Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Great Sex means Happy Marriage ?
Three weeks ago during our “Land Coffee” one of my blogger friend asked us, whether great sex was one of the main factor of happy marriage.
Some of us, at that time, automatically refused that statement. One of my friend said that great sex didn’t always have a connection with happy marriage.
I remember she asked for our further explanation of our statement, but we just smiled and laughed then changed the topic.
Back home, I am trying to find the reason, since most of article in the media always bring up the issue of how great sex is one of the reason of happy marriage. Even in one of the book that I read, there’s a story of how the marriage end up just because of “sex”.
Is it true ? Great sex is the main factor of happiness in a marriage life ? Or great sex is one of the factors of happiness in marriage life ?
What if there’s no great sex in marriage life ? How do we know that the un-happiness of marriage life just because of that great sex ?
What is the indicator of great sex ? The frequency of sex ? Of how our partner in life mastered in sex ?
What is the indicator of happy marriage ? The way the couple shows their affection ? Of the length of marriage life ?
Marriage life is like human life itself. Great sex indicator is varying. Every body has their own standard, their own indicator. The answer because we are human, sex relate to feeling. How can we standardize a feeling ? As a human, the needs are different for every body. Feeling is not a mathematical thing and so is the indicator of happy marriage.
The length of marriage life is not the indicator of happy marriage nor the indicator of unhappy marriage.
There are a lot of stories of how “great sex” based on spectator eyes become the main reason of unhappiness and lead to divorce. But there are also a lot of stories of how happiness comes from a couple who do not have capability in “sex”.
Marriage is not sex legitimate, marriage is about of two people who have same point of view, who have same feeling, who have the same understanding, who have the same goal, rejoin together in the institution called “marriage”.
Sex came later after the feeling, after the understanding, after the communication, after the goals. Sex is not the first one when two people finally decided to marriage.
Then how the divorcee blames the sex ?
The answer is because it is easier to find the scapegoat especially since sex came later after all the “same” perspective things.
People forget that like life itself, marriage also evolve from a child to grown up person. Life is about changing and so is marriage.
Therefore, if two people forget to accept the changes, forget that their half is not the same person that they knew before, then the unhappiness came.
So, do I agree that sex is the main indicator in the happiness of marriage life ? I don’t think so. One of the main factor ? Yes, but not as the importance of knowing and accepting the changes of their partner in life. Not as the importance of how we communicate with our partner in life. Not as the importance of listening to the un-spoken feelings.
… my two cents …