Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Day


There are moments in life
When we need to trust blindly in intuition
The Zahir
Paulo Coelho



It’s about time now to find out the answer of my intuition
The answer that will led my path to my new world

I’m waiting for this day for almost 3 weeks,
Dreaming, Imagining, Plotting all the situation
Three weeks in nutshell

Feel nothing, no disappointment, no happiness, no sadness,
None … neutral ….

So …
Let’s face the world and bring my old world back again.
The world that I always aim for ….

And this is the song for today, the song that I got from my Barry Manilow

Just one voice singing in the darkness,
All it takes is One Voice
Singing so they hear what’s on your mind
And when you look around you’ll find
There’s more than
One Voice singing in the darkness,
Joining with your One Voice

Each and every note another octave,
Hands are joined and fears unlocked.
If only One Voice would start it on its own,
We need just One Voice facing
The unknown,
And then that One Voice would never be alone

It takes that One Voice
It takes that One Voice
Just One Voice singing in the darkness,
All it takes is One Voice
Shout it out and let it ring.
Just One Voice
It takes that One Voice and everyone will sing

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

When there’s no turning back,
Then we should concern ourselves only
With the best way to going forward

- The Alchemist -
Paulo Coelho


Nothing is more depressing than knowing that you were being blame of something that even normal people could not find the mistakes and nothing is more frustrating than dealing with people who doesn’t know the works ethics.

But nothing is happier than finding a time for you in the midst of depressing and frustrating day …

A little time for myself at the TBI cafeteria, remembering the old days that I spent my friends. The old days where we struggle with our home work, the discussion class, or our movie time review. The old days at the cafeteria where Ibu has to put our name in her “debt book” just because we didn’t even have enough money to pay the meals.

I never thought that I will sit at the cafeteria at lunch remembering these old memories of our class and got greetings from the staff. Our class which has been known as the “wicked” class…

Old days … especially the happy ones always have a mark in your heart as well as the saddest one.

And sometimes or most of the time during our saddest time, we always looking back to the old days where the happiest time were there, using our “IF” words over and over.

But this time, finally I could make my self for not looking back to the old days because life is not going backward. No “IF” word were being used by me, because it will bring me to the backward stage. It’s about time to see the world differently now …

It’s about changing the life style …
My life style ..

Monday, November 19, 2007

God's Magic


During the worst of all crises,
Friends appeared
Since then, the first thing I do
Is ask for help

Chronicle – Crises and Their Traps
Paulo Coelho


It’s quite amazing when some of your old friends suddenly come from nowhere, just to say hello and good things about you, especially when you were in the lowest part of your life. Nothing is more encouraging than that …

Suddenly, out of the blue, some of my old friends called me or send their text to me, just to say hello and good things about me.

I do believe that when you were at the lowest part of your life, the one that will help you, the one that will lend you an ear, were always your best friend.
The reason were simple, they know you better than anybody else.

But in fact, it’s not always like that.
Sometimes even your best friend did not understand your sorrow
Maybe because when we were in sorrow, we ask more than what we always shown to them.
Maybe because they were also busy with their sorrow, maybe …. I do not have the answer.

Therefore, when everything seems unbearable for me, God shown His magic through the beautiful thought of my old friends.

It feels like magic for me, like a good fairy stick that changed the word of Cinderella.

Am I feeling better ?
Yes, and deep down myself, I know God is always there, watching me from above

Do I still feel the sorrow, the sadness ?
Yes, the feeling is there.
I need time to overcome it.
It’s just because am human, flesh and blood, am not an angel, not even a saint.

Do I still value my friendship with my best friends ?
Yes, I am.
I still love them, as before …
They are human also anyway …

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Hybernating


Tomorrow and the day after that and the day after ….
I will hibernate myself at the book store that I love, enjoying myself at the bench where I can watch people pass by …


The places where I can feel I’m in the dream land and be myself..
My true self, where the memories fly through the title of the book and the music ….



Hm…
Feel that I already smell the atmosphere …



A note from God's Song


For me, the way God answer my prayer is always through the clouds, the rain, the laugh, the sadness, the happiness, the pat on my back, the simple things that sometimes so hard to notice. The answer that was so hard to notice unless we let ourselves to open our heart to those simple things.

Yesterday, was the hardest day for me
It’s the time to let the gift that I have away

I shared my sadness, my worries to Him
And by coincidence, I heard this song through my Ipod

The song that I never even notice it, not even in my top list.

I just remembered that the sun tried to shower his shine through the clouds
And through the shine that passes my window, suddenly I heard this song
Like somebody just give me an advice.

This is an old song, but the message of “faith”, of the “precious gift” for me is there…

I may not have that kind of gift again …
But I know that the feeling because of that precious gift were so beautiful


We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive
We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives
Then one day the sun appears
And we come shinning through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid
Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade
‘Cause when I chased my tears away
That’s when I knew that I could finally say

- I Made It Through The Rain -
Barry Manilow

Sunday, November 04, 2007

The Gift of Life


Our lives should be lived
Not avoiding problems
But welcoming them as challenges
That will strengthen us
So that we can be victorious in the future
from "The Ultimate Gift" movie


I was in the middle of communicating with God this morning when suddenly that question flash in my mind.

“Is God truly exist ? Or it was just a wonderful story made by somebody to help people to overcome their loss, their problem, their happiness, their excitement ?”

I wish, I’m truly wish that I will hear a sound that encounter my thinking.
But there’s no voice, there’s none, zero.

What I remember only my last prayer to Him.
A prayer to return back my trust on Him.
A prayer to be like one of His disciple where he still believes Him even though He didn’t see Him.

Until I watch this movie, for the second time.
Then I realized that actually every day, every second of my breath, He gives me His ultimate gift, a gift of life.

Yes, a gift of laugh, of sadness, of hoping, of love, of work, of gratitude, of loss, of everything ….

Especially during the lowest part in our life,
He carried us.

Is God truly exist ?
Yes, I have to say He truly exist through the gift that we had in every second of our lives.

Pathetic Sunday


I think I’m at the lowest level of my feeling, my mood, my health, my every single thing in life.

A lazy Sunday I ever have in my life, what a waste of beautiful Sunday.

Except from went to Church, the others were like going nowhere, swam to the non dreamy island, surfing the net, called the agent of apartment in Singapore, that’s it.

Hm … sent several texts to my friend, called my nephew, watch the Disney show without having a clue of the show, … what a pathetic activities.

Anyway … maybe that’s the best thing for me, at least for today …

Friday, November 02, 2007

Curse


Finally, the curse becomes the reality.
It’s hard to face the fact, but it’s already there, can’t avoid it.

All the hard work that I’ve done, vanished like dew in the morning day
It’s like your whole world that you’ve been built collapse of earthquake in second

Somebody, just a month ago, spelled his curse on me.
The curse which is his prediction of the future
Never been wrong, always precise

Somebody maybe laughed at me from the distance
Somebody maybe feel sorry for me from the distance
Maybe nothing …

But I know exactly what his comment of this news …

And for the first time in my life,
I face it by myself
Alone …..