Sunday, September 30, 2007

When Nature Try to Say Something ...

A foot note from Bali .....

As usual if I were in Bali, I always do my morning routine by walk along the beach. I always love to breath the fresh air, hear the sound of the waves, watch people busy with their morning activities, the surfer, the boat, the dog, the rock, every single thing that enrich my life.

I always feel being re-charged after am back from my Bali business trip compare to other places.

Therefore, if I do have a chance to go to Bali, I always dream to have my morning walk along the beach.

But not this time, I lost my beach. I was surprise when I saw my beach being constructed with giant and small rock. According to the guard, the construction was made to prevent the waves destroy the beach.

Suddenly I feel the emptiness until I saw a man sit in his meditation position. His face was so peaceful, like he was in Heaven. Instead of choose other place; he just sat at the rock that I hate.

Then I sat near to him, at the same rock, watch the blue sky before closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the waves; to my surprise all the emptiness feeling vanished.

I remember my last discussion with my friend, “it’s a matter of what we think, of what we put inside our mind, its all about mindset.”

Yes, have to admit, it’s true, it’s all about mindset …. Finally I’ve my beautiful Bali back, I’ve my white sandy beach back, I’ve the look of the child eyes back …

Religious - Atheist ?

What a quiz anyway ....
Found it during my blogwalking today.

It's more interesting than working on my tomorrow task.

So here it is, the result of my religious or atheist ...

You scored as Apathetic Atheist, Meh... whatever. Apathetic Atheists tend towards disbelief because believing takes more work. These are the people who won't argue religion, even if a total nutjob confronts them because arguing just seems like a waste of time they could spend doing something else.

Apathetic Atheist




Spiritual Atheist




Scientific Atheist


Militant Atheist


Angry Atheist


What kind of atheist are you?
created with
You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

Finally, this is the answer of my blog type. Suddenly I remember my discussion with my friend, of the story that I publish in my blog.

So ... here it is, the answer of your question. I could not write if my heart didn't say anything :-)

Friday, September 28, 2007

24 September 2007

"What is a friend?
I will tell is someone with whom you dare to be yourself."
Frank Crane

It’s been 4 days after the incident happen to my friend. The incident that made me lives in uncertainty. It was so hard for me to see him and his team, especially because I know their hard works that they have put into that project.

For some reason, I lose my magic word. I felt like am in the transition world, a world before all the guessing, the prediction becomes real.

I was struggling with the feeling of losing my team mate, my partner in every game we play, my friend to share the burden of pressure.

I was afraid to open my eyes when morning comes, afraid that finally the days come. Afraid to close my eyes before I flew to my dream world, afraid that it was the last day we work as a team.

But during that those days, I could see that the proverb of “a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out” by Walter Winchell, was there.

Today is the 5th day, and I’m still struggling with that uncertainty even though the answer of the uncertainty has been given.

I still feel that am in the transition world .... Afraid that the answer that I heard was the voice I heard in my dream.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Theme of 27th Sept - Stop Abuse

Thousands of bloggers from around the world are joining together this Thursday, September 27th with a single message: Stop Abuse!
BlogCatalog would love for you to be one of them!

If you read the word “ABUSE”, I do believe that every body will refer to child abuse, animal abuse, drug abuse instead of refer that to political abuse, emotional abuse or verbal abuse.

Only several people, the one who have the experience of the last three abuses, will automatically relate that word into it.

I saw a show of Oprah Winfrey, couple months ago. She brought the topic of emotional abuse and how that emotional abuse end to brutal act. At that time, the emotional abuses were in husband and wife relationship.

But have we ever thought that emotional abuse and verbal abuse also appear in our office community, in our friendship community, and the worst thing in our children community ?

Back to the theme of Sept 27th theme to Stop Abuse, it is still a question for me to stop the last two abuse, emotional and verbal abuse.

How can we stop that verbal abuse or emotional abuse in grown up people ? By giving the understanding to that person ? or by leaving that person ? How if the attachment is so close ? How if we still need our job ? Quit from that company ? Ask for transfer ?

