Sin in My Eyes

“Truly we can chose to sin, but what we can’t do is to choose to be sinless. From our little while lie designed to spare someone’s feelings to the reality of Hitler’s ovens, sin is necessary

because we cannot return to God without overcoming it.”
The Anchorage

Sinless ? No one in this world can choose to be sinless. Only the angel can choose to be sinless. Sin is already in there, in our path of life, start from the day we breathe.

I do agree with the way The Anchorage thinking of how we should portray Sin. Especially since sin is never on the top of the list to “Heaven” in any religion terms.

But have we ever thought why we have the luxurious to choose sin ? For sure, I don’t realize the luxurious of those choices until I read The Anchorage post.

Sin is one of the precious gifts from Heaven, so we would be able to know ourselves, to know others and most importantly to know our Creator.

Can we prevent ourselves from sin ? I doubt it.

I’ve tried hard to go through every single day of my life for the past 3 days, and I found out that the hardest I tried the more sin come to my way. For the past 3 days what I’ve done was choose the sin.

And Just because of that sin, I’ve got the understanding of life, of believing and of love. Through those understanding, I met with my Creator.

Loneliness

I am calm and steady in every situation, like a rock in a storm
I feel light and easy, giving all my burdens to God
- Inspirational Cards from Brahma Kumaris –

Those messages were come from my Brahma Kumaris Inspirational Cards that I bought at Bali Spirit, Ubud, last year.

The instruction of using the deck stated that whenever I feel I need help in a challenging situation, or some inspiration, or just a new way to look at life, sit quietly, ask, and then select a card or two, at random. Then, let that card guide you to a fresh new way of thinking – a new me !

Surprisingly for these two days, even though I have shuffled the cards and put the card other way around, those two cards, always become my selection.

Yesterday, when I read those cards on my way to the office, I felt like God gave me His love so I would be able to walk and think clearly in this difficult situation. But apparently the purpose of the message was not as I’m thinking. The situation were even worst than I thought.

Then for the first time in my life, I do understand the meaning of my discussion with my friend last year. The higher the position you held, the loneliest you’ll become.

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I’m there.

It’s hard to stay calm and steady in this situation but I have to.
Smile to the team, act like nothing happen.

Today, when those card become my selection again, although I’ve done the same ritual like yesterday, I know that God still love me.

Great Sex means Happy Marriage ?

Three weeks ago during our “Land Coffee” one of my blogger friend asked us, whether great sex was one of the main factor of happy marriage.

Some of us, at that time, automatically refused that statement. One of my friend said that great sex didn’t always have a connection with happy marriage.

I remember she asked for our further explanation of our statement, but we just smiled and laughed then changed the topic.

Back home, I am trying to find the reason, since most of article in the media always bring up the issue of how great sex is one of the reason of happy marriage. Even in one of the book that I read, there’s a story of how the marriage end up just because of “sex”.

Is it true ? Great sex is the main factor of happiness in a marriage life ? Or great sex is one of the factors of happiness in marriage life ?

What if there’s no great sex in marriage life ? How do we know that the un-happiness of marriage life just because of that great sex ?

What is the indicator of great sex ? The frequency of sex ? Of how our partner in life mastered in sex ?

What is the indicator of happy marriage ? The way the couple shows their affection ? Of the length of marriage life ?

Marriage life is like human life itself. Great sex indicator is varying. Every body has their own standard, their own indicator. The answer because we are human, sex relate to feeling. How can we standardize a feeling ? As a human, the needs are different for every body. Feeling is not a mathematical thing and so is the indicator of happy marriage.

The length of marriage life is not the indicator of happy marriage nor the indicator of unhappy marriage.

There are a lot of stories of how “great sex” based on spectator eyes become the main reason of unhappiness and lead to divorce. But there are also a lot of stories of how happiness comes from a couple who do not have capability in “sex”.

Marriage is not sex legitimate, marriage is about of two people who have same point of view, who have same feeling, who have the same understanding, who have the same goal, rejoin together in the institution called “marriage”.

Sex came later after the feeling, after the understanding, after the communication, after the goals. Sex is not the first one when two people finally decided to marriage.

Then how the divorcee blames the sex ?

The answer is because it is easier to find the scapegoat especially since sex came later after all the “same” perspective things.

People forget that like life itself, marriage also evolve from a child to grown up person. Life is about changing and so is marriage.

Therefore, if two people forget to accept the changes, forget that their half is not the same person that they knew before, then the unhappiness came.

So, do I agree that sex is the main indicator in the happiness of marriage life ? I don’t think so. One of the main factor ? Yes, but not as the importance of knowing and accepting the changes of their partner in life. Not as the importance of how we communicate with our partner in life. Not as the importance of listening to the un-spoken feelings.

… my two cents …

Rumi's and God

I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there; I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to old pagodas, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere.

I searched on the mountains and in the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him.

I went to Cabba in Mecca, but He was not there either.

I questioned the scholars and philosophers but He was beyond their understanding.

I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw Him; He was nowhere else to be found.


