Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Imaginary Talk

A : Hey, I have read your blog. It seems that you did not sincere to admit that you have made a mistake. You need to be more unpretentious.

M : More unpretentious ?

A : Yes…I did not see that you’ve stated that you’ve made a mistake. Instead of admitted the reason of your return to your corporation world, you wrote your best friend mistake.

M : Whaat ?

A : Yes… I didn’t see your humble tone there. Lucky that I knew the reason behind your returned to corporation world, but others…they didn’t know anything. They just knew that you have changed.

M : Whaat ?

SNOB ... based on the Oxford Dictionary .... a person who thinks they are much better than other people because they are intelligent or like things that many people do not like.

UNPRETENTIOUS ... based on the Oxford Dictionary ... not trying to appear more special, intelligent, important, etc.


Maybe because I pushed myself to always write in English so the “Always knew better than me” did not understand that I have admitted that I made a mistake.

That it needs a courage to say that I made a mistake, need a courage to be honest to our closest friend to say that she has changed after she got her promotion, need a courage to say that back to corporation world was something that I hated to the bone, need a courage to say to my “circle of friends” that I have to put aside my dream for a while, need a courage to say to my “circle of friends” the reason of my returned to the corporation world, need a courage to say that I don’t have to make announcement to every single person in the world the reason of my return to corporation world.

However, I think that is the reason we have named “HUMAN”, because if our name is “GOD”, then we never put somebody to the corner and let that person died slowly by torturing him bit by bit.

I learned something today that “unforgotten” is the secret weapon to kill the “transformation”.

>> Continue in imaginary conversation …

M : I don’t think that I should make an announcement to every person in the world. I have admitted. Go back to the article and read it carefully. That's a drag.

A : I always right, have you forgotten that ?

M : No, I never have forgotten that. But I have changed. Tell you something, that PRETENTIOUS or SNOB is the last word I want people to remember me.

…Phew…It’s 02.00 AM. Anyway, I can’t dictate anybody in the world to say something nice to me. Sometimes I need that “kind” of person, to remind me to be more patient.

Am I furious ? No….talking to myself while listening to Corinne Bailey Rae….:)

Three little birds sat on my window and they told me I don’t need to worry
Summer came like cinnamon, so sweet.
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes
We’ve got it wrong bit it’s alright. The more things seem to change,
The more they stay the same.
Oooo, don’t you hesitate.
Girl put your records on,
Tell me your favourite song,
You go ahead let your hair down,
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams.
Just go ahead let your hair down.
You’re going to find yourself somewhere, somehow….

A story about "Life Is Beautiful"

by Roberto Benigni

Everytime I saw a movie about Nazi’s era, everytime I felt the sorrow.

But after I saw this movie, I have to say that this movie taught me how to see “suffering” from different point of view.

See the suffering through the lens of optimism…

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the pain anymore. Yes.. for the first time after The Holocaust and Schlinder List.

Monday, June 26, 2006

A story about "Rebound"

by Steve Carr (III)

Hilarious !

Can’t say more. Watch it with my daughter and both of us laughed like hell.

But on top of that “fun time”, still, there is something I could show her that “people can change, and to change we need extra effort to make it happen”.

She loves these movie, and when I am writing this entry, she start to watch it for the third times.

Friday, June 23, 2006

A story about "16 Blocks (Widescreen Edition)"

People can change ….

That was the statement from “16 Blocks” movie. It was not a drama movie. In fact it was a suspense thriller movie, where the story always end up with a good guy be a hero.

However, this time, it’s different. It was the bad guy who became a Hero. A happy ending movie where my tears were waiting to see the world.

I had tried to find a similar story in my real life but still can’t find one. Or is there one left outside that I did not know ?

Anyway, it is not the point that I want to stress on here. The point I want to stress on is the courage to change. Like the courage of the bad guy have in the movie. The courage to be honest to himself.

Sometimes in life, we have to be honest to ourselves. By having the courage to say that, we have taken the wrong decision. By having the courage to say that, we have changed. By having the courage to say that, we need that “honesty” in our relationship.

The kinds of courage that grow up people do not have, where the absolute meaning of “honesty” just likes a strange word.

People can change. …; Yes, I have changed.

I have to admit that I want to spend more time with my children, seeing them watching their movie, listen to their story, watching them do their homework….

I have to admit that my decision to enter the corporation world was not an easy thing. It was a tough decision, where I have to put my dignity far away in the corner.

I have to admit that I do not have the courage to say to my best friend that she has changed just because of the name of “promotion”. Have to admit that I was there far away before she was there.

I have to admit that I have changed some of my life style, the reminder I have got from my investment friend before I resigned 6 months ago.

People can change …; Yes, I do believe it…

The bad guy became a Hero…who says that it was impossible…?

Anyway… the statement at the end, made me “contemplate”...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Worst Thing

Ugh…everybody blame me for that stupid thing that I made today. All of them !!!
Oh God, why am I so impulsive ? Why do you give that “impulsive” thing to me ? Why don’t you take away that “things” from me ?

I remember, my best friend used to say that the difference between “na├»ve” and “stupidity” was so close.

I went to the medical check up today, which a requirement before I signed the offering letter and just because I want to be a good person, I put in the questionnaire my health condition that I had 2 years ago.

Anyway,….que sera sera, it happened
Just wish that I could explain the cause of that condition to the doctor next week….that it happened because of a bunch of project that I had to finish at the same time.

Okay impulsive one, you have to let it go now... >> trying to tell myself <<>

Note :
Hmh…. This is the worst thing I have ever written in my entire life.
I think I have to go to my yoga class tomorrow morning otherwise "this stupidity" things will affect my mood for entire week.

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Unforgotten

"Why don’t you write again, back to your basic ? And this time..why don’t you try to write something more seriously. Try to make a story….," was his statement when we met after almost two years we did not see each other.

“Write a story” … my wishes that I have forgotten for more than 17 years and suddenly out of the blue came to me three months ago.

I did not tell him that I just create another blog for my Indonesian writing. Blog that I did not publish since the intention as a journal for my story.

I did not tell him that the words were coming like a bee recently and still I could not find a way to put it as a sentence.

I did not tell him that I was afraid to put that as a story since I am afraid to make an ending to that story, afraid that it will be the same as others.

I remembered one of the expert once said that we must be able to return back our “childhood” life to our “adulthood” life. But it was not as simple as that. We have encountered several incidents in our lives, and it affected of the way we react to our “childhood” dream.

Childhood was the stage of our life, where we never afraid to experience, where we put our wishes like we lick an ice cream, where we saw world as colorful as our crayon, where world as a place of our playground, where there is no sadness, where “brave” was the first word of our action and “fear” was the last word of our action.

“Don’t forget, write a story …. And please come to culture discussion this Friday,” his last statement awakened me from my stillness.

Me and my soul ...





.....(my HEART by Melly ..HEART album)