I don’t think that it will solve the problem of the victim.

When I write this, am still thinking how we could say such nasty word even though we are not under pressure. How we could be so judgmental just because we have bad experienced. Is that because we feel superior ? Or is that because we know that we are better than others ? Or is it because we think that we are the “owner” of that person ?

I don’t know … I still don’t know.

The only thing I know to stop emotional or verbal abuse is not just to be at victim side but we have to be able to help them both.

To heal the victim, for me, is easier. To heal the abuser ? It took years and years, especially if it is relate to their childhood experience. Am not saying that they were raise poorly, no.

Sometimes, without we realize it, as parents, we tend to compare our children in the name of trying to make them better. Or sometimes, during our lowest time, we lose our patient to our children, and then we say the nasty word, again and again.

And without we “realize” it, that habit becomes the “way of thinking” for them, becomes the “foundation” to act.

So … how do we stop abuse ? Start from ourselves ….

As long as we realize that we are human, as long as we realize that we are facing human, then I think we could stop the emotional and verbal abuse.

On the way to be able to stop that, we will fall several times, but if we keep our direction as the goal of our lives, to stop the emotional and verbal abuse, I do believe that at the end will come to that “finish” mark.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

God's law of LOVE

All Other Rules And Commandments Are Subordinate To This One Law,
And They Must Not Conflict With It.

Simple …. Just as simple as you blink your eyes. But to implement it, I believe no one in the world can do that. Even a saint can not do that.

I can easily say this law as easy as I close my eyes and hardly to forget since it’s become the foundation of my Christianity.

The truth, even though it’s become the foundation, it’s hard for me to love my “enemy”. The more I try to love my enemy, the more I found the bad things of my enemy. And at the end, the only left is how to “kill” her.

Yesterday, I learned something about God’s Law … “love my enemy”.

I still questioning my self, whether I can easily forget and still help someone who tried to take the benefit of my suffering. I don’t know …

I don’t know God’s purposes, but one thing that I know, He tried to teach me something, tried to show me something, tried to enrich my faith to Him.

Oh how I need God to be with me now. Come as a real person, so I can ask Him all these question of life, of my two days experience …

Why it is so difficult to get the answer, to get the understanding ….

Deep in my heart I know that the answer of my entire question is His law of “LOVE”. But how “LOVE” can be so cruel, can be so mean ?

Is this part of the meaning of His LOVE ?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Criticism vs Interpretation

One of my blogger friends, if I may say so, wrote in his blog of how people could easily get hurt because of criticism.

In his post, he mentioned that the feeling of “hurt” is not because of sensitivity, it’s because of arrogance.

When I read it, my first reaction is to deny that. But at the second thought, I have to admit that it is true. We were so arrogant to accept a bunch of word that not in line with our thought, with our own perspective.

I don’t blame people of being un-tolerate. In fact, I do believe that no one in this world could easily tolerate the criticism. The reason were simple, it is because we are come from different culture, different language. Our parents raised us in such a way that makes us different with others. It is because we are Human.

Criticism, according to my blogger friend, can be easily accepted if we have the same frequency of understanding the words, or in other words, if we stop create our own meaning of the words.

But the question is how ?

The answer is easy, by translating the criticism into questions, by trying to be in the same frequency, by not using our own judgment, by not using our own interpretation.

Only then we would be able accept that criticism as fast as we click our finger, we could be a sensitive person.

Me, at the other side still fighting to be as “sensitive” person and not being “impulsive”. Am still fighting to turn that criticism into meaningful words, to put those words in the same frequency as the messenger.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The Unspoken Word

… It’s not easy to keep your heart as it is, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you instructed your logic not to turn into impulsive one.

It’s not easy to stay closer whilst at the same time have to keep a distance. It’s not easy to put it as an unspoken word. As the words never be into a sentence, as you don't need a word to translate the look of the eyes.