Jalaluddin Rumi, Founder of the Mawlawi Sufi Order (1207 – 1273)

Tag from Ecky

01. Real Name – Christina Maria Theresa Juinita Senduk
02. Like it ? – Sooo much but not my nick name, people tend to call me, "Jui" or "Mr" or even the worst part “Mr Jui” and sometimes "Juhi"
03. Nick name (s) Juin
04. Status – Married
05. Zodiac Sign – Gemini
06. Male of Female – Well… depends on the day and my mood
07. Elementary – SD Trisula
08. Middle School – SMP Yayasan Keluarga a.k.a SMP Tarakanita Rawamangun
09. High School – SMA Fons Vitae 1, Marsudirini
10. Hair Color – Dark Brown, wants to toning it
11. Long or Short – Medium Bob
12. Eye Color – Dark Brown
13. Weight – 53, want to loose 3 kg to 6 kg, don’t know when
14. Height – 155 cm
15. Righty or Lefty – Lefty
16. Sweats or Jeans – Jeans and Short
17. Phone or Camera – Both
18. Health Freak – No
19. Piercing ? – Ear
20. Do you have a crush on someone ? It’s my secret :-D
21. Eat or Drink – Both
22. Purse or Backpack – Backpack
23. Tattoos – No
24. Do You Like Yourself ? Have to but I will love myself more if finally my weight back to 47 kg
25. Current worry ? Died soon before seeing my two beautiful daughters married

THIS or THAT

26. Orange or Apple Juice ? Both, but the juice must be original
27. Night or Day ? Flexible but currently am prefer Day
28. Sun or Moon ? Both
29. TV or Internet ? Both, can’t live without them
30. Play Station or Xbox ? X Box or Wii
31. Kiss or Hug ? Both
32. Iguana or Turtle ? I don’t like it both of them
33. Spider or Bee ? No way, am afraid
34. Fall or Spring ? Both plus summer
35. Limewire or iTunes ? iTunes
36. Soccer or Baseball ? I’m not into sport, but I will choose Baseball

FIRSTS :

37. First surgery – zero
38. First piercing – just ear
39. First Best Friend – Tino Laisina, Rina Waas, Dewi and Andreas, my middle school gang
40. First sport – swimming
41. First award – the talented person of Poem reading
42. First crush – Bangladesh Boy who lives in front of my auntie’s house (the elementary school crush)
43. First pet – Dog
44. First Big Vacation – Carita, with the whole family of my grandmother’s, it started when I was in middle school
45. First Big Birthday – never have

CURRENTLY :

46. Eating – half chicken pie
47. Drinking – Water
48. I’m about to – Read Marley and Me
49. Listening to – iTunes – don’t know the track, but Gospel Piano Instrumental
50. Singing – Nope
51. Typing ? – This loooooongggg tag fromEcky
52. Waiting for – no one

YOUR FUTURE :

53. Want kids ? – Nope, two is enough
54. When ? – Abstain
55. Want to get married ? In my future life ? Off course
56. When ? Don’t know, future belongs to GOD
57. Where Do You Want to Live ? When am being a grandma, I wish I will live in the village or near the beach
58. Careers in mind – Not at the moment – I want to re-establish my own company
59. What Did You Want to Be When You were little ? Pilot then War Journalist
60. Mellow Future or Wild ? Hm .. Wild but as Ecky said, should be in control
61. Something You Would Never Try ? Bungee Jumping

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY ?

62. Lips or eyes ? Both
63. Shorter or Taller ? Taller
64. Romantic or spontaneous – Spontaneous Romantic
65. Nice stomach or nice arms – Both
66. Sensitive or Loud – Sensitive
67. Hook-up or Relationship – Hook Up First then Relationship
68. Trouble maker or Hesitant ? In Between
69. Hugging or Kissing ? Both
70. Tan Skinned or Light ? Tanned skinned
71. Dark or Light Hair ? Dark
72. Muscular or Normal ? In between

HAVE YOU EVER :

73. Lost glasses/contacts ? never
74. Ran away from home ? never
75. Held a gun/knife for self defense ? never
76. Killed somebody ? OMG, No, Never
77. Broken someone’s heart ? Yup …
78. Been arrested ? never
79. Cried when someone died – all the time
80. Kissed a stranger ? Nope
81. Climbed Up A Tree ? When I was a kid, Jambu tree
82. Liked a Friend as more than A friend ? Yes, can’t say when, it’s my own secret

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :

83. Yourself ? Yes
84. Miracles ? Always
85. Love at First Sight ? Never
86. Heaven ? Sure
87. Santa Claus ? Yes
88. Kiss on the first date ? Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

89. Is there one person you want to be with right now – nope, my husband and my two aughters are with me now ..
90. Do You Like Someone ? off course
91. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life ? Can’t complaint, can I ? It’s a gift from GOD

LASTS

92. Received/Sent Text Message – 888 (the regular report sms from my office)/nope
93. Received Call – my friend
94. Call Made ? my husband
95. Comment on MySpace ? I’ve deleted my account at MySpace
96. Missed Call ? Nope
97. Person You Hang Out with ? my friends and every body who are fun to be with

25 Random Things About Me

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

I've got this from my old friend, Alice. She tagged me through FB. So here are my 25 Random Things about Me :


1.Long time ago, journalism is my main dream, can’t live without it

2.I’ve been in the customer service world for almost 21,5 years and that world give me a lot of experience dealing with people. The worst part, I can’t get rid the habit of examining people through their body language, their voice, their face.

