Sunday, October 05, 2008

Questioning God

I was doing my blog walking as usual, when I stumbled upon to my blogger friend Anita, and read her post of her soul searching of God Almighty. She was born as a Moslem and part of her soul searching she has several question which is relate to her religion in reality, such as several doctrine that she had when she was a small kid.

Well, I don’t want to criticize her question, since I also have that kind of question several years ago, when I would like to find the answer of God Almighty, of how there are a lot of religion in this world, of how people hate each other.

I just want to let my thinking out of my mind when I read her posting. The question that no one can give me specific answer, the question that I know if I asked my religious friend they will blame me as a sin person, who don’t have the trust to God Almighty.

I am born as a Catholic and never doubt my belief to my religion until now even though I have so many questions about God. I have experienced so many miracles in my life, but I also have a lot of experienced where I’m asking God’s decision.

I remember my conversation with Pater Drost SJ, a well known pastor Jesuit, an expert in education; he was my mentor at that time. I asked him about heaven, which one will go to heaven, Christian people but disobeyed the Christian principle or other people who are not a Christian but religious, or the worst thing with someone who don’t believe in God but practice the God’s rule of love.

I remembered he told me that the person with no religion or the one which is not a Christian, will go directly to heaven because of their way of life whilst the other Christian, as we all know, will go to heaven after redeem their way of life in this world.

Then my other question to Pater Drost, so why should we choose a religion ? If without become a Christian (Catholic), we still can go to heaven. And he said, it is not as simple like that, by having a religion, by becoming a Catholic, at least we have a Savior, who will redeem our sin, who will carry us when we were in trouble.

So I told him that I would like to learn other religion, and what surprising me was he didn’t against me, he let me learn Islam at that time. The same with my mother, she gave me freedom to learn Islam.

My mom told me that religion is your connection with God; religion is a vehicle to get to know God better, to have the experience of God’s mercy.

I learned and at the end, I’m still as a Catholic. Not because Islam is worst than Catholic, no. It’s just because I feel that Catholic still the best vehicle for me to worship God Almighty.

And started from that day, I never close the door to the good thing I learned from other religion, Islam, Budha, Hindu or other beliefs.

I believe that someday I have to fix my weaknesses as a human in my next life I have to be able to become a better person, I believe that Heaven and Hell actually is in this world, because everyday God give us a choice to do the good things or bad things. I believe in good karma, that I have to pay what I did not after my death but during my life in this world.

I also still learn to be able to understand the diversity, that all the bad things of other religion or even the bad things of my religion, is not because of God or religion itself but because of the person itself.

Several years ago, I’m questioning God, because He gave us this kind of diversity, the hatred, the anger, but now I do understand that He gave us this kind of things so we could learn to understand others, learn to have a big heart to others who’s different from us.

I’m still questioning God, I still fall, I still fail, but I know that this is the part that I have to take as a human being in this period of time.

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