You only need a music, a song without a lyric, since the music itself is the word of the look of the eyes.

Someday I hope you find your own song, like I find mine, where the unspoken word turns into a song without a lyric.

The way you look tonight
(Tony Bennet)

Some day, when I’m awfully low,
When world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you ..
And the way you look tonight

Yes you’re lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart ..
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely … never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm,
Won’t you please arrange it ?
‘Cause I love you … Just the way you look tonight.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Have I Told You Lately ...

It’s been a year ago I posted this song to my blog.
Only the lyric …

I remembered, somebody told me that she remembered someone sang this song one morning at beautiful resort in Bali …
Envy her …..

And have to admit that every time I heard this song,
I always heard the song of jimbaran waves
It’s a kind of magic, kind of hypnotize
Feel like being nowhere

Still the “Unforgotten Word” and "Unfinished One" for me.

Have I told you lately that I love you ?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you ?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

For the morning sun in all it’s glory,
Meets the day with hope and comfort too,
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.

There’s a love less defined,
And its yours and its mine,
Like the sun.
And at the end of the day,
We should give thanks and pray,
To the one, to the one .......................

The Eyes

Wish I were at the same place again
A place where the time stop tickling
A place where all the mystery of love waiting to be touch
A place where the memories are at the front door of our life.
A place where thousand words can be replace with beautiful eyes
A place where even in silence, the look of the eyes could feel the loneliness

But I know that when the times come, that place would not be the same again

The same wave never brings the same story
The same wave only brings the story of memories

And when the times come,
I know that the same eyes, that warmed my heart, that tells me a fairy tale, that tells me of how deep is the sea of love, that tells me the courage to face the world, is not there

And when the times finally there,
I will sit quietly, beneath the orange color of the sunset at the white sandy beach, looking through the sky, and listen to the sounds of the wave telling me a story of the beautiful eyes …

.. A foot note of 13 September 2007 ..

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Yesterday Morning at Cafe Au Lait - A Note

Sitting at the same café,, listen to “Karna Aku Sayang Kamu by Dygita” (a-song-that-I-just-heard), made me feel like in heaven.

Feel the morning sun shine, watching people around the café …

What a blessed day .... ;

Just several months ago, we used to sit at the same café, before started our morning activities, our morning meeting.

Same time, same morning, we sipped our tea, our coffee, shared our story of yesterday.
Tried to translate my favorite song “Besame Mucho” …

Now … it’s only me
Same time, same café, same corner, with different song …
Counting the day that had left me ..
The day that I called “Color of My Life”

Here’s the song ….

Seandainya, kau ada di sini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu

Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
Walau kini kau jauh dariku
Kan selalu ku nanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Hati ini
Selalu memanggil namamu
Dengarlah melatiku

Ku berjanji hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yang lain

Adakah rindu dihatimu, seperti rindu yang kurasa
Sanggupkah kuterus terlena tanpamu disisiku
Ku kan selalu menantimu
Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku

Kuingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
Walau kini kau jauh dariku
Kan selalu ku nanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Kan selalu ku nanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Heartless - Soeharto vs Time

What a surprise ? No, if we are talking about law system in Indonesia, especially if it relates to “the-green-eyes”. Nothing is impossible in our law system (what-a-pathetic-comment)

Since I was a teenage girl, I never believe in our law system, especially after I heard several stories from my mom of people who had a huge impact in their life after G-30 S PKI – all the communism thought in Sukarno’s era. At that time, in my teenage life, I do understand that law is so fragile, that “the-green-eyes” can turn the right into the wrong one.

I don’t know how I could get into that understanding, the only thing that I remember was when I read several books that banned by our government at that time. I read several analysis of that happening, the September 30th, and surprisingly it didn’t turn my beliefs to this republic, to the heart of this country, to our Flag, to our Pancasila. The information that I got from that book just enrich my knowledge.

One thing that I regret, was the stupidity of our government not to let people let read that book. I was lucky, I got the chance to read that book and have it (thanks to my late uncle who always feed me with that kind of knowledge).

