reply on Wednesday, forgot because I have a series of meeting on that day, then here am I, type my answer on Friday morning then stated my apology because of being “late” person.

It would be normal email as usual, but suddenly it turns into a preliminary good bye email from my colleague. I put it here, so I will remember our once in a blue moon email chit-chat.

N : Thanks for the revision. We nearly send this questionnaire.
Me : Sorry . But there’s another comment from NK, you should add it to the questionnaire.

N : Tere, ok this time
Me : Are you sure ? This time only ? So you will stay and not leave the
company ? Wow .. then I still see you in your office then :-p

N : This time only, because there’s no Q’s to you from me next time,
Off course you can see me in the office, up to certain date :-)

He is not my colleague that I always in touch with, he with his investor things, totally different with me.

Meet him once in a while, if I went to my HQ, just stop by in front of his office, exchanged news of exhibition in Esplanade, Sing. Or bump into the same lunch table or into the same bus when our office went to Bali. Sometimes exchange office rumor. That’s all.

Not close enough … but knowing that there will be new people in your friend’s office, it’s not easy.

Hm ….sentimental ? Maybe ….

Friday, January 11, 2008

Life Plan ....

Go out and grasp the seconds of the day as if you had only that day to live.
Experience and enjoy the moments of your life.
We only have one life to live, so live it like a champion.
Katie Griffler

Hm … have I live my life like a champion ? What is the definition of being a champion ?

In my Oxford Dictionary, champion means a person who fights for, or speaks in support of, a group of people or a belief.

Well, if I bite the meaning in Oxford Dictionary, I’m hundred percent sure that my answer would be “Yes .. Yes .. Yes..”.

I have live my life like a champion for these past several days and that was the reason I didn’t post anything to my blog.

Finally, I could meet the target that I set to myself; prepare the direction to my team for the whole year in the middle of “uncertainty”.

You may say it was too late, but for me nothing is too late, it’s there or no at all. But compare to last year, this time I want to make it better, not for myself but for the entire team.

It needs a hard work but as I stated before, even though its need a hard work, I don’t want to sacrifice my life to achieve it. I have promised myself to change my life style and I mean it.

But experience and enjoy the moments in your life doesn’t always relate to target. It’s about our life, our day to day life, time that I put for myself, time for my children, and time for my family. It’s about managing time ….

It’s not 100 percent perfect, I haven’t managed my yoga schedule and it’s my home work. Not because there’s no time, it’s merely because I enjoy my blanket lately.

Anyway, yesterday I enjoyed my time. I have dedicated my time to watch Season 1 of Psych …, funny though.

What about my early plan ? Clean up my library ? …The sleeping beauty has changed her mind … she wants to manage her movie library this time. Promise to her that from now one, she must read the entire book which has been waiting to read and watch the movie that she has bought last year ….

In other words … I’m in the middle to proof my friend rhyme about a person who loves to plan but rarely make it happens.

picture are taken from here.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

How to marshall jets

Just to release the tension during the week end ...

A story of controversial love

This is a story of family secret that has been run in three generations. The process of awakening the secret started when Lendy, her grand daughter, found a manuscript and a bunch of letters of her grand mother, Diana, in her closet.

She could not ask her grand mother since her grand mother was dying because of cancer.

During her process to find the answer of her grand mother love secret, at the same time, she also questioning her decision to marry Philip, her lover, and her relationship with her mother, her relationship with the past.

The process of opening the Pandora box will be the same as others love story, but this time Clara Ng, write it differently.

Diana, Lendy’s grand mother, fall in love with Henrietta, a woman, where in every family tradition, at Diana’s era, is a big no even until today.

In this novel, Diana and Henrietta, have to keep their dream in their heart even when the opportunities are in front of their door.

Clara Ng, didn’t write merely of lesbian issue, but she also write about becoming a woman, a mother, a daughter, a lover, a wife. There’s no antagonist character in this novel, it’s all about love and happiness.

… I have to say that this is the first Indonesian novel where lesbian is the central of the story, the un-forbidden love. The ways Clara Ng express this issue and put it into three generations were awesome.

The last part of her novel, Gerhana Kembar, is the most breath-taking.

I have several gay friends, be in that circle since I was in college, but having it in my family; I think I need courage to accept the fact.

