Wednesday, August 06, 2008
He's Gone .....
The empty chair still there, his entire wardrobe still in the closet, his book and his camera still in their place, except some of his sculpture, the rest were still the same like before, when he was alive.
It’s so painful, every time I sat in my dining table; I have to face the empty seat. Every time I wish I will hear his voice, debate all my opinion about every thing, from politic into small things, but at the same time I heard my inner voice told me that he has gone.
I live everyday like he is still alive; wish that there’s a voice warned me to left one of the newspaper at home
Last night, when we had dinner, I saw my calendar nothing changes, its still in July; no one wants to move it to August.
Then suddenly I’ve got smoke in my eyes, my inner voice whispered in my ears that he has gone.
Every night after that day, I always wake up at the same time my nephew woke me up and closed my eyes the same time when he has gone.
Every night, there’s a system in my body reminds me on that day.
Part of myself know that he’s happy now but the “children” part of myself difficult to accept that he has gone forever, gone from my life.
I know that what left from him only the memory and I’m afraid that someday I may forget the memory, the good and the bad one. I’m afraid that someday I may forget his face, the peacefulness face when he met his creator.
If I know that it was his last day with us, if I know that he will go that quickly I will ask for his apology of my “stubbornness”.
Yesterday, when I cleared my old thing, I found his “black and white” sunset picture, the picture that both of us loved, the picture that he printed by himself in his dark room long time ago when everything was perfect. Then I felt that he sent me a message to let him go, a message to let me know that he’s happy now.