Saturday, January 26, 2008

Fact of Forgiving

After through series of thinking, finally I have to say that Forgiving is the 2nd hardest thing in the world after Forgetting.

It is like two side of coins, forgiving versus Forgetting, especially when these two were hand in hand, walking together in somebody’s heart and mind.

According to these sites, Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Letting another know that there is no grudge, or hard feeling or animosity for any wrongdoing; accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow.

Whilst Forgetting is putting these behind; they are no longer brought up or barrier to the relationship. It is the lack of further discussion; a promise that the deed will not be brought up again; a commitment to let go of anger, hurt and pain over this offence. Besides it is part of the development plan of action to heal the scars resulting from behavior.

By relating the definition above and reflected it with the series of hurtful or painful incidence, I have to admit that it was so easy to say “I forgive you” while the feeling or the memory of that hurtful situation were still with me.

I have to say that actually we did not realize that the process of “I forgive you but I don’t forget what you did” is not a genuine “Forgiveness” process. It’s a vague forgiveness process. And without we know, the painful memory will slowly but sure harmful our body, our health and our life.

As a Catholic, I remember one of this rule, “If somebody slaps you on the right cheek, let him slaps your left cheek. Love your enemy”.

Can we do that ? To answer that I will say that it’s the most difficult things in the world. Because it means that we have to be able to do the two things together, forgive and forget.

My friend made a joke by told me that the original of the rule was, if somebody slaps you on the right cheek, punch that person back before you let him slaps your left cheek. But since it was re-written, somebody erase the “punch back phrase”.

Well … have to admit, the joke was so true. As a human, flesh and blood, when the forgiving and forgetting have to walk hand in hand, we need time to be able to say both “I forgive you and forget the mistake”. Besides we need God to help us to pass that painful feeling, to let God talk with us with His own way.

As my friend said that to be able to understand the Rule of Love, we also must have the wisdom to know when we have to stop other slaps our right cheek. The wisdom that taught by St Francis through The Serenity Prayer.

The Serenity Prayer
By St Francis of Assisi

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next


Elyani said...

Lalita, I had the privilege of meeting Sobron Aidit (the brother of accused communist party leader, DN Aidit) and swapped emails several times before his death on February in Paris, last year. Oom Sobron had converted to Christian and had chosen to have a closer relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in his lives, hearts, prayers, thoughts, words, deeds, etc. In one of our conversation, I did ask Oom Sobron...what was the most difficult thing being a Christian?. He confessed...his inability to put "Our Father" prayer into practice, esp. on this part :

Forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who
trespass against us.

He said he could not forgive Soeharto for what he did to his brother and his immediate family. I can understand his reasons. Forgiveness is difficult, forgetting can be downright impossible for many people. In most cases, I can forgive people and forget it as well. I just don't like to keep resentment bottled up inside me and be a cancer to my heart :)

Finally Woken said...

Interesting. To me personally, not forgetting doesn't mean it's less forgiving. It's the matter of how I remember it and what it does to me. If I still remember it without feeling hurt, then I believe I forgive him/her/them purely 100%, and I remember it for my own next lesson of life.


trubby said...

Tere honey.
My dad said that :"There is always forgines in your heart when there is still love in your heart"
I couldn't understand, why should I forgive someone who hurted me?
Then I realized, I love my self.

Ecky said...

If you are able to forgive someone then you are ready to move on, because forgive means you are letting go the past.

But I would say forgive not necessary forget, you keep that memory just to remind you that you'll try your best not to do the same thing with other people.

aroengbinang said...

was just thinking who will actually get the most benefit, if we are talking about profit and loss, by forgiving our own or other people's mistakes ...
what about the act of forgetting without forgiving or the other way around?
wholeness is proably better.

tere616 said...

Elyani : Wow, an honest confession. Just wondering how he manage the resentment and live with that ? Same with me too, I also don't like to keep it in my heart but to reach that "forgiveness" feeling, not easy.

Finally Wooken : Remembering and took it as a lesson, were the advice I've always received from my parents, my hubby. But there's one question, by remembering, doesn't mean that we still "hate" that person ?

Truby : Yes dear, all of us love ourselves, but sometimes because of our love to ourselves we forgot to "forgive".

Ecky : Aha .. that's the answer of my question to Anita, but its not easy

Aroengbinang : Maybe ...

Chantal said...

Keep up the good work.

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