Therefore, when I met and befriend with the son of one of the victim, I learned something from his life, different view, not from “suspicious eyes”.

So neither start from that day, and the day before, I decided to be “free” person, where nobody can touch me nor lecture me with that “wishy-washy” ideology, just in the name of “the-green-eye”.

Back to Suharto vs Time …. ; I could not believe my eyes when I saw the news today. A magazine like Time, where every news they publish, I believe have to gone through deep investigation, will get the verdict like that …. It’s so unbelievable …

Justice ? It’s not appropriate to discuss justice this time. Am not against Suharto, but knowing the practice in our government, I just wish that someday, justice will not be in “the-green-eyes” side if they have to compete with what we called “political” stuff.

Just a wish ..

Malya's Discussion

Is this common ? Working like this, where personal time nearly left ?

No, it’s not common. But maybe this is the price that we have to pay. For last several years, we were so passive. We were working in silo; we never prepare our 2nd line, 3rd line to be ready. So when there’s a demand that we have to run, we just realized that we don’t have enough people to help us.

I’m exhausted.

Me too. But we have to find a way not to be in that circle, walk in the same road again and again. It’s our challenge now. The demand for changes is there, waiting at our front door. I still have the faith that we could break the chain.

I don’t know. I think I should quit.

No, please don’t. This is not the right time to quit. Our plane just left the run away. If you jump from the plane now, you could not feel the glory. Wait until the plane flying high at the blue sky, at that time you can jump with glory.

But I need time to myself.

Then make it. It’s only you who could make that time for yourself. It’s only you who can instruct yourself to find a time for you to enjoy your lovely life. But please don’t quit now, not at the time being, our plane just left the run away.

…… All the answer were hanging there in the “Hope” tree, so I can put all my wishes there, while at the same time try make that answer as my belief too …

Monday, September 10, 2007

Living in a Jet Plane

Phew … finally this week I can stay in one place with peace. No need to arrange my schedule, chase my admin to arrange my flight schedule, the hotel and the most important thing is I don’t have to wake up at 03.00 AM to catch my 06.00 AM flight.

The schedule really made my life up-side down; the worst part was last week, when I was at home after gone back from Bandung, suddenly I woke up and forgot my own room. So pathetic ….

But that pathetic situation is not something that really bother me … ; There’s one situation which happened last week when I was attending “God and Goddess” meeting. A situation where suddenly frozen my mind. A situation where suddenly I thank God that He give me the position where am belong now.

And my mind flew to different meeting room where my ex-CEO gave me a lesson of “performance”. We were discussing his decision to terminate several sales managers. He told me that the evaluation of their glory is not based on their “history” performance that happened several years ago but based on their last one year performance. There is no Hero in corporation term. Therefore, people have to fight, every year, to get the recognition.

Until now, it’s my belief that the recognition is based on our “current” performance. That the under performance have to stay at their place or leave the company. There’s nothing I can agree more.

But to see one of the “Gods” – the way we called our boss – that I respect, got the same treatment; it is not the same like my ex-CEO gave me that lesson. I still remember his face, his eyes, when his colleague answered the question that belongs to his authority.

The higher we are, the lonelier we are …. And the easier we are to be the killer target …

Yes, the-damn-so-true-statement …..

Out of that meeting until today, that face and eyes, haunted me to every corner I walk, run or hide. The face and eyes that makes me use my “eagle” eyes ….

I know that my fighting partner will say that as a “senior” I have to understand all this kind of things, that I have to prepare myself to be ready for this kind of situation, that I have to leave my “innocence” thinking and replace it with “grown-up” thinking, where I have to be ready to the killer target every time, every day. Or with other words, stop to treat them as a “friend”.

Yes, that also the second-so-damn-true-statement …; there is no “friend” in corporation world, there is only “colleague” …

Friend is somebody that we find in our past lives ….. ; somebody that be with us during the rainy and sunny day for long times ....