3.Now .. for the first time in my life, I switch it to CRM and it’s already going for almost 8 months. Even though it’s not relate to “serve” but still in the “customer” world.

4.I love to read a book and love to buy. It’s difficult for me to resist the temptation to buy the new book even though I can’t read it right away. I still have a book that I haven’t read for almost 2 years and I’ve nearly forgotten that book until I saw it on my 24things.

5.I value openness, so be frank with me, I don’t like flowery words. I always feel that people were trying to “buy” me.

6.I love the beach as much as I love the scenery of the mountain.

7.God were so kind with me, He showed me the Wheel of Life. Just name it, I’ve been in the condition where we have to sold our clothes to buy the food; I’ve also been in the stages of life where we can buy anything, where I owned more than 3 cars, got the newest model that only certain people in Jakarta have, be with the crème de la crème. Now, I’m just the ordinary like everyone.

8.Religion for me is my personal things with GOD. No one can touch it. I have chosen my own way to praise GOD, after a long and deep dialogue with Him. But it doesn’t mean that I’m fanatic, instead I’m open for any knowledge or the good part of every religion. I never condemn if someone’s want to convert their religion, it’s their choice of how to meet their GOD.

9.I’m a mother of two beautiful daughters with a wish that sometimes being single again. It’s silly, maybe, but when the day was so tough, when I was so tired to handle all the questions from my two beautiful stars, sometimes I wish that God will grant me a quiet day, where I can do anything of my own as when I’m single.

10.I’m married to a Muslim and never have the desire or push him to convert his to be mine. I’m happy for his choice because he found his peacefulness as a Moslem.

11.I love challenge, new things always attract me, feel like a magnet for me. Like learn how to crochet, knit, how to make bracelet, necklace; my passion was so intense as much as my boredom after I learned it.

12.I’m good in interpersonal skill, got compliment for it from all my bosses and my colleagues.

13.Someday I want to be a philanthropist, not because it is the way to heaven, but I feel that I have to share the blessing that I have to others who don’t have the same “luck” like me.

14.I’m afraid to Ghost, and that’s the reason I don’t like horror movies ....

15.I always nauseated with worm and cockroach, can’t take it. Those two animals are monsters.

16.I love dog so much, the cutest animal in the world. I love Panda and Bear too, but they are not pet 

17.3 years ago, I decided to quit and set up my export handicraft company. It’s a boldest decision but it’s worth it. I’ve learned a lot how to set up and run a new company. At the end, money is always being the most important things when we run the company.

18.I always believe that people are kind even though I’ve got cheated every time.

19.I made my testament of my requiem mass. One of the list that I made was I don’t want people wear black clothes when they see me. Death is the happiest thing in the world for the death people. So I want my family to be happy for it. Therefore BLACK is a big NO NO on my death day.

20.I love jasmine and tuberose flower. Love the exotic smell of those flowers.

21.I want to go back to college and mastering product design. I’m enough with all marketing stuff.

22.I love travelling.

23.I’m a bluntly, easy going person. I’m also easily forgotten people’s mistake. I never bear a grudge, it’s not me.

24.I love to cook, I’m good in Italian, Macaroni Schotel, Kastengels, oxtail soup, and Manadonese

25.I believe in Reincarnation, Heaven and Hell is in our daily life.

Now .. I'm tagging Dini, Felicity, Soe, Caroline, Ecky, Anita, Therry, Parvita, Rob, Elyani, Eva, Opie, Wirapati, Boy, Adit

The Early Result

Today is the 1st month birthday after I’ve delivered my 2009 Resolution Babies. The babies that I named as Procrastination, Exercise and Hobby.

I’ve been known as the most procrastination person, even my mom hate me because of my habit; therefore it’s about time to change it. I really want to change, be a new person. At least not a full procrastination but at least a little bit procrastination person.

So, how’s the 1st month going on ?

Well …I can manage myself better now. At least I’m able to manage not to pend most of my task until the last minute. I manage to tidy up my clothes in my wardrobe everyday, something in the past that I always failed.

But not today, not after January 2009, I think I should give myself a trophy for that. There’s still 1 or 2 task that sometimes I put in my pending box but most of it, I’m succeed to finish it in and on time.

What about my reading habit ? (The hobby part).
Since January, I have my own target, at least once a month; I must be able to finish 1 book from more than 30 un-finished books of my 2007 till 2009 list. Now, at least January am able to finish 1 book and still reading 3 books simultaneously.

The others?
I still have to work hard to finish the things in my Pandora box but at least I’ve done something instead of doing nothing.

The 3rd babies, The Exercise ?
Am able to jog for 2 km and reduced 2 kg of my December weight, but it was last week
So it’s about time to set new schedule and new target for February.

Phew …
Finally, I have my non financial 2009 goals.
The goals to balance my life, the things that I’ve forgotten in 2008.