Friday, January 04, 2008

My Walt Disney World

Well … 3rd day of January 2008 will pass soon …

I know that he didn’t mean it but his comment really awaken myself. Just several hours before 2007 left me, he asked me this simple question, “Have you bought your dream camera ?”

My answer to him, as always, straight as before, “No”, without further explanation.

Then he sang the rhyme that somebody once told him that she wants to have that, she wants to do that, she needs to do this and nothing happened.

I, as always, laugh out loud … because I found it funny until I repeated his rhyme before New Year’s Eve mass and suddenly I realized that he was trying to tease me, that I have a lot of dream, and none of them I could realize it.

So, I told myself that I won’t do the same promise again to myself and make announcement of my dream to every people. It’s enough.

From now on, I am going to put my dream in the corner of my heart while still trying to make my dream come true ..

Today … 3rd January 2008, one of my goal, the one that I promise to my Boss, my bet, finally come true …; still have one bet, after that ..Just fight to make my dream com
e true.

After more than a year, finally I met with my old friend.
Another promise that we always said when we end our phone calls.
And today … we exchanged story of our children, our job, and our boss
What a day ….

picture were taken from here

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The 2nd day of New Year ...

How’s your New Year’s Eve ? Common question that I encounter during the 1st day at the office in the New Year.

Everybody was sharing their New Year’s Eve and I, as usual, always answer the question with the standard answer since I was a kid.

“Oh … I went to church then went to my auntie’s house to celebrate New Year with my family, the tradition that we keep from generation to generation.” But this time not to my auntie's house, I went to my father-in-law's house.

Then I have got the look, the unbelievable look that I must be kidding, since according to them I’m not under the list of that kind of person who will celebrate New Year with her family.

Hm .... They were cheated, deep inside, the real me, I am not that kind of person who craving for party especially during New Year. I’m a kind of person who loves to spend my special day with my dear one.

New Year is a special day, the day where we cherish the year that we have spent and a day where we were waiting the New Year to be painting with every color that God has given to us.

How are we going to paint is up to our resolution, not like when we were a kid, a teenager, where the how that we are going to paint is up to the grown up, my parents, my aunties-uncles, my grandma.

This evening when I had my first operational meeting in 2008 with my team, I asked them of their 2007 key learning …

Surprisingly their answer realized me that my 2007 painting was so colorful where not all was a failure even when we looked back we felt amazed that finally we could pass the challenge that enter our world. It is not 100 perfect but still, it is an achievement. All of us admitted that 2007 was a year where taught us a lot, a year where we still have the spirit to renew our world.

So, how am I going to paint my 2008 world ?

The answer is I’m going to paint it with a lot of optimism color, with a lot of love color, with a lot of struggling color and less of failure color.

I maybe a person who has a lot of desire, but as my friend said that I have to make it happen instead of put the desire as a day dreaming, this year I will paint my world with my snap shot picture, with my yoga practice, with my war of temptation to buy a lot of book instead of finish it, with my war of my emotional up-side-down, with new achievement in my work.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Today, 01 January 2008

It is always important to know
When something has reached its end.
Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters,
It doesn’t matters is to leave behind us in the past
Those moments in life that are over

The Zahir
Paulo Coelho

In couple hours we will leave 2007 behind and 2008 will come.
2007 will return to His Creature, God, while 2008 will be a gift from God
It’s a new book where all the path of your life within a year will be written.
It’s up to you, to write the same story or to change it with more meaningful story
But one thing that you have to remember, that once you have written it, you can not erase it. It will stay there, bad or good. And only you, who could decide whether it will be a good or bad story.

.... That was the message from my priest during end of 2007 mass, last night.....

I have closed my 2007 door, finish the chapter. But I can’t say goodbye to 2007, since the book has not complete yet, my life has not end yet.

So today, I just start to write another chapter of my life.
The opening of 2008 chapter, another good and bad, another dissatisfaction and satisfaction, new achievement and several failure …

And this is the song that I play over and over ….

How does the time slip by so fast
Why can’t it once stand still
For us this night, will always last
With every breath until
And if you find you’re all alone
Remember we have wings
As long as there is air to breathe
And music left unsung
You know that in the darkest night
A dawn has just begun
So think of me
I’ll think of you
Together we’ll take flight
For we shall never say goodbye
We only say goodnight
For we shall never say goodbye
We only say goodnight