After through series of thinking, finally I have to say that Forgiving is the 2nd hardest thing in the world after Forgetting.
It is like two side of coins, forgiving versus Forgetting, especially when these two were hand in hand, walking together in somebody’s heart and mind.
According to these sites, Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Letting another know that there is no grudge, or hard feeling or animosity for any wrongdoing; accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow.
Whilst Forgetting is putting these behind; they are no longer brought up or barrier to the relationship. It is the lack of further discussion; a promise that the deed will not be brought up again; a commitment to let go of anger, hurt and pain over this offence. Besides it is part of the development plan of action to heal the scars resulting from behavior.
By relating the definition above and reflected it with the series of hurtful or painful incidence, I have to admit that it was so easy to say “I forgive you” while the feeling or the memory of that hurtful situation were still with me.
I have to say that actually we did not realize that the process of “I forgive you but I don’t forget what you did” is not a genuine “Forgiveness” process. It’s a vague forgiveness process. And without we know, the painful memory will slowly but sure harmful our body, our health and our life.
As a Catholic, I remember one of this rule, “If somebody slaps you on the right cheek, let him slaps your left cheek. Love your enemy”.
Can we do that ? To answer that I will say that it’s the most difficult things in the world. Because it means that we have to be able to do the two things together, forgive and forget.
My friend made a joke by told me that the original of the rule was, if somebody slaps you on the right cheek, punch that person back before you let him slaps your left cheek. But since it was re-written, somebody erase the “punch back phrase”.
Well … have to admit, the joke was so true. As a human, flesh and blood, when the forgiving and forgetting have to walk hand in hand, we need time to be able to say both “I forgive you and forget the mistake”. Besides we need God to help us to pass that painful feeling, to let God talk with us with His own way.
As my friend said that to be able to understand the Rule of Love, we also must have the wisdom to know when we have to stop other slaps our right cheek. The wisdom that taught by St Francis through The Serenity Prayer.
By St Francis of Assisi
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next