Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Great Sex means Happy Marriage ?

Three weeks ago during our “Land Coffee” one of my blogger friend asked us, whether great sex was one of the main factor of happy marriage.

Some of us, at that time, automatically refused that statement. One of my friend said that great sex didn’t always have a connection with happy marriage.

I remember she asked for our further explanation of our statement, but we just smiled and laughed then changed the topic.

Back home, I am trying to find the reason, since most of article in the media always bring up the issue of how great sex is one of the reason of happy marriage. Even in one of the book that I read, there’s a story of how the marriage end up just because of “sex”.

Is it true ? Great sex is the main factor of happiness in a marriage life ? Or great sex is one of the factors of happiness in marriage life ?

What if there’s no great sex in marriage life ? How do we know that the un-happiness of marriage life just because of that great sex ?

What is the indicator of great sex ? The frequency of sex ? Of how our partner in life mastered in sex ?

What is the indicator of happy marriage ? The way the couple shows their affection ? Of the length of marriage life ?

Marriage life is like human life itself. Great sex indicator is varying. Every body has their own standard, their own indicator. The answer because we are human, sex relate to feeling. How can we standardize a feeling ? As a human, the needs are different for every body. Feeling is not a mathematical thing and so is the indicator of happy marriage.

The length of marriage life is not the indicator of happy marriage nor the indicator of unhappy marriage.

There are a lot of stories of how “great sex” based on spectator eyes become the main reason of unhappiness and lead to divorce. But there are also a lot of stories of how happiness comes from a couple who do not have capability in “sex”.

Marriage is not sex legitimate, marriage is about of two people who have same point of view, who have same feeling, who have the same understanding, who have the same goal, rejoin together in the institution called “marriage”.

Sex came later after the feeling, after the understanding, after the communication, after the goals. Sex is not the first one when two people finally decided to marriage.

Then how the divorcee blames the sex ?

The answer is because it is easier to find the scapegoat especially since sex came later after all the “same” perspective things.

People forget that like life itself, marriage also evolve from a child to grown up person. Life is about changing and so is marriage.

Therefore, if two people forget to accept the changes, forget that their half is not the same person that they knew before, then the unhappiness came.

So, do I agree that sex is the main indicator in the happiness of marriage life ? I don’t think so. One of the main factor ? Yes, but not as the importance of knowing and accepting the changes of their partner in life. Not as the importance of how we communicate with our partner in life. Not as the importance of listening to the un-spoken feelings.

… my two cents …


Anonymous said...

Great sex is definitely a plus, but it's not everything. Besides, great sex is not just like love in the first sight, you can actually work at it. Lousy sex can be great sex with a lot of work and practice :D

So I'll put it like this (based on the importance rank):
1. Love
2. Personality
3. Sex

How about you?

Devi said...

Kayaknya postingnya ke-copy paste dobel yah Juin?

LOL, jadi ga enak.. I was just asking :P (based on SATC the movie and some other Hollywood movies, of course. What else? LOL)

tere616 said...

the writer : Love and Personality is a must. But marriage is like life itself, so besides that two, we should have the ability to communicate. Sex comes after all of those criterias.

Devi : iya, tadi malem speedynya hilang-timbul. Gw edit deh.

No need to feel bad. Actually it's a good question, makes me think. Because most of the article in the media makes sex like the number one. So, here's my 2 cents dear :-)

Anonymous said...

When I was doing marriage counseling (with my now ex-husband), the therapist told me that the biggest reasons (or excuse) for couple to get divorce or split up is:
1. Money
2. Sex

Those two can be translated into many things. Money can lead to the superior/inadequate feeling from either party, for example. Sex can be from 1)not enough sex, 2)the other party isn't interested anymore 3)affairs, and so on.

So sex is very important for marriage. But you're right, the "dose" is different for every couple. The way we are finding our balance with our partners will determine the marriage harmony.

Rob Baiton said...

a posting that should bring in the traffic :D

What constitutes great sex (just as a matter of interest)?

Sex, I think is just an excuse to avoid deeper issues of discontent in a marriage.

Seriously, if you are comparing your spouse / partner to your former lovers then you are probably not in your current relationship for the right reasons.

So, if your spouse / partner is not into the same fetishes as you does this mean that the sex is bad? or is it simply a case of not being the sex that you want?

The possibilities are endless on this one.

Nice post though. These land coffee things are sounding more interesting all the time. I will have to clear my schedule in order to attend the next one :D

Anonymous said...

ditto anita.
either the sex or the money.
forget about kids or pets, if you don't get enough sex, marriage is over, baby! *sarcastic mood on*
'great sex' is not or should not be the most important part of a happy marriage, imho.

boy said...

*ngangguk-ngangguk aja setelah baca pelajaran dari senior..:)

Wiwin Lee said...

I completely agree with you. its always about give and take..
ta' link ya mba juiiiii~ <3

bloggerbercerita said...

Meskipun aku belum menikah, tapi melihat informasi dari sekitar kita *halah* seks itu ya termasuk faktor yang menentukan kebahagiaan dalam pernikahan, meskipun bukan main factor itu tadi. Itulah kenapa di setiap majalah orang dewasa--yang kalau aku mau bacanya ngumpet *masih kecil gituuu*--selalu ada rubrik konsultasi seks. hakhkahakhakhakhakhakhakha...

tere616 said...

finally-woken : Too bad that the article in the magazine sometimes lead the reader to the wrong direction. Whilst sex is actually the face of love.

The dose is different for every couple, can't agree more for it.

Rob Bation : LOL. This is because of the land coffee, you should come Rob.

There's endless argument about that therefore every couple need to answer that honestly and not hide behind the "sex" term as Anita comment.

Once the spouse or partner start comparing theirs with their former lovers, for me it is the signage of the "dissatisfaction" in marriage life.

accordingtod : So we are in the same path ? Yes, me too, sex is not the important things in marriage life.

boy : Jangan komentar, nanti komentar nya persis seperti baca prediksi saham lagi :-)

wiwin lee : thanks dear, aku boleh add linknya. Janji nanti malam aku link :-)

bloggerbercerita : itulah, makanya aku sebel banget kalo baca rubrik konsultasi seks di majalah. Masalahnya bukan posisi A/B, atau apalah, tapi find the truth first, baru deh sex akan mengalir dengan sendirinya. Halah